Teen Runaways: When Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Be Part of Your Family
by Sue Scheff on Nov 29, 2011
Holidays can be a time of joy and a time of turbulence in some households. Is your teen starting to become withdrawn? Hanging with a different group of friends? Do you suspect he/she is using drugs or drinking? Are they leaving your home and not coming home? Do they think they know it all?
Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.
The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually. In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.
What do you do? Here are some quick tips for you:
- Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
- Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
- Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
- Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
- Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.
Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts.
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Runaways, Troubled Teens
Troubled Teens and Teen Help for Parents
by Sue Scheff on Feb 28, 2011
Parents of at-risk teens have many common thoughts, here are some of them:
My daughter is so smart, she is highly intelligent.
My son is extremely handsome, very athletic and always had lots of friends.
My daughter is beautiful, was the captain of her cheerleading team etc….
My son has an IQ of 170, yet is failing.
My daughter wants to drop out of high school.
My son wants to get his GED and is not attending school.
My daughter made the varsity team and yet dropped out.
My son was swim captain and now was asked to leave the team. (He was caught with pot, but said it was his friends.
My daughter smokes pot, but it is only recreational.
My son likes to drink beer, but it isn’t all the time.
Excuses for parents:
It is the friends he/she is hanging with.
The teacher doesn’t like my son/daughter.
The school has zero tolerance.
His father isn’t around enough.
The coach expects too much.
If it wasn’t for this one neighbor, we wouldn’t have these issues.
Okay, these lists could go on for a long time but at the end of the day, week, month, year – it is YOUR son/daughter making the choice to hang with a certain friend, be a part of an undesirable peer group, and smoke that joint with a swig of alcohol!
Parents that continue to live in this ship of denial will end up with many regrets.
Parent that believe that sending their teen to a residential therapy program for help is a sign of their (the parent’s) failure, are very much mistaken.
Parents that hope and pray things will change – we only wish them the best, in some (very rare) situations, it will get better.
Parents that believe changing schools will make a difference, think twice.
Parents that literally move and believe things will change with a fresh start, think again.
Like adults that attempt to run from their problems, your teens are no different. If they are struggling now, chances are very good they will be struggling shortly after the change again.
HelpYourTeens.com
You are not a failure, this is not your fault – and it is time to stop the blaming and start the healing. After exhausting all your local resources – it may be time to find outside help, and that can mean residential.
True, you don’t want to put your teen in a program that houses hard-core teens, but it is also true you need to find a program that has strong emotional growth (clinical), fully accredited academically (don’t miss out on an education), as well as the critical component of enrichment programs. You need to find the passion in your teen to help stimulate them to a positive direction in life.
Learn more by visiting www.helpyourteens.com.
Residential Treatment Centers (RTC), Therapeutic Boarding Schools (TBS), Emotional Growth Programs, Wilderness Programs, State Funded Programs, Programs for Low-Income, Boot Camps, Scared Straight Programs, Tough Love, Summer Camps, Short Term Programs, Traditional Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Reform Schools, JAIL.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens and Pre-Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 11, 2009
First quarter of school is over in most parts of the country. How is your teen doing in school?
Are you a parent of a teenager or pre-teen that is starting to make some poor choices? They are great kids, but suddenly the decisions they are making are worrying you. Is there a new circle of friends that you are not familiar with?
Are you at your wit’s end?
As the founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts we speak with parents on a daily basis that are struggling with today’s youths.
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
- Is your teen escalating out of control?
- Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
- Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
- Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
- Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
- Is your teen stealing?
- Is your teen verbally abusive?
- Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
- Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
- Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
- Does your teen belong to a gang?
- Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
- Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
- Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
- Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
- Is your teen sexually active?
- Teen pregnancy?
- Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
- Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
- Low self esteem and low self worth?
- Lack of motivation? Low energy?
- Mood Swings? Anxiety?
- Teen depressionthat leads to negative behavior?
- Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
- Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
- High School drop-out?
- Suspended or Expelled from school?
- Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
- ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
- Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
- Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone.
There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help. Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, it may be time to consider Residential Therapy. An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. In my opinion, it is critical not to place your child out of his/her element.
In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.
Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation.
At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there. Finding the best school or residential program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes – gain from my knowledge. Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:
· Helping Teens – not Harming them
· Building them up – not Breaking them down
· Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive
· Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen
· Protect Children – not Punish them
Some Informational Websites on Teen Subjects:
Teen Depression, Teen Runaways, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Internet Addiction, Teen and Youth Gangs
By Sue Scheff
Founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts
Author of Wit’s End and Google Bomb!
Follow me on Twitter @SueScheff
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Parent Empowerment – Parenting Teens
by Sue Scheff on Aug 08, 2009
Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.
So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.
Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.
These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.
As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.
Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:
- Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Click Here http://www.helpyourteens.com/entitlement_issues.php Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.
- Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.
- Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.
- How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.
- Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.
- Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.
- Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.
These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of residential therapy school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child. Here is a list of questions to ask schools and programs in order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.
Click here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/faq.php
Helpful Hints: http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.php when searching for schools and programs.
An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.
Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more assistance.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help Programs, Teen Issues, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Understanding and Preventing Teen Runaways
by Sue Scheff on Jul 27, 2009
Knowing the Difference: Runaway, Missing or Sneaking?
When a teen turns up “missing,” parents must initially decide whether the child is missing, has run away, or simply sneaked out.
There are differences, and those differences are very important. A missing child could have been abducted by someone against his/her will and is being held, possibly threatened. A missing child can also be a child who is simply missing; the child did not return home when expected and may be lost or injured.
Runaway teens and sneaking teens are often confused, as both leave a supervised environment of their own free will. Sneaking teens leave home for a short period of time, with intent to return, most likely during the night or while a parent can be fooled. A runaway teen leaves home or a supervised environment for good, with intent to live separate from his/her parents. Runaway teens will likely have shown symptoms prior to running away.
In most cases, a teen runs away after a frustrating and heated argument with one or both parents. Often times, the runaway will stay with a friend or relative close by to cool off. In more serious cases, a teen may run away often and leave with no notion of where they are going.
Warning Signs your Teen May Become a Runaway
- Attempts to communicate with your teen have only resulted in ongoing arguments, yelling, interruptions, hurtful name- calling, bruised feelings and failure to come to an agreement or compromise.
- Your teen has become involved in a network of friends or peers who seem often unsupervised, rebellious, defiant, involved with drugs or alcohol or who practice other alarming social behavior.
- A noticeable pattern of irrational, impulsive and emotionally abusive behavior by either parent or teen.
The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side
Often, we hear our teens use “My friend’s parents let her do it!” or, “Everything is better at my friend’s house!” The parents of your teen’s friends may be more lenient, choose later curfew times, allow co-ed events or give higher allowances. While you as parent know all parents work differently, it can be very difficult for your teen to understand.
Motivations of a Runaway
- To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.
- To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
- To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.
- To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.
- To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.
- To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.
As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.
Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.
Teenage Depression
There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be “depressed” about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.
Preventing Runaways
Communication is Key to Preventing Runaways
Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!
Communication: Suggestions for Preventative Conversation
- Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn’t do it.
- Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.
- Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
- Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.
- Always use direct eye contact when speaking.
- NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words “I understand” does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.
- Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.
- Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.
- Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating “I understand” can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.
- Let’s say you are sure you understand your teen’s point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don’t agree with their statement, tell your teen “I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don’t have to agree.”
- Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn’t mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.
- When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they’d like to talk about or share with you.
- Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.
- If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.
- If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.
Learn more about runaways – click here.
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Defiance, Teen Help, Teen Runaways, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Teen Runaways
by Sue Scheff on Jul 06, 2009
Knowing the Difference: Runaway, Missing or Sneaking?
When a teen turns up “missing,” parents must initially decide whether the child is missing, has run away, or simply sneaked out.
There are differences, and those differences are very important. A missing child could have been abducted by someone against his/her will and is being held, possibly threatened. A missing child can also be a child who is simply missing; the child did not return home when expected and may be lost or injured.
Runaway teens and sneaking teens are often confused, as both leave a supervised environment of their own free will. Sneaking teens leave home for a short period of time, with intent to return, most likely during the night or while a parent can be fooled. A runaway teen leaves home or a supervised environment for good, with intent to live separate from his/her parents. Runaway teens will likely have shown symptoms prior to running away.
In most cases, a teen runs away after a frustrating and heated argument with one or both parents. Often times, the runaway will stay with a friend or relative close by to cool off. In more serious cases, a teen may run away often and leave with no notion of where they are going.
Warning Signs your Teen May Become a Runaway
- Attempts to communicate with your teen have only resulted in ongoing arguments, yelling, interruptions, hurtful name- calling, bruised feelings and failure to come to an agreement or compromise.
- Your teen has become involved in a network of friends or peers who seem often unsupervised, rebellious, defiant, involved with drugs or alcohol or who practice other alarming social behavior.
- A noticeable pattern of irrational, impulsive and emotionally abusive behavior by either parent or teen.
The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side
Often, we hear our teens use “My friend’s parents let her do it!” or, “Everything is better at my friend’s house!” The parents of your teen’s friends may be more lenient, choose later curfew times, allow co-ed events or give higher allowances. While you as parent know all parents work differently, it can be very difficult for your teen to understand.
Motivations of a Runaway
- To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.
- To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
- To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.
- To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.
- To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.
- To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.
As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.
Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.
Teenage Depression
There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be “depressed” about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.
Preventing Runaways
Communication is Key to Preventing Runaways
Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!
Communication: Suggestions for Preventative Conversation
- Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn’t do it.
- Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.
- Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
- Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.
- Always use direct eye contact when speaking.
- NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words “I understand” does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.
- Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.
- Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.
- Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating “I understand” can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.
- Let’s say you are sure you understand your teen’s point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don’t agree with their statement, tell your teen “I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don’t have to agree.”
- Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn’t mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.
- When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they’d like to talk about or share with you.
- Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.
- If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.
- If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Runaways, Teenage Runaways
Sue Scheff: Teen Runaways
by Sue Scheff on Feb 09, 2009
One of any parent’s greatest fears is a missing child.
Each year, one million troubled teens from every social class, race and religion run away from home. Unfortunately, for American families, that number continues to rise.
Confused, pressured and highly impressionable teens follow their peers into bad choices. In most cases, runaway teenagers want to escape the rules and regulations of their family and household. Disagreements with parents leave them unhappy and frustrated to the point of rebellion. Naiveté leads them to believe they could survive outside the nest; and dreams of a life without parental guidance, rules and punishment seem ideal.
The dangers of a runaway lifestyle are obvious. Afraid and desperate, teens on the street are easy targets for robbery, rape, prostitution, drug addiction and violent crime. While the official Runaway Hotline cites nine out of ten teens return home or are returned home by the police within a month, any amount of time on the street can change a child forever. Protecting our children from a potential runaway situation is incredibly important; the problem is serious, and the effects are severe.
My name is Sue Scheff™, and through my organization, Parents Universal Resource Experts, I am working to keep America’s teens safe. A troubled teenager is a difficult and uphill battle, but you are not alone! As parents, we must work together to educate and support each other through the crisis. The best resource is that of someone who has been there; and at P.U.R.E.™, parents can find the information and support of so many dealing with the same situations.
Are you worried that your troubled teen will run away from home? We have compiled some of the most helpful resources on teenage runaways.
Looking for support or professional help? Visit our website, Help Your Teens. You are not alone!
Pick up my new book - Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting Teens, Runaway Hotline, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Gangs, Teen Help, Teen Runaways, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Teen Intervention
by Sue Scheff on Feb 06, 2009
Are you struggling with debating whether you need to look for outside help with your troubled teenager?
Are you ready to make some very difficult decisions? Are you at your wit’s end?
Do you believe you need teen intervention from outside resources? Struggling financially and emotionally with this decision?
Are you willing to share your story on TV? This is not about exploiting your family, but helping others that are silently suffering and not realizing they are not alone as well as giving your teen a second opportunity at a bright future. Most remember Brat Camp – this is a bit different. Starting with educating parents about the first steps in getting your teen help - determination and transportation.
If you are interested in participating, read below and contact Bud and Evan directly.
Brentwood Communications International is an award-winning television production company in Los Angeles, California. We have recently begun work on a new television series about the real life work of interventionist / transporter Evan James Malmuth of Universal Intervention Services (“UIS”).
If you would be willing to allow us to film your case / intervention for the television series, Evan Malmuth and Universal Intervention Services will provide intervention / transportation services at no charge to you. In addition, we will negotiate at least one month of treatment services at a qualified treatment center at no charge with the purchase of at least two additional months of treatment at pre-negotiated discount rates. At the current rate of these services, this represents thousands of dollars in savings.
BCII and Evan Malmuth are not interested in making exploitative reality television. We are committed to helping you and your family and improving lives through the media.
If you are interested in participating in the show and using the services of Evan Malmuth and UIS, please contact us right away. Every day counts.
Email: tvhelp@bciitv.com
Phone: 818-333-3685
With best regards,
Bud Brutsman Evan James Malmuth
CEO CEO
Brentwood Communications Intl., Inc. Universal Intervention Services
Brentwood Communications International, Inc.
3500 N. San Fernando Blvd., Burbank, CA 91505
Tags: At Risk Teens, Brat Camp, Defiant Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen drug addiction, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Intervention, Troubled Teens
Parents’ Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Parenting Teens At Risk
by Sue Scheff on Dec 09, 2008
PARENT EMPOWERMENT
By Sue Scheff Author of Wit’s End and Founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts
Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.
So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.
Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.
These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.
As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.
Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.
Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:
- Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.
- Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.
- Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.
- How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.
- Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.
- Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.
- Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.
These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of residential therapy school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child.
An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.
Here is a preview of my new book, Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen. Published by Health Communications, Inc (HCI).
Plain Talk and Straight Answers for Parents of Troubled Teens
Wit’s End is the shockingly gripping story of how Sue Scheff, a parent of a formerly troubled teen, turned her mistakes—and her relationship with her daughter—around. This highly practical and prescriptive book calls upon Scheff’s personal experiences with finding help for her daughter. It includes the same advice that Scheff offers parents through her internationally recognized organization Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.)—an advocacy group that draws parents together and helps them find ways to protect their children from destructive influences by educating them about the issues their family faces and creating a safe environment to revive familial bonds.
Using the same criteria P.U.R.E. uses to research residential treatment centers and other teen-help programs around the world; Wit’s End provides positive, prescriptive help for families who want to put their children on the road to a safe, healthy, happy, and independent adulthood.
Wit’s End is a much-needed guide—written by a parent who has been there—that helps parents navigate the choices and methods available to them and their child. It serves as an action plan that empowers parents—and their children—toward healing.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Defiant Teens, Difficult Teens, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teens, Wits End
Teen Runaways by Sue Scheff (Parents Universal Resource Experts)
by Sue Scheff on Dec 08, 2008
Teen Runaways are on the increase. Many teens think that the grass is greener on the other side.
They are confused and following the crowd of peers making poor choices. Teens want to escape the “rules of a household” and we as parents, become their number one enemy. They feel that they are fearless and can prove they can survive without their parents and our rules. Rules are put in place for a reason; we love our children and want them to grow up with dignity and respect we try to instill in them. Their flight plan, in some ways, is a cry for attention. Many times runaways are back home shortly, however there are other situations that can be more serious. This is not to say any child that runs away is not serious, but when this becomes a habit and is their way of rebelling, a parent needs to intervene.
So many times we hear how “their friend’s parents” allow a much later curfew or are more lenient, and you are the worst parents in the world. This is very common and the parent feels helpless, hopeless and alone. It is all part of the manipulation the teens put us through. With their unappreciative thoughts of us, they will turn to this destructive behavior, which, at times, results in them leaving the home.
Some teens go to a friend’s house or relative they believe they can trust and make up stories about their home life. This is very common, a parent has to suffer the pain and humiliation that it causes to compound it with the need to get your child help that they need. If you fear your child is at risk of running, the lines of communication have to be open. We understand this can be difficult, however if possible needs to be approached in a positive manner. Teen help starts with communication.
If you feel this has escalated to where you cannot control them, it may be time for placement and possibly having your child escorted. Please know that the escorts (transports) are all licensed and very well trained in removing children from their home into safe programs. These escorts are also trained counselors that will talk to your child all the way, and your child will end his/her trip with a new friend and a better understanding of why their parents had to resort to this measure.
Helpful Hint if you child has runaway and you are using all your local resources – offer a cash reward to their friends privately, of course promising their anonymity and hopefully someone will know your child’s whereabouts.
Having a teen runaway is very frightening and it can bring you to your wits end. Try to remain positive and hopeful and do all you can to help understand why your child is acting out this way. These are times when parents need to seek help for themselves. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to others. We are all about parents helping parents.
Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Out of Control Teens, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Peer Pressure, Teen Runaways, Wits End
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