Sue Scheff: Teens and Eating Disorders
by Sue Scheff on Dec 23, 2009
This weekend’s loss of a beautiful young actress is a tragedy. There are some reports that Brittany Murphy was looking exceptionally thin within the past few weeks prior her death. Although there are no confirmed reports of any eating disorder, it is a topic parents need to be educated on.
Eating disorders among teens, especially girls, are a serious concern. With today’s peer pressure to keep up with the trends, fit into those skinny jeans and be a part of the cool clique can lead your teen down a troubled road.
What is an eating disorder? The MayoClinic describes it as follows:
Eating disorders are a broad group of serious conditions in which you’re so preoccupied with food and weight that you can often focus on little else. The main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder, and there are also many subtypes.
Most people with eating disorders are females, but males also have eating disorders. The exception is binge-eating disorder, which appears to affect almost as many males as females.
Treatments for eating disorders usually involve psychotherapy, nutrition education, family counseling, medications and hospitalization.
Anorexia nervosa
When you have anorexia nervosa (an-o-REK-se-uh nur-VOH-suh), you’re obsessed with food and being thin, sometimes to the point of deadly self-starvation. You may exercise excessively or simply not eat enough calories.
Bulimia nervosa
When you have bulimia, you have episodes of bingeing and purging. During these episodes, you typically eat a large amount of food in a short amount of time and then try to rid yourself of the extra calories by vomiting or excessive exercise. In between these binge-purge episodes, you may eat very little or skip meals altogether. You may be a normal weight or even a bit overweight.
Binge-eating disorder
When you have binge-eating disorder, you regularly eat excessive amounts of food (binge), sometimes for hours on end. You may eat when you’re not hungry and continue eating even long after you’re uncomfortably full. After a binge, you may try to diet or eat normal meals, triggering a new round of bingeing. You may be a normal weight, overweight or obese.
Eating disorders in youngsters
Eating disorders can affect people of any age. In children, it’s sometimes hard to tell what’s an eating disorder and what’s simply a whim, a new fad, or experimentation with a vegetarian diet or other eating styles. In addition, many girls and sometimes boys go on diets to lose weight, but stop dieting after a short time. If you’re a parent or guardian, be careful not to mistake occasional dieting with an eating disorder. On the other hand, be alert for eating patterns and beliefs that may signal unhealthy behavior, as well as peer pressure that may trigger eating disorders.
Causes of eating disorders:
It’s not known with certainty what causes eating disorders. As with other mental illnesses, the possible causes are complex and may result from an interaction of biological, psychological, family, genetic, environmental and social factors. Possible causes of eating disorders include:
- Biology. Some people may be genetically vulnerable to developing eating disorders. Some studies show that people with biological siblings or parents with an eating disorder may develop one too, suggesting a possible genetic link. In addition, there’s some evidence that serotonin, a naturally occurring brain chemical, may influence eating behaviors because of its connection to the regulation of food intake.
- Psychological and emotional health. People with eating disorders may have psychological and emotional characteristics that contribute to the disorder. They may have low self-esteem, perfectionism, impulsive behavior, anger management difficulties, family conflicts and troubled relationships, for instance.
- Sociocultural issues. The modern Western cultural environment often cultivates and reinforces a desire for thinness. Success and worth are often equated with being thin. The media and entertainment industries often focus on appearance and body shape. Peer pressure may fuel this desire to be thin, particularly among young girls.
Learn the symptoms and risk factors of eating disorders.
Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens!
Also on Examiner.
Tags: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Eating Orders, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: 10 Common Myths About Eating Disorders
by Sue Scheff on Dec 01, 2009
During this time of year when eating and food seems to be more abundant, especially those sweets, as parents we need to be aware of our kids and teens and their eating habits. Eating Disorders can be common in many teens that are trying to fit into a clique or other emotional reason.
Carolyn Friedman, is working on her Masters and recently wrote an excellent article on “10 Common Myths Eating Disorders.” She asked me to share it with my readers. Take the time to read and learn more. You never know when you may need this knowledge. A short time ago, she also gave us the “10 Common Myths About Suicide.”
10 Common Myths About Eating Disorders
Like many mental illnesses and conditions, eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa come prepackaged with a disconcerting number of misconceptions. Allowing these unfounded stereotypes to continuously creep through the public’s consciousness is a dangerous game with potentially lethal consequences. General confusion and ignorance regarding eating disorders further isolates and shames sufferers who already feel misunderstood, escalating their anxiety levels and increasing the risk of serious injury. These myths also prevent possible treatment for those who may have an eating disorder, but believe that their exclusion from one or more of the myths means they do not. Only by working tirelessly to dispel them can the eating disordered begin traveling down a relatively more positive road to recovery.
1. The media is to blame. : One of the most pervasive myths regarding eating disorders involves pointing fingers at movies, television shows, and magazines touting thinness (or, for men, lean and/or muscular as the only attractive body shape. With so many of the female eating disordered considering emaciated actresses, dancers, and models as “thinspiration,” it is easy to see how this misconception came into existence. However, anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders are far more complex and complicated than merely a construct of warped societal perceptions of attractiveness. While bombardment of supposedly glamorous waifs and taut bodybuilders negatively impacts the severity of eating disorders, in no way can it be considered the root cause, either. At their core, anorexia, bulimia, and their kin are mental illnesses related to brutal levels of anxiety and depression, which manifest themselves in erratic eating patterns and, in the most extreme cases, starvation. Psychologists and scientists are still trying to unlock any potential biological or behavioral origins that would better explain the nuances of eating disorders, but blame does not exclusively lay with the media. It does not help, but it also does not initiate.
2. Only women have eating disorders. : An estimated 5-15% of anorexia and bulimia cases are actually male, as are up to 35% of the binge eating disordered. While the staggering majority of sufferers are statistically female, the illnesses are not their exclusive domain by any means. Both men and women struggling with an eating disorder tend to display a distorted body image, though the former focuses more on musculature while the latter tends to zero in on becoming thinner. This myth is especially disconcerting, since stereotyping eating disorders as absolutely female prevents men and boys with the diseases from receiving a proper diagnosis and treatment. Even though the psychological profiles of male and female eating disordered carry the exact same behavioral, social, physical, and emotional symptoms, males who feel they may be suffering from anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder may end up denying themselves necessary medical care if they believe that only women can be diagnosed as such.
3. Only upper-class Caucasians have eating disorders. : Eating disorders do not discriminate based on race or socioeconomic bracket any more than they do on gender. Psychologists have diagnosed eating disorders on all continents, with the obvious exception of Antarctica, and at every income level. The University of California at Santa Barbara reports mostly equal instances of eating disorders amongst its Asian, Caucasian, and Hispanic students. Like the myth that only women can be diagnosed with an eating disorder, the opinion that they also occur exclusively amongst Caucasians with upper-class backgrounds carries with it some bothersome implications. By adhering to the myth, sufferers of a comparatively lower socioeconomic bracket and/or different ethnicity may potentially reject the idea of seeking professional help altogether. Likewise, they also run the risk of ending up with a misdiagnosis and improper treatment.
4. The eating disordered are easy to spot because they are so thin. : Those suffering from an eating disorder cannot be spotted in a crowd any more than those with clinical depression, anxiety issues, and other common mental illnesses. The disease does not seek out specific body types any more than it does anything else. Many individuals are genetically predisposed to sport a skinny frame, and their appearance does not inherently indicate the presence of an eating disorder. Nor does someone with a comparatively larger frame clearly represent the absence of one. Women and men of all shapes and sizes can fall victim to eating disorders if they fit the psychological profile – there are absolutely no physical signs or symptoms associated with this mental illness. Disturbing images of skeletal bodies ravaged by anorexia or bulimia come only from the most extreme and prolonged cases. They serve as a sign of what the eating disordered can eventually become without attentive, supportive, and healthy medical and psychological treatment, but they are not to be considered illustrative of the majority of sufferers.
5. The eating disordered don’t eat. : If voluntary starvation was indicative of an eating disorder, many individuals with religious or sociopolitical reasons for abstaining from food who don’t otherwise display any signs of psychologically struggling with one would incur an incorrect diagnosis. The truth is, most eating disordered do actually eat as a means of veiling their illness from potentially concerned family and friends. Some choose to create a feeling of fullness by eating calorie–neutral foods such as celery, though some very rare and extreme cases have gone so far as to actually eat cotton balls. Others eat, but purge the contents of their digestive tract by inducing vomiting or taking laxatives later on. One of the most common eating disorders, eating disorder not otherwise specified, or EDNOS, is characterized by obsessively calculating and analyzing food intake. Binge eating disorder involves an almost uncontrollable compulsion to consume food, but without purging afterwards. Only the most severe, often un- or insufficiently treated, instances resort to outright starvation, but given their sensationalist nature they receive the brunt of the attention. This serves only to perpetuate the myth and drive it further into the public’s consciousness – family and friends worried that a loved one may be suffering from an eating disorder could potentially dismiss the idea once the individual in question eats in front of them.
6. Having an eating disorder is a lifestyle choice. : As with all mental illnesses, those suffering from an eating disorder do not elect to live life shackled with the associated stresses. Factors such as poor self-esteem, poor impulse control, depression, and anxiety all play a part in diagnosing an individual with an eating disorder. The label of “lifestyle choice” implies some level of control, as if the sufferer can phase in and out of their symptoms voluntarily. Adhering to a healthy diet and exercise regimen are both lifestyle choices, but when they are carried out to excessive, compulsive extremes they cease to be considered as such and instead end up as indicators of something far more serious. This lack of control and overall sense of being trapped separates the eating disordered from those simply desiring to lose weight for health reasons. Eating disordered individuals display a complex network of emotional, mental, and physical issues that completely negate any perceptions that they have simply made the choice to hurt themselves.
7. Nobody dies from an eating disorder. : If left untreated or undiagnosed, an eating disorder is one of the few common mental illnesses that can actually kill the host. As a result of unhealthy and inadequate eating habits, sufferers can fall victim to permanent liver, heart, brain, and kidney damage. Inefficient and injured organs potentially lead to a coma, even death. 5-10% of anorexics die within the first ten years of diagnosis, 18-20% after twenty, and 20% will eventually die due to physical complications or suicide. Because of prevailing stigmas and misconceptions, only one in ten eating disordered individuals are estimated to enter into a treatment plan. By driving stakes into these horrifying myths, the psychological community and active, concerned members of society can hopefully save many more lives from ending as a result of a treatable medical condition.
8. The eating disordered only care about looking pretty. : One of the nastiest, most degrading stigmas associated with eating disorders involves taunts and callous dismissals of its victims as shallow, petty bubbleheads concerned only with the pursuit of the insanely specific and unrealistic Hollywood ideal of what constitutes beauty. This blasts a giant and entirely unnecessary rift between the eating disordered and mainstream society, furthering miring them in misunderstood isolation and precluding attempts to seek solace and treatment before it becomes too late. Faced with adversity and scorn from external sources, many choose to simply soldier forth and accept their cruel, anxious fate, believing that even extensive psychotherapy cannot cure them. At their very core, eating disorders are not inherently about food or appearance or beauty. They are about depression, poor self-esteem and self-image, and anxiety. While media blitzes of PhotoShopped celebrities do, in fact, actively help reinforce the issue, they also do not stand as the primary reason why men and women alike succumb to eating disorders.
9. Eating disorders are not illnesses. : The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision officially recognizes four eating disorders – anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, rumination syndrome, and EDNOS. Many professionals in the psychological community also recognize binge eating disorders, which are under consideration for inclusion in future publications of the DSM. Because of their inclusion in a an official diagnostic manual used by the psychological and medical communities, eating disorders ought to be regarded as serious illnesses and handled as such.
10. An individual cannot have more than one eating disorder. : A logical assumption, but it is actually incorrect. Because anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS, and rumination syndrome all share common symptoms and underlying issues, some sufferers have been known to drift from one to another in order to try and satiate the depression and anxiety. It is not uncommon for a bulimic to quit a system of binging and purging and resort to eating inadequately, and the same is true in reverse. Professionals as well as concerned family and friends must pay close attention in order to detect subtle shifts in behavior that may signify the presence of multiple eating disorders.
By making an earnest effort to promote an awareness and understanding of eating disorders, millions of lives all over the world can be improved, if not outright saved. Unfortunately, numerous presumptions, misconceptions, and absolute lies prevent many men and women from realizing they suffer from an eating disorder, therefore precluding them from seeking the therapy that could very well mean the difference between life and death. Spreading the truth and destroying these dangerous falsehoods stands as the best method of preventing the suffering of more individuals who do not realize that they are not beyond health, happiness, and hope.
Tags: Aneroxia, Binge Eating, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Self Esteem
Sue Scheff: Ten Common Myths About Suicide
by Sue Scheff on Nov 20, 2009
Holiday’s are known as joyful time of the year, however it is also a time we hear more about suicide. Holidays can also bring on sadness and depression to those that are suffering with a loss or simply unhappy in life. It is important we understand warnings signs.
Carolyn Friedman, is working on her Masters and recently wrote an excellent article on “10 Common Myths About Suicide.” She asked me to share it with my readers. Take the time to read and learn more. You never know when you may need this knowledge.
Suicide remains a serious epidemic that transcends socioeconomic, age, racial, religious, mental health, and gender/sexual identity boundaries. While studies do show that some groups stand at a higher risk of suicide than others – usually those already prone to social marginalization – the sad reality is that this mindset holds the potential to strike anyone, anywhere, at any point in life. Due to the mixed messages flailing about regarding the condition, it becomes progressively more difficult to objectively discuss the delineation between fact and fiction. So many misconceptions abound that the suicidal truly needing an intervention in order to survive may very well not receive the help they need to recover.
As with all issues regarding mental health, suicide especially has become the target of wrongful stigmatization. Because so many view it as a taboo or scary subject, the tragic desperation of suicide becomes pushed aside, wrongfully dismissed as histrionics or other self-serving actions. For those not working in the psychological field, explicit education in the complexities and psychological phenomena that lead individuals down the dangerous path towards suicide makes for the absolute best solution to preventing further tragedy. To learn about how it operates is to understand; to understand is to learn how to properly stop someone from succumbing to a cycle of absolute pain. Treatment is never an easy process, but it stands as the only reliable safeguard against suicide available. Individuals making the effort to personally empathize with this sad plight comprise the front lines of prevention – their compassionate efforts are what save lives and guide others to emulate their actions.
1. Suicide is just a ploy for attention. Ignoring the threats means they go away.One of the most cruel myths regarding suicide involves perceptions that victims are using their emotions as leverage – a tool for manipulation. By acknowledging their comments, family and friends only stoke their desire for attention and validation. Not only is this misconception highly inaccurate, it also results in a higher risk of suicide attempts and fatalities. All suicide threats must go addressed, and all potential victims must not be treated as if self-serving and attention-starved. Ignoring comments and threats that so much as hint towards suicide makes for one of the most dangerous reactions on the part of family and friends. It sends a message of apathy, of not taking the victim’s pain seriously enough to discuss objectively. This only serves to further their sense of desperation; in some ways it actively encourages them to go through with plans to die. At the conclusion of this article, there is a listing of hotlines to call when the urge to commit suicide hits an individual or someone he or she very much loves. Rather than writing off self-destructive threats as merely the last resort of a melodramatic diva to gain an emotional upper hand, please call or encourage a loved one to call one of the numbers. The operators have been trained to handle their feelings in a professional, compassionate manner that will help guide them towards seeking the therapy they need for a fulfilling life.2. All suicidal people suffer from some kind of character weakness or psychosis.
At the core of every suicide, completed or thwarted, there lay a sense of overwhelming. While studies do in fact show a correlation between depression, addiction, and other common mental illnesses and suicide, not every victim suffers from one or a combination of these conditions. Psychotic patients only comprise a fraction of suicides, but not the majority. Truthfully, all persons of any age, mental state, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic bracket hold within them the capacity to kill themselves. It remains only a matter of how far they become pushed to their limits, how desperate the sense of mental, emotional, and/or physical pain eventually swells. Suicide is not a weakness. Victims frequently see it as their only escape route from overwhelming torment – a way to finally end their all-encompassing agony once and for all.
Society labels suicides as inherently psychotic or weak as a means of demonizing their behavior. In some warped way, these myths are perceived as a deterrent for those contemplating killing themselves – after all, who wants to go down perceived not as a hero, but as weak or crazy? Wrongfully classifying genuine suffering as a sign of frailty or psychosis acts as a projection of society onto the victim. The only true weakness here lay in peoples’ inability or unwillingness to address the true gravity of suicide and constant spread of outright lies about the condition. Strength only factors in when an individual is willing to admit that they, too, have a threshold whereby they may become so desperate as to consider suicide a viable option. By acknowledging this one tragic but universal kernel of humanity, they may go on to help preserve the lives of others who may find themselves struggling with the urge to escape pain through death.
3. Those who survive suicide attempts won’t try it again.
Suicide is not a plea for attention. It expresses an extreme desire to slough off overwhelming stress and anxiety, and the National Institute of Mental Health estimates that for every death by suicide, another 12-25 survive their attempts. Many believe that living through a potentially fatal self-injury automatically inspires victims to seize life and never try to hurt themselves again. Reality says otherwise. Survivors run a very high risk of repeating their actions later on in life, and professionals agree that one of the highest indicators of a potential fatality is a record of prior attempts. Those who live through suicidal acts must seek psychological assistance immediately upon recovery. Cognitive therapy has been shown to reduce further suicide attempts by 50% within a year following the initial incident. Instead of perceiving survival as a wake-up call for the fleeting preciousness of life, family and friends of the victim need to think of it as an indicator of future risk and respond accordingly The only responsible reaction encourages therapy as the most viable solution to prevent further incidents.
4. Talking to someone who is suicidal about suicide just makes the urge even worse.
When a friend or family member begins opening up and admitting suicidal thoughts, ignoring their comments or changing the subject actually pushes them further towards going through with these actions. Talking about suicide with a loved one openly and objectively serves as a safeguard until the victim receives professional help. If confronted with a potentially suicidal situation, the best reaction is to call an emergency number (such as 911 in the United States or 999 in some countries in Europe and Asia or a suicide hotline so the individual connects with people trained to handle their situation. Never leave the victim unattended, and be sure to clear the room of any firearms or other potentially deadly devices. By acknowledging their status as suicidal, friends and family may actually stave off fatal behavior. Victims want help, they want someone to intervene and assist them in combating the swarming demons of overwhelming desperation they face daily. Talking to them may not always reduce the urge, but it never actively encourages them to follow through with suicide, either. A proper reaction that proactively guides victims into valuable therapy shows the compassion, love, and care that they need to try and make themselves healthier. Only ignoring or making little effort to understand the issue stimulates the urge to commit suicide.
5. Suicide occurs without warning; there are no ways to prevent it.
Individuals with the following traits run a higher risk of committing suicide: depression or anxiety disorders, substance abuse, prior attempts, victim of sexual or physical abuse, family or friend of a suicide victim, incarceration, gun ownership, and social marginalization. Obviously, potential suicides do not always carry one or more of these traits, nor do they inherently indicate suicidal behavior. However, educating oneself on what sort of factors to look out for and who suffers the biggest risk makes for the best method of prevention possible. Putting forth the effort to understand and look out for the warning signs may mean the difference between life and death.
If a friend of family member begins displaying some early signs of suicidal thoughts or behavior, their loved ones are partially responsible for intervening and preventing attempts. Social withdrawal, a preoccupation with death, the intensification of depressive behavior, apathy, engaging in risky behaviors, attempting to tie up loose ends, and – in extreme cases – writing up a will, saying goodbye to people, and outright discussing wanting to die all stand out as signifiers of a potential suicide. Also look out for a major shift from extreme depression to an overall sense of calm. This indicates that the victim may have found peace and comfort in a decision to kill him- or herself and needs to be dealt with before following through with it. While variables always inevitably creep in, the aforementioned red flags generally point towards disconcerting behavior that must be addressed before it becomes too late.
6. Suicidal people just want to die, and it’s impossible to talk them down.
The decision to commit suicide is not static. If an individual begins opening up about desiring death, it is possible for them to step down from their choice. While the understanding and support from family and friends remains the first line of defense, therapy remains the only viable long-term solution to prevent suicide. Even if a victim gives up on his or her decision to die due to the assistance of a loved one with all the right ideas and preparations, regular sessions with a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist reduces the risk of suicide by half after one year – something that love and compassion from friends and family alone cannot achieve. If an individual suffers from an immediate risk of suicide, then dialing an emergency number will provide access to professionals far better equipped to handle the direness of the situation. Never, under any circumstances, leave them unattended for any period of time until help arrives.
7. An improvement in emotional state means the risk of suicide is lowered.
Frequently, the opposite of this statement is the truism. One of the biggest warning signs that an individual may follow through with plans to commit suicide is a rapid shift between despair and overarching calm, even happiness. Even if the victim currently attends therapy sessions, rarely do moods alter so dramatically from negative to positive. Signs of peace after a severe and prolonged bout of hopelessness or depression may signal the decision to commit suicide as a permanent solution to overwhelming problems. Be sure to keep a sharp eye out for the other indicators mentioned earlier if the victim’s mood rapidly improves without provocation.
8. Unsuccessful suicide attempts means the victim never cared to die in the first place.
Individuals survive suicide attempts for any number of reasons. Happenstance or the timely intervention of a loved one usually accounts for a victim not fully succumbing to death. Depending on the method, victims may even end up critically injured or in a coma. A number of different factors make up the difference between a fatality and a survival, but just because an individual lives through a suicide attempt does not mean they were never serious about dying in the first place. Actually, the fact that they even tried to commit suicide in the first place ought to explicitly tip off friends and family that the victim honestly wants to end his or her life. In fact, suicide survivors run a higher risk of future attempts, so it is integral that they seek professional help immediately in order to prevent further incidents.
9. Telling the suicidal to cheer up will help.
Much like clinical depression – a mental illness which comprises almost 90% of suicide cases each year – victims do not turn around simply by being told to cheer up and remain positive. A considerable amount of overwhelming mental, emotional, and/or physical pain factors into suicidal thoughts and actions, and while support and compassion can certainly help bring a victim back down from the brink it is unfortunately not enough to solve all of the underlining issues. Only professional therapy through a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can really dissect a patients’ problems and help nurture the mindsets and skills necessary for practicing healthy coping mechanisms in the long run. It is not a matter of merely cheering up. It is a matter of confronting the torment that leads them to perceive death as the only viable option to escape the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.
10. Suicidal thoughts need to be kept secret so as not to embarrass or upset anyone.
Because suicide comes yoked with so many misunderstandings labeling the victims as weak, psychotic, or desperate for attention, it has sadly become a shameful, demonized subject too taboo to discuss objectively. Those feeling the tug of wanting to die are led to believe that they must simply choke back and fight the urge. They fear broaching such a hefty, weighty subject with loved ones because of how society unfairly paints their plight, believing that honesty may result in ostracizing of further marginalization. Truthfully, any time suicidal thoughts crop up they must be expressed to someone trustworthy – a family member, a friend, a hotline number, or a therapist. No matter what, there is always somebody out there willing to offer an ear and advice on finding a professional who will help quell the suffering in the long term. While friends and family will never react positively to news of suicidal thoughts, they would much rather address the issue as it arises instead of bury a loved one. Never be ashamed to the point of suppressing suicidal feelings. Openness and honesty between the victim and trusted peers means the difference between life and death.
Only by making an effort to truly understand the realities behind suicide can humanity honestly hope to prevent it. The previous ten myths only sadly skim the surface of an overarching social issue. Far too many frown more upon the persons feeling suicidal rather than the act itself, further pushing them towards a desperate act. Fortunately, concerned friends, family, and mental health professionals with the right intentions and ideas towards approaching the subject have a number of extremely valuable resources at their disposal.
If a loved one appears to be in immediate danger, dial 911, 999, or other emergency number and do not leave their side until professional help arrives. Remove any and all weaponry, toxins, and other hazards from the vicinity. Those considering suicide in the United States may call 1-800-SUICIDE for Hopeline and 1-800-273-TALK for Suicide Prevention Lifeline. SPL also offers a deaf hotline at 1-800-779-4TTY. Individual states and cities may also provide phone numbers to dial in the event of suicidal thoughts and behaviors as well. Befrienders Worldwide lists hotlines from a large number of nations for those needing help outside the US. Remember that while these phone numbers play an integral roll in pulling victims back from their suicidal inclinations, they are intended only as a stepping stone towards a long-term solution rather than the solution in and of itself. Only professional therapy addresses the core issues that lead to suicide, and anyone considering it as an option to escape the overwhelming pain must find a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to get the help they need in order to live a healthy life away from their demons.
Tags: Cutters, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Self Injury, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Suicide, Suicide Prevention, Teen Body Image, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Sadness, Teen Suicide
Sue Scheff: The New School Year: Starting with a Clean Slate
by Sue Scheff on Aug 25, 2009
What a great website and educational information to help you raise your daughters. They offer valuable parenting tips and articles that will benefit you and help you to better understand girls today. Take the time to learn more about A Way Through.
The New School Year: Starting with a Clean Slate
By Jane Balvanz
Last week we had our school’s ice cream social and meet the teacher night. There was such excitement as students raced around to find out whether they got the “right” teacher and if their friends were in their class.
Kindergarteners marched in with their parents, behind them if they were wary and ahead if they were excited. I like to watch this rite of passage. The kindergarteners start school with clean slates. No one really knows them. These students basically are happy little people, and as a teacher friend of mine once said, “They smell like milk!” They love school, the teacher, the kids, the crayons, and everything in the whole wide world. They are curious little sponges absorbing everything they can.
I like that they start the school year with a clean slate. I wish that for all students of all ages. We have memories, however, which can either be friend or foe. On the friend side, they us let us recall pleasant experiences or caution us to be careful in certain situations. On the foe side, they hold onto negative experiences without factoring in changes as time passes. It’s the foe side that keeps us stuck, doesn’t allow us to clean our slate. and refuses to let others clean theirs.
If your daughter was involved in a relational aggression incident in school last year – be it as bully, target, or bystander – help her start the new school year with a clean slate. We’ve provided three conversation starters you may want to use with your daughter for her unique situation(s).
1.If you were a bully, remember that everyone makes mistakes. If you have apologized, made amends, and changed your ways, go back to school with your head held high. Other girls may need time to trust you. Continue to treat others the way you want to be treated. You will attract old or new friends this way. What do you feel about this?
2.If you were a bystander who backed a bully or didn’t help the target, learn from your mistakes. If you learned that it’s not OK to support a bully or that you should help a target when you safely can, celebrate! Plan to be a Positive Active Bystander™, a bystander that helps instead of hurts. When you can do this, it shows just how much courage you have. That’s something you can be proud of! Since everyone is a bystander at some time, what ideas can you think of to help yourself become a Positive Active Bystander?
3.If you were a target, you may have many different feelings. Sometimes targets feel ashamed, like they are weak or that it’s their fault they were bullied. Remember that no one can make someone bully another person. The bully makes the choice. You are not responsible for others’ choices. If you have learned to stick up for yourself or ask for help when needed, you are one wise girl. What advice do you have for other girls who may become a target of bullying?
Best wishes for a great school year!
A Way Through, LLC is having a contest! To win a When Girls Hurt Girls™ parent pack from the age group of your choice, simply write a comment about this blog post in the box below called “leave a reply” and click the submit comment button. We will draw for the winner and their name will be announced when we publish our next Guiding Girls ezine.
© 2009 A Way Through, LLC
Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com
Tags: A Way Through, Parenting, Parenting Girls, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Health, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Teen Self Image – Body Dysmorphic Disorder
by Sue Scheff on Aug 14, 2009
Today’s teens are more concerned than ever about being able to fit in, express their individuality as well as deal with peer pressure. As soon is opening take the time to talk with your kids about how they are feeling, and always let them know how beautiful they are, both inside and outside.
Source: Connect with Kids
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
“I realized something today: I would rather be dead than be ugly.”
– Francy, 19, suffers from Body Dysmorphic Disorder
One of the stranger parts of Michael Jackson’s life was called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD): an obsession with how you look, particularly a fixation on a physical defect, whether real or imagined. An estimated nine million Americans suffer from the disorder.
“It’s an overwhelming anxiety, you just feel so ugly and so disgusting, and there’s nothing you can do about it,” says 19 year-old Francy. She’s been suffering from BDD for almost ten years.
Emory University psychiatrist, Dr. Philip Ninan explains, “Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a sense of imagined ugliness that the person perceives there’s something wrong with the way they look.”
Though no one else can see them, when Francy looks in the mirror, all she can see are flaws. “I see my face being way too round. My skin looks blotchy. My lips look too small. (My) hair looks frizzy and flat,” she says.
Every teenager worries about how they look, but BDD is much more. It is a mental disorder and usually begins in adolescence. It can be debilitating. Francy says, “I probably spent hours a day in front of the mirror. If I’m having an attack, I can’t leave the mirror; I can’t look away. And your mind is racing while you’re looking in the mirror, and it’s just, you’re telling yourself how ugly and disgusting you are. You know there’s a lot of times when I just want to lock myself up in my room and look in the mirror all day ‘cause it’s so hard to be around other people.”
Many people with BDD avoid social situations altogether or worse. “I realized something today. I would rather be dead than be ugly,” Francy reads from a computer bulletin board posting.
Dr. Ninan says she’s not alone. “The risk of suicide attempts is relatively high with people with this kind of problem.” That’s why getting the proper treatment is crucial. Anti-depressants and cognitive-behavior therapy have been successful. And without it, BDD won’t go away, something Francy knows firsthand. “I know I need to get on medicine. I can’t do this alone anymore,” she reads.
Experts say online support groups like the one Francy posts to can be an important step in getting kids to realize they need help. Discovering that they’re not alone, and hearing from others with the same problem can be invaluable.
Tips for Parents
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is listed in the DSM-IV under somatization disorders (the conversion of anxiety into physical symptoms), but clinically it seems to have similarities to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). BDD is a preoccupation with an imagined physical defect in appearance or a vastly exaggerated concern about a minimal defect. The preoccupation often regards facial features, hair or odor, and can cause significant impairment in the individual’s life where the affected thinks about his or her perceived defect for at least an hour per day. The affected individual may fear social ridicule, may consult dermatologists or plastic surgeons, and may undergo painful or risky procedures in an attempt to change the perceived defect. Among the detrimental effects of BDD are constraints on friendships and difficulty in concentrating on schoolwork because of obsessive thoughts on appearance. BDD can lead to social isolation, school dropout, major depression, unnecessary surgery, and even self-amputation or suicide. Behaviors associated with BDD include:
- Frequent glancing in reflective surfaces.
- Avoiding mirrors.
- Comparison to photographs of other females (this trait rarely surfaces in BDD males).
- Skin picking.
- Repeated measuring or touching the defect.
- Repeated requests for reassurance of the defect.
- Elaborate grooming rituals.
- Camouflaging one’s appearance with the hand, a hat or makeup.
- Avoiding social situations where others may see the defect.
- Avoiding social situations where photographs may be taken.
- Anxiety in social situations.
- Predetermined positioning, or sitting in a preplanned place they perceive as having flattering lighting and showing their “good side.”
This disorder often begins in adolescence. It is often difficult to get individuals with BDD to seek the treatment they need through a psychiatrist as they consider their problem to be physical rather than mental. Should the individual see a dermatologist or plastic surgeon, a good technique is to inform that doctor of the situation in advance. This physician can then strategically encourage the patient to accept the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. Treatment of BDD usually involves:
- SSRI medications like sertraline or fluoxetine.
- Cognitive-behavior psychotherapy where the doctor helps the patient resist their compulsions.
- Family behavioral treatment.
- Gradual, progressive facing of feared situations.
- Discouraging surgical remedies.
- Therapy to help the patient understand that his/her perceptions are distorted.
- Involvement in support groups.
References
- BDD Central
- Dictionary.com
- eMedicine
- Northern County Psychiatric Associates
Tags: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Connect with Kids, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Self Image
Sue Scheff: Teen Truth Live – Teen Bullying, Peer Pressure, Body Image and more
by Sue Scheff on Aug 12, 2009
Recently I received an email introducing me to TEEN TRUTH LIVE films.
As school is opening, I encourage parents, teens, teachers, guidance counselors, therapist and everyone that works with today’s teens to watch these films.
They cover teen drug abuse, bullying, teen body image, peer pressure and much more. An education that everyone can benefit from.
About Teen Truth Live:
Tags: Bullying, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Truth, Teen Truth Live, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Top Ten Teenage Acne Tips
by Sue Scheff on Aug 10, 2009
Johanna Curtis, a licensed skin professional, gives us some informational tips on teenage acne. As soon is opening soon, many teens are concerned about their appearances, not only what clothes they will wear, and their hair, but what about their skin and if they do suffer with teen acne? Learn more.
By If you or your teenage son or daughter from acne, take heart in the fact that you are not alone. More than 90% of teenagers suffer from at least some level of acne. It doesn’t matter where you’re from; it doesn’t matter what you look like. Puberty throws the hormones into turmoil and acne can very often be one of the distressing results.
Psychological Effects
While adults worry about world peace, global warming and the credit crunch (and we might think many of these worries are prompted by our children), teenagers worry about acne. For many teenagers, suffering from acne is actually their biggest fear.
With teenage acne psychological effects can be severe. Some are so embarrassed about their skin condition that they literally won’t leave the house. It’s not fair, but teenage acne strikes just when young men and women are just starting to make their own sense of the world and get a sense of their place within it. Acne in teenagers can have a detrimental effect on how they interact with people and the relationships they form, both now and in the future. As a parent, if your child is suffering with their skin condition, you owe it to them to arm yourself with information on teenage acne. You need to help them through this difficult time, rather than belittling their fears. The acne may not seem severe to you but it might to your son or daughter.
It’s just not fair, is it? You’re watching your teen struggling with learning about themselves and deciding who they want to be. Then acne comes along and blows apart the self-image they were just building. Suddenly pimples and blemishes have turned their faces into a minefield. It’s so upsetting!
But since just about every teen suffers from some level of acne, you just have to tell them to suck it up and get on with their lives, right?… WRONG!
Information is the Key to an Acne Cure
Armed with the correct information on teenage acne you can really help your teen find a cure for their skin condition.
Why is Acne in Teenagers so Common?
It’s all the fault of puberty. It’s at this time that the body becomes a melting pot of androgens, the ‘male’ hormones that both males and females have. Boys have more of them and that is why acne in teenagers is most common in boys.
The androgens stimulate the skin’s natural production of sebum, the oil which keeps our skin soft and hydrated. As a result, too much oil is produced, causing the dead skin cells which should just slough off to be held onto at the surface of the skin. That trapped dead skin blocks the pores and effectively cork up the pores so oil and bacteria can’t get out of the pores. That trapped oil makes the pores swell and the body, in its own smart way, tries to rectify the problem, sending in white blood cells to combat the bacteria. That results in painful red pimples and ugly blackheads: in short – acne.
So how can you cure acne in teenagers?
The key to curing in acne in teenagers is twofold:
- Prevention
- Cure
Unlike most other health problems, with acne in teenagers the cure tends to be easier than the prevention. As you have read, a major causal factor in teenage acne is the increased sebum production from puberty. There’s not a lot you can do about that, but there are many other things you can do to combat the problem with the right know-how.
Here are some top teenage acne tips that can help prevent or lessen further acne breakouts, and cure the acne that you already have.
1. Keep your skin very clean. Twice daily washing will help to remove the excess sebum from your skin.
2. While you need to keep your skin clean, be careful not to wash too much. Use warm, not hot water, and a mild cleanser. Washing too harshly will just cause your glands to create even more sebum.
3. Use a gentle exfoliator. Don’t scrub at your skin too much but a gentle facial exfoliant will help to remove the dead skin cells that could potentially block your pores.
4. Avoid toners which contain alcohol. Alcohol will only dry out your skin’s top layer, causing your skin to over-compensate by producing even more oil. That will only result in more pimples.
5. Never pick or squeeze your acne spots. That will just introduce more bacteria to the skin, leaving it inflamed and it may even cause an infection. That can also cause you scars which may never disappear.
6. Keep your hands away from your face. The acne causing bacteria is something we always have on our skin but it only causes a problem when it gets trapped in your pores. Rubbing your face or resting your chin in your hands will help to push the bacteria deep into your skin, where is can create acne in teenagers.
7. Choose non-comedogenic and oil-free skin products and make-up. There is no sense introducing more oil to your skin. That will only further encourage blocked pores which cause acne.
8. Take care in the sun. Small amounts of sun exposure are good for acne in teenagers but you should avoid sunburn, which will only make you shed dead skin cells more quickly, leading to more blocked pores. Also, certain sunblock preparations can worsen acne in teenagers so you need to be careful when you try a new sunblock.
9. Avoid accessories that will rub your skin. Hats and headbands are the main culprits. This is important because heat and friction can really cause acne to flare up. The need to avoid friction like this is a reason you should also shower immediately after exercise so you don’t have sweaty skin rubbing together.
10. Find what works for you – and stick with it. For most acne in teenagers, an over the counter acne cure is effective. You just need to persevere with it a while.
To avoid teenage acne psychological effects and cure the problem before it becomes severe, you should follow these teenage acne tips in your daily life. Make them part of your life and you should have less of a problem with acne in teenagers.
Learn more on Johanna’s website at http://teenage-acne.net/
Tags: Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Acne, Teen Body Image, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Self Esteem, Teen Skin Care
Sue Scheff: Teens and Body Piercing
by Sue Scheff on Jul 30, 2009
As a parent I went through my struggles when my daughter was a teenager and wanting to “express” herself with body piercing, starting with the belly button. Personally, I don’t care for these types of “self image” expression, but who am I to judge? Just a parent that grew up in another generation. What I find disturbing is the tattoo parlors and others that allow these “kids” to have body piercings and tattoo’s without a parent’s permission. Guess I am old fashion. I did take my daughter (way back when) and permitted the belly button ring, I figured it was better than the tongue or the eyebrow – which she later did behind my back! Good news is – as a young adult, she grew out of all of it and thankfully my life with teens is in the past. Oh – but remember, you can learn from my mistakes! PS: She also got a tattoo (as a minor) which I didn’t allow, but what can you do? Gotta love these teens…. or at least survive them!
Here is another good article with parenting tips from Connect with Kids on Body Piercing.
Source: Connect with Kids
“I have a lot of patients that have tongue bars, and I’ve seen a lot of damaged teeth from them.”
– Dr. David Montgomery, a dentist
More than half of all teens with tattoos or body piercings get them without their parent’s permission, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. And oftentimes, that means no one is warning these kids about infections, scarring, and broken teeth.
Connie, 24, has a piece of metal piercing her tongue. Two weeks ago she was eating dinner, “And I bit down really hard on it, and I just, it hurt, I just felt like something fell off,” she says. She bit down on the metal in her tongue, and what fell off was part of her tooth.
Nineteen-year-old Aaron broke a tooth the same way. “I was eating some Chex mix or something, and just bit down, and crack,” he says.
Broken teeth, scarring, hepatitis, even AIDS …any piercing on any part of the body can go wrong. In fact, researchers from Texas Tech University found that a belly button piercing has a 45 percent chance of getting infected.
It happened to Camille, 23. “It grew kinda swollen, and just kinda puss-ey,” she says.
Then, Camille got her upper ear pierced and that filled with puss, too. “Okay, that one really, really hurt,” she says. I’m not going to lie, it really, really hurt.”
And some teens get hurt and don’t even know it. “The first thing we do when we see a patient with a tongue bar is we’re going to go in and look for broken teeth,” says Dr. David Montgomery, a dentist. “We’ve had patients in that haven’t realized, and they’ve had THREE broken teeth,” he explains.
Experts say inserting a piece of metal into your skin is hazardous. But despite the dangers, the trend is only getting more popular. So, if your child insists, and you allow it, make sure he or she goes someplace clean and professional. “And have it done right, rather than by a family friend or another adolescent,” says Dr. Rick Lloyd, a pediatrician with the Palo Alto Medical Foundation.
Tips for Parents
Piercing is becoming a more prevalent form of body art and self-expression in today’s society. However, oral piercings, which involve the tongue (the most common site), lips, cheeks, uvula or a combination of sites, have been implicated in a number of adverse oral and systemic conditions. In fact, the American Dental Association recently cited oral piercing as a public health hazard. It says the piercing of oral structures presents risks of infection because of vast amount of bacteria in the mouth.
Patients typically undergo piercing procedures without anesthetic. In tongue piercing, for example, a barbell-shaped piece of jewelry typically is placed transverse to the thickness of the tongue at the midline in its anterior one-third using a needle. Initially, a temporary device longer than the jewelry of choice is placed to accommodate post-piercing swelling. The free end of the barbell stem then is inserted into the hole in a ventral-dorsal direction. The recipient grasps the free end of the shank between the maxillary and mandibular anterior teeth and screws the ball onto the stem. The barbell also can be placed laterally, with the studs on the dorsolateral lingual surface. In the absence of complications, healing takes four to six weeks.
In lip or cheek piercing, jewelry position (usually a labrette) is determined primarily by aesthetics with consideration to where the jewelry will rest intraorally. Once position is determined, a cork is usually placed inside the mouth to support the tissue as it is pierced with a needle. The needle is inserted through the tissue and into the cork backing. The needle then is replaced with the labrette stud, and the disc backing is screwed into place. Healing time can range from weeks to months.
After piercing, teens may experience the following side effects:
- Pain
- Swelling
- Increased salivary flow
- Infection
The potential for serious infection occurs during tattooing and body piercing. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that the needles that are used to penetrate the skin at various sites on the body can become contaminated by blood or serum.
HIV (the virus that causes AIDS), hepatitis B and hepatitis C viruses are present in blood and spread by infected blood entering another person’s bloodstream. This contamination can occur during tattooing or body piercing, when needles used for penetrating the skin are contaminated with infected blood or serum and are not sterilized before use on another person.
Blood or serum does not have to be visible on an instrument or needle for infection to be transmitted. It is important to note that all instruments that penetrate the skin of a person, including needles and attachments such as nozzles bars and tubes, must be sterile.
Infectious disease specialists, like Dr. Arnold Lentnek, caution that preventing teens from piercing their lips, cheeks or tongues may take more than a stern warning.
“And I think it’s going to be difficult to dissuade them by telling them about the problems that may theoretically occur down the road,” Dr. Letnek says.
In order to deter your teen from getting a tattoo or piercing, the University of Iowa Health Care’s Virtual Hospital suggests reminding your teen of the following problems associated with body art:
- Unsterile tattooing and piercing equipment and needles can spread serious infection, hepatitis, tetanus or even HIV.
- Asking a friend to apply a tattoo may ruin a friendship if the tattoo doesn’t look like you thought it would.
- Tattoo removal is very expensive. A tattoo that costs $50 to apply may cost more than $1,000 to remove.
- The law in many states prohibits the tattooing of minors.
- Tattoos are not easy to remove and in some cases may cause permanent discoloration. Think carefully before getting a tattoo. You can’t take it back if you don’t like it.
- Some people are allergic to the tattoo dye. Their body will work to reject the tattoo.
- Blood donations cannot be made for a year after getting a tattoo, body piercing or permanent makeup.
References
- American Dental Association
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- University of Iowa Health Care’s Virtual Hospital
Tags: Body Piercing, Connect with Kids, Parenting, parenting advice, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Sue Scheff, Tattoos, Teen Body Image, Teen Health, Teen Issues, Teens Body Piercing
Sue Scheff: Seven Tips for Talking to Your Daughter
by Sue Scheff on Jul 23, 2009
Dara Chadwick, author of You’d Be So Pretty If…: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies — Even When We Don’t Love Our Own and freelance journalist, writes an excellent Blog with information for parents about raising girls today. Dara is always very encouraging and helps promote positive self esteem and body image. Please take the time to read her latest Blog post:
Seven Tips for Talking to Your Daughter
My Twitter pal and fellow body image warrior Andrea Owen sent me a link to this guest post she wrote recently for the blog, “It Starts With Us.” I found myself nodding along as I read Andrea’s thoughts, especially when she got to the part about how important it is to talk to our girls. But a recent exchange I had with my 13-year-old daughter made me realize that for some moms and daughters, talking just isn’t that easy.
It went like this: My daughter mentioned a conversation that she and I had to a friend of hers and her friend said, “I can’t believe you talk to your mom about that!”
When she relayed her friend’s reaction to me, I could tell that my daughter was both proud of the fact that she and I talk about such things and concerned that it was OK for her to talk to me because some of her friends don’t talk to their moms like we talk. Why don’t they? she wondered.
Sometimes, it’s fear…or embarrassment…or just plain awkwardness. And sometimes, moms just don’t know how to talk to their girls about sensitive topics. But it can be done — all it takes is a little strategy:
1. Let her lead. If she starts to tell you about something that happened to a friend or a character in a movie or even someone she doesn’t know (but heard about), it’s often a sign that she wants to open the door to conversation.
2. Tread carefully. Don’t swoop in with your opinion or advice. Let her talk. When she pauses, ask gentle questions like, “Why do you think she said that?” or “How do you think that made her feel?” to keep the conversation going.
3. Listen. That one needs no explanation.
4. Share your experiences — within reason. Sure, you can talk about your own adolescent experiences, but remember that her experiences might not be anything like yours. Don’t assume that because this is how it was for you, that’s how it’ll be for her. If she says things like, “You don’t understand” or “Things are different now,” that’s your cue to back off and focus on listening, not talking.
5. Keep it confidential. If she shares something with you in confidence, there’s no sharing it with your husband, friends or anyone else, unless she’s in some sort of danger.
6. Know when to stop. Some topics require more than one conversation. Don’t keep pushing; let her talk and when she’s had enough, stop. You can always revisit the topic once she’s had a chance to think about some of the things you’ve had to say. Don’t lecture or be a broken record; she’ll just tune you out.
7. Never use her words against her. I can’t stress this enough. If she confides in you or shares something with you, never bring it up during an argument or at other times of emotional distress.
Above all, let her know you love her and that she can come to you with anything. If you keep the door open, chances are, she’ll use it.
Follow Dara Chadwick on Twitter @DaraChadwick
Visit her website at http://www.youdbesoprettyif.com/
Tags: Dara Chadwick, Parenting, Parenting Teen Girls, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: My Daughter Has an Eating Disorder and I Don’t Get it
by Sue Scheff on Jul 23, 2009
Lori Hanson is an Award winning author, speaker and mentor. After reading her first book, It All Started with Pop-Tarts, I was impressed with her ability to share her own journey with Bulimia as well as her private life. Most recently she released her book for teens, Teen Secrets to Surviving & THRIVING, again, another fantastic book. Lori is dedicated to others in helping them better understand eating disorders as well as motivating people in a positive direction. Learn more at Learn2Balance.
My Daughter Has an Eating Disorder and I Don’t Get It
By Lori Hanson
The bombshell drops. Your precious little girl or boy has an eating disorder. For some parents they suspect and have to figure out how to confront their child. For others, they are blissfully unaware until their child confides in them. 85% of eating disorders start between the ages of 13-20.
Finding out your child has an eating disorder stirs up numerous emotions for a parent. The first reaction seems to start with questions of how could this happen? I was a good parent! Then guilt sets in and for many parents, mom’s in particular they quickly jump on the thought train of what am I going to do to fix it? How can I make it go away quickly and make my child normal again. The embarrassment is there along with the guilt. For some there is a feeling of betrayal because their child, teen or young adult didn’t tell them about he eating disorder, or didn’t tell them sooner.
But what parents and loved ones don’t understand is why it is so difficult for the child or young adult to tell them. First, it’s incredibly difficult for the individual suffering with an eating disorder to admit to themselves that they have a problem. It’s a behavioral addiction which means it’s a “psychological” thing. Which means there is something mentally wrong. And most individuals aren’t anxious to join that club. Second, the embarrassment, guilt and shame of the eating disorder behavior makes it incredibly difficult to share with family or loved ones. It’s not about betrayal. Third, one of the core characteristics of eating disorders is isolation (in addition to obsession with food, body and more.)
So when the news comes out via an intervention or when the individual suffering approaches loved ones for help just remember, both the individual with the eating disorder and their loved ones are hurt, confused, feeling guilt, embarrassment and shame. Underneath all the embarrassment, the parents core sentiments is usually, “How can I help them recover? What’s the best way to support them?” And depending on where the individual with the eating disorder is on their path, their core sentiment may be denial or wanting to get help.
For the individual suffering the obsessiveness of the behavior is draining, scary and totally controls them. As much as they may want to stop, the fear of losing the control they gain through the disorder is often paralyzing. At the root is low self-esteem, but that is only one of the factors that contributes to an eating disorder.
For most who suffer, they lack the courage to communicate freely, to set appropriate boundaries, and to express their emotions, positive or negative. The eating disorder behavior helps them numb out and disengage from life and other people. It provides a quiet solitude which evolves into a living hell of isolation and obsession. Digging out on their own to improve self-esteem and gain much needed self-confidence isn’t something most can do on their own.
A holistic approach to treating eating disorders teaches the individual healthy communication skills, helps them improve self-esteem and understand the causes of their addictive behavior. It is critical to understand and address the body and brain chemistry through diet, nutrition and nutritional supplements which helps move the individual beyond “willpower” and gives much needed nutritional support and objectivity. Reprogramming negative thoughts and beliefs is key to recovery and lastly improving mental and physical health with body work rounds out the circle of a solid holistic approach.
So parents, before you get consumed in anger, hurt, embarrassment and try to figure out to make the problem go away quickly realize that as a behavioral addiction it runs deeps and won’t go away with simple comments of “honey, why don’t you just eat.” Unfortunately, this is something the individual suffering has to change, as parents and loved ones you can’t fix it for them. Find a pactitioner your child relates to and a treatment facility that is family oriented and a parent advocate. Healing an individual from an eating disorder can and should have a positive effect on the entire family!
In peace, balance and health,
Lori Hanson
Award-winning author, It Started With Pop-Tarts…An Alternative Approach to Winning the Battle of Bulimia
Speaker and Life Balance Consultant
www.Learn2Balance.com
Tags: Aneroxia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Body Image, Teen Eating Disorders, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues
