Holiday Blues aren’t just for adults: Check on your teens, their Facebook Status is a good place to start
by Sue Scheff on Dec 24, 2011
WHEN SAFETY TRUMPS PRIVACY.
“When will this end?”
“I hate my life”
RED FLAGS and parenting. Know them!
Facebook is the social hangout of the internet for all ages, but it is particularly true of teenagers.
Teenagers often are much more open about what they are thinking and feeling in this cyber environment than most older adults. Since teens experience many emotional ups and downs, it can be easy to dismiss most of their dramatic postings as nothing more than normal teenage drama. However, there have been too many instances in recent years when parents had wished they’d paid more attention to what their teenager had posted as their ‘current status’.
Here a few status updates parents should watch for and investigate further.
Know how your teen is feeling....It could save their life.
- I can’t take it anymore. Although, this could mean anything from homework overload to sibling irritation, it could also be a cry for help from a teen who is truly overwhelmed with life in someway. It is not a status update that you want to ignore. Parents should take the initiative and find out what prompted this entry.
- Text me. This may seem innocent enough, but, for some parents, it may be a signal that their teen may be trying to keep something hidden that needs to be in the open. Privacy and protection are always a fine line to walk with teenagers. Parents, however, should never hesitate to ask about the reason behind such a post.
- Really loaded right now. If your teen is high enough to make this post on Facebook without thinking about the fact that their parents might see it, there is drug or alcohol abuse going on. Ignoring these types of problems does not make them go away.
- Depressing song lyrics. Song lyrics are popular posts from teens. It may be what they’re listening to at the moment or a song that is running through their head. If the lyrics of the songs are continually negative and depressing, this could be an indication of the teen’s emotional state, as well.
- No one understands. This is a common feeling during teenage years, but it is also one that can develop into a true depressive state. Seeing this posted as your teen’s Facebook status should raise enough concern for their parents to pursue the reasons behind the posting.
- I hate my life. Again, this is not an unusual statement to come from a teen at different points in their adolescence, however, posting it as your Facebook status is similar to shouting it from the rooftops. It is always better to treat these statements seriously, than to ignore them as a simple impulse statement.
- Forgive me, Mom & Dad. This kind of post would be one that should require immediate connection with your child. If it doesn’t mention what they are asking forgiveness for, it may be a subtle plea for you to stop them from doing something terrible. Take this very seriously!
- You’re all going to die. In light of the terrible things we have seen happen in our schools, a teen who posts something like this should not be ignored. “I was just joking” is not an acceptable explanation for this type of post. A teen who posts such a statement publicly should expect inquiry from, not only his parents, but school and law enforcement as well.
- I wish I were dead. Never assume these statements are words only. Any type of suicidal expression like this should be taken very seriously. Many parents have had the misfortune of finding out that even a verbal statement can be an indication of suicidal thoughts. A public posting of that thought should be taken just as seriously.
- I hate my school. The key word in this status update is ‘my’. It doesn’t say ‘I hate school’, it is more specific than that. It would behoove the parents to find out what it is, about the child’s school, that made them post this statement, and what can be done to improve the situation.
Facebook status updates reach a lot of people, a parent of a teenager should definitely be one of those people who pays attention to what their child is broadcasting into cyberspace. It may be their way of trying to find out if anyone is really paying attention, and if anyone really cares.
Source: My ISP Finder
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Facebook status, holiday blues, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Sadness, Troubled Teens
Holidays Merry and Bright and with Your Teenagers!
by Sue Scheff on Dec 06, 2011
Holidays: Merry & Bright
by Lori Lite, Founder of Stress Free Kids
Holidays were originally designed to be relaxing, merry and bright, but the reality is that most of us associate holidays with stress. The economy is adding extra restrictions on gift giving and children still have high magical expectations. With a little bit of effort we can turn stress off and turn on deeper connections with our children and teens, good health, and relaxation. We can use this holiday season to shift our focus and bring the merry and bright back into the holidays.
Tips:
- Slow down. I don’t know anyone that can rush and feel stress free at the same time. Children are especially prone to meltdowns when asked to rush. Leave extra time for the purpose of moving slowly and focusing on your breathing. Enjoy the moment.
- Give your family a better understanding of the economic climate and why their holiday gifting expectations may need to be adjusted. Rent Kit Kittredge: An American Girl for a family movie night. Everyone will be reminded to appreciate family.
- Bring creativity and music into your home. Place musical instruments like jingle bells, maracas, and tambourines on the coffee table. A box of fun hats and reindeer antlers in the living room and let the creativity and stress management begin. Join in the fun and lead a parade around your apartment or house. Laugh and you will enjoy less stress and more joy. Children want your time more than presents. (I have had teens enjoy both hats and instruments and they always film it. Just pretend you are not watching and their imaginations take flight.)
- Be aware of your language. It is easy to become negative during the holidays. Use positive statements and affirmations like, “I am happy, I am calm, I am thankful, I am healthy.” Encourage children and teens to write their own affirmation and stick it on their pillow or mirror.
- Cold weather brings lots of opportunities to get outside. Take the kids on a walk to look for elf tracks in the snow. Leave a container of water outside to invite Jack Frost to visit. Use the
cold air as an aid to teach children how to use relaxation or diaphragmatic breathing. (Foster sibling bonds by letting your teen take the lead looking for elf tracks. You will be surprised at how much fun they will have when mom is not around.)
Breathing is one of the most effective stress management available to all ages. The following excerpt from my story Sea Otter Cove can be used with your family. Sit outside and pretend you are sea otters…watch your breath hit the cold air and get ready to feel good!
The following excerpt is from Sea Otter Cove: A Relaxation Story. This story is also available on the Indigo Ocean Dreams CD and in Spanish. To see your breath hit the cold air, breathe out through your mouth and say ahhhh….
The sea child told the sea otter to breathe in through his nose and out through his nose. He focused all of his attention on the tip of his nose.
They both did this breathing together.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose.
In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4.
The sea child told the sea otter that he could breathe this way whenever he felt angry or scared or nervous. He could focus on the air moving in and out of the tip of his nose, and he could feel calm. The sea otter placed his hands on his belly, and felt it lift up and down as the air moved in and out. For a few moments they both did this breathing together.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
In 2, 3, 4… ahhhh 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… ahhh 2, 3, 4.
The sea child’s mind began to wander. She imagined that her thoughts were a feather as she blew them away with her next breath out. She focused her attention on her breath again as she drew in a breath of warm fragrant sea air.
She liked the way it felt to quiet her mind.
She focused on the way the air felt moving in and out of her nose. She felt her belly lift up and down as the sea child and the sea otter continued to breathe together.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Order today!
In 2, 3, 4…ahhh 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… ahhh 2, 3, 4.
In 2,3, 4…out 2,3,4.
Teens can learn deep breathing with Indigo Teen Dreams CD.
Stress Free Kids founder Lori Lite has created a line of books and CDs designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Ms. Lite’s books, CDs, and lesson plans are considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, and yoga instructors. Lori is a certified children’s meditation facilitator and Sears’ Manage My Life parenting expert. For more information visit Stress Free Kids and for daily advice follow Lori on Twitter and Facebook.
Tags: Indigo Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Stress Free Kids, Teen Anxiety, Teen Stress
Teens and Homework: When is it Enough?
by Sue Scheff on Nov 04, 2010
Since I can remember, the stress of homework was always an issue. When I was in school, I was your student that was very organized and always (almost always) made sure my homework was not only on time, it was done to the best of my ability. I was very anal about it – and then when my kids were in school, I would hound them every night. It is like a vicious cycle, however there has to be a happy medium – which there is. Many schools now have after-school programs that the kids need to start and hopefully finish their homework. In some schools these programs are facilitated by a teacher that can also offer assistance if your child is struggling. Trust me, I couldn’t do the math today for anything! Connect with Kids just posted a great article give you some more advice on balancing your teen’s homework.
What’s the Score on Homework?
Source: Connect with Kids
“We always assume it’s worth it. We assume that homework will improve their achievement and give them good study skills. The research shows it’s just not so.”
– Alfie Kohn, author of “The Homework Myth”
Homework. Is it busy work? Is there too much stress or not enough learning? This fall, the Irving Independent School District in Texas implemented a new policy that homework would no longer count toward a student’s grades. What happened in the first six-week marking period? The number of Irving School District high school students failing one or more courses increased.
Few people hate homework more than Alfie Kohn, author of “The Homework Myth.”
“The frustration, exhaustion, the family conflict,” says Kohn, “The fact that kids, after spending a whole day in school, now have to work a second shift and don’t have enough time to do things they care about.”
There is a raging debate across the country: Does homework really improve academic performance? A growing number of educators say no.
“We always assume it’s worth it,” says Kohn, “We assume that homework will improve their achievement and give them good study skills. The research shows it’s just not so. No study has ever found any academic benefit to assigning homework before kids are in high school. And even in high school the case is very weak.”
But how could hours of reading, writing and solving math problems not help kids to learn? We asked tenth graders at The Galloway School, in Atlanta.
“I learn everything that I need to in class,” says 16-year-old Matt. “And the homework doesn’t really enforce it or anything. It’s just boring.”
“If I listen in class and take good notes I usually do well on tests and quizzes,” explains his classmate Paige, “so I don’t think it’s reinforcement – if anything, it just makes me kind of dread going to that class.”
“I’m usually in a bad mood [when I have a lot of homework],” says 16-year-old Carter, “because I stay up later. And then I’m groggy the next day.”
Kohn says even if kids learn a little through homework, the cost is too high. Homework may kill a student’s interest in learning.
“To assume that kids who dread homework and can’t wait to be done with it will nevertheless benefit from it,” explains Kohn, “assumes that kids’ attitudes and goals and perspectives are irrelevant – as if they were vending machines, where you put in an assignment and get out learning. But if kids see it as something that is pointless and tedious and even anxiety-producing, of course it’s not going to benefit them.”
He says if kids seem to be sinking under a mountain of work, parents should intervene.
“I think parents need to not only lobby alone,” says Kohn, “they need to go in groups of five or ten – to say this is unacceptable, in a gentle and respectful but pointed way.”
Kohn says most adults wouldn’t want to work eight hours a day, and then come home to hours of extra work. Kids are no different.
What We Need To Know
When it comes to homework, many educators operate on the 10-minute rule: teachers should add 10 minutes of homework as students progress one grade level. For example, fourth graders should do 40 minutes of homework a night, ninth graders should do 90 minutes. According to a study by Duke University researchers, for upper level students, after about two hours of homework, more homework is not associated with higher achievement.
The U.S. Department of Education offers slightly different homework guidelines. It recommends less than 20 minutes of homework per night for students in grades 1-3. For students in grades 4-6, 20-40 minutes per night is appropriate. Students in grades 7-9 generally can handle up to 2 hours per day. Finally, students in grades 10-12 should be assigned up to 2.5 hours of homework a night.
According to research completed at Penn State University, the benefit of homework varies widely by grade level. Homework causes elementary school students to perform worse on standardized tests. Middle school students get a small benefit from homework. Older students who do moderate amounts of homework (30-60 minutes a night) have higher test scores than students who do no homework- or those who do more than four hours a night.
General tips for helping kids manage homework hurdles include:
- Make sure your child has a quiet, well-lit place to do homework. Help your child to manage and avoid distractions including TV, cell phones and even the computer.
- When your child asks for help, provide guidance, not answers. Giving answers means your child will not learn the material. Too much help teaches your child that when the going gets rough, someone will do the work for him or her.
- When the teacher asks that you play a role in homework, do it. Show your child that the school and home are a team. Follow the directions given by the teacher.
- If homework is meant to be done by your child alone, stay away. Too much parent involvement can prevent homework from having some positive effects. Homework is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.
- Help your child figure out what is hard homework and what is easy homework.
- Have your child do the hard work first. This will mean he will be most alert when facing the biggest challenges. Easy material will seem to go fast when fatigue begins to set in.
Resources
- Alfie Kohn, “The Homework Myth”
- Duke University Homework Study
- Penn State University Homework Study
- U.S. Department of Education Homework Tips for Parents
- Irving School District Policy Changes on Homework
Tags: Homework Stress, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Back to School Homework Frustrations
by Sue Scheff on Aug 27, 2010
Many schools are back in session. Teens that have been swimming, surfing, enjoying the beach, traveling or simply sleeping in over the summer are now faced with studies, homework and deadlines.
Students are trying to get back into the routine of early rising and homework blues, however it doesn’t have to be the blues, you can turn it around.
What can you do as a parent to help them overcome this hump?
8 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework:
1. Offer encouragement. Give your child praise for efforts and for completing assignments.
2. Be available. Encourage your child to do the work independently, but be available for assistance.
3. Maintain a schedule. Establish a set time to do homework each day. You may want to use a calendar to keep track of assignments and due dates.
4. Designate space. Provide a space for homework, stocked with necessary supplies, such as pencils, pens, paper, dictionaries, a computer, and other reference materials.
5. Provide discipline. Help your child focus on homework by removing distractions, such as television, radio, telephone, and interruptions from siblings and friends.
6. Be a role model. Consider doing some of your work, such as paying bills or writing letters, during your child’s homework time.
7. Be supportive. Talk to your child about difficulties with homework. Be willing to talk to your child’s teacher to resolve problems in a positive manner.
8. Involvement. Familiarize yourself with the teacher’s homework policy. Make sure that you and your child understand the teacher’s expectations. At the beginning of the year, you may want to ask your child’s teacher these questions – What kinds of assignments will you give? How often do you give homework? How much time are the students expected to spend on them? What type of involvement do you expect from parents?
Sources: Chicago Public Schools, Connect with Kids
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Does Stress Cause Memory Loss with Children and Teens?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 06, 2010
As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.
Source: Connect With Kids
Stress and Memory Loss
“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”
– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist
Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”
According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.
She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”
Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”
Tips for Parents
Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.
Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.
- A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
- Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
- Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
- Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.
References
- San Diego State University
- The Journal Science
Tags: Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Challenges of Parenting Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 13, 2009
Parenting teens today has become one of the most challenging jobs with a new generation of technology, peer pressure, substance abuse, and much more.
As a Parent Advocate, I continuously help parents with today’s teen issues. Many call my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, at their wits end.
Here are some article that I encourage parents of teens and tweens to take the time to read. An educated parent is a prepared parent. A prepared parent can lead to a safer teenager.
School Violence: The dangers of bullying
Teens Shoplifting and Stealing
Click here to learn more about the author.
Also on Examiner.com
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Struggling Teens, Substance Abuse, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Teenagers Anxiety over their Appearance
by Sue Scheff on Aug 09, 2009
School opening for many teens can be extremely stressful and cause anxiety. Having the right clothes, shoes, sneakers and hair style! It is all about fitting in and struggling with today’s peer pressure.
Kara Tamanini, author and therapist, offers some great insights to help you help your teenager as they prepare for a new school year.
Teenagers are usually not satisfied with their appearance and many seem to constantly be concerned about how they look. It is a natural thing for teenagers to be concerned about how they look, which parents often do not hear when their child is younger. As teenagers enter puberty, their bodies go through a lot of changes and physically their body changes and as a consequence this changes their outward appearance. Whether a teenager views the change in their body as positive or negative affects a teenager’s body image or how they view their physical appearance. The ability to develop a healthy body image takes a little bit of time and there are a number of factors that influence a teenager’s view of their body. Of course their opinion is tantamount, however family, friends, and what message society sends as a whole really seems to matter. Today’s culture is saturated with advertising that sends the message to everyone that having perfect looks is very important. When children are teased or made fun over their physical appearance, this has a very negative affect for children and is very harmful to their self-image.
Being satisfied with one’s physical appearance is not always an easy thing. Teenagers that have a negative self-image will tend to compare themselves to other children and make self-critical statements that causes them significant distress or anxiety. However, children with a positive self-image will usually become very self-conscious about their physical appearance and want to be able to portray a certain image to those around them. They will always want to look “just right.”
So how do we encourage children that have either a positive or negative self-image to have a body image that is healthy and appropriate. We as parents do not want to send the message that physical appearance is everything and that other things in life do not matter. Here are a few suggestions for parents on how to encourage a healthy body-image:
First, we need to be patient and understanding when our teenager comes home with black lipstick, black pants, or clothes that seem to be a little too big for them. Girls may want to try some type of new hairdo that you as a parent do not particularly care for and the best thing to do here is to not make a huge deal about it and try to empathize with what they are going through. If your teenager is trying to convince you of a new tattoo or shaving their head, that is something that you as a parent will have to discuss and decide as a parent. Some parents will let their teenagers do this and some will not. Be supportive of your teenager and remember that where your teenager is currently, you have been there yourself.
Talk about what appearances mean. Do not emphasize that looks are everything. What is on the inside really is that important. Deeper qualities or the character or a person are really what sustain us in life. Talk to your child about what message their physical appearance sends to those around them. For example, wearing excessive makeup or a low-cut top for girls, or pants
that around your teenager’s son knees with their boxers showing. This does send a message to everyone around them. Discuss this message with your teenager.
Avoid being overly critical of the time that your teenager is spending looking at themselves in the mirror. The more you criticize or complain that they seem to be obsessed about their looks, the more likely your teenager will be to want to emphasize their looks. Remember, your teenager is just trying to find their way in life right now and trying to fit in with their peers.
Give your child positive feedback. Teenagers do require a lot of compliments and how they look. We want to emphasize the qualities that they have on the inside such as honesty, how they treat others, etc… but don’t forget to compliment how they look or what they are wearing. This is really a big deal to your teenager, however they are likely to downplay your compliment like it is no big deal.
Set a time limit on exactly how much time your teenager can spend looking at themselves, getting ready in the bathroom, and on their grooming. You as a parent do not want your teenager spending hours in the bathroom getting ready for the day.
Above all, be an excellent role model for your child. If a parent spends a lot of time concerned over their looks or talks about something about themselves that they do not like, then your child will likely do the same thing. Remember, a positive body-image takes time and patience with your teenager will serve you well.
Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Author and Therapist
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Depression, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Techniques to manage Anxiety in Children
by Sue Scheff on Aug 09, 2009
Author and therapist, Kara Tamanini, just posted an excellent article on anxiety in children. With school starting, many children may suffer with stress and anxiety, especially if they are starting a new school. Be an educated parent, learn more:
Techniques to manage Anxiety in Children
Children like adults suffer with anxiety and the symptoms often affect children at home , school, and in their peer relationships. Professional help is often needed in order to manage these symptoms, whether your child suffers from panic attacks, separation anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or generalized anxiety disorder. There are several easy to use techniques at home that you as a parent can use to help your child manage the symptoms of anxiety:1.) The easiest method to lower anxiety to help your child is to simply try to make them laugh. Laughter relaxes tense muscles, lowers the heart rate, and even boosts the immune system. Tell a joke, make a funny face, do whatever you can think of to make your child laugh. Everyone has a sense of humor, albeit everyone thinks different things are funny, but everyone does need to laugh. Keep it light.
2.) Tell them to take a deep breath. Deep breathing techniques help people to relax. Breathe in deeply and slowly with them and do this several times to lower the heart rate and get their minds off of whatever is making them so anxious at the time. Begin by breathing in through the nose and count to five and breathe in deeply and then exhale while counting to five. Let the air escape through your mouth. Try doing this for a few minutes in order to allow held-in emotions to come to the surface. It really is one of the best techniques to relieve stress and relax your child.
3.) Visualize with your child some place happier. Find your child’s happy place. When you see that your child’s anxiety is “taking over” then you need to use visual imagery in order to help them relax. Visualize with them a scene, such as the beach, an amusement park, wherever they enjoy, in order to help them to relax and get them out of whatever stressful situation they are currently in at the time. This is usually done after your child has used some deep breathing techniques in order to lower the heart rate and get them more relaxed.
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4.) Exercise, exercise, exercise. Physical activity is by far the best way to release tension and stress with a child that is very anxious. Have them do a neck roll in order to stretch the neck muscles and simply roll the neck side to side and do eight to ten of these, rolling the head side to side. Shrug the shoulders, or have them put their right hand up in the air and then their left hand up in the air in order to stretch out the upper body. Have them go play outside, any physical activity in order to get them moving. Sitting idly watching television or playing video games is not going to get their mind off of whatever they are stressing about or get them out of that “anxious place” that they are currently in.
Anxiety can be managed through professional counseling, medications, and through simple relaxation techniques. These techniques are often used in conjunction with cognitive-behavioral therapy in order to manage and eventually extinguish your child’s anxiety symptoms.
Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Author and Therapist
Follow Kara Tamanini on Twitter at @KidTherapist
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Teen Anxiety and Teen Depression
by Sue Scheff on Jul 14, 2009
Teenage depression is more than just bad moods or broken hearts; it is a very serious clinical illness that will affect approximately 20% of teens before they reach adulthood. Left untreated, depression can lead to difficult home situations, problems at school, drug abuse, and worse, violence toward themselves and others.
Certain young teens suffer from depression as result of situations surrounding their social or family life, but many are succeptable to the disease regardless of race, gender, income level or education. It is very important for parents to keep a watch on their teens – and to maintain a strong level of communication. Understanding the causes and warning signs of the illness can help parents prevent their teens from falling in to depression.
My name is Sue Scheff™ and I understand how difficult it can be dealing with a troubled teenager because I have been there! My experiences lead to the founding Parents Universal Resource Experts, an organization dedicated to parental support, education and resources. I work with parents like you every day, looking for help and answers in desperation. You are not alone!
This website is dedicated to the bringing parents the best information about teenage depression; causes, symptoms, statistics and preventative measures.
Please visit our newly added informative section on teenage anxiety, the lesser known, but equally serious, relative of depression.
Teen Anxiety
The lesser known relative of depression, anxiety, afflicts people of all ages and can be especially detrimental for teenagers. It is completely normal and even common for individuals to experience anxiety, particularly during stressful periods, such as before a test or important date (think Prom). For many, this is beneficial, serving as motivation to study hard and perform well; however, for many, anxiety goes beyond standard high-stress periods. While occasional stress is nothing to worry about and can even be healthy, many people experience anxiety on an ongoing basis. People, especially teenagers, who suffer from anxiety disorders, find that their daily life can be interrupted by the intense, often long-lasting fear or worry.
Anxiety disorders are not fatal; however, they can severely interfere with an individual’s ability to function normally on a daily basis. The intense feelings of fear and worry often lead to a lack of sleep as it makes it very difficult for people to fall asleep. Those with anxiety disorders also commonly suffer from physical manifestations of the anxiety. The anxiety can cause headaches, stomach aches, and even vomiting. In addition stress can cause individuals to lose their appetite or have trouble eating. One of the more difficult aspects for students to deal with is difficulty concentrating. When one is consumed with worry, his or her mind continuously considers the worrisome thoughts, making it considerably harder for teenagers to concentrate on school work and other mentally intensive tasks. These affects of anxiety can make it difficult for teenagers to simply get through the day, let alone enjoy life and relax.
While there seems to be no single cause of anxiety disorders, it is clear that they can run in a family. The fact that anxiety disorders can run in families indicates that there may be a genetic or hereditary connection. Because a family member may suffer from an anxiety disorder does not necessarily mean that you will. However, individuals who have family members with this disorder are far more likely to develop it.
Within the brain, neurotransmitters help to regulate mood, so an imbalance in the level of specific neurotransmitters can cause a change in mood. It is this imbalance in a neurotransmitter called serotonin that leads to anxiety. Interestingly, an imbalance of serotonin in the brain is directly related to depression. For this reason, SSRI medications, more commonly referred to as anti-depressants, are often used to help treat an anxiety disorder. Medication can provide significant relief for those suffering from anxiety disorders; however, it is often not the most efficient form of treatment.
In addition to medication, treatments for anxiety disorders include cognitive-behavioral therapy, other types of talk therapy, and relaxation and biofeedback to control muscle tension. Talk therapy can be the most effective treatment for teenagers, as they discuss their feelings and issues with a mental health professional. Many teens find it incredibly helpful to simply talk about the stress and anxiety that they feel. Additionally, in a specific kind of talk therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy teens actively “unlearn” some of their fear. This treatment teaches individuals a new way to approach fear and anxiety and how to deal with the feelings that they experience.
Many people attempt to medicate themselves when they suffer from stress or anxiety. While individuals find different ways to deal with the intense worry that they may experience, self medication can be very detrimental to their body. It is not uncommon for people who suffer from anxiety disorders to turn to alcohol or drugs to relieve the anxiety. While this may provide a temporary fix for the afflicted, in the long run it is harmful. By relying on these methods, individuals do not learn how to deal with the anxiety naturally. Reliance on other substances can also lead to alcohol or drug abuse, which can be an especially significant problem if it is developed during the teen years.
Statistics on teen anxiety show that anxiety disorders are the most common form of mental disorders among adolescents:
- 8-10 percent of adolescents suffer from an anxiety disorder
- Symptoms of an anxiety disorder include: anger, depression, fatigue, extreme mood swings, substance abuse, secretive behavior, changes in sleeping and eating habits, bad hygiene or meticulous attention to, compulsive or obsessive behavior
- One in eight adult Americans suffer from an anxiety disorder totaling 19 million people
- Research conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health has shown that anxiety disorders are the number one mental health problem among American women and are second only to alcohol and drug abuse among men
- Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. $46.6 billion annually
- Anxiety sufferers see an average of five doctors before being successfully diagnosed
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Preventing Teen Drug Addiction
by Sue Scheff on Jun 28, 2009
As a Parent Advocate, it is always frightening when a parent realizes their teen or tween may be experimenting with drugs (substance use). Here are some warning signs you should be aware of. Remember, an educated parent gives you the power to help your teen before it escalates to addiction.
Why do they start? What Should I Look For?
A major factor in drug use is peer pressure. Even teens who think they’re above the influence of peer pressure can often find it hard to refuse trying drugs when they believe their popularity is at stake. Teens may feel that taking drugs or alcohol to fit in is safer than becoming a perceived social exile, and may not realize that their friends will not abandon them simply for refusing a joint or bottle of beer. A popular adage that is thrown around regarding peer pressure says if your friends would abandon you for not accepting an illegal substance, they’re not “real” friends- but try telling this to a teenager. A more effective method is to acknowledge the pressure to fit in and work with your teen to find solutions to these problems before they arise. Suggest that your teen offer to be the designated driver at parties, and work with them to develop a strategy for other situations.
Even agreeing to back your teen up on a carefully crafted story can help enforce your bond with them- giving them the okay to tell their friends to blame you or that you give them random drug tests will go a long way. Knowing they have your support in such a sensitive subject can alleviate many of their fears, and knowing they can trust you helps instill the idea they can come to you with other problems. This is also an excellent time to remind them to never allow friends to drive under the influence and to never get into a car with someone under the influence. Reassure your teenager that if they should give in to peer pressure and become intoxicated or high, or if they have no sober ride home though they are sober themselves that it is always okay to call you for a ride home. Some parents may want to consider getting teens a cell phone for emergency use, or giving them an emergency credit card for cab fare.
Depression is another major factor in drug use. For more in depth information on teenage depression, please visit Sue Scheff™’s Teen Depression Resource. Despite the fact that many substances actually make depression worse, teenagers may be lured in by the initial high, which in theory is only replenished by more drugs. Thus begins the vicious cycle that becomes nearly impossible to break without costly rehabilitation. If you notice your teen is acting differently, it may be time to have a talk with them to address these changes. Remember- do not accuse your teen or criticize them. Drug use is a serious cry for help, and making them feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teen is abusing drugs and alcohol are:
- Violent outbursts, disrespectful behavior
- Poor or dropping grades
- Unexplained weight loss or gain
- Skin abrasions, track marks
- Missing curfew, running away, truancy
- Bloodshot eyes, distinct “skunky” odor on clothing and skin
- Missing jewelry money
- New friends
- Depression, apathy, withdrawal
- Reckless behavior
Need help? Are you considering outside treatment? Visit www.helpyourteens.com
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Prevention, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens, Wits End
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