Most people know that parenting today is not easy, and with today’s technology, kids advancing their sexual knowledge at earlier ages, as well as our own media outlets such as TV and music lyrics that are sometimes questionable, it is hard to run from having these kids grow up much faster than we did.

Here is a special guest post from my good friend and Today Show Contributor, Michele Borba.  If you haven’t picked up her book yet, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, treat yourself this holiday season!  Order it today!

Toxic parent communication stoppers that are guaranteed to turn teens off – and your better response to keep them talking.

Let’s face it, talking with an adolescent can be like walking through a minefield. At any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.

You know that communication keeps you connected to your child, but it often seems to backfire because of the type of questions asked.

Research proves our instincts: The number one antidote to risky-kid behavior is a strong relationship with a parent. Believe it or not our kids even like us and want us in their lives! (Really!!!!) A recent Girl Scouts of America survey found that tween girls really want their moms even more involved in their lives.

The trick is how to stay involved the right way so we don’t turn them off, they do want to come to us and we can be a sounding board to help them wade through tough issues. Watch out! The biggest turn off (according to tweens and teens) is often how we pose our questions.

Here are seven things you should avoid asking an adolescent because they are guaranteed to be big “turn offs” and how to pose those trickier questions another way so you’re more likely to get a better response from your kid (or at least keep her standing in the same room with you).

1.  “So, how was your day?”

Trite, generic, remarks like “Did you have fun last night?” and “How was school?” don’t go over with tweens. They say they see them as “insincere” and “so-o-o predictable.” “Watch—My Mom is going to ask, “How was your day?” She always does.” Tweens put those comments at the top of their annoying list. Besides you’ll get nothing more than a “FINE” response from your kid.

Better: “What are your friends saying about Madonna’s 13 year old daughter starting a fashion line?”

Ask open-ended questions requiring more than a yes/no response makes it appear that you really do want to listen. If you ask questions about their world and interests, you’re getting bonus points. (“Can you tell me how to download must to my Ipod?”) P.S. Be sure to stop multi-tasking (tweens hate it!) so it appears you really are interested.

Bullying peaks during the tween years and is escalating and far more vicious. Reports say one in three tweens are involved in bullying either as a victim or bully which includes: social exclusion, racial, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse, relational aggression, or electronic (cell phones, websites, pagers or email.

2. “Why didn’t you tell the kid to leave you alone????”

Research shows tweens often don’t tell their parents that they are being victimized for fear of retaliation and humiliation (they often feel they’ve done something to cause it and rarely do) or that you’ll say, “Tell the kid to leave you alone!” (Which they say is the worst advice you can give.

A tween often cannot fend for herself and needs help in figuring out safety options and strategies to defend herself. In fact, bullying is a repeated pattern of willful cruelty. Bullies do not go away and generally continue to target victims, which can cause severe emotional ramifications.

Better: “Where did this happen?”

Get specifics so you can help your tween create a safety plan. The question often signals to your tween or teen that you believe her and you’re ready to offer advice. Also, bullying usually happens at the same time and place so. Ask: “Who was involved?” “Where do you feel least safe?” You can then provide specific advice to help your son or daughter create a safety plan.

3. “What was she wearing?”

Materialism is huge with the tween set and is mounting. Marketers are tailoring the tween-aged kid. This is also a time when tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Tween-aged kids are most likely to believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their peer status and it also impacts their professional goals (75 percent of 8 to 12 year olds desire to be rich).

More US kids than anywhere in the world believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their social status. Preteens with lower self-esteem value possessions significantly more than children with higher self-esteem.

Better: “What do you enjoy about her?”

Halt the comments about clothing and appearance. They can backfire and make your kid feel that’s what you care more about. It also tweaks your conversation on surface stuff only. Instead emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like talent, loyalty, character, friendship, or fun! Let your adolescent know that you value her and her friends as people and not for their appearances or popularity. Besides, 95 percent of adults say that kids are too focused on buying and consuming so halt the comparisons.

4. “Why are you sooooo sensitive?”

Puberty is a period of intense hormonal changes. In fact, more changes are going on in your tween’s body than at any other time in their life and is now occurring at younger ages! New brain research shows that the area of the brain that regulates emotions is still developing. So expect those mood swings and extremes. But also expect your tween to be “very touchy” and sensitive. Hint: Don’t tease–they will take it personally. And never tease or discipline your kid in front of another peer. You’re guaranteed to get big time resistance and a turn-off.

Better: “You seem upset. Had a tough day? Need a hug?”

Tune in to your child’s emotions. Respect where your child is coming from. Refrain from sarcasm and taunts. Watch your non-verbal cues, such as smirks or raised eyebrows. Teens are overly sensitive to these expressions and may read more into them than you think.

5.  “Why did you do that?” (Even worse: “What were you thinking???”)

Expect your tween to be a bit impulsive and act a little crazy!

Neuro-imaging confirms that their prefrontal cortex is still developing – the exact place where decision-making and impulse regulations are forming.

Also, tweens may not always know the reasons behind their actions (really!!) And it’s one reason they may have that blank look when you ask, “Why did you do that?????”

Better: “What did you hope would happen? What will do next time?”

It’s best to not use “Why” with a tween  (“Why did you do that?”) Chances are they won’t know. Instead use “What” to get them thinking. Doing so will not stop their “I don’t know response,” but get them to think before they act. And might even help them learn what to do the next time. (Such a concept, eh?)

6.  “Why didn’t you just say no????” 

The need to “fit in” is huge and peer pressure is huge.   In fact, it will never be as strong. It’s tough to stand up to your peers, but even more so during these years.   Tweens also say the worst advice their parents’ give is to “Just say no!” (Boys and Girls Club of America 2006 study of over 46,000 13 to 18 year olds).

Tweens say what they want from their parents are actual strategies to counter the pressure.

Better: “It’s tough to say no to a friend. Have you tried…?”

Tweens especially say what they need are specific peer pressure techniques. So offer strategies by brainstorming together during a relaxed time: “Let’s think of things you could say the next time your friend pushes you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing. You could make an excuse like: ‘I have to get home and do my homework or my parents will ground me” or give a reason like ‘My grandpa was a smoker and died of cancer. I promised him I wouldn’t.’ What else could you say?”

7.  “Why don’t you just get over it and move on?” 

Peer relationships are critical and play a big part of an adolescents self-esteem.  Tweens are discovering the opposite sex and have their first “crushes.”  When there’s a friendship tiff or breakup with a “first love” ah the anguish! Though the anguish may seem juvenile, don’t dismiss your kid’s hurt and tell her to “Get over it.”  Their hurt is intense and real.  (Remember way back. Did you get over it easily?) It may take a while for them to bounce back–especially during these years when one of their top concerns is “peer humilation.”  Not only are tweens concerned about their own pain but what “all the other kids are saying.”

P.S.: Don’t dismiss boys! (Says the mom of three). Research shows the male breed often has a tougher time bouncing back than girls.

Better: “I’m so sorry. Want to get an ice cream?”

Show a little empathy! Breakups at this age are crushing. Be available, understanding, supportive, and fill your kid’s social calendar with something to do (especially on those weekends) if they’re left alone. Don’t ask, “What happened?” Or “What went wrong?” And don’t push for details. They’ll give those when they feel comfortable. Right now just be there!

Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. Her work aims to help strengthen children’s character and resilience, build strong families, create compassionate and just school cultures, and reduce peer cruelty. Her practical, research-based advice is culled from a career of working with over one million parents and educators worldwide.

Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.

The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually.  In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.

What do you do?  Here are some quick tips for you:

• Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
• Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
• Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
• Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
• Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.

Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts. 

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What happens when your teen just won't listen to you anymore?

Summer is over – school is into their first quarter and your teen’s behavior is only escalating!  You are soon driven to your wit’s end!

When a parent is reaching their wit’s end, they are most at risk for making mistakes – mistakes that can cost them financially as well as emotionally.

 Good kids – bad choices:  Where did my innocent toddler go?

 When therapy isn’t working

• This is not a science, in most cases when a belligerent, defiant and entitled teen is faced with a therapist or counselor, they will either close up like a clam, or tell the most amusing stories – which can be called – manipulation.
• Did you know it was your fault?  It really isn’t, but in some cases the teen can actually convince a therapist that it is the parents that have the problem, not them.  Again, another example of manipulation.
• Are you ready for a residential program?
• Have you exhausted all your local options?
• How do you know if you truly need a residential boarding school/program?

How to be a perfect parent

• There is no such thing as a perfect parent; however there is such a thing as being an educated parent.  This is not about book smarts or academics; it is about first hand experiences from parents that have been where you are.
• Becoming an educated parent in the teen help industry is possible with time and due diligence.

Blame Game

• Not my kid, it is the kids he/she is hanging with.
• My child was caught with pot, but he swears it was his friend’s.
• It’s the schools fault.
• If I only had sent him to another school.
• If I only had given into the cell phone.
• His grandparents spoil him rotten.
• When safety trumps privacy. When is it appropriate to read your teen’s journal, text messages, emails, social networking sites etc?

The differences between Boot Camps – Wilderness – TBS – RTC – Click here.

Making sure your teen is not out of their element – Click here.

How to make the calls to parent references – Click here.

• If you could change one thing about the program, what would it be?
• Be sure to get references of the same gender and age.  Important to compare apples to apples.
• Can always get off the list by asking the parent if they know of any other parents they can talk to.

Will my teen hate me? – NO – initially, they may have a lot of anger and resentment – but choosing the right program that fits your teen’s individual needs should stimulate them in a positive direction.

Order today!

You are not alone!!!!  Learn more about the possibility of sending your teen to residential therapy by ordering, Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control-Teen.

By not doing anything, you are not being a responsible parent – there may come a time – when that one hour once a week is simply not enough to make significant positive changes.

Get a free consultation today at www.HelpYourTeens.com.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Recent studies show dating violence is on the rise among teens, taking a slight upturn during this recession.  What does this mean?  We, as parents need to talk to our children about the red flags of what can lead to sexual abuse, dating violence and other types of unacceptable behavior.  During the phrase of young love, some teens think it is o-kay to be treated harshly.  Whether it is verbal or physical, it is wrong.  Connect with Kids recently posted an article with excellent insights and tips into dating violence.  Read more.

Source: Connect with Kids

Dating Violence

“I never felt like I was being hurt or anything, it was just a back and forth kind of yelling, nothing more than that.”

– Cameron, 14 years old

The Indiana legislature recently passed “Heather’s Law,” a new bill that encourages schools to address the issue of dating violence. At least four other states have introduced similar legislation this year – and others plan to follow.

Recent studies show dating violence is on the rise among teens, taking a slight upturn during this recession.

How can we talk with our kids about love… and hurt?

Many teens, so swept up in the hot romance of their first love, often fail to see the signs that their relationship may be on thin ice.

Growing up we often romanticize relationships, with a notion that everything is always wonderful and fine…a fairy tale and men and women treat each other equally.

“I never felt like I was being hurt or anything, it was just a back and forth kind of yelling, nothing more than that,” says 14-year-old Cameron.

But experts say many teens who tolerate verbal abuse later discover that abuse turns physical.

“He slammed me on the bed, that’s the only thing he did, he had me pinned down…I’m just punching, kicking him all in his stomach, groin, whatever,” describes 17-year-old Brittany.

Studies show that violence is an element of about 10 percent of all dating relationships. Some reports indicate an increase that may be tied to the harassment, name calling and ridicule that takes place on the Internet.

What can parents do?

Jasmine Willis, a dating violence expert, says that parents need to teach their kids how to communicate in a dating relationship.

“Sit down and talk with the child about what is communication and what it means to be in a healthy relationship,” says Willis.

The problem, says Willis, is that many young lovers don’t have clearly defined limits, and don’t know what to do when things in a relationship turn sour.

“…the first you need to do in coming to terms with what is going on in this relationship and the second thing that I would suggest you do is talk to a friend, a family member or someone in your school you can really trust.”

Perhaps with those lessons in mind, when kids to fall in love, it won’t be a fall that hurts.

Tips for Parents

Dating violence is defined as the physical, sexual or psychological/emotional violence that occurs within a dating relationship. Destructive relationships during the teen years can lead to lifelong unhealthy relationship practices, may disrupt normal development, and can contribute to other unhealthy behaviors in teens that can lead to chronic mental and physical health conditions in adulthood.

According to the Centers for Disease Control 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, one in 10 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence; one in 4 adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year, about 72 percent of eighth and ninth graders report “dating,” and teen dating abuse most often takes place in the home of one of the partners. Teens who were physically hurt by a dating partner were more likely to say they engage in risky sexual behavior, binge drink, use drugs, attempt suicide, and participate in physical fights.

Dating violence is not just abuse by young men against young women. The bullying, verbal abuse, and physical violence works both ways. It happens when one of the people in a relationship has a fundamental lack of self-esteem.

In January 2010, Congress passed Senate Resolution 373 designating February as “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month,” citing the following statistics:

• 20 percent of teen girls exposed to physical dating violence did not attend school because the teen girls felt unsafe either at school, or on the way to or from school, on 1 or more occasions in a 30-day period.
• Digital abuse and “sexting” is becoming a new frontier for teen dating abuse, with one in four teens in a relationship say they have been called names, harassed, or put down by their partner through cell phones and texting. Three in 10 young people have sent or received nude pictures of other young people on their cell or online, and 61 percent who have ”sexted” report being pressured to do so at least once. Targets of digital abuse are almost 3 times as likely to contemplate suicide as those who have not encountered such abuse (8 percent vs. 3 percent), and targets of digital abuse are nearly 3 times more likely to have considered dropping out of school.
• Being physically and sexually abused leaves teen girls up to 6 times more likely to become pregnant and more than 2 times as likely to report a sexually transmitted disease.

So what can be done to stop teen dating violence? According to a 2007 survey of teens by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy, teens say that parents most influence their decisions about dating and relationships. Parents should talk with their teens about the characteristics of a healthy relationship, pointing out that any type of violence or power and control within a relationship is not healthy. Teens need to learn about dating violence before they start dating.

References

• National Conference of State Legislatures
• The Library of Congress
• The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy

Learn more at Love is Not Abuse.

As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more.  As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children?  Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today.  Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.

Source: Connect With Kids

Stress and Memory Loss

“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”

– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist

Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”

According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.

She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”

Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”

Tips for Parents

Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.

Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.

• A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
• Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
• Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
• Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.

References

• San Diego State University
• The Journal Science

Part 2

If you missed part 1, go back.

Do Mean Girls Grow Up to Be Mean Women?

I want to answer that question with a resounding, “No,” but I can’t. I can’t answer it affirmatively, either. We humans all try on the roles of Bully, Bystander, and Target like costumes at some point in our lives. We decide what serves us best. No one wants to think herself or himself a bully; some of us are, though. A plethora of literature exists telling us how to deal with adult bullies: bully bosses, difficult people, and abusive partners.

Children Live What They Learn (and They Know More Than We Think)

Adults play a huge role in children’s lives, and parents are their most important teachers. Children absorb the parts of us we’re proud of as well as the parts we wish not to reveal. If any girls were watching this Twitter war (and I bet some were), they would have witnessed prime examples of grownups bullying.

When we teach our girls to display a certain level of human respect and kindness but don’t practice what we preach, they become confused. What if our kids don’t actually see us acting incongruous to what we expect from them? They intuit it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in over twenty-five years of working with kids, it’s that they see and hear more than we think. If we live hypocritically, they eventually figure it out.

What Example Do You Want to Set?

As parents or individuals who work with girls, we have to live what we want them to learn. We need to be authentic and demonstrate respect for others. If we want to help our girls avoid earning the label of “mean girl,” we need to lead by example. Here are five basic tips for parents and other adults who influence children to keep in mind online or in real life (IRL).
 

1. Avoid character assassinations. Speak or write of behaviors you find objectionable rather than people you don’t like.
2. Watch what you write online. It may be your blog or your tweets, but making disparaging remarks about others is bullying. Sometimes little girls petulantly say, “It’s my house, and I can do what I want.” We know that tends to be a precursor to upcoming bullying behavior. Some bloggers write, “It’s my blog, and I can say what I want.” They’re right. They can say what they like. Anyone can say what they want when they want, and bullying is still bullying.
3. Think before you speak or write. If you can’t say something positive about others, keep quiet and think about it. Think for a long, long time. Keep thinking.
4. Think of your words as toothpaste. Once you squeeze toothpaste out of the tube, it’s out. There’s no getting it back in. The same can be said about words – once out they can’t be unsaid. Once they’re online, they’re permanent.
5. Apologize when you mess up. We’ve all said or written things we regret. Girls need to see adults own up to their mistakes. It helps them realize we all make mistakes and are accountable for them online and off. Do what you can to mend the situation.
6. Imagine your legacy. Test your words to see if they represent how you want to be defined. If your words would land you in the principal’s office as a kid, posting them online will probably earn you the reputation of Bully or Trash Talker rather the Speaker of Truth or Defender of the First Amendment. How do you want to be remembered?

Thanks to Jane for permission to share this valuable article and information.  Learn more about Female Friendships at www.awaythrough.com.

Did you miss part 1? Go back. <<<<

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!

Read more on Examiner.

In a 10 part series on Examiner, I explored only a tiny fraction of what BBPS (BIG Book of Parenting Solutions). Parenting Resolutions with Solutions is a 4 part series that shared 101 topics that are covered in BBPS.

Today the topic is bad friends (social scene section).  Turn to page 315 and learn about how your kids are choosing friends and why.  Find out the problem, the red flags, and why sometimes change is necessary.  You will also find solutions!

Here are some signs and symptoms that your child may be choosing less than a desirable peer group.

• Secretiveness. Your child becomes very secretive, locks his room, and covers up what he is doing.
• Changes in appearance.  Your child starts wearing “provocative” attire, wants only pricey or name-brand items, has a complete change in hairstyle, or starts wearing gizmos that “just aren’t your kid.”
• School problems.  Your child’s grades drop; he loses interest in school, gets detentions or tardies, doesn’t turn in homework; you have received worried calls or notes from his teacher.
• Changes in activities.  Your child pulls away from past friends; sees this kid exclusively; is negative about “former” pals; or quits a team or sport or other activities that he has always loved.
• Character changes.  Your child’s integrity and your family values, culture or religious beliefs are affected; he is more withdrawn, moody, or sad.
• Untrustworthiness.  You can no longer count on your child’s word; he lies, doesn’t keep his promises, isn’t where he say he is, misses his curfew, sneaks out.
• Decline in reputation.  Your child’s image is negatively affected; teachers, coaches, other parents, or kids pull away or say your kid “has changed” – and not for the better.
• Tense family relations.  You and your child have frequent arguments, and your relationships with your child is strained.
• Violence.  Your child is preoccupied with violence in his drawings, writings, vocabulary, or choice of activities.

Of course any kid could show some of these traits, and they may have nothing to do with the friend he is hanging out with.  The trick is to keep a closer eye on your child and this new friend: how many of these symptoms showed up because this kid came into his life?  Also, are you sure the other kid is the negative influence—not vice versa?

The entire social scene section of BBPS covers so much more.  Cliques, Drinking, Peer Pressure, Sex, Swearing and more. 

If you are parenting today or going to be a parent, this book is a must in your library of parenting books. Order today!

Be an educated parent, you will be prepared and that means safer and healthier children!

Watch video and read on Examiner.

Big Book of Parenting Solutions

Michele Borba Has Answers to Parents Everyday Challenges & Worries

101 topics the author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions can address:

FAMILY
1. Adopted
2. Divorce
3. Middle Child
4. New Baby
5. Oldest Child
6. Only Child
7. Sibling Rivalry
8. Twins and Multiples
9. Youngest Child

BEHAVIOR
10. Argues
11. Back Talk
12. Biting
13. Bossy
14. Brags
15. Defiant
16. Demanding
17. Hooked on Rewards
18. Impulsive
19. Indecisive
20. Swears
21. Tantrums
22. Time-Out
23. Whining
24. Won’t Listen
25. Yelling
 

Parenting in 2010 starts with Big Book of Parenting Solutions!  Did you miss the sneak peek inside this fantastic book?  Click here for the 10-part series! 

Check out the next 25 topics >>>>>>

Start making your resolutions today! 

Resolution Reminder: Parenting 2010 – Getting ten steps ahead of your kids with technology.

Did you know that in 2008, nearly 12,000 drivers or motorcycle riders died in alcohol-related crashes? That’s one person every 40 minutes.   Many people are under the misconception that you would have to be “falling down drunk” to be too impaired to drive safely.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Last year alone, during the winter holiday season, 420 people were killed in alcohol-related crashes.   You can’t help but wonder if those lives could have been saved if people thought twice before getting behind the wheel.

With the holidays approaching, it’s important that drivers be reminded about the dangers of buzzed driving.  Who knows, it could save a life.

The National Highway Safety and Traffic Association (NHTSA) and the Ad Council are continuing their efforts with their PSA campaign called “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving.”   The buzzed driver is one who drinks and drives, but does not consider himself a hazard on the roadway because “only a few” drinks are consumed. The campaign hopes to educate people that consuming even a few drinks can impair driving and that “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving.”

During the holiday season help keep “buzzed” drivers off the road.  Learn about the dangers of buzzed driving, share a story or experience you might have had with buzzed driving and follow them on Twitter http://twitter.com/buzzeddriving) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/buzzeddrivingisdrunkdriving) to get the latest updates and news from NHTSA.

You can also visit the website (http://buzzeddriving.adcouncil.org/) where readers can sign a pledge not to drive buzzed, play an interactive game to help them understand how drinking can impair driving, and hear personal stories from people who have driven buzzed.

WATCH 30 SECOND PSA VIDEO – CLICK HERE.

Be an educated parent – have a safer teen and holiday season.

Also on Examiner.com

Are you a parent of a teenager or pre-teen that is starting to make some poor choices?  They are great kids, but suddenly the decisions they are making are worrying you.  Is there a new circle of friends that you are not familiar with? 

Are you at your wit’s end?

 As the founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts we speak with parents on a daily basis that are struggling with today’s youths. 

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent?  You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together. 

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen stealing?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions?  Have they become withdrawn from society?
• Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever?  Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
• Is your teen sexually active?
• Teen pregnancy?  
• Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
• Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
• Low self esteem and low self worth?
• Lack of motivation?  Low energy?
• Mood Swings?  Anxiety?
• Teen depressionthat leads to negative behavior?
• Eating Disorders?  Weight loss? Weight gain?
• Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
• High School drop-out?
• Suspended or Expelled from school?
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
• ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
• Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

• Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?  Are you at your wit’s end?

 Does any of the above sound familiar?  Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. 

There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help. Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem.  One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.    

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, it may be time to consider Residential Therapy.  An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. In my opinion, it is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. 

In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems.  Be prepared – do your homework. 

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change.  Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention.  Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need.  Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. 

At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there. Finding the best school or  residential program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does.  Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes – gain from my knowledge.  Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.   

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

·         Helping Teens – not Harming them

·         Building them up – not Breaking them down

·         Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive

·         Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen

·         Protect Children – not Punish them

Some Informational Websites on Teen Subjects:

Teen Depression, Teen Runaways, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Internet Addiction, Teen and Youth Gangs

By Sue Scheff

Founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts

Author of Wit’s End and Google Bomb!

Follow me on Twitter @SueScheff