Struggling Teens, Defiant Teens, Teen Help, Troubled Teens, Tough Love – Parenting At-Risk Teens
by Sue Scheff on Aug 05, 2010
- Defiance
- Drugs
- Drinking
- Disrepect
- Sneaking out (Runaways)
- Failing (High School dropouts)
- Highly intelligent yet underachieving
- Entitlement issues
- Peer Pressure
- PARENTING
Obviously this list could go on and on as more and more teenagers are engaging in harmful or dangerous activities.
What happened to respecting authority? What happened to respecting your parents? What happened to graduating high school?
For those parents that are not dealing with a teen with any of the above issues, congratulations and please share your success in our comments section below. For others, read on.
Is your teen reaching a level that he/she are out-of-control? Going down a negative path with only a few years left of high school? Do you fear for their future if they continue down this road?
Typical teenage behavior, which much of it can be, however what happens when this typical behavior lands them in juvie? Or in the hospital with an overdose?
Most have tried therapists. Most have even tried out-patient programs. Some have tried sending their teen to a relatives to live. What happens when these attempts fail?
For many, it is time for residential therapy. Now you really need to be engaged, do your homework and be extremely cautious. The world of teen-help is a big business and they are waiting for parents that are at their wit’s end to call!
There are many good programs in our country. The most important decision you will make is choosing the right one for your child. Don’t rely on marketing arms, toll-free numbers, and spams of email promises. Do your due diligence and work through this process in the best interest of your family.
Visit www.helpyourteens.com for helpful hints and tips for finding what is best for your family. Remember, if you are on the East Coast (Florida or other states), just because the Internet seems to continue to point you to the West Coast, there are programs on the East Coast that are extremely high quality – and some of the best. Although you don’t want the school/program in your backyard, you also don’t want to be so far away that visiting them would be difficult.
For more detailed information pick up Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen – it could save your teenager today! By visiting Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (PURE) you can receive a free chapter here. World renown Parenting Expert and TODAY Show Contributor, Dr. Michele Borba, wrote recently about PURE and Wit’s End, click here.
Remember, be a parent first – friendship will come in time. This is not about shipping your teen off, it is about giving them a second opportunity at a bright future!
Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (PURE) is a Member of the Better Business Bureau.
For over a decade, PURE has helped thousands of families!
Read more and watch slideshow.
Sue Scheff: Parenting teens – Warning Signs
by Sue Scheff on Sep 20, 2009
Parenting teens today can be more complicated than generations before. Afterall, how many of us grew up with texting, computers, or X-Boxes? Not many. Now we have to compound it with the normal struggles of raising teens, such as peer pressure, drug abuse, truancy, and much more.
Take the time to be an educated parent, you will be prepared and also have a safer teen!
Source: Shoulder to Shoulder
Watch for Warning Signs
The teen years can be tough for both parent and child. Teens face numerous pressures: be popular, do well in school, get along with the family and make important life decisions. On top of this, teens are experiencing physical, sexual, social and emotional changes. (This explains all the “freaking out…”) Many of these pressures are unavoidable for teens, and worrying about them, as parents, is natural.
Most kids get through the teen years with success. Other teens may face obstacles that weaken their physical and emotional well being, discourage their motivation and ability to succeed in school, and damage personal relationships. With all this going on, teens can engage in risky behaviors – harming their physical and mental health and chances for future success.
SOME WARNING SIGNS ARE SUBTLE, WHILE OTHERS ARE VERY CLEAR.
If a teen is in trouble, there are warning signs to watch for that signal help is needed. You might notice a change in your teen’s behavior. You may learn that your teen has experimented with a risky behavior for the first time. It may simply be that
you “sense” that something isn’t quite right. Take these signs seriously.
TALK TO YOUR TEEN ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS.
Pay attention to what your teen is doing and how they are feeling. Talk to them about it – and not just when you notice something different. Talk to them on a regular basis. By doing so, you help your teen avoid more difficult problems down the road. For support, talk to parents whose advice you trust.
LEARN ABOUT ISSUES.
Take the time to read about issues by looking around this site or by consulting other sources of factual information related to teens and risky behaviors. Find information at your library, school counselor’s office, medical clinic or faith-based organization.
WHEN YOU NEED IT.
Professionals can help you get the right support you need, and determine whether your teen is in crisis. Discuss your concerns with your teen’s teacher, school counselor, doctor or other people you trust. They can refer you to more information or provide professional care to keep your teen safe.
KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS.
Defiance. Not just occasionally – this is normal. We’re talking about continued disregard for your authority and rules.
- Suspected substance use or abuse.
- Aggression – fighting with and hurting others.
- Extreme withdrawal – teens spending an inordinate amount of time in their room.
- Loss of interest in activities your teen normally likes to do.
- Change in appearance – neat kids become unkempt, rapid weight loss or gain, etc.
- Continued talk about death, depression and suicide.
PRINTABLE VERSION FOR DOWNLOAD
You’ll need Adobe Acrobat Reader to view the following PDF version of this section. If you don’t already have the program, you can download it for free here.
Warning signs.pdf
Teens and depression.pdf
More information on teens:
Teen Depression, Teen Runaways, Teen Gangs, Teen Drug Prevention, Teen Suicide, Teen Self Injury
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Self Esteem
Sue Scheff: School Violence, Parents take time to be educated
by Sue Scheff on Sep 17, 2009
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School violence hit Coral Gables, Florida yesterday in a horrific incident. A 17 year old student was stabbed to death in school. A young life tragically cut short.
What can we learn from this? Being a parent today is more challenging than generations prior. As parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba stated on the Today Show, “June Cleaver didn’t have to worry about social networking, online safety, sexting or texting, Internet predators and so much more.” Which means parenting today has become more complex, however the good news is, the vast amount of resources has increased since the Cleaver’s were introduced to us.
Parents need to take the time to be educated and learn about some warning signs that their teen may be struggling. Keeping the lines of communication open with teens today can be very difficult; however we can never stop trying.
Here are some behaviors that parents need to be aware of:
• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Not sharing as much as they used to?
• Is their peer group changing? Do you know their friends? Showing an interest in gangs?
• Are they spending a lot of time alone?
• Change in appetite?
• Signs of depression?
• Need for attention or low self-esteem?
• Accessibility to weapons?
• Is there violence in the home?
• Risky behavior? Using or experimenting with drugs?
• Is your teen stressed?
• Are they spending a lot of time online? Do you know what sites they are visiting?
Take the time to be an educated parent . This means you a prepared parent and can lead to safer teens. If your teen is not opening up to you, don’t hestitate to seek outside help with counselors. Communication is key! Visit these websites below and learn more about school violence today.
For more info: Parents Universal Resource Experts, APA Help Center, National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, Teen Criminal Activity, Big Book of Parenting Solutions,Miami Herald, Teen Health.
Also seen on Examiner.com
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Violence
Sue Scheff: Teenage Mischief and Criminal Activity
by Sue Scheff on Jul 02, 2009
Criminal Activity: A Teenage Phase?
Tags: Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Crimes, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, Teen Mischief, Teen Shoplifting, Teen Stealing, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Teens and Violence – Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 23, 2009
It comes to a point where you are almost afraid to turn on the news. Kids with guns, teens shooting teens, threats, bullying and more – it is time for parents to take the time and learn more. Talk to your kids – open those lines of communication. Raising kids today has become more challenging than ever. I hear from parents almost on a daily basis and I am stunned at what these kids are learning and doing at such a young age.
Source: Connect with Kids
Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?
“He was saying ‘I’m gonna kill people,’ everyone took it as a joke. I can’t say that I would take it any differently.”
– Joanna, 15, talking about the school shooting in Santee, California
A student who seems strange, a comment that sounds frightening … how can students tell who’s serious and who isn’t, what’s a joke and what’s a real threat?
The problem is students say those kinds of ‘jokes’ are made all the time.
“I’ve had friends who were just like, ‘man I just want to kill that teacher’ or ‘I just hate it here and want to blow up the school,’” says Tara-Lynn, a high school junior, “I’ve probably said things like that myself.”
“I mean I hear people say that all the time. I don’t take it seriously,” adds Joanna, a freshman.
When should students take it seriously? They’re in a bind. If they tell on someone, they’re called a rat or a snitch. If they don’t tell, someone could die or be injured. Always in the back of their mind, what if they tell on someone… and they’re wrong?
“How do you know you’re not gonna just end up crying ‘wolf’ all the time, every time a kid makes a threat,” says Cliff, a junior.
How should kids evaluate a threat? Experts say first, kids should follow their instincts. If something another student says doesn’t feel right, even just a little bit, it probably isn’t.
“Either afraid, or guilty, or this is just going against my values, it doesn’t feel right,” says psychologist Dr. Wendy Blumenthal.
Then find an adult you trust. Someone you can trust to protect your anonymity. Someone you can trust not to panic when you tell them you’re worried.
Maybe that’s your parents, but it could also be a school counselor, a minister from your church or a coach.
Because if a disaster happens and you stay silent about what you heard, just think how that would make you feel.
“Because if we take everything for granted,” says Crystal, a junior, “this (the school shooting in California) is what can happen.”
Tips for Parents
Police have been able to prevent several ‘Columbine-like’ massacres at US schools recently–thanks to tips from students. Students notified school officials after learning that other students planned to carry out violent acts. And while kids are more willing to report threats of violence after Columbine, experts say parents should explain to their children that there is a difference between ‘telling’ and ‘tattling.’
According to the National Education Association (NEA):
- Children ‘tattle’ to get their own way or to get someone else in trouble.
- Children should be encouraged to ‘tell’ an adult when someone is in danger of getting hurt.
Some schools have started anonymous hotlines so that parents or children can provide information that could alert authorities to potential problems.
According to the American Psychological Association one in 12 high schoolers is threatened or injured with a weapon each year. To reduce that risk, the APA lists several ‘warning signs’ that kids need to recognize in other students, indications that violence is a “serious possibility”:
- Loss of temper on a daily basis
- Frequent physical fighting
- Significant vandalism or property damage
- Increase in use of drugs or alcohol
- Increase in risk-taking behavior
- Detailed plans to commit acts of violence
- Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
- Enjoying hurting animals
- Carrying a weapon
Once students recognize a warning sign, the APA says there are things they can do. Hoping that someone else will deal with the problem is “the easy way out.” The advice for students:
- Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs.
- Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help (a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school psychologist, coach, clergy, or friend).
- If you are worried about becoming a victim of violence, get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
The key to preventing violent behavior, according to the APA, is asking an experienced professional for help. The important thing to remember is, don’t go it alone.
References
- National Education Association
- American Psychological Association
Tags: At Risk Teens, Bullying, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Preventing Teen Violence, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Violence
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