Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide
by Sue Scheff on Jun 23, 2009
Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.
Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.
At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.
Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.
Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.
Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Sadness, Teen Suicide, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Teen Love and Teen Breakups
by Sue Scheff on May 28, 2009
This is an article many parents can not only relate to but most likely lived through years ago. Generations of teens may change, but broken hearts are always extremely painful and can cause emotional stress and grief within your adolescent. In many situations, a broken leg is less painful than a broken heart.
Source: MoreForKids.info (TM)
Parenting Teens: Breakups and Broken Heart
By Stephanie Partridge
The moment I heard my daughter’s voice on the other side of my bedroom door, I knew something was wrong. She knocked, waking me. I looked at the clock: 12 am. “Mom,” She said, “I need to talk to you.” Her voice was strained, tight. I could tell that she was struggling to keep it together. Something was wrong. I was out of bed in a heartbeat.
“What’s up?” I asked as I opened the door. Her face did not reveal much, but I could see she was upset. Her trembling hand matched her trembling voice as she thrust a cell phone at me.
“Look.” She said.
It took me a moment to process what I was seeing, a text from someone to someone asking for nude photos and promising nude photos in return. My first reaction was that she had encountered some pervert somewhere and he was soliciting her. My mind began forming a plan of action. I wanted to throttle the creep, then it hit me. I KNEW this number, the sender of the text message. I also realized that this was not her phone, but her friend’s cell. The picture slowly came into focus. My daughter’s boyfriend had sent this text to her friend! I felt the small hairs on the back of my neck bristle as the realization hit me. The boy was a player and my daughter was heartbroken.
What had started out as a joke, two teenage girls sending a random message to my daughter’s boyfriend had turned into major drama. A joke had turned into a tragedy. He had responded in a way that neither girl expected. At that midnight hour, the boyfriend had realized his blunder and come over to our house, only to be confronted by my son (also my daughter’s best friend and strongest ally) who was not too happy that his sister was hurt by this guy.
Major drama in our house that night.
In all, it came out that he was “talking” to lots of girls and that he had been cheating on my daughter from the beginning. As we all stood in my kitchen that Thursday night (the next day was a holiday for the kids, not for me) my daughter showed incredible strength and wisdom as she calmly confronted the boy and told him she wanted nothing to do with him ever again. However, although she was the one to break it off, she had still been betrayed. I wanted so badly to take those hurt feelings away from her, to protect her. But life just doesn’t work that way.
Broken hearts are a part of growing up and the teen years tend to be particularly prone to them. As parents, we watch our children struggle with the pain of growing up, the heartache of breakups and betrayals, and we wish that we could offer our children a magical pill that would rid them of heartbreak forever. But there is no such pill and even if there was, we can’t realistically shield our children from the hurts of the world. There is growth in pain and much like the steel of the sword becoming forged in the fire, we become stronger, smarter and wiser when we are faced with difficult times. To shield our children from this valuable and necessary process would be a disservice to them.
So, if we can’t or shouldn’t protect and shield our children from heartache, what can we do? Well, this is actually a time when your child needs not only a parent, but a friend as well. You can help to soothe the hurt, but also guide them through the growth process, help them learn the lessons that lie within. This is a delicate process, but not only will it help your child recover quicker, it will also draw them closer to you, improving your relationship with them.
Remember how it feels.
Think about when you were a teen and had your heart broken. At the time you felt as if your world was ending. Remember that time, the feelings that you had, the emptiness, frustration and hopelessness. Recall the physical reactions as well as your emotional ones. This will put you in the right place to relate to your child. Empathy is a powerful tool when you are reaching out to help your child.
Recognize that teens deal with pain in different ways.
Your teen may not deal with the pain in the same way that you deal with pain, or even the same way that their siblings deal with it. They may isolate themselves and cry, or they may act as if nothing is wrong and try to ignore it. It is not your place to dictate to them the “right” way to handle grief and pain. You can not try to mold them into the image you feel comfortable handling, you must meet them on their terms. By doing so, you are sending them the message that you seem them as an individual, you respect them and you accept them for who they are.
NEVER say “I Told you So.”
As a parent, you may be inclined to rant about the perpetrator of the pain, the heartbreaker. You may feel like saying, “I TOLD you that he was not good!” or “I warned you that she was going to do this!” These types of statements are not at all productive and will only serve to make your teen feel more like a failure while driving them further away from you.
Acknowledge that you may not be the hero this time.
As a parent, you instinctively want to take away the pain, to be the hero. However, you can’t always be the hero in your teen’s life. It is important that at this time you are there for you teen, but don’t force your way in. Keep yourself available and accessible, talking to your teen and, more importantly, listening, but don’t be get your feelings hurt when they reach out to their peers instead of you.
Encourage them to reach out for support. Friends are great for easing the pain of heartbreak. Encourage your child to establish a good support system and maintain it, even while in a relationship. Many people, both adults and teens, will neglect their friendships when in a relationship. This is a big mistake because we all need both friend relationships and romantic ones. Establishing this in your child early on will help them build and maintain a solid support system that extends beyond the family unit. Then, when heartbreak happens, you can encourage them to reach out into that support system and begin the healing process.
Listen without judgment.
Sometimes is it best to just shut up and listen. This is not the time to be critical or to point out all the mistakes that you teen made. This is not the time to tell you teen that they should have never gone out with the person. It isn’t even really the time to tell your teen that the pain will pass and they will feel better. These types of statements do not help at this time. Instead, ask questions, particularly those that encourage your teen to probe deeper into introspection. Ask questions like, “How do you think you can avoid this next time?” If they say there won’t be a next time, just say OK. Don’t argue or patronize or cajole. Just move on. Ask them what they learned, but don’t judge the answers. Just let them talk, regardless of how unrealistic the lessons seem. The true lessons are being learned and absorbed, don’t worry.
Know when it is time to get help.
Heartbreak is a part of life. You can’t get around it, can’t avoid it. We all have had our hearts broken, and we all got over it. However, if your teen seems particularly depressed and those feelings last for more than two weeks, it may be time to seek professional help. If you note a marked change in appetite, sleeping habits, performance at school, a disinterest in activities that they normally find enjoyable or a withdrawal from their friends, then you may need to intervene. A few days of this behavior, or even a week, is fairly normal, but if it is prolonged (more than two weeks) or is accompanied by thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with death, you need to step in and get them help.
You are a parent, but you are only human. You don’t always have all the answers and you can’t always cure all the hurts. And you know what? It’s OK.
Biography
Stephanie Partridge is a freelance writer and photographer as well as a FOIA analyst for a federal agency in Washington, D.C. She is a single mom to Jeffery, 19; Micah Elizabeth, 17 and Benjamin, 15. She is also the author of the ebook, “Diet is a Dirty Word.”
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teenagers, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Love, Teenage Breakups
Sue Scheff: Florida Suicide Prevention Coalition
by Sue Scheff on Apr 22, 2009
Today is April 22, 2009 which is Suicide Prevention Day at the Capitol is a statewide event in which the Statewide Office of Suicide Prevention and the Florida Suicide Prevention Coalition are joined by advocates, survivors, grassroots organizations, youth and other state agencies to bring suicide to the forefront as a public issue. This year, the actual day is Wednesday, April 22 but we are holding several activities throughout the week of April 20th – 24th. Below, you will find the tentative schedule of events, but I encourage you to continue checking our website for the most current updates as they become available.
(http://www.helppromotehope.com/events/index.php). Please see the attached flyer and Governor’s proclamation.
If you or someone you love is thinking about suicide, please reach out for hope by calling:1-800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)24 hours a day; 7 days a week
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
April 22, 2009 at 9:00 AM, Capitol Building Plaza Rotunda
Educational Display Booths and Legislative Advocacy
April 22, 2009 at 2:00 PM, Capitol Building Cabinet Room
Suicide Prevention Day Press Conference featuring:
Director Bill Janes, Florida Office of Drug Control
Secretary George Sheldon, Florida Department of Children & Families
Senator Evelyn Lynn, Florida District 7
April 23 – 24, 2009; from 8:00 PM – 5:00 PM; Location TBA
Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) (tentative)
Don’t forget to also visit our portable billboard that will be in front of the Historic Capitol all week!
Please take a moment to post these events on your agency websites and forward on to your colleagues. We hope to see everyone there!
Tags: At Risk Teens, Florida Suicide Prevention, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help Programs, Teen Issues, Teen Sadness, Teen Suicide, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Teens and Stress
by Sue Scheff on Mar 28, 2009
School is winding down, finals are piling up – the stress of getting good grades as well as keeping your GPA up to be able to get into that college or university you dream to go to, can be stressful. Compound that with summer coming and if you are like many teens, looking for a summer job is in the plan but may be more difficult than last summer. The economy is hitting all levels of employment, and parents are not the only ones having stressful times.
Here is a great article I found on TeensHealth. Take the time to learn more about your teen and how stress can effect them.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a feeling that’s created when we react to particular events. It’s the body’s way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations – everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester’s worth of your toughest subject.
The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and specific hormones. The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its stored glucose to increase the body’s energy. And sweat is produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body’s stress response enhances a person’s ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.
Good Stress and Bad Stress
The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is critical during emergency situations, such as when a driver has to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in a milder form at a time when the pressure’s on but there’s no actual danger – like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.
But stress doesn’t always happen in response to things that are immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events, like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or school, can cause stress, too. Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that’s hard on people. The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear out the body’s reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body’s immune system, and cause other problems.
What Causes Stress Overload?
Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story – too much stress isn’t good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that’s coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body’s ability to cope if they continue for a long time:
- being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
- relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
- ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
- crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.
Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.
Signs of Stress Overload
People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
- anxiety or panic attacks
- a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
- irritability and moodiness
- physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
- allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
- problems sleeping
- drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
- sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.
Keep Stress Under Control
What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they’re used regularly, not just when the pressure’s on. Knowing how to “de-stress” and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
- Take a stand against overscheduling. If you’re feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
- Be realistic. Don’t try to be perfect – no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
- Get a good night’s sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological “sleep clock” shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
Read more: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/stress.html#a_Good_Stress_and_Bad_Stress
Tags: Parenting, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Help, Teen Issues
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