Sue Scheff: Teens and Sex – Boys Like to Exaggerate a Bit
by Sue Scheff on Mar 25, 2010
O-kay, let’s face it, teens are very well versed in sex education – far more than generations prior. However the bragging rights seem to continue. According to the CDC, an estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school. Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Connect with Kids just posted an interesting article about boy and their boasting about their sexual encounters.
Boys Brag about Sex
Source: Connect with Kids
“Some guys are really stupid and all they want is to have sex and, yeah, they brag about everywhere.”
– Stephanie, 16 years old
Teenage boys like to talk about it and, sometimes, they exaggerate.
“All they talk about is sex,” 17 year old Tyler says. “You go walking down the hallway…sex, sex, sex. ‘Hey I had sex with her, I had sex with him.’”
In a new Seventeen magazine survey of boys and young men, almost half said they were virgins and one in four said he had lied to other kids about not being a virgin. According to the survey of 1,200 boys and young men, age 15 to 22, 60 percent said they lied about something sexual, 30 percent lied about “how far they had gone,” and 78 percent said that there was too much pressure from society to have sex.
17 year old Brad confirms that “guys brag all the time. I mean I’ve met one guy who hasn’t bragged about it. ”
Still there are some boys, like 17 year old Jesse, who are willing to say ‘no’ even when pressured by a girl.
“I was just astonished and I was like, ‘no’ because I like know this girl, she was my friend, but she wasn’t someone I wanted to do that stuff with. She wasn’t the right person for me to lose my virginity with.”
Daniel Jean-Baptiste, a health educator, says he has seen a change in the attitude of young men. “The attitude is starting to become, ‘I don’t really care if my buddies are talking about it and this person is bragging about it. It’s not really a big deal, because you can get STDs. Or you can get someone pregnant.”
Many experts argue that in our culture, boys are pressured to have sex, or at least say they have, but that it’s up to parents to talk about the seriousness of sex… and the risks.
“A young person is never too young to talk about HIV, to talk about STDs, to talk about puberty,” Jean-Baptiste says. “And I think that if parents start to talk to their young people before they reach puberty… you’ve really seasoned them, so that in the future years… you’ll be more comfortable and they’ll be more comfortable talking to you.”
They will be more comfortable, as he says, and there is a good chance they will listen.
“Kids, they might not say they listen to their parents but deep down inside, there’s always… their parents are their little voice… anything a parent says usually does get taken to heart,” says 18 year old Jesse.
Related Information
It’s not uncommon to see statistics showing that girls face a great deal of pressure to have sex at an early age. But a new survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows that girls are not alone. Researchers found that one in three teen boys reported feeling peer pressure to have sex – often from male friends. In fact, the survey findings showed that boys were more likely than girls to feel pressure and more likely to believe that waiting to have sex is a myth.
How prevalent is sexual behavior among teens? The most recent numbers come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey of high school students from 34 states:
- An estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school.
- Approximately 15% had sexual intercourse with four or more partners before graduating from high school.
- Nearly 62% of currently sexually active students used a condom during last sexual intercourse.
- Approximately 90% of the students said they had been taught about AIDS and HIV infection in school.
Tips for Parents
Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The campaign also found that when it comes to making a decision about sex, 30% said that friends influenced their decision the most.
As a parent, how can you help your child make an informed decision about sex? It is first important to openly discuss sexual health with your child. Although it may be tough and awkward at times, open communication and accurate information that comes from you – the parent – increases the chance that your teen will postpone sex or use appropriate methods of birth control once he or she begins. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry offers the following advice when talking to your child about sex:
- Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
- Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
- Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
- Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
- Keep your sense of humor, and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
- Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
- Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
- Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
- Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
Your teen may be feeling pressure to have sex from a number of places – friends, peers or partners. As a parent, it is important that you give your child the necessary tools to make a decision about sex before peer pressure makes the decision for him or her. The American Social Health Association (ASHA) offers the following advice about sex and peer pressure to share with your teen:
- Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is “doing it,” it is important to realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn’t mean they are actually having sex.
- Hollywood doesn’t show the full story. Sexual situations are everywhere in our culture. They are on television, in movies and even in commercials and magazines. This is part of the reason why we enjoy these things so much. Just remember: Characters in these movies, television shows and advertisements are actors and actresses. They can’t get unwanted pregnancies and STDs. You can.
- There are lots of great reasons why people wait to have sex. You may be making plans to go to college or to start a job after you finish high school. Would a baby in your life make it easier or tougher for you to do the things you’ve dreamed about? Wanting to avoid STDs is another reason that some people are very cautious about becoming sexually active.
You can continue to help your teen avoid peer pressure to have sex by teaching him or her the following strategies from the ASHA:
- Hang out with friends who also believe that it’s okay to not be ready for sex yet.
- Date several people and hang out with different groups of people.
- Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
- Introduce your friends to your parents.
- Invite your friends to your home.
- Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
- Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
- Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
- Be ready to call your mother, father or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
- Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
- Say “no” and mean “no” if that’s how you feel.
References
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
- American Social Health Association
- Kaiser Family Foundation
- National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
- Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (CDC)
Tags: At Risk Teens, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sex Education, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Sex
Sue Scheff: National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day: Free publications promote awareness
by Sue Scheff on Mar 05, 2010
Parenting involves many more challenges and issues today than generations earlier. While years ago our parents concerns were with a teen getting pregnant or a form of STD such as Herpes, today there are many more serious concerns that both women and girls need to be aware of. This doesn’t mean these issues didn’t exist years ago, however it does mean we have come further in our education of knowledge and awareness.
March 10th is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD). This a nationwide initiative, coordinated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office on Women’s Health to raise awareness of the increasing impact of HIV/AIDS on women and girls. Read more about NWGHAAD.
When women are faced with HIV/AIDS, their physical health is not the only issue at hand. Often accompanying the physical illness associated with the virus are mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety.
The Office on Women’s Health has two publications-one for health professionals and one for consumers-that focus on building positive awareness about women’s mental health. They address environmental and cultural barriers to seeking help and suggest gender-appropriate strategies for recovery.
Order your free mental health publications for women today! Click here.
Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens!
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Tags: Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Sex Education, STD, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Sex
Sue Scheff: Teen Sex Game – SNAP – Parents be on alert
by Sue Scheff on Jan 27, 2010
A very sticky topic, jelly bracelets. Why would these harmless bracelets be dangerous? What is going on in our society to create such disturbing games being played by our teens and tweens?
Since being an educated parent will help you to have healthier and safer teens, you need to be aware of these types of games that are being played. In a previous article, Rainbow Parties, shocked many. This bracelet game, Snap, is another blow to a parents mind.
Some people have may have heard about the latest fad in colleges, high schools, even middle schools! This social phenomenon involves “snapping” the bracelet off the wearer, enabling the snapper to earn a sexual favor from the snappee based on the color of the snapped off bracelet.
Here are the color associations:
- Yellow - wearer is willing to HUG
- Pink - wearer is willing to give a hickey
- Orange - wearer is willing to KISS
- Purple - wearer is willing to kiss a partner of either sex
- Red - wearer is willing to perform a LAP DANCE
- Green – indicates that ORAL SEX can be performed on a girl
- Clear – indicates a willingness to do “whatever the snapper wants”
- Blue - indicates ORAL SEX performed on a guy
- Black - wearer will have regular “missionary” sex
- White - wearer will “FLASH” what they have
Sex bracelets are a teen fad with a dangerous sexual twist. The bright colored bracelets are popular with teens, but they’re creating controversy and many children, and even adults, wear these decorative bracelets without any sexual connotation or meaning whatsoever.
Teach your children about the dangers of STD’s. We can talk about sex to our kids, some schools offer sex education and we can even “believe” we have a very open relationship with our teens – but do you really know about these trends? Peer pressure can be part of this dangerous game. The more you know, the more you can help to educate your teens.
These topics are not to scare you, they are to educate you. Your child may be wearing one of these bracelets and it has no association to this disgusting game. It is only about you knowing that this does exist – as hard as it can be to believe.
Watch video - learn more – read more - being educated will help you have safer and healthier teens.
Tags: Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Sex Education, Teen Sex Games
Sue Scheff: Sexual Harassment in a Teens Workplace
by Sue Scheff on Jan 25, 2010
Sexual harassment in the workplace is unacceptable. When you hear about it happening with teenagers it is more deplorable. Who is responsible for your teen’s safety when they go to their job?
Recently 20/20 ABC News reported on this disturbing subject. Sexual Harassment Policy Expert, Susan Strauss, says the problem is especially prevalent in fast food restaurants where so many teenagers have their first jobs.
“They’re vulnerable, they’re young, they’re new to the workforce,” Strauss said of the teenage employees.
What is sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment is unwanted sexual behavior. It may take different forms, including:
- Physical contact, like grabbing, pinching, touching your breast or butt or other body parts, or kissing you against your will;
- Sexual comments, like name-calling (slut, whore, fag), starting rumors about you, making sexual jokes at your expense, or making sexual gestures at or about you;
- Sexual propositions, like asking you for sex or repeatedly asking you out when you have said no;
- Unwanted communication, like phone calls, letters, or e-mails. These can be mean, nasty, or threatening, or they can seem flattering or nice but still make you uncomfortable.
These are only examples; there may be other forms of behavior that are not listed here but still can be considered sexual harassment.
Both the harasser and the victim can be either male or female, and they do not have to be the opposite sex. The harasser can be another teenager or an adult.
Reference: Teen Victim Project
- 81 percent of students will experience some form of sexual harassment at some time while they are in school, with 27 percent experiencing it often.
- 85 percent of students report that students harass other students at their schools.
- Almost 40 percent of students report that teachers and other school employees sexually harass students in their schools.
Do you suspect your teen is being harassed at their employment? Whether you answer “yes” or “no“ you have to take the time to discuss this subject with them. They need to understand even if they are not strong enough to say “no” to sexual advances or afraid to say “no“, it is wrong and they can tell someone.
Sexual harassment is not limited to just workplaces, it could be in school, youth groups, or any situation that involves a person that is less than ethical. This information is not to alarm as much as it is to bring an awareness to parents.
According to a recent study in Maine, one in three high school students reported unwanted sexual advances in the workplace.
Be an educated parent, you will have a safer teen.
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Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Sexual Harassment
Sue Scheff: Talking SEX with your Tweens and Teens
by Sue Scheff on Jan 07, 2010
The dreaded birds and the bees talk can still today make many parents uncomfortable. However more today than any generation prior, it is imperative the talk is not only a priority, it is appropriately addressed without instilling fear and giving as much honest information as possible.
How to Talk About Sex to Your Teen
There are many things that parents are willing to do for their kids, but when it comes to educating them and talking to them about sex, they’re very, very reluctant to do so. Perhaps they’re still unwilling to accept the fact that their babies are growing up and fast becoming adults, or perhaps they’re just too embarrassed to talk about this subject with their children. But there comes a time in your child’s life when he/she will learn about the birds and the bees, and it’s best that you be the one to tell them about the natural attraction between the sexes and the sexual act itself. So if you’re wondering how to break the ice on this topic which is most often taboo in most homes, here’s how you can talk to your teen about sex:
- Be your child’s friend: The process starts early, as soon as your child is able to understand the vagaries of life. You must be friends with your son or daughter if you want them to listen to what you have to say about sex when the time comes for this talk. If you’re aloof with them and behave like typical parents, they’re not going to be receptive to your little talk. So be your child’s friend rather than a judgmental parent so that this talk about sex becomes that much easier when the time comes.
- Start early: Don’t wait till your child hits puberty to talk to them about menstruation and other aspects of adulthood. Their bodies begin to change much before they hit puberty, so spend more time with them as they enter their tween and teen years. Educate them about the bodily changes they can expect and teach your daughter and son how to handle puberty. While girls have to be aware of their monthly periods, boys are usually guilty about wet dreams and masturbation. If they don’t know the facts, they could become mentally disturbed by the changes they are going through.
- Don’t just educate them, talk to them: It’s not enough to just use a book or an educational video to teach your tween or teen about the basics of sex. They probably already know what goes where and how people do it; what they don’t know and what you should tell them is the consequences their sexual actions will have, not just on them but on the others who are affected too. Teach them to make the right choices and to be aware of their actions. And even though you don’t want them to have sex right away, educate them about contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.
- Encourage them to come to you with any problem: If you teach your child that sex is taboo and to be avoided at all costs till they get married, you’re never going to know if he or she gets into trouble because they’re going to be afraid of your reaction if they tell you. And if you even suggest that it’s ok to experiment and be sexually promiscuous, you’re going to have trouble of a different kind. There’s a thin line between these two opposing views that you must tread, one that encourages them to exercise caution, and yet, one that also tells them that they can come to you with any problem that they might have relating to sex or relationships. When you are open with your child, you know they’re safe no matter what they do.
By-line: This post is written by Susan White, who writes on the topic of Radiologist Technician Schools . She welcomes your comments at her email id: susan.white33@gmail.com.
Learn more about teenage pregnancy. Click here.
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Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sex Education, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens – Sex Education (STD’s)
by Sue Scheff on Dec 15, 2009
Parenting teens today is challenging and although many of our concerns today are focused on technology and online safety, we need to go back to basics – a trend that a parent of any generation needs to be concerned about. Teens having sex. Years ago it was a fear of pregnancy, today it is so much more. Sexually transmitted diseases are not going away and kids/teens needs to understand the consequences which can not only lead to infertility, but in extreme cases, the end of life.
The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.
Source: Connect with Kids
Chlamydia on the Rise
“I don’t really know anything about it.”
– Berit, Age 16, when asked about Chlamydia.
The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.
What is Chlamydia?
If you ask many teenage girls, you’re likely to get a blank stare. “I really don’t know much about it at all,” says 14-year-old Tavia.
Or you’ll get a wrong answer. “Um, it’s one of the female body parts,” says 14-year-old Jade.
Most kids don’t know it, but Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease that infects 1.2 million teenage girls every year.
Kids often don’t know what it is and they don’t know they have it, because the symptoms may not show up for years when it’s too late.
“Chlamydia infections have been associated with pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause scarring of the fallopian tubes and lead to infertility,” says infectious disease specialist Dr. Kimberly Workowski.
According to the CDC, nearly half of all new Chlamydia cases are among teenager girls for two reasons: first, teens are less likely than adults to use condoms; second, the immature cells in a teenage girl’s cervix are more vulnerable to infection.
Still, it’s a “very curable disease,” says Dr. Workowski. Curable, if it detected. Many teens, however, don’t suspect they have the disease, and they’re afraid to go to a doctor to get checked.
“I don’t think they’re really educated about that stuff yet, they don’t even listen, they don’t care,” says Jade.
Experts say parents should take the lead, and talk with their child about getting tested.
“You can get a non-invasive test, like a urine sample, to see if there is any evidence of chlamydia,” says Dr. Workowski. The experts say, if parents think to themselves, “there is no way my child has chlamydia!” they need to consider the consequences if they’re wrong.
“You’re daughter…can be infertile,” Dr. Workowski warns, “because of this infection.”
Tips for Parents
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Chlamydia (“kla-mid-ee-uh”) is the “most common bacterial sexually transmitted disease in the US today. It is estimated that 4,000,000 new cases occur each year. The highest rates of Chlamydia infections are among 15-to19-year-olds, regardless of demographics or location.
Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact (primarily vaginal and anal) with an infected person. According to the Association for Voluntary Surgical Contraception International (AVSC), about 75% of infected women and half of infected males have no symptoms of chlamydia. In other words, most people infected with the disease don’t even know they have it.
Symptoms
In women, symptoms of chlamydia may include:
- an unusual vaginal discharge
- bleeding after intercourse
- bleeding between menstrual periods
- abdominal or pelvic pain
In men, symptoms of chlamydia may include:
- discharge from the penis
- burning with urination
- swollen and/or painful testicles
(Keep in mind, most people with chlamydia have no symptoms at all.)
Treating Chlamydia
The best way to prevent sexually transmitted disease (STDs) is to not have sexual relations. The CDC recommends that people who are sexually active use a condom, and get regular checkups for STDs. Though condoms are good at protecting against some STDs, others such as herpes and HPV may still be passed on through sexual contact.
Most STDs are readily treated, and the earlier treatment is sought and sex partners are warned, the less likely the disease will do irreparable damage such as the formation of scar tissue in the woman which can lead to infertility or an increased likelihood of a tubal pregnancy which can be life threatening.
Chlamydia can be easily treated and cured with antibiotics. It is also important that sexual partners receive treatment in order to prevent getting infected again. Doctors also recommend avoiding sex while being treated to reduce the chances of getting the infection again or giving it to someone else.
References
- AVSC International
- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- American Academy of Pediatrics
Learn more about teen pregnancy.
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Sexually Transmitted Disease, Sue Scheff, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Sex, Teen Sex Education
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