Sue Scheff: Cybersafety, Surfing, and Protecting your Children from Online Porn
by Sue Scheff on Jun 26, 2010
I have said it before and can’t re-iterate it enough, summer time brings more online time. You may have all your digital parental monitors up and your spy-ware in place, but do your children know the dangers of what lurks in the box? No, not the television, which used to be one of our fears (what our kids are watching), now that seems like a walk in the park. The box, whether it is a PC, iPhone, Laptop, etc… anything with WWW service – you need to talk to your kids about the strangers that mingle online.
Source: Connect with Kids
Internet Safety Includes Guarding Kids From Online Porn
“Sometimes if you’re just looking for a picture, or if you’re looking for something not gross at all, all of a sudden all this gross stuff pops up.”
– Annelise, Age 14
The American Academy of Pediatrics has declared the month of June to be Internet Safety Month. Keeping kids safe online is a year-round challenges – and that means knowing what they have access to.
A growing number of teens around the country admit they’ve logged onto pornographic websites
Ask about online pornography, and it’s clear many kids have seen it.
12-year-old David says, “There’s a lot of bad stuff on the Internet, like porn.”
14-year-old Annelise says, “Sometimes if you’re just looking for a picture, or if you’re looking for something not gross at all, all of a sudden all this gross stuff pops up.”
12-year-old Kaveh says, “You feel all nasty, and just kind of trashy, and dirty, and you just kind of want to maybe go take a shower or something, but it doesn’t feel right for the whole day.”
Psychologists say there are many reasons why viewing porn can be harmful to kids. First, they may become interested in sex before they are ready.
Dr. Colleen Taylor, a licensed psychologist in metro-Atlanta says, “Research does indicate that when children are exposed to sexually explicit information or images, that they do become more sexually active at an earlier age.”
And research shows that, for some, online porn is addictive. “One begins to need more and more intense stimuli in order to produce the same type of arousal,” says Dr. Taylor. “It creates a greater appetite for more bizarre, more violent, more deviant types of sexual images. So what you really see is a progression from what you might call soft core pornography to more hard core.”
She says when viewing porn goes beyond simple curiosity parents need to find out why. Dr. Taylor says, “You want to find out if there are other areas in their life that aren’t going so well, that maybe they are using pornography to kind of escape.”
She recommends parents get a filter to block porn on your home computer. They are relatively inexpensive and easy to use.
13-year-old Hannah says, “A lot of things are kind of gross on the Internet, so child blocks are always a good thing.”
What Parents Need To Know
In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the advent of the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices and kids’ bedrooms. It is easily – and often inadvertently — accessible by children and teenagers, and parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming addicted to it.
The best cure for addiction is prevention. Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:
- Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.
- Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.
- Know your child’s password and screen names; they may have more than one.
- Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.
- You should also realize that children may be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friend’s homes, work, libraries and school.
- Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.
- Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many “negative” sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.
Many parents may suspect their children of being sexually addicted, but may not be sure of the warning signs. Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on pornography and its effects, encourages parents to be on the lookout for the following symptoms of sexual addiction:
- A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior
- Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences
- Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior
- Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
- Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy
- Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer satisfying
- Severe mood changes related to sexual activity
- Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and/or recovering from sexual experiences
- Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
If you discover your child viewing pornography or you know it is a problem in his/her life, reassure him/her. Let your child know that while you don’t agree with the use of pornography, you still love them and expect them to do better. Rob Jackson, a professional counselor specializing in sexual addiction and codependency, suggests taking the following four-area approach to prevent the possibility of your child using pornography in the future:
- Behavioral – Behavioral approaches attempt to prevent a scenario from developing in the first place. The house and grounds, for example, should be purged of all pornography. Media should be carefully screened for “triggers” that serve as gateways to acting-out. If the problem occurred with the Internet, a filter can be one of your strategies, although it can never replace parental supervision and involvement. Other common sense approaches include moving the computer to the family room where others can easily view the screen, limiting the time on the computer and making sure no one is alone on the Internet, and developing a mission statement that directs the family’s use of the computer and the Internet.
- Cognitive – Pornography generates destructive myths about sexuality. Once your child is exposed, it will be critically important to initiate a comprehensive sex education program, if you have not already done so. The child will need to learn what and how to think about sexuality. More than mere behaviors, parents will want to communicate the core values of sexuality, the multifaceted risks of sex outside of marriage, and their ongoing compassion for what it must be like to grow up in this culture.
- Emotive – Sex is inherently emotional. Premarital sex has even been linked with codependency, where at least one person becomes compelled or addicted to be in relationship with another. The youth culture would lead you to believe that sex is not necessarily emotional for them – don’t believe it. Sexual relations of any type bond the bodies, minds and spirits of two individuals. At the conscious level, this attachment is largely emotional. Your children need to understand that emotional attachment is often involuntary, and especially when the relationship has been compromised sexually.
- Spiritual – At its core, sexual integrity comes down to a spiritual commitment. Share your beliefs with your children, and explain to them the reasons to avoid the trappings of pornography. A strong spiritual foundation can be the best prevention method against pornography.
Resources
- Online Safety Tips from the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center
- TeenHealthFX
- American Academy of Pediatrics
Tags: Connect with Kids, Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Cyber Rape, Exposing the Psychological Horrors of Virtual Violation
by Sue Scheff on May 05, 2010
As a special guest writer, Tim Handorf has exposed a dark-side of virtual horrors. He asked if I would share it with my readers, and I hope people learn from this.
Cyber Rape: Exposing the Psychological Horrors of Virtual Violation
By Tim Handorf
We all know by now that crimes on the Internet parallel, in many ways, crimes in “real life.” There’s fraud and thefts of all sorts, there’s verbal sexual abuse toward children, and there’s also non-stop internet trolling that has become out-and-out defamation and libel. So if all these crimes are possible in our increasingly invested virtual worlds, then is rape, too, a viable Internet crime?
A case that raised some eyebrows a few years ago occurred on Second Life, a virtual world that has become almost indistinguishable from real life. Companies use it to meet clients, users have actually made significant amounts of real money, and some even devote hours online to building a social network, making love to significant others, and bearing and raising children. Apparently, if you stick with it long enough, using entrepreneurial skills that you would employ in the real world, you can even become a Second Life (and real life) millionaire.
What happens then, when an avatar (a virtual representation of a “real” person, who carries with it all the vestiges from real life—a personality, a reputation, and everything else our social lives may entail) rapes another avatar in a vicious manner? Is this cause for “real life” police intervention? Well in 2007, Belgian police briefly investigated a virtual rape case exactly as described.
Now many think it borders on the ridiculous that the rape of what is essentially a video game character could be anything tantamount to rape in its physical manifestations. However, Maria Korolow in Hypergrid Business, suggests an interesting reconsideration. For those who have never experienced a virtual world, of course the idea seems absurd. However, it is quite astounding the extent to which real people—hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions—strongly identify with their virtual counterparts.
What’s more, behind these “virtual” entities are real people, and they interact with each other (although via Instant messenger, of course) as real people would. So what are we to think when a user has established relationships in a virtual world, thinks herself safe and free to pursue her own virtual interests—whether it be going to a party, attending a business meeting, or having children—and is suddenly, violently, and horrendously “raped” by an avatar who represents a real person? Are the psychological effects of rape in the real and virtual worlds, then, not exactly the same? In a now famous Village Voice article, Julian Dibble explored these questions when a similarly terrifying rape incident occurred in the early virtual reality world LambdaMOO.
Whatever the answer to this question is, I believe that cyber rape, and the extent to which it can be carried out, should be investigated further. As a phenomenon in virtual reality, we should think about its implications, simply because we are immersing ourselves more and more in these worlds as the Internet continues to develop and integrate itself into every moment of our lives.
By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Tim Handorf, who writes on the topics of top online colleges. He welcomes your comments at his email Id: tim.handorf.20@googlemail.com.
Tags: Cyber Rape, Cyber Slander, Cyberbullying, Cybercrime, Internet Law, Internet Safety, Internet Slander, Online Safety, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Virtual Rape
Sue Scheff: Teens Harassing Teens on New Website
by Sue Scheff on Apr 30, 2010
Have you visited Facebook lately? One group on Facebook is people, especially parents of teens and tweens, that have banned together to Boycott Formspring.me. With nearly 7500 fans, considered “likes,” these people are letting their concerns be heard.
As bullying is escalating in our country, cyberbullying is growing rapidly. With sites like Formspring.me, it only fuel the fire of cyber sticks and stones that burn and scar emotionally.
Recently Danah Boyd wrote an excellent article after doing research on this hot topic amongst parents of teens and tweens. Titled, Harassment by Q&A: Initial Thoughts on Formspring.me, Danah’s hypothesis is the following:
Teen girls engaged in responding to crass questions are using Formspring to prove that they’re tough to their peers. Teen boys and girls are throwing curve balls at their peers to see how much they can handle, primarily using mean-spirited and sexualized language. While staying tough is clearly part of the game, it’s also clear from my informants that the harassment is playing a psychological toll. I’ve talked to numerous parents who are shocked by how their children’s peers are using this site and in most cases, knowledgeable parents demand that their children delete their profiles at once. One parent told me the story of her daughter’s friend who didn’t want to take her profile down because it would “look weak.” This girl and her mother got into a huge fight over Formspring because the girl didn’t want to let on that she cared about what people were saying about her on the site. I can’t help but think about my own teen years and my attempts to look unfazed by swirling rumors while throwing up in the bathroom when no one was looking. – Read her entire article here.
As a parent, do you know if your teen or tween is engaging in Formspring.me? Many parents are outraged over this new form of harassment, it seems clear it is just another form to teens to emotionally scar teens. It is time this stops.
Boycott Formspring Group states the following:
As many of you probably know, many people are bullied, harassed, and abused on this site called Formspring. Formspring is nothing but negativity. All it does is make people upset due to insults and harassment. Don’t let formspring take another life. Join the movement. Delete yours now.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
This article is based on the opinion of the author. Watch video and read more.
Tags: Bullying, Cyberbullying, Formspring.me, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: What do you do if your child is bullied at school?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 29, 2010
Bullying and cyberbullying is a growing and painful trend among tweens and teens. Educator Jane Balvanz specializes in female friendships and the issues girls go through as they mature into young woman. Recently she published an excellent article to assist parents and schools on preventing bullying.
What do you do if your child is being bullied at school?
By Jane Balvanz
The spotlight is again on bullying in schools due to the gut-wrenching suicide of Phoebe Prince. Phoebe was the 15-year-old girl who moved from Ireland to South Hadley, Massachusetts. She suffered physical and emotional bullying at the hands of some of her classmates. There was a campaign of relational aggression against her via texting, Facebook, and other forms of social media. According to Phoebe, school was becoming intolerable.
It’s essential parents are prepared to work in partnership with their child’s school to squelch bullying. If it becomes necessary to contact the school, the following steps will guide you. Remember, you and the school are allies in your child’s education. Work together. Every child deserves the right to a safe education.
1. Assess the situation – Find the answers to the following questions.
- Is bullying happening? Bullying is a pattern of unwanted behaviors toward another. Conflict is a problem between persons. Kids can misunderstand the difference. All bullying is conflict, but not all conflict is bullying.
- How has your child responded to the bullying? Find out if she has attempted to solve the problem herself and in what way.
- Has your child informed any school authorities? Whether your child is in kindergarten or high school, NEVER assume school authorities have been told. Some kids don’t tell.
- What was the school’s response? Discover if there is a plan in place between your child and an adult in the school.
Proceed to Step 2 if your child will not go to the teacher, you need additional information, or more help is in order.
2. Contact the school authority closest to your child or the situation. If a school authority is already involved, get in touch with this person to exchange information. If your child has not told anyone at school, contact the classroom teacher, homeroom teacher, or school counselor. It is not necessary to go “straight to the top” if the problem is solvable at a different level. It’s appropriate to contact the principal first if the problem is intense or complicated. Although most bullying issues can be solved at the building level, parents should feel free to contact the superintendent or school board when possibilities at the building level are exhausted.
3. Create a home and school collaboration plan. Call, e-mail, or make an appointment with the teacher or counselor. Create a plan of safety within the school setting. Some plans can be as simple as teaching the bullied child to inform the teacher when bullying occurs. Others can be as elaborate as school personnel collecting names of bullies and witnesses, conducting interviews, and creating a custom made plan to protect targets.
4. Monitor the situation with the school as necessary. Safety plans need to be adjusted as time goes along. The best case scenario is an email to the teacher that says – success! Conversely, a bullied student may suffer retaliation when bullies receive consequences, and extra attention then is essential.
Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com.
Tags: A Way Through, Bullying, Cyberbullying, Jane Balvanz, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: The Consequences of Sexting
by Sue Scheff on Feb 27, 2010
Sexting is a word that years ago we would have not heard about. Today teens and tweens are not only familiar with this word, many have suffered the consequences from it.
A Thin Line debuted on MTV this month that educates and informs parents, teachers, kids and everyone about the dangers of the digital world.
What is Sexting?
Sending or forwarding nude, sexually suggestive, or explicit pics on your cell or online. For some people, it’s no big deal. But real problems can emerge when the parties involved are under 18, when people get pressured into sexting, and when sexts go viral. – A Thin Line
What are the consequences of sending or receiving one? There are many, however the most common are the feelings of humiliation, embarrassment and much worse. The person that is in the photo can potentially suffer from extreme depression and even feelings of suicide.
For the person sending them to go viral, there could be potential criminal charges. You could get arrested. Taking, sending, and possessing naked images of a minor is a federal crime. Sex offenders’ registry? Not the honor roll you were hoping for.
Parents need to take the time to sit down and talk to their kids about sexting and how it can potentially ruin lives for a long time. Review their phones or computers if you suspect that your child is participating in this activity. Remember, there comes a time when safety trumps privacy and this could be one of those times.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
Watch A Thin Line on Sexting in America. Watch the four-part series with your children.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cell Phone Safety, Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sexting, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues, Texting
Sue Scheff: Think before you click send – Have you ever recevied a “Nasty-Gram?”
by Sue Scheff on Feb 20, 2010
It is more likely than not that you have typed an email filled with anger and hit send before thinking about the consequences. It is even likely you have received an email that hurt your feelings and was simply ugly.
Emails fly through the day and through the night. Once you hit send, it could be the end of a friendship, job, relationship, or even marriage. Have you reviewed your email and thought about who will be seeing it? Who will be reading it? Or if it ends up as an exhibit in a court of law, will it come back to haunt you?
We can learn to maintain our stress level through breathing exercises or even counting to a hundred. It would benefit you if you are angry, upset, or have to deliver not so good news, to think twice before hitting send. Put that email in your drafts, think on it for twenty-four hours.
Like with bullying, these emails can have lasting emotional affects on the person receiving it. Is that your intent? If so, you truly need to step back from the keypad or mouse and re-evaluate this situation.
Teens and kids don’t always think before they hit send. Take the time to teach your children about the liabilities of sending “nasty-grams“. What you post or send today, may come back to haunt you tomorrow.
Think twice before you launch that email!
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Survey Shows Parents Still Less Concerned About Cyberbullying Than Other Online Threats
by Sue Scheff on Dec 01, 2009
ReputationDefender/MyChild is an excellent resource to help keep your kids safe online. Recently they posted on their Blog about a new survey that suggests parents not as concerned about cyberbullying as they are with other online threats. Read more and learn how you can be proactive in keeping your kids safe in cyberspace.According to Dr. Matthew Davis, who organized the study,
Because kids and teens are so tuned in online, there is little disconnect from their time at school to their time at home. In some ways, this is good. Studies have shown that social networking websites help maintain stronger peripheral relationships over long periods of time, allowing for a more robust and useful social circle.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Michael Fertik, Online Safety, Parenting Blogs, Parents Universal Resource Experts, ReputationDefender MyChild, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: ReputationDefender Expands with NameGrab – Own Your Identity!
by Sue Scheff on Nov 16, 2009
Many of my readers know I am probably one of ReputationDefender’s largest fans. If you have read my recent book, Google Bomb, you will completely understand why.
Back in 2003 I was attacked viciously online. Slime balls of lies, twisted truths and much more. In 2006 I won a landmark case with a jury verdict for damages of over $11M! The jury sent a very clear and strong message – free speech does not condone defamation. Be careful what you post online, it may not only haunt you later, it could cost you a bundle.
After my court room victory, I felt vindicated and like a new person. However what I didn’t realize is that all that ugly stuff online still existed.
My next call-out was to Michael Fertik, CEO and Founder of what was, back in 2006, a small new company. He assured me he could help me with my virtual image. As promised, within a few months, I was back to myself both emotionally and virtually.
Since then, I have recommended these services to many people. I receive hundreds of emails of people that are being harmed online. ReputationDefender has grown from the few people I remember, to an entire staff of caring and dedicated people that are there to help you manage your online reputation.
For the record: I am not a spokesperson or sponsor of ReputationDefender. I do not participate in their referral affiliate program and I have never received any gifts or money from them. I am simply a very satisfied client.
Today they announced their latest service, NameGrab. Here is their recent press release. I am confident this is another fantastic asset to their growing and successful business. Read on!
ReputationDefender Launches Online Identity Management Service
NameGrab Allows Users to Control and Protect Their Names Across the Web, Dominate Search Results and Promote Their Personal Brands Online
REDWOOD CITY, CA–(Marketwire – November 16, 2009) – ReputationDefender, the leading comprehensive online reputation and privacy management company, today introduced NameGrab, a new service that allows users to control their online identities and promote their personal brands online. NameGrab’s proprietary technology automates the process of reserving your name across hundreds of social networking sites, thus ensuring both that search results produce the ‘real you’ and that your personal brand is accurately reflected online.
In today’s search-dominated world, your high-quality online identity has never been more crucial. NameGrab provides the tools to help you proactively secure that identity by claiming the most important social profiles on the Web on your behalf. Using NameGrab’s innovative technology, you can now:
– Control and protect your name across the Web;
– Own your name on hundreds of social networking sites, including
Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter;
– Prevent imposters from posing as you online;
– Dominate search results for your name; and
– Ensure that people find the real you.
“It’s impossible to overstate the importance of protecting your good name on the Internet. By gaining control over your brand and image across social networking sites, you can ensure that friends, colleagues and potential customers using these powerful online properties can easily find the real you and not someone else,” said Michael Fertik, CEO and founder of ReputationDefender. “NameGrab is ideal for anyone with a presence online — new college graduates, job hunters, entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers and realtors who use the Web for new client leads. NameGrab is the only service that makes reserving and managing your name across social networking sites truly effortless — ultimately putting control of your name back in your own hands, where it belongs.”
NameGrab is also available for businesses looking to improve customer connectivity and efficiently manage their online footprints. NameGrab provides access to all registered usernames and passwords within one convenient, secure location, limiting excess email, and allowing users to easily manage which profiles need content and be alerted to the latest social networks and new profile availability. For more information on NameGrab, please visit: http://www.namegrab.com
About ReputationDefender
ReputationDefender is the world’s only comprehensive online reputation and privacy management company. Through its suite of services, including MyReputation(SM), MyEdge(SM), MyChild(SM), and MyPrivacy(SM), ReputationDefender helps its customers manage and protect their online information. ReputationDefender also helps customers promote themselves and their businesses online. Headquartered in Silicon Valley, ReputationDefender serves customers in over 40 countries and has been featured in Washington Post and Forbes cover stories, Harvard Business Review, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times.
Follow ReputationDefender on Twitter @RepDef
Visit ReputationDefenderBlog and get involved with the conversation and chatter!
Tags: Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Google Bomb Book, Internet Defamation, Internet Gossip, Internet Slander, Michael Fertik, NameGrab, Online Safety, Parenting Resources, ReputationDefender, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Internet Safety and your Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 16, 2009
One of today’s largest challenges for parents keeping up with their kids technology. Whether you have teen that is wandering through areas of the web they shouldn’t be, or kids that are landing in chatrooms that are extremely risky, as a parent you need to be ten steps ahead of them.
Here are some great articles, tips, resources and more to help you be informed about parenting in the digital age.
Internet Safety and Guidance Counselors
Click here to learn more about the author.
Also on Examiner.com
Tags: Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Kids Are Heroes Day 2009
by Sue Scheff on Oct 24, 2009
Today is a big day in Frederick, Maryland at the Francis Scott Key Mall. It is Kids are Heroes Day 2009!
It is all about kids giving, helping and reaching out to others. Kids helping kids, and paying it forward.
I just received a picture of one of their heroes, Cati Grant. Cati was recently named Teen Ambassador for Love Our Children USA and works diligently to be a voice against cyberbullying and bullying with STOMPOUTBULLYING. She traveled with her mother from San Diego, California to New York City (where she spoke to Fox News about bullying) and then flew to Maryland to attend this fantastic and rewarding event. Follow Cati on Twitter and visit her website at www.CatiCares.com.
If you are in the area, stop by and meet these inspiring kids and teens that are making a difference in many lives. With all the bad news always consuming our airwaves, it is nice to read all the goodness that is out there!
Learn more about Kids are Heroes at www.KidsAreHeroes.com and take the time send them a shout out! Follow them on Twitter at @KidsAreHeroes and on Facebook.
Cati Grant, made her debut on Fox News and we are so proud of her. Here she is getting ready to discuss bullying and cyberbullying! I hope more people and especially teens follow Cati’s mission to stomp out bullying! Follow Cati on Twitter @CatiCares
Tags: Bullying, Cati Grant, Cyberbullying, Kids are Heroes, Love our Children USA, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Stomp Out Bullying, Sue Scheff
