Back to School Homework Frustrations
by Sue Scheff on Aug 27, 2010
Many schools are back in session. Teens that have been swimming, surfing, enjoying the beach, traveling or simply sleeping in over the summer are now faced with studies, homework and deadlines.
Students are trying to get back into the routine of early rising and homework blues, however it doesn’t have to be the blues, you can turn it around.
What can you do as a parent to help them overcome this hump?
8 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework:
1. Offer encouragement. Give your child praise for efforts and for completing assignments.
2. Be available. Encourage your child to do the work independently, but be available for assistance.
3. Maintain a schedule. Establish a set time to do homework each day. You may want to use a calendar to keep track of assignments and due dates.
4. Designate space. Provide a space for homework, stocked with necessary supplies, such as pencils, pens, paper, dictionaries, a computer, and other reference materials.
5. Provide discipline. Help your child focus on homework by removing distractions, such as television, radio, telephone, and interruptions from siblings and friends.
6. Be a role model. Consider doing some of your work, such as paying bills or writing letters, during your child’s homework time.
7. Be supportive. Talk to your child about difficulties with homework. Be willing to talk to your child’s teacher to resolve problems in a positive manner.
8. Involvement. Familiarize yourself with the teacher’s homework policy. Make sure that you and your child understand the teacher’s expectations. At the beginning of the year, you may want to ask your child’s teacher these questions – What kinds of assignments will you give? How often do you give homework? How much time are the students expected to spend on them? What type of involvement do you expect from parents?
Sources: Chicago Public Schools, Connect with Kids
Tags: Homework, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teen Girls, Stress and Getting High
by Sue Scheff on Jul 01, 2010
This is another fantastic and educational guest Blog by Parenting Expert, Michele Borba. As this first summer holiday weekend approaches, be an educated parent when it comes to raising your teenager.
Teen girls-more than boys-get high to cope with home stress. Nine research-based tips to curb a troubling trend
By Michele Borba
Think drinking is only a “boy” problem? Just-released data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America may make you think again. The survey results on 3287 teens in grades nine through twelve reveal a troubling trend—especially for girls. And why kids are getting high is particularly disturbing. Study highlights include:
- More than two-thirds of teen girls admit using drugs to help them cope with stress at home
- Half of the girls said that drugs help them forget their troubles
- Teens state a key reason for drug and alcohol use is as a way to “escape for a short period of time”
- Research found alcohol and marijuana use increasing in boys and girls alike
Key Findings from the 2009 Partnership Attitude Tracking Survey (Get Smart About Drugs)
Teen Alcohol Use
53% of girls: in 2008
59% of girls: in 2009
50% of boys: in 2008
52% of boys: in 2009
Teen Marijuana Use
28% of girls: in 2008
39% of girls: in 2009
34% of boys: in 2008
39% of boys: in 2009
Make no mistake: Teen substance abuse is a serious health problem with devastating consequences. If there is a ray of hope it’s this: Research also shows that the reason most frequently quoted by kids for not drinking is their desire not to harm the relationship they have with their parents. Hint: A parent’s caring, involved relationship with their child is the best solution to underage drinking.
Here are research-based tips from the chapter on Drinking in my book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries. Please use them so you can use your influence and turn this troubling trend around.
9 Parenting Solutions to Turn A Troubling Youth Trend Around
1. Get savvy. Please don’t use a “Not my kid” kind of attitude. Forget the “He’s too young” or “Not my daughter!” attitude as well. Teen drinking and substance abuse is a growing problem that we simply can’t ignore. Kids are taking their first drink at younger ages. Drinking amongst the girl scene is also increasing. We all need to take a reality check.
2. Be a good model of restraint. Teens get their views about alcohol from watching your behavior and listening to your comments. This research also is a warning that we not glamorize alcohol or say we’re using pills or alcohol as a way to unwind, “I sure could use a drink!” The research shows that teen girls in particular are getting high as a way to cope. Beware!
3. Set clear rules against drinking and drugs. Feel free to be puritanical and strict. Consistently enforcing those rules and monitor your kid’s behavior all help reduce the likelihood of underage drinking. A study of over 1000 teens found that kids with “hands on” parents who establish clear behavior expectations, monitor their comings and goings, and aren’t afraid to says no are four times less likely to engage in risky behaviors like drinking. Be a parent, not a pal.
4. Start those talks earlier and talk often. You must talk to your child about drinking and the earlier the better. Before age nine, kids usually perceive alcohol negatively and see drinking as “bad” with negative consequences. By around the age of thirteen kids views of alcohol, change and become more positive and harder to change. Some kids are experimenting with drinking as young as ten or eleven. It’s never too early to start this talk, so don’t put it off.
5. Watch out for TV advertising. Long-term studies show that kids who see, hear and read more alcohol ads are more likely to drink and drink heavier than their peers. A study with third, sixth and ninth graders found those who alcohol ads desirable are also more likely to view drinking more positively. Use those frequently-aired beer and vodka commercials during those ballgames you’re watching together as opportunities to discuss your values, concerns, and rules about drinking and pill popping.
6. Dispel the “quick fix” myth. The increase use of prescription drugs as well as cold medications amongst teens is also a growing and serious problem. Those TV commercials can give kids a very wrong impression: “The quick fix to any problem is a pill.” Calvina Fay, executive director of the Drug Free America Foundation points out, “We’ve become a society that basically says, “If things aren’t perfect in your life, take a pill. This cause our young people to see drugs as an answer.” Instead, we must help our kids grow strong from the inside-out. Boost authentic self-esteem. Get her involved in healthy activities. Turn him on to positive peers. Keep a strong relationship.
7. Reduce stress and teach coping strategies. The 2009 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) found that stress is the main reason teen girls are using drugs. Girls also related that they are using drugs as a way to cope with problems at home. (This confirms research from varying sources showing teen stress is mounting as well as teen depression). Keep a lid on the stress at home. Find ways to cope as a family (walking, exercising, eating healthier, sticking to a sleep routine). Teach coping strategies and stress reducers to your teen (yoga, deep breathing, stress management techniques).
8. Get on board with other parents. Forty-one percent of boys in the report responded: “parties are more fun with drugs” (an increase from 34% in 2008). More than half also reported that drugs help them relax in social settings. Know your kid’s friends and their parents. Call any parent hosting a party to ensure they are really supervising those sleepovers or parties.
A word to the wise: 99 percent of parents say they would not be willing to serve alcohol at their kid’s party, though 28 percent of teens say they have been at supervised parties where alcohol is available. Ninety-eight percent of parents say they are present at teen parties at their home, but 33 percent of teens say parents are rarely or never at teen parties. Though the teen party scene maybe several years away, get to know those parents now. They will be hosting those parties your child may be attending in just a few short years.
9. Watch the home scene. More kids take their first drink at your home or at the home of their friends. In fact, 60 percent of eighth graders say it is fairly or very easy to obtain alcohol-and the easiest place is in their own home. Count those bottles in your liquor cabinets. Lock up your liquor supply (and don’t tell your kids where the key is). Check your credit card: the hottest new place kids buy alcohol is on the Internet. Watch your medicine cabinet (abuse of prescription drugs, cold and cough syrup medication is on the rise). Stay alert!
Get educated. Stay involved! And know you do make a difference!
Now go talk to your kids.
GO!
Michele Borba is the author of over 25 books, her latest and one of her best is The Big Book of Parenting Solutions! There isn’t a parenting topic she doesn’t discuss.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Michele Borba, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Books, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Does Stress Cause Memory Loss with Children and Teens?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 06, 2010
As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.
Source: Connect With Kids
Stress and Memory Loss
“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”
– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist
Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”
According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.
She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”
Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”
Tips for Parents
Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.
Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.
- A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
- Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
- Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
- Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.
References
- San Diego State University
- The Journal Science
Tags: Connect with Kids, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teach Teen Anger Management
by Sue Scheff on Jan 29, 2010
“I don’t care what you say I am doing what I want to do! I hate you and you just don’t want me to have fun!”
“All my friends are allowed to stay out late; you are mean and want to ruin my life!”
“You have no idea how I feel and you are only making it worse!”
When a difficult teen is out of control, they only can hear themselves and what they want. It is usually their way or no way! There are so many factors that can contribute to these feelings. The feelings are very real and should be addressed as soon as you see that your child is starting to run the household. Teen anger may lead to teen rage and teen violence which can soon destroy a family.
A local therapist can help your family diagnosis what is causing the negative behavior patterns. Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) is some of the many causes to this harmful and stressful behavior. Many times you will find a need for a positive and safe program either local or outside your home are that can help determine where these hurtful outbursts are stemming from.
As difficult as this may seem, it is important that as your teen is expressing these feeling of anger and rage, that you as the parent learn to control your emotions. You don’t want to fuel it or feed it which can potentially enrage it.
Here are some tips for parents to learn to help manage their stress level as their teens is spiraling out of control:
- Take a ‘timeout.‘ Although it may seem cliché, counting to 10 before reacting really can defuse your temper.
- Get some space. Take a break from the person you’re angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.
- Once you’re calm, express your anger. It’s healthy to express your frustration in a nonconfrontational way. Stewing about it can make the situation worse.
- Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you’re about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
- Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you’re likely to say something you’ll regret. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues. When you’re angry, it’s easy to get sidetracked.
- Identify solutions to the situation. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work with the person who angered you to resolve the issue at hand.
- Use ‘I’ statements when describing the problem. This will help you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the other person angry or resentful – and increase tension. For instance, say, “I’m upset you didn’t help with the housework this evening,” instead of, “You should have helped with the housework.”
- Don’t hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will help you both. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.
- Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don’t use sarcasm, though – it’s can hurt feelings and make things worse.
- Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as “Take it easy.” Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music, writing in a journal and doing yoga.
These tips from the Mayo Clinic can also be helpful to your teens. It could benefit you to sit down with your teens and talk about controlling rage and anger before it escalates to the boiling over point.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Anger Management, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Anger, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Rage, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teens – Junior Year Stress
by Sue Scheff on Dec 06, 2009
I speak with parents almost on a daily basis and a common concern is with their teens in their junior year and preparing for college applications. However one of the issues always comes back to the stress of have they accomplished all they need to in order to be accepted into their college of choice? The stress of SAT’s, ACT’s combined with community service and other attributes many colleges will look for, can be overwhelming.
Be sure to review college application tips.
Here is an article with some parenting tips and warning signs that your teen may be stressed. Take the time to be an educated parent, you will have a healthier and happier teen.
Source: Connect with Kids
Junior Year Stress
“Don’t jump into this rat race thing. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Because really, the only race in life – towards college, towards the future – is the race with yourself.”
– Andy Blatt, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist
For the first time, the American Psychological Association is including young people in their survey about stress. They report that a third of kids say they feel more stressed out than a year ago. Kids say they’re worried about their family’s finances, school work, and getting into college.
But there is one year of high school that is more stressful than any other year: 11th grade.
Junior Krista, for example, has a long list of activities for her college application.
“I’m doing French club, and Habitat for Humanity,” she says, “and Feed the Hungry Club, and Make-A-Wish Foundation.”
There’s also JV lacrosse and, on most nights, four hours of homework.
“It just seems like if you don’t get into a good college,” says Krista, “then you’re not going to get a good job.”
Junior year is considered the most stressful high school year for many reasons: tougher courses, grades that count towards college, the SAT, and anxiety about the future.
“It’s kind of stressful knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life,” says Krista. “I mean, I have no idea.”
Experts recommend three ways for parents to ease the stress of junior year. First, set limits on extra-curricular activities.
“She has lacrosse right now,” says Krista’s mom Janice, “and I’ve limited both her and her sister to one sport at a time, because it was just getting too crazy.”
Another stress-reliever for juniors may be surprising, but it is considered critical – socializing.
“Anytime they are hanging out with their friends is stress management,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Andy Blatt. “They call it ‘hanging out’. Parents sometimes call it ‘doing nothing’. It’s okay. Just try and look at it in the way that it’s stress management.”
Finally, he says, help kids to not make a classic mistake.
“My friend Laleh, she’s actually graduating early,” explains Krista, “and she is taking five AP’s, and I’m taking one, and I’m like, ‘Oh maybe that’s not enough.’”
Comparing grades, test scores and college applications with other kids may seem inevitable, experts say – but it is a mistake.
“Don’t jump into this rat race thing,” says Dr. Blatt. “Don’t compare yourself to other people. Because really, the only race in life – towards college, towards the future – is the race with yourself.”
Tips for Parents
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. The Nemours Foundation points out some stressors that can overwhelm the body’s ability to cope if they continue for a long time include:
- Being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
- Relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
- Ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
- Crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they’re used regularly, not just when the pressure’s on.
Knowing how to “de-stress” and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some tips that can help keep stress under control:
- Take a stand against overscheduling. If you’re feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
- Be realistic. Don’t try to be perfect – no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
- Get a good night’s sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological “sleep clock” shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
- Learn to relax. The body’s natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It’s your body’s opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you’re caught up in stressful situations.
- Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It’s easy when you’re stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever.
References
- American Psychological Association
- Nemours Foundation
Tags: College application tips, college applications, Connect with Kids, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teenagers Anxiety over their Appearance
by Sue Scheff on Aug 09, 2009
School opening for many teens can be extremely stressful and cause anxiety. Having the right clothes, shoes, sneakers and hair style! It is all about fitting in and struggling with today’s peer pressure.
Kara Tamanini, author and therapist, offers some great insights to help you help your teenager as they prepare for a new school year.
Teenagers are usually not satisfied with their appearance and many seem to constantly be concerned about how they look. It is a natural thing for teenagers to be concerned about how they look, which parents often do not hear when their child is younger. As teenagers enter puberty, their bodies go through a lot of changes and physically their body changes and as a consequence this changes their outward appearance. Whether a teenager views the change in their body as positive or negative affects a teenager’s body image or how they view their physical appearance. The ability to develop a healthy body image takes a little bit of time and there are a number of factors that influence a teenager’s view of their body. Of course their opinion is tantamount, however family, friends, and what message society sends as a whole really seems to matter. Today’s culture is saturated with advertising that sends the message to everyone that having perfect looks is very important. When children are teased or made fun over their physical appearance, this has a very negative affect for children and is very harmful to their self-image.
Being satisfied with one’s physical appearance is not always an easy thing. Teenagers that have a negative self-image will tend to compare themselves to other children and make self-critical statements that causes them significant distress or anxiety. However, children with a positive self-image will usually become very self-conscious about their physical appearance and want to be able to portray a certain image to those around them. They will always want to look “just right.”
So how do we encourage children that have either a positive or negative self-image to have a body image that is healthy and appropriate. We as parents do not want to send the message that physical appearance is everything and that other things in life do not matter. Here are a few suggestions for parents on how to encourage a healthy body-image:
First, we need to be patient and understanding when our teenager comes home with black lipstick, black pants, or clothes that seem to be a little too big for them. Girls may want to try some type of new hairdo that you as a parent do not particularly care for and the best thing to do here is to not make a huge deal about it and try to empathize with what they are going through. If your teenager is trying to convince you of a new tattoo or shaving their head, that is something that you as a parent will have to discuss and decide as a parent. Some parents will let their teenagers do this and some will not. Be supportive of your teenager and remember that where your teenager is currently, you have been there yourself.
Talk about what appearances mean. Do not emphasize that looks are everything. What is on the inside really is that important. Deeper qualities or the character or a person are really what sustain us in life. Talk to your child about what message their physical appearance sends to those around them. For example, wearing excessive makeup or a low-cut top for girls, or pants
that around your teenager’s son knees with their boxers showing. This does send a message to everyone around them. Discuss this message with your teenager.
Avoid being overly critical of the time that your teenager is spending looking at themselves in the mirror. The more you criticize or complain that they seem to be obsessed about their looks, the more likely your teenager will be to want to emphasize their looks. Remember, your teenager is just trying to find their way in life right now and trying to fit in with their peers.
Give your child positive feedback. Teenagers do require a lot of compliments and how they look. We want to emphasize the qualities that they have on the inside such as honesty, how they treat others, etc… but don’t forget to compliment how they look or what they are wearing. This is really a big deal to your teenager, however they are likely to downplay your compliment like it is no big deal.
Set a time limit on exactly how much time your teenager can spend looking at themselves, getting ready in the bathroom, and on their grooming. You as a parent do not want your teenager spending hours in the bathroom getting ready for the day.
Above all, be an excellent role model for your child. If a parent spends a lot of time concerned over their looks or talks about something about themselves that they do not like, then your child will likely do the same thing. Remember, a positive body-image takes time and patience with your teenager will serve you well.
Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Author and Therapist
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Techniques to manage Anxiety in Children
by Sue Scheff on Aug 09, 2009
Author and therapist, Kara Tamanini, just posted an excellent article on anxiety in children. With school starting, many children may suffer with stress and anxiety, especially if they are starting a new school. Be an educated parent, learn more:
Techniques to manage Anxiety in Children
Children like adults suffer with anxiety and the symptoms often affect children at home , school, and in their peer relationships. Professional help is often needed in order to manage these symptoms, whether your child suffers from panic attacks, separation anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or generalized anxiety disorder. There are several easy to use techniques at home that you as a parent can use to help your child manage the symptoms of anxiety:1.) The easiest method to lower anxiety to help your child is to simply try to make them laugh. Laughter relaxes tense muscles, lowers the heart rate, and even boosts the immune system. Tell a joke, make a funny face, do whatever you can think of to make your child laugh. Everyone has a sense of humor, albeit everyone thinks different things are funny, but everyone does need to laugh. Keep it light.
2.) Tell them to take a deep breath. Deep breathing techniques help people to relax. Breathe in deeply and slowly with them and do this several times to lower the heart rate and get their minds off of whatever is making them so anxious at the time. Begin by breathing in through the nose and count to five and breathe in deeply and then exhale while counting to five. Let the air escape through your mouth. Try doing this for a few minutes in order to allow held-in emotions to come to the surface. It really is one of the best techniques to relieve stress and relax your child.
3.) Visualize with your child some place happier. Find your child’s happy place. When you see that your child’s anxiety is “taking over” then you need to use visual imagery in order to help them relax. Visualize with them a scene, such as the beach, an amusement park, wherever they enjoy, in order to help them to relax and get them out of whatever stressful situation they are currently in at the time. This is usually done after your child has used some deep breathing techniques in order to lower the heart rate and get them more relaxed.
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4.) Exercise, exercise, exercise. Physical activity is by far the best way to release tension and stress with a child that is very anxious. Have them do a neck roll in order to stretch the neck muscles and simply roll the neck side to side and do eight to ten of these, rolling the head side to side. Shrug the shoulders, or have them put their right hand up in the air and then their left hand up in the air in order to stretch out the upper body. Have them go play outside, any physical activity in order to get them moving. Sitting idly watching television or playing video games is not going to get their mind off of whatever they are stressing about or get them out of that “anxious place” that they are currently in.
Anxiety can be managed through professional counseling, medications, and through simple relaxation techniques. These techniques are often used in conjunction with cognitive-behavioral therapy in order to manage and eventually extinguish your child’s anxiety symptoms.
Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Author and Therapist
Follow Kara Tamanini on Twitter at @KidTherapist
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Health, Teen Issues, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teen Anxiety and Teen Depression
by Sue Scheff on Jul 14, 2009
Teenage depression is more than just bad moods or broken hearts; it is a very serious clinical illness that will affect approximately 20% of teens before they reach adulthood. Left untreated, depression can lead to difficult home situations, problems at school, drug abuse, and worse, violence toward themselves and others.
Certain young teens suffer from depression as result of situations surrounding their social or family life, but many are succeptable to the disease regardless of race, gender, income level or education. It is very important for parents to keep a watch on their teens – and to maintain a strong level of communication. Understanding the causes and warning signs of the illness can help parents prevent their teens from falling in to depression.
My name is Sue Scheff™ and I understand how difficult it can be dealing with a troubled teenager because I have been there! My experiences lead to the founding Parents Universal Resource Experts, an organization dedicated to parental support, education and resources. I work with parents like you every day, looking for help and answers in desperation. You are not alone!
This website is dedicated to the bringing parents the best information about teenage depression; causes, symptoms, statistics and preventative measures.
Please visit our newly added informative section on teenage anxiety, the lesser known, but equally serious, relative of depression.
Teen Anxiety
The lesser known relative of depression, anxiety, afflicts people of all ages and can be especially detrimental for teenagers. It is completely normal and even common for individuals to experience anxiety, particularly during stressful periods, such as before a test or important date (think Prom). For many, this is beneficial, serving as motivation to study hard and perform well; however, for many, anxiety goes beyond standard high-stress periods. While occasional stress is nothing to worry about and can even be healthy, many people experience anxiety on an ongoing basis. People, especially teenagers, who suffer from anxiety disorders, find that their daily life can be interrupted by the intense, often long-lasting fear or worry.
Anxiety disorders are not fatal; however, they can severely interfere with an individual’s ability to function normally on a daily basis. The intense feelings of fear and worry often lead to a lack of sleep as it makes it very difficult for people to fall asleep. Those with anxiety disorders also commonly suffer from physical manifestations of the anxiety. The anxiety can cause headaches, stomach aches, and even vomiting. In addition stress can cause individuals to lose their appetite or have trouble eating. One of the more difficult aspects for students to deal with is difficulty concentrating. When one is consumed with worry, his or her mind continuously considers the worrisome thoughts, making it considerably harder for teenagers to concentrate on school work and other mentally intensive tasks. These affects of anxiety can make it difficult for teenagers to simply get through the day, let alone enjoy life and relax.
While there seems to be no single cause of anxiety disorders, it is clear that they can run in a family. The fact that anxiety disorders can run in families indicates that there may be a genetic or hereditary connection. Because a family member may suffer from an anxiety disorder does not necessarily mean that you will. However, individuals who have family members with this disorder are far more likely to develop it.
Within the brain, neurotransmitters help to regulate mood, so an imbalance in the level of specific neurotransmitters can cause a change in mood. It is this imbalance in a neurotransmitter called serotonin that leads to anxiety. Interestingly, an imbalance of serotonin in the brain is directly related to depression. For this reason, SSRI medications, more commonly referred to as anti-depressants, are often used to help treat an anxiety disorder. Medication can provide significant relief for those suffering from anxiety disorders; however, it is often not the most efficient form of treatment.
In addition to medication, treatments for anxiety disorders include cognitive-behavioral therapy, other types of talk therapy, and relaxation and biofeedback to control muscle tension. Talk therapy can be the most effective treatment for teenagers, as they discuss their feelings and issues with a mental health professional. Many teens find it incredibly helpful to simply talk about the stress and anxiety that they feel. Additionally, in a specific kind of talk therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy teens actively “unlearn” some of their fear. This treatment teaches individuals a new way to approach fear and anxiety and how to deal with the feelings that they experience.
Many people attempt to medicate themselves when they suffer from stress or anxiety. While individuals find different ways to deal with the intense worry that they may experience, self medication can be very detrimental to their body. It is not uncommon for people who suffer from anxiety disorders to turn to alcohol or drugs to relieve the anxiety. While this may provide a temporary fix for the afflicted, in the long run it is harmful. By relying on these methods, individuals do not learn how to deal with the anxiety naturally. Reliance on other substances can also lead to alcohol or drug abuse, which can be an especially significant problem if it is developed during the teen years.
Statistics on teen anxiety show that anxiety disorders are the most common form of mental disorders among adolescents:
- 8-10 percent of adolescents suffer from an anxiety disorder
- Symptoms of an anxiety disorder include: anger, depression, fatigue, extreme mood swings, substance abuse, secretive behavior, changes in sleeping and eating habits, bad hygiene or meticulous attention to, compulsive or obsessive behavior
- One in eight adult Americans suffer from an anxiety disorder totaling 19 million people
- Research conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health has shown that anxiety disorders are the number one mental health problem among American women and are second only to alcohol and drug abuse among men
- Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. $46.6 billion annually
- Anxiety sufferers see an average of five doctors before being successfully diagnosed
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Family Feuding – How does it effect your teens?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 08, 2009
I know there are many parents that can relate to this. Personally, I grew up in a time when the divorce was almost unheard of, however once my siblings and I were all over 18, our parents divorced. What a relief! In many ways - it is my opinion, if you you know the marriage it over, and you have exhausted every avenue to keep it alive – and it is obvious that the union is over, in many ways divorce can be a better route for the kids – rather than living with the feuding and constant tension and confliction within the family unit. This is only my experience, take time to review these great tips from Connect with Kids. I am in no way promoting divorce, I am only saying as mature adults we need to do what is best for all involved. Of course, each family and their dynamics are different – requiring different solutions and results.
Source: Connect with Kids
“It’s very hard, and it takes a lot for me to trust somebody. I don’t trust people very openly, very freely.”
– Katherine Yarberry, 14 years old
Katherine Yarberry’s parents got along well until she was about 4 years old.
“We all had a lot of fun together, that’s all I can remember,” says Katherine, who is now 14.
But those good times with her mom and dad didn’t last long. Soon, the arguing began, creating moments in time she will never forget.
“I was in the other room, and I heard something break, and my dad had thrown a plate against the wall,” she says. “They were having a fight.”
When children grow up in households where their parents often fight and the prevailing emotion is anger, it’s easy to imagine why they would be unhappy. And that unhappiness can last a lifetime.
“It’s very hard, and it takes a lot for me to trust somebody. I don’t trust people very openly, very freely,” Katherine says.
The Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reports that kids who witness constant fighting are at greater risk for depression, drug dependence and low self-esteem.
What’s more, their future relationships with their spouse or their children are also at risk.
“I think parents don’t understand, and they get involved in their own issues [so] they don’t get the perspective that they need to that they are role modeling for their children and children are probably going to copy them in some way or another,” says Dr. John Lochridge, a psychiatrist.
Experts say parents need to remember that every time they fight, they are influencing their children’s behavior patterns.
The good news, Lochridge says, is that if angry parents teach their kids anger, then they can also teach them conflict resolution. And it’s never too late to begin.
“I think you can change your relationship to make it much more appropriate for the kids,” Lochridge says. “In fact, you can even role model conflict resolution.”
Tips for Parents
Several studies suggest that children of divorced parents are at an “increased risk” for later problems – namely divorce – in their own marriages. One study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family,followed 2,000 married people and 335 of their children over a 17-year period.
“Children who grow up with divorced parents tend to reach adulthood with a relatively weak commitment to the norm of lifelong marriage,” says study author Dr. Paul R. Amato of Pennsylvania State University. “When their own marriages become troubled, they tend to leave the relationship rather than stick it out or work on it.”
He says adult children of divorce have a tendency to jettison relationships that may be salvageable. Among the findings in Dr. Amato’s study:
- Children of divorce are twice as likely to see their own marriages end in divorce.
- Children of “maritally distressed parents” who remain continuously married did not have an elevated risk of divorce.
- The risk of divorce was more likely among children whose parents reported a low, rather than high, level of discord prior to divorce.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) says that during the difficult period of divorce, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems but continue to be the most important people in their children’s lives. Children will cope best if they know their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is ending and their parents won’t live together. The AACAP says research shows that it is best for children of divorce when their parents can cooperate on behalf of their children.
The authors of Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust give the following advice to parents to help minimize the negative effects of divorce on their children:
- Subject children to as few changes as possible as a result of the divorce. For example, try to have the children attend the same schools, continue to live in the same home, etc.
- Don’t argue or fight with your ex-spouse in your children’s presence. The amount of parental conflict that your children witness following divorce is directly related to their level of adjustment.
- Consistent discipline is very important. Both parents should use similar, age-appropriate discipline techniques with their children.
- Don’t use children as messengers in parental communications. Children should never be asked to relay messages, such as “Tell your dad that he is late with the child support payment.”
- Don’t use children as spies.
- Don’t use children as allies in parental battles.
- Don’t demean the other parent in front of children. Remember that your ex-spouse is still your children’s parent.
- Don’t burden children with personal fears and concerns.
- It is usually in your children’s best interest to have a consistent pattern of frequent visits with the non-custodial parent.
- If major problems develop for children and/or parents, seek professional assistance.
References
- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
- Journal of Marriage and Family
- Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust, by Nicholas Long and Rex Forehand
- Pennsylvania State University
- Simmons College
Tags: Connect with Kids, Family Feuding, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Divorcing, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Stress
Sue Scheff: Teens and Stress
by Sue Scheff on Mar 28, 2009
School is winding down, finals are piling up – the stress of getting good grades as well as keeping your GPA up to be able to get into that college or university you dream to go to, can be stressful. Compound that with summer coming and if you are like many teens, looking for a summer job is in the plan but may be more difficult than last summer. The economy is hitting all levels of employment, and parents are not the only ones having stressful times.
Here is a great article I found on TeensHealth. Take the time to learn more about your teen and how stress can effect them.
What Is Stress?
Stress is a feeling that’s created when we react to particular events. It’s the body’s way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations – everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester’s worth of your toughest subject.
The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and specific hormones. The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its stored glucose to increase the body’s energy. And sweat is produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the moment.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body’s stress response enhances a person’s ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.
Good Stress and Bad Stress
The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is critical during emergency situations, such as when a driver has to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in a milder form at a time when the pressure’s on but there’s no actual danger – like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.
But stress doesn’t always happen in response to things that are immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events, like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or school, can cause stress, too. Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that’s hard on people. The nervous system senses continued pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear out the body’s reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or overwhelmed, weaken the body’s immune system, and cause other problems.
What Causes Stress Overload?
Although just enough stress can be a good thing, stress overload is a different story – too much stress isn’t good for anyone. For example, feeling a little stress about a test that’s coming up can motivate you to study hard. But stressing out too much over the test can make it hard to concentrate on the material you need to learn.
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things that can overwhelm the body’s ability to cope if they continue for a long time:
- being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
- relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
- ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
- crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
Some stressful situations can be extreme and may require special attention and care. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a very strong stress reaction that can develop in people who have lived through an extremely traumatic event, such as a serious car accident, a natural disaster like an earthquake, or an assault like rape.
Some people have anxiety problems that can cause them to overreact to stress, making even small difficulties seem like crises. If a person frequently feels tense, upset, worried, or stressed, it may be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety problems usually need attention, and many people turn to professional counselors for help in overcoming them.
Signs of Stress Overload
People who are experiencing stress overload may notice some of the following signs:
- anxiety or panic attacks
- a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried
- irritability and moodiness
- physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
- allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
- problems sleeping
- drinking too much, smoking, overeating, or doing drugs
- sadness or depression
Everyone experiences stress a little differently. Some people become angry and act out their stress or take it out on others. Some people internalize it and develop eating disorders or substance abuse problems. And some people who have a chronic illness may find that the symptoms of their illness flare up under an overload of stress.
Keep Stress Under Control
What can you do to deal with stress overload or, better yet, to avoid it in the first place? The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they’re used regularly, not just when the pressure’s on. Knowing how to “de-stress” and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some things that can help keep stress under control.
- Take a stand against overscheduling. If you’re feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
- Be realistic. Don’t try to be perfect – no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
- Get a good night’s sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological “sleep clock” shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
Read more: http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/stress.html#a_Good_Stress_and_Bad_Stress
Tags: Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Anxiety, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Stress
