Do you know where your teen is?  Many parents feel when their child reaches a certain age, an especially these good teens – getting good grades, participating in sports and school activities, that we have less to worry about.  One recent study is telling us the contrary.

Source: Connect with Kids

Roaming Teens a Recipe for Violence

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. – and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school.”

– Walt Thompson, Executive Director, After School All-Stars

Even in the best neighborhoods, groups of teens just “hanging out” can lead to problems – including violence – according to a study conducted by Ohio State University researchers, published in the current issue of the Journal of Criminology. What can parents and communities do to help keep kids safe?

Ohio State University researchers, finding a complex relationship with teen violence and unstructured socializing, find that it is important to build relationships in communities so that neighbors trust each other and help monitor activities. Experts say kids in supervised programs have better grades, higher school attendance rates, and are less likely to commit a crime.

And yet, each day, when the school bell rings, more than 14 million American kids are left alone.

Experts say those hours after school are the most dangerous – especially for kids in middle school.

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. – and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school,” explains Walt Thompson, Executive Director of the Georgia chapter of After School All-Stars.

Many high school kids have a job or sports, or some after-school activity. But middle-schoolers, Thompson says, “they are the neglected age…if you go into the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are creating havoc in the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are getting arrested, those are the kids that are doing drugs, those are the kids that are getting initiated into gangs and the girls are getting pregnant.”

That’s why, experts say, it’s crucial for parents to find an after-school program for their kids.

And the best place to start is your child’s school.

“It provides structure, provides somewhere for kids to come, be with children of their own age involved in constructive activities,” explains Tresa Andrews, principal of King Middle School.

Andrews hosts the After School All-Stars program at her school. She says keeping kids in one place is essential, “They don’t have the opportunity to, quote-unquote, become lost trying to get from one location to another,” she notes. “We’re here.”

Ashley, age 14, is in the program. Here she can finish her homework and spend more time with her friends.

Ashley’s mom says the program is invaluable. “It helps me because I’m running in the morning to one job,” she says, “and I used to worry cause the area I live in – to me- is not as a secure area that I would like for it to be, and I worry about her in the afternoons.”

Thompson says it’s a win-win situation for everyone. “If you take that kid that may get in trouble and put them in a structured environment,” he says, “it’s got to be good. Whether it has an influence on their grades or whatever, if they’re in a structured program with loving and caring adults, it’s got to be a good thing.”

What We Need To Know

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors. In fact, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that juveniles are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. And the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., the first hour that most students are dismissed from school.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

• Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
• Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
• Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
• Provide time and space for quiet study
• Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
• Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
• Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
• Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
• Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses

Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.

Resources

• Roaming Teens a Recipe for Violence – Ohio State University Research
• Boys & Girls Clubs of America
• Educational Resources Information Center
• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center

Teen Gang and Gang Violence has taken on a new light in today’s age.

Gangs prey on the weak child that yearns to fit in with a false illusion they are accepted into the “cool crowd”. With most Gangs as with Teen Cults, they can convince your child that joining “their Gang or Cult” will make them a “well-liked and popular” teen as well as one that others may fear.  This gives the teen a false sense of superiority.  Remember, many of today’s teens that are acting out negatively are suffering with extremely low self confidence.  This feeling of power that they believe a gang or cult has can boost their esteem; however they are blinded to the fact that is dangerous.  This is how desperate some teens are to fit in.

In reality, it is a downward spiral that can result in damage both emotionally and psychically. We have found Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are sometimes hard to detect.  They disguise themselves to impress the most intelligent of parents. We have witnessed Gang members who will present themselves as the “good kid from the good family” and you would not suspect their true colors.

If you suspect your child is involved in any Gang Activities or any Cults, please seek local therapy and encourage your child to communicate. This is when the lines of communication need to be wide open. Sometimes this is so hard, and that is when an objective person is always beneficial.  Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are to be taken very seriously.  A child that is involved in a gang can affect the entire family and their safety.  Take this very seriously if you suspect your child is participating in gang activity or cult association.

If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School, Residential or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.

Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com.

There was a time when collecting and trading bottle caps was exciting and fun among the kids and teens.  As society changes, peer pressures shift, technology expands – the fun teens are finding can be considered dangerous, if not deadly.

One of the dangerous teen pranks is Bottle Bombs.  This is sadly becoming more common among teens today as websites grow with step by step instructions on how to build these so-called  “harmless – yet dangerous” bottle bombs.  The fact that teens have the easy accessibility to the ingredients to build these bottle bombs, since many can be household products, is a factor for this growing trend.

Teen mischief is now turning into felonies.  Most teens believe these bottle bombs are safe and are using them for pranks and playing jokes on others.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  The consequences could be long-lasting.

Just when you think you don’t have enough to discuss with your kids, add this to your list.  It is imperative they learn about the dangers of bottle bombs are more than harmful, they can destroy your teens future.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Watch video to see the consequences of teens that used bottle bombs as a prank. Learn from their mistakes. Read more.

Florida Gang Reduction

One of a parent’s greatest fears is if their teen becomes a member of a gang, or is even considering it.  Whether it is peer pressure or a feeling of low self worth, teens can be vulnerable if they are striving to “fit in” with what they consider a “cool group.”

By joining a gang, teens have a social network already established for them with friends who are literally ready to die for them. This infrastructure can fill a void in a young person’s life quickly and easily; however, it is in a negative way. The teenage years are a formative and difficult time for many people and joining a gang is a simple way to feel liked and popular. In dangerous neighborhoods, joining a gang can actually provide protection from other gangs, which is attractive for many people.

Florida Gang Reduction  organization was formed to help reduce gangs in Florida. This Strategy outlines a comprehensive plan for communities to develop specific solutions to dramatically reduce gang membership and gang-related activities by:  

• Empowering youth to lead productive gang-free lives;
• Improving law enforcement suppression efforts; and,
• Addressing rehabilitation and re-entry issues.

The Strategy calls for the formation of seven Gang Reduction Task Forces throughout the state of Florida.

Research indicates that parents play a pivotal role in keeping young people out of gangs. Negative influences within the family-including domestic violence, child abuse, harsh or inconsistent parenting practices, and/or drug/alcohol abuse by family members-can increase the risk that a youth will join a gang.

Parents can protect their children from gang activity through taking positive actions, such as monitoring their children’s activities, fostering close relationships with them, and using positive discipline strategies. However, parents often lack factual information about gangs. – Parents Guide to Gangs

Part 1 of a series about gangs in Florida.

Learn more about Hanging With the Wrong Crowd.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Read more on Examiner.

Are you a parent of a teenager or pre-teen that is starting to make some poor choices?  They are great kids, but suddenly the decisions they are making are worrying you.  Is there a new circle of friends that you are not familiar with? 

Are you at your wit’s end?

 As the founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts we speak with parents on a daily basis that are struggling with today’s youths. 

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent?  You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together. 

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen stealing?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions?  Have they become withdrawn from society?
• Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever?  Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
• Is your teen sexually active?
• Teen pregnancy?  
• Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
• Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
• Low self esteem and low self worth?
• Lack of motivation?  Low energy?
• Mood Swings?  Anxiety?
• Teen depressionthat leads to negative behavior?
• Eating Disorders?  Weight loss? Weight gain?
• Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
• High School drop-out?
• Suspended or Expelled from school?
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
• ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
• Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

• Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?  Are you at your wit’s end?

 Does any of the above sound familiar?  Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. 

There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help. Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem.  One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.    

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, it may be time to consider Residential Therapy.  An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. In my opinion, it is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. 

In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems.  Be prepared – do your homework. 

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change.  Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention.  Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need.  Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. 

At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there. Finding the best school or  residential program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does.  Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes – gain from my knowledge.  Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.   

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

·         Helping Teens – not Harming them

·         Building them up – not Breaking them down

·         Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive

·         Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen

·         Protect Children – not Punish them

Some Informational Websites on Teen Subjects:

Teen Depression, Teen Runaways, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Internet Addiction, Teen and Youth Gangs

By Sue Scheff

Founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts

Author of Wit’s End and Google Bomb!

Follow me on Twitter @SueScheff

Teen gangs are a serious concern for parents. Whether you have a son or a daughter, if they belong to a  gang or want to join one, it is time for you act immediately.  Do you know who your teens friends are?  Have you meet their parents?  Do they have similar interests as your teen has?  What do they do in their spare time? Take the time to be an educated parent!  Most important, be proactive!

Source: Connect with Kids

Girls in Gangs

“He wanted me to sell drugs.  I’m like, ‘no I can’t do it, you know, I want to be a doctor when I grow up, and I don’t want to get in any trouble.’”

– ChanTrell, Age 16

The Office of Juvenile Justice has some good news for us and some bad: according to the latest numbers, from 2005 to 2007, the arrest rate for boys went down four percent, but for girls it’s up 10 percent.  Experts say one reason is more girls are joining gangs.

In the small park, there are swing sets, a small stream, and dozens of families with small children playing.   It is the park where Roger Raney’s 18-year-old daughter allegedly took part in a gang murder.
 
He still wonders why.  “I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out why but I have no clue, honestly,” Raney says.
 
But there were clues.  When his daughter was 13, he noticed gang-related graffiti and tattoos.   “In her room, papers, notebook, just all over really.”
 
But he thought it was just posing, just a joke.  Now Roger and thousands of other parents realize it’s no joke at all.  The idea of girls being gang members is no longer far-fetched.

According to the National Youth Gang Survey, there are 800,000 active gang members in the U.S.  And over six percent are female, that’s 50,000 girls.

And new “recruits” are being propositioned every day.
 
Sixteen-year-old ChanTrell was approached.  “He wanted to sell drugs.  I’m like, ‘no I can’t do it.  I want to be a doctor when I grow up, and I don’t want to get in any trouble.’”
 
“It’s not just what most people would consider the poor sections or less affluent sections. They’re everywhere,” says psychologist and gang expert Dr. Stephen Mathis.
 
Experts say girls join gangs for the same reason boys often do.  “It’s all about acceptance,” says youth counselor Irving Carswell, “You know, ‘I want to be a part of’… and we have to take alternative measures…as parents and say ‘you don’t have to be a part of that.’”
 
And if your child is lonely, just moved to a new school or a new town, explain how gangs really work.  “A kid often trades loneliness and isolation or whatever the kid’s feeling inside for an initial attraction for unconditional acceptance when in fact the conditions are very, very conditional,” says Mathis.
 
Conditions like selling drugs, even committing murder.
 
“Parents and teens need to somehow keep a bond,” Roger Raney says, “and not have a distance come between them, because it’s hard to repair it once it goes away.”

Tips for Parents

According to the Southwest Missouri Interagency Task Force on Gangs and Youth Violence, possible signs of gang involvement include:

• Skipping school
• Violent acts
• Disregard for persons or property
• Dress changes
• Unexplained extra money or expensive purchases

To help prevent your child from becoming a gang member, the SMI Task Force offers these suggestions:

• Arrange for adult supervision of teen’s and children’s activities
• Help the teen or child become involved in athletics or other group activities
• Set reasonable rules and consistently enforce them
• Hold family meetings and keep the lines of communication open
• Educate the child about the dangers of gang involvement
• Provide a strong religious background
• Be aware of changes in your child’s life
• Practice mutual respect with your child

References

• Office of Juvenile Justice Delinquency Prevention
• Southwest Missouri Interagency Task Force on Gangs and Youth Violence

School violence  hit Coral Gables, Florida yesterday in a horrific incident.  A 17 year old student was stabbed to death in school. A young life tragically cut short.

What can we learn from this? Being a parent today is more challenging than generations prior. As parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba stated on the Today Show, “June Cleaver didn’t have to worry about social networking, online safety, sexting or texting, Internet predators and so much more.” Which means parenting today has become more complex, however the good news is, the vast amount of resources has increased since the Cleaver’s were introduced to us.

Parents need to take the time to be educated and learn about some warning signs that their teen may be struggling. Keeping the lines of communication open with teens today can be very difficult; however we can never stop trying.

Here are some behaviors that parents need to be aware of:

• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Not sharing as much as they used to?
• Is their peer group changing? Do you know their friends? Showing an interest in gangs?
• Are they spending a lot of time alone?
• Change in appetite?
• Signs of depression?
• Need for attention or low self-esteem?
• Accessibility to weapons?
• Is there violence in the home?
• Risky behavior? Using or experimenting with drugs?
• Is your teen stressed?
• Are they spending a lot of time online? Do you know what sites they are visiting?

Take the time to be an educated parent . This means you a prepared parent and can lead to safer teens. If your teen is not opening up to you, don’t hestitate to seek outside help with counselors.  Communication is key!  Visit these websites below and learn more about school violence today.

For more info: Parents Universal Resource Experts, APA Help Center, National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, Teen Criminal Activity, Big Book of Parenting Solutions,Miami Herald, Teen Health.

Also seen on Examiner.com

Gangs often prey on the teenagers who wish to fit in. Being part of a gang can provide teenagers sought after friends and popularity. By joining a gang, teens have a social network already established for them with friends who are literally ready to die for them. This infrastructure can fill a void in a young person’s life quickly and easily; however, it is in a negative way. The teenage years are a formative and difficult time for many people and joining a gang is a simple way to feel liked and popular. This is especially appealing for individuals with low self confidence or who feel as if they do not fit in. In dangerous neighborhoods, joining a gang can actually provide protection from other gangs, which is attractive for many people.

Since the 1970′s, gang activity has spiraled out of control. Prior to the 70′s, fewer than half of the states were plagued by gang activity, but now there is not a single state that does not have to deal with youth gang activity. Violence and gang activity peaked in 1996, but has decreased overall since then. However, activity continues to increase in less urban settings and violence is continuing to become more lethal. Many people believe this is due to gangs’ involvement in the increasingly lucrative drug trafficking market. This is not the case. The increase in violence seems to be stem from the availability and easy access of lethal weapons. Additionally, cars have become a more common accessory in attacks on rival gangs.

I am Sue Scheff™, and my organization Parents Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) seeks to protect America’s teens. Keeping your troubled teen safe and on the right path in life can be an incredibly difficult task, but you are not the only one facing these problems, nor are you without resources. We as parents must work together to support one another and provide assistance and advice to educate and support one another through the difficult times. At P.U.R.E.™ you will find resources, including other parents who have faced the same trouble as you, which will alleviate the difficulties of raising a teenager.

If you are worried that your son or daughter has already or is likely to become involved with a gang, do not wait to seek help. We have compiled an abundance of useful resources on youth gang activity.

If the safety and well being of your teenager is at risk, do not hesitate to seek our support or professional help. Visit our website, Help Your Teens. The consultation service is free and any parent seeking help will be accommodated. You are not alone!

Learn more at my website  about Youth Gangs.

When a teen turns up “missing,” parents must initially decide whether the child is missing, has run away, or simply sneaked out.

There are differences, and those differences are very important. A missing child could have been abducted by someone against his/her will and is being held, possibly threatened. A missing child can also be a child who is simply missing; the child did not return home when expected and may be lost or injured.

Runaway teens and sneaking teens are often confused, as both leave a supervised environment of their own free will. Sneaking teens leave home for a short period of time, with intent to return, most likely during the night or while a parent can be fooled. A runaway teen leaves home or a supervised environment for good, with intent to live separate from his/her parents. Runaway teens will likely have shown symptoms prior to running away.

In most cases, a teen runs away after a frustrating and heated argument with one or both parents. Often times, the runaway will stay with a friend or relative close by to cool off. In more serious cases, a teen may run away often and leave with no notion of where they are going.

Warning Signs your Teen May Become a Runaway

• Attempts to communicate with your teen have only resulted in ongoing arguments, yelling, interruptions, hurtful name- calling, bruised feelings and failure to come to an agreement or compromise.
• Your teen has become involved in a network of friends or peers who seem often unsupervised, rebellious, defiant, involved with drugs or alcohol or who practice other alarming social behavior.
• A noticeable pattern of irrational, impulsive and emotionally abusive behavior by either parent or teen.

The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side

Often, we hear our teens use “My friend’s parents let her do it!” or, “Everything is better at my friend’s house!” The parents of your teen’s friends may be more lenient, choose later curfew times, allow co-ed events or give higher allowances. While you as parent know all parents work differently, it can be very difficult for your teen to understand.

Motivations of a Runaway

• To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.
• To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
• To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.
• To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.
• To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.
• To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.

As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

Teenage Depression

There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be “depressed” about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.

Preventing Runaways

Communication is Key to Preventing Runaways

Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!

Communication: Suggestions for Preventative Conversation

• Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn’t do it.
• Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.
• Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
• Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.
• Always use direct eye contact when speaking.
• NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words “I understand” does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.
• Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.
• Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.
• Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating “I understand” can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.
• Let’s say you are sure you understand your teen’s point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don’t agree with their statement, tell your teen “I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don’t have to agree.”
• Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn’t mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.
• When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they’d like to talk about or share with you.
• Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.
• If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.
• If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.

Learn more click here.