Back to School Homework Frustrations

by Sue Scheff on Aug 27, 2010


Many schools are back in session.  Teens that have been swimming, surfing, enjoying the beach, traveling or simply sleeping in over the summer are now faced with studies, homework and deadlines.

Students are trying to get back into the routine of early rising and homework blues, however it doesn’t have to be the blues, you can turn it around.

What can you do as a parent to help them overcome this hump?

8 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework:

1. Offer encouragement. Give your child praise for efforts and for completing assignments.

2. Be available. Encourage your child to do the work independently, but be available for assistance.

3. Maintain a schedule. Establish a set time to do homework each day. You may want to use a calendar to keep track of assignments and due dates.

4. Designate space. Provide a space for homework, stocked with necessary supplies, such as pencils, pens, paper, dictionaries, a computer, and other reference materials.

5. Provide discipline. Help your child focus on homework by removing distractions, such as television, radio, telephone, and interruptions from siblings and friends.

6. Be a role model. Consider doing some of your work, such as paying bills or writing letters, during your child’s homework time.

7. Be supportive. Talk to your child about difficulties with homework. Be willing to talk to your child’s teacher to resolve problems in a positive manner.

8. Involvement. Familiarize yourself with the teacher’s homework policy. Make sure that you and your child understand the teacher’s expectations. At the beginning of the year, you may want to ask your child’s teacher these questions – What kinds of assignments will you give? How often do you give homework? How much time are the students expected to spend on them? What type of involvement do you expect from parents?

Sources: Chicago Public Schools, Connect with Kids

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Parenting Teen Girls and Tweens – Pink Locker Society

by Sue Scheff on Aug 26, 2010


The PINK Locker Society is launched and tweens are talking about it!  Many are  thrilled to have a website that answers many questions and feelings that are difficult or sensitive to talk about.

From creating your Dream Locker with an interactive pop-up, to answering questions about your boy crushes or what to wear, The PINK Locker Society is fun, educational and offers a vast amount of information to help girls go from tween-hood into teen-hood.

Some of the most popular questions that are asked and answers are questions about getting their periods, boy crushes, and breast issues. As a parent, may have talked to their tweens about these sensitive subjects, however having a group of peer to talk to can really help understand they are not alone.  Let’s face it, this is a trying time for them and being able to see others (their peers) are struggling too helps them see their questions are not stupid.

Let’s get cooking! The PINK Locker Society also offers recipes for your girls to create and make.  Helping your daughter build her self-esteem is a major part of growing up and making good choices.

If you have a tween, get ready for the launching of The PINK Locker Society book that will be released September 14th.  Click here to pre-order today!

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens!

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Back to school, back to homework and back to exams! Teen Cheating High-Tech

by Sue Scheff on Aug 25, 2010


Back to school, back to homework and back to exams!  With all the techy gadgets out there – are they in the classroom?  In most cases, yes they are.  Does this increase the percentage of students that are using technology to cheat?  Here is a great timely article from Connect with Kids with good parenting tips!

Source: Connect with Kids

High Tech Cheating

“It is kind of obvious, but teachers don’t really notice. They just think you are listening to music.”

– Danny, 16 years old

We see it walking down the street, in the mall, at the dinner table – we know kids today seem to be constantly texting. A new survey of young people from Textplus shows teens are sending text messages during the school day, as well. And what they’re sending might be considered by some as high-tech cheating.

According to survey results, 43 percent of teens 13 to 17 say they text during class… and nearly 80 percent of say they’ve never gotten in trouble with their teachers. But perhaps just as troubling – some kids are using their cell phones and iPods to cheat.

“[Students] will be looking at the test, and they will just have their iPod on their desk, and they will be scrolling down the information on it,” says 16-year-old Danny.

Because the latest iPods display word documents, some students will download cheat sheets.

“I know somebody who does it all the time, and he hasn’t gotten caught yet,” says Carlton, 18.

Other kids will speak the answers into their iPods while studying, then play them back during a test.

“It is kind of obvious, but teachers don’t really notice. They just think you are listening to music,” says Danny.

“Except for maybe the young teachers, I don’t think the older teachers know much about iPods or any new technology,” adds Joie, 16.

While many texts may be about weekend plans or the latest gossip, according to teens surveyed by Textplus, 22 percent say they have texted answers to classmates… and 20 percent said they themselves had been “saved” by such a text.

Still, some kids say that cheating with an iPod is uncommon, partly because it takes too much work.

Nick, 18, says it’s just too much trouble. “If you are going to be wasting your time finding out how to get answers on an iPod, you might as well just study.”

Blake, 16, says there are easier ways to cheat. “I’d rather just go in and copy off of someone else.”

Experts say parents should make sure their kids understand that cheating has consequences.

For example, says 18-year-old Marquis, “I heard of some kid who was taking the SATs and his sister recently passed it. She texted him the answers or something, and he got expelled.”

Amber, 16, says the biggest deterrent is her own conscience. “It makes you feel guilty. It makes me feel guilty when I cheat.”

What Parents Need To Know

A recent edition of the “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth,” a comprehensive national survey on the ethics of young people administered by The Josephson Institute of Ethics showed the following concerning high school students:

  • Nearly two-thirds (71 percent) admit they cheated on an exam at least once in the past 12 months (45 percent said they did so two or more times)
  • Almost all (92 percent) lied to their parents in the past 12 months (79 percent said they did so two or more times)
  • Over two-thirds (78 percent) lied to a teacher (58 percent two or more times)
  • Over one-quarter (27 percent) said they would lie to get a job
  • Forty percent of males and 30 percent of females say they stole something from a store in the past 12 months

These statistics seem to be indicative of a drift away from the morals and values that parents traditionally associate with society in the United States. In the press release accompanying the preliminary result of the survey, Michael Josephson, founder and president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and CHARACTER COUNTS!, called on politicians to recognize the vital importance of dealing with “shocking levels of moral illiteracy” as part of any educational reform package. Saying the survey data reveals “a hole in the moral ozone,” Josephson added: “Being sure children can read is certainly essential, but it is no less important that we deal with the alarming rate of cheating, lying and violence that threatens the very fabric of our society.”

When discussing issues of morality and values, how can a parent illustrate what it means to be a person of character? The Center for the 4th and 5th R’s provides the following examples of characteristics of an individual with a positive character. For example, a person of character …

Is trustworthy:

  • Honesty – Tell the truth. Be sincere. Don’t deceive, mislead or be devious or tricky. Don’t betray a trust. Don’t withhold important information in relationships of trust. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat.
  • Integrity – Stand up for your beliefs about right and wrong. Be your best self. Resist social pressures to do things you think are wrong. Walk your talk. Show commitment, courage and self-discipline.
  • Promise-keeping – Keep your word. Honor your commitments. Pay your debts. Return what you borrow.
  • Loyalty – Stand by, support, and protect your family, friends, employers, community and country. Don’t talk behind people’s backs, spread rumors, or engage in harmful gossip. Don’t violate other ethical principles to keep or win a friendship or gain approval. Don’t ask a friend to do something wrong.

Treats all people with respect:

  • Respect – Be courteous and polite. Judge all people on their merits. Be tolerant, appreciative and accepting of individual differences. Don’t abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Don’t use, manipulate, exploit or take advantage of others. Respect the right of individuals to make decisions about their own lives.

Acts responsibly:

  • Accountability – Think before you act. Consider the possible consequences on all people affected by actions. Think for the long-term. Be reliable. Be accountable. Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame others for your mistakes or take credit for others’ achievements. Set a good example for those who look up to you.
  • Pursue excellence – Do your best with what you have. Keep trying. Don’t quit or give up easily. Be diligent and industrious.
  • Self-control – Exercise self-control. Be disciplined.

Is fair and just:

  • Fairness – Treat all people fairly. Be open-minded. Listen to others and try to understand what they are saying and feeling. Make decisions which affect others only on appropriate considerations. Don’t take unfair advantage of others’ mistakes. Don’t take more than your fair share.

Is caring:

  • Caring and kindness – Show you care about others through kindness, caring, sharing and compassion. Live by the Golden Rule. Help others. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean, cruel or insensitive to other’s feelings. Be charitable.

Is a good citizen:

  • Citizenship – Play by the rules. Obey laws. Do your share. Respect authority. Stay informed. Vote. Protect your neighbors and community. Pay your taxes. Be charitable and altruistic. Help your community or school by volunteering service. Protect the environment. Conserve natural resources.

According to experts at CHARACTER COUNTS!, character building is most effective when you regularly see and seize opportunities to …

  • Strengthen awareness of moral obligations and the moral significance of choices (ethical consciousness).
  • Enhance the desire to do the right thing (ethical commitment).
  • Improve the ability to foresee potential consequences, devise options and implement principled choices (ethical competency).

When trying to instill morals and values to your child, experts at CHARACTER COUNTS! say it is important to …

  • Be consistent – The moral messages you send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything you say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence, either reinforces or undermines the credibility of your messages about the importance of good character. Over and over, use the specific language of the core virtues – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – and be as firm and consistent as you can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed or under pressure you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.
  • Be concrete – Messages about good attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct and specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking; it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on and discuss things their friends and teachers have done in terms of the “Six Pillars of Character.”
  • Be creative – Effective character development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child in real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad examples from television, movies and the news.

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Teens Hanging with Less Than Desireable Peers – Teen Gangs

by Sue Scheff on Aug 23, 2010


Teen Gang and Gang Violence has taken on a new light in today’s age.

Gangs prey on the weak child that yearns to fit in with a false illusion they are accepted into the “cool crowd”. With most Gangs as with Teen Cults, they can convince your child that joining “their Gang or Cult” will make them a “well-liked and popular” teen as well as one that others may fear.  This gives the teen a false sense of superiority.  Remember, many of today’s teens that are acting out negatively are suffering with extremely low self confidence.  This feeling of power that they believe a gang or cult has can boost their esteem; however they are blinded to the fact that is dangerous.  This is how desperate some teens are to fit in.

In reality, it is a downward spiral that can result in damage both emotionally and psychically. We have found Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are sometimes hard to detect.  They disguise themselves to impress the most intelligent of parents. We have witnessed Gang members who will present themselves as the “good kid from the good family” and you would not suspect their true colors.

If you suspect your child is involved in any Gang Activities or any Cults, please seek local therapy and encourage your child to communicate. This is when the lines of communication need to be wide open. Sometimes this is so hard, and that is when an objective person is always beneficial.  Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are to be taken very seriously.  A child that is involved in a gang can affect the entire family and their safety.  Take this very seriously if you suspect your child is participating in gang activity or cult association.

If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School, Residential or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.

Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com.

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Sobriety is Priceless: Help Fight Addiction – Recovery Month 2010

by Sue Scheff on Aug 21, 2010


Sadly many parents watch their teens spiral out-of-control using drugs and drinking.  Today it seems there is more accessibility as well as freedoms that teens are taking advantage of.  Worse than all of this is if your teen becomes addictedAddiction can control your life and ruin it, as well as destroy families.

Now the positive side. Year after year, National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month (Recovery Month) witnesses tremendous success and commitment from people and organizations across the country. For more than 20 years, the campaign has joined together millions of people to celebrate recovery and educate communities about addiction.

This year is no different.  Get ready for September 2010 when Recovery Month is back and ready to reach into your community and make a difference in lives.

in South Florida on September 25th, Family Fun Day sponsored by South Florida Behavioral Health Network/ Concept House starts at 10:00am.  Located at Morningside Park in Miami, there will be a BBQ and lots of fun with games, sack races, food and more.  Contact Martha Morales at mmorales.concepthouse@yahoo.com for more information.

Find your local event for Recovery Month or have one!  Put your zip code in the box on Recovery Month page. Click here. Come back here to watch the quick and powerful video below.

Make a difference in someone’s life today.  Download the 2010 Recovery Kit today.  Click here.

Follow Recovery Month on Twitter and join their group on Facebook.

MUST WATCH VIDEO . PASS IT ON.

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I was a bully, but I stopped….. Two Books Published by Middle Schoolers

by Sue Scheff on Aug 14, 2010


Broward County is no stranger to bullying.  Last school year Deerfield Beach Middle School held the spotlight in the most negative of circumstances.  Starting with Michael Brewer who was nearly burned to death, and several months later the brutal and savage beating of Josie Ratley.

As a community, a group of Broward County middle school students joined together with the help of State Farm, The Broward Sheriff’s Office and The Humanity Project to publish two books targeted at combating bullying.

The Miami Herald reported one of the bullying books is about a privileged and selfish character Lucina who has everything she wants but degrades everyone who doesn’t share her fortune. The other book is about Michael, who is dyslexic and of black and Asian heritage. He’s influenced by his abusive father to bully others.

Students also worked on illustrations and cover art. The books will be used as part of The Humanity Project’s innovative Anti-bullying Through the Arts program in Broward during the school year.

Congratulations to all these students and a special thanks to State Farm, Broward County Sheriff’s Office and The Humanity Project for stepping up and reaching out to our kids – our future!

Learn more at the www.TheHumanityProject.com.

Sources: Miami Herald, The Humanity Project

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Sue Scheff: Are you an iMOM? Get in the Know!

by Sue Scheff on Aug 11, 2010


There are many online communities that have fantastic information and resources for parents.  iMOM is definitely on the top of this list.

Whether you are considering daycare centers or stumbling through that adolescent stage, iMOM has a vast amount of resources to inspire you to be a better parent.

iMOM is the newest program of Family First and the complement to the organization’s popular All Pro Dad fatherhood program.

The iMOM program will provide information, ideas and encouragement to mothers where and when they need it – and from noted experts in a variety of specialties concerning childhood development and parenting. iMOM delivers their research and tools through the following resources:

  • iMOM.com is a clean, inviting space for mothers to visit daily at their own convenience. The website is a library of parenting information arranged by relevancy to their child’s age and by topic. Specialists will be featured weekly as well as expert advice on breaking research and news. iMom.com strives to be your “Technological cup of coffee” – a place you go to daily for soothing and stimulating refreshment.
  • Espresso Minute, a free daily e-mail, is a quick shot of parenting advice delivered Monday through Friday encouraging mothers to focus on one of the many facets of being a mom each day. The Espresso Minute will include a call to action that will help a mother build her parenting skills.
  • Drive-Time CDs are a parenting tool designed for the busy mother who is often in the car. Each CD covers a parenting topic and each topic is broken down into 5 to 10-minute segments that can be listened to while carpooling, running errands or gong to work.
  • Pillow Talk and Pillow Talk Tonight are for the mother who desires to pursue the heart of her child and develop a close and trusting relationship. Pillow Talk is a creative journal that leads a mother through the process of opening lines of communication with her child. The journal is interactive and used by both the mother and the child, with the suggestion of trading the journal back and forth by leaving it on the other’s pillow before bed.
  • iMOM Mornings are school-based breakfasts designed to bring mothers and children together for support and inspiration. Meetings may incorporate a live speaker, a relevant topic, questions for group discussion and practice skills to take home.

Sign up today to keep up with raising our children in a safe and healthy environment.

Follow iMOM’s on Twitter and join them on Facebook.

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Sue Scheff: Teens and Communication – Getting them Talking to You

by Sue Scheff on Aug 09, 2010


Over and over we have heard that communication is key to parenting teens.  Communication is key to prevention of drug use, communication is key to helping your teens understand the consequences of having sex, etc.  However many parents also know that talking to your teen can be difficult.  They either believe they know it all, or there is a feeling of discomfort with the parent.

Connect with Kids recently posted a great article with tips and insights on talking to your teen.  Before school opens, open up your lines of communication!

Source: Connect with Kids

Getting Your Teens Talking

You can push too much and that’ll shut the child down. So it’s a fine balance: Be available, be a good listener, and also know when you do need to push in case they’re into some things that they shouldn’t be.”

– Gloria Meaux, Ph.D., psychologist

Between a parent and a teenager, this might be the typical conversation: “How was school today?” “Fine.” “Anything special happen?” “No.” “What are you doing tomorrow?” “Nothing.” Mumbles, a shrug, single word answers … how can you get your children to talk openly and honestly?

How much do teenagers tell their parents?

“I hardly share anything with my parents,” says 16-year-old Derek.

“I share very little with my parents,” says 18-year-old Tyler.

And Jessie gives an example of a question she hates: “How was your day?”

“When you’ve had a horrible day, you just feel like people at school are mad at you,” she says. “Your classes went horribly, you failed a test. It can almost be an insult without them knowing it, because it just seems insensitive.”

Experts say parents are better served asking about something specific: school projects coming up, weekend plans with a friend, or a test that the child may be worried about

“The specific questions, you’ll get more bang for your buck if you want them to communicate back to you than some general question that you could ask a stranger on the street,” says Dr. Gloria Meaux, a psychologist.

“Sometimes she’ll be like ‘so how is that situation going with this person’ and I’ll just burst out crying,” says Jessie.

Experts say it starts by being easy to talk to. “You’re sort of the approachable parent, that you listen more than you talk, and listening is the hard thing,” says Dr. Meaux.

And once they truly believe you’re listening, experts say they’ll open up more.

“The more talking they’ll do because they’ll be open,” says Licensed Clinical Social Worker Freddie Wilson. “[They'll be more open if they feel] you’re open to hearing what I’m saying rather than talking and giving them solutions and solving their problems for them. They want someone to hear them.”

And knowing when your child really needs your ear comes from getting to know your child.

“I’ll look at her and I’ll say ‘You look like you’re down, did something happen?’ Yea. Was it so and so? Yea,” explains Jessie’s mom.

“It helps to know that she cares and that she’s actually wanting to know about things,” says Jessie.

What Parents Need To Know

While the teenage years can be a very frustrating time for parents and teenagers alike, no secret formula exists for talking to teens. But the Harvard School of Public Health’s Parenting Project, which conducted extensive research on parenting teens, found that “significant agreement” exists among experts regarding important basic principles for opening the communication lines.

The project’s most recent report highlights the basics of raising and communicating with your teenagers and includes a list of strategies for each. In the report, Dr. Rae Simpson says parents need to “love and connect” with their teen.

“Teens need parents to develop and maintain a relationship with them that offers support and acceptance,” Dr. Simpson writes, “while accommodating and affirming the teen’s increasing maturity.”

According to the report, you can connect with your teen by following these suggestions:

  • Watch for moments when you feel and can express genuine affection, respect and appreciation for your teen.
  • Acknowledge the good times made possible by your teen’s personality and growth.
  • Expect increased criticism and debate and strengthen your skills for discussing those ideas and disagreements in ways that respect both your teen’s opinions and your own.
  • Spend time just listening to your teen’s thoughts and feelings about his or her fears, concerns, interests, ideas, perspectives, activities, jobs, schoolwork and relationships.
  • Treat each teen as a unique individual distinct from siblings, stereotypes, his or her past or your own past.
  • Appreciate and acknowledge each teen’s new areas of interest, skills, strengths and accomplishments, as well as the positive aspects of adolescence generally, such as its passion, vitality, humor and deepening intellectual thought.
  • Provide meaningful roles for your teen in the family, ones that are genuinely useful and important to the family’s well being.
  • Spend time together one-on-one and as a family, continuing some familiar family routines, while also taking advantage of ways in which new activities, such as community volunteering, can offer alternative ways to connect.

By respecting and loving your teenager, you open the lines of communication and build a supportive and trusting environment so that your child feels comfortable opening up to you.

Dr. Simpson offers this key message to parents: “Most things about [your teen's] world are changing. Don’t let your love be one of them.”

Research has shown that while teenagers want their freedom, they also appreciate their parents showing concern for them and being interested in their daily activities. Experts have listed guidelines for parents to set for their teenagers while still allowing them room to grow.

  • Monitor what your teen watches on television.
  • Monitor what your teen does online.
  • Know where your teen spends his or her time after school and on the weekends.
  • Expect to be told the truth by your teen about where he or she is going.
  • Be “very aware” of your teen’s academic performance.
  • Impose a curfew.
  • Eat dinner with your teen six or seven nights a week.
  • Turn off the television and cell phone during family meals.
  • Assign your teen regular chores.

By setting some or all of these rules, you will be in control and have a working knowledge of your teen’s activities, while still allowing them to make their own choices and decisions.

Resources

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Teens Fitting In – Peer Pressure – TIME TO ACT from Drug Free America

by Sue Scheff on Aug 08, 2010


Drug Free America has extended their organization to TIME TO ACT.  One of their goals is helping parents and teens to learn how peer pressure can effect their school life.

Fitting in:

Many teens feel like an outsider and long to feel included and liked by their teenage peers. This need can be so strong that they engage in teenage drinking or drug use to help them make friends, fit in or be accepted.

Teenage drinking and drug use may give kids an in with a desired clique
If the kids your teen wants to hang out with are drinking or doing drugs, they may feel like they need to do them as well, or risk being left out. This may be true — but you can talk to your teen about why it’s so important to fit in with this particular group if they’re asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do. (The kid could also feel pressure even if no one specifically asked him/her to take drugs).

Kids may use drugs or drink to change their image
Some teens use drugs or engage in teenage drinking as way to alter their image at school or work to one they perceive as more “dangerous” or “edgy.”

Teens may use alcohol or drugs to fit in when moving to a new school or town
Keep a special eye on your teenager if you’ve just made a move to a new town or if she’s just started at a new school. Some kids perceive drugs or teenage drinking as a way to easily fit in and make friends in an unfamiliar environment.

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Sue Scheff: It’s Time to ACT! Drug Free America

by Sue Scheff on Aug 07, 2010


According to a survey of 6,500 teens by the Partnership for a Drug Free America, 73 percent said the number one reason they turn to drugs and alcohol is to relieve stress at school. As the new school year begins, how can you help your teen adjust especially if they are starting a new school.

TIME TO ACT! is a first-of-its kind online help resource for parents and caregivers who suspect or know their child is experimenting, using or has a problem with alcohol or drugs.

Discovering that a teen is using drugs or alcohol can be a scary experience for parents — many feel alone, ashamed, and confused about what to do next. The Partnership believes that no parent should go through this alone, without guidance from experts and other parents.

Time To Act! was created to ensure that every parent has free access, on their own terms, to the most current research-based information on how to help their child — and their family — take the next steps. It is the only site of its kind designed to address parents in an active state of concern about how to help their child, whether they’ve used once or have a known drug or alcohol problem.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.

Communication is key to drug prevention, talk to your kids, they will listen!

Source: Drug Free America, Time to Act

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