Who do you trust behind the screen?

Troubled teens, teen help, struggling teens, at-risk teens, problem teens, difficult teens, boot camps, military schools, behavior modification, specialty schools, specialty programs, teen help programs, boarding schools, residential treatment centers, residential therapy, emotional growth programs, therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness programs, defiant teens, manipulative teens, disengaged from the family, family conflict, hopelessness, WIT’S END….

You have about reached your wit’s end when you are searching the web and typing in about every keyword you believe describes what you think you are looking for.  Glorified websites appear – maybe some not so beautiful, maybe you want a Christian setting, maybe you think a good boot camp or have that traditional thinking of an old fashioned military school…. however you will soon realize this isn’t 50 years ago.  There are legitimate residential therapeutic schools today and it is a parent job to do their research to be sure they find a safe and quality program that fits their individual needs.

After hours – days – even weeks (I have actually spoken to parents that have spent months) on the Internet, sometimes the confusion can deepen, which is why I did create Parents’ Universal Resource Experts.

With this – I am only sharing my own experiences…. and it has to do with the affiliated programs with the title of this Blog….

Are you confused yet? Looking for teen help and realizing this is a BIG BUSINESS?

So, your teen is driving your crazy.  You are at your wit’s end. You have finally decided you need outside help. You have exhausted all your local resources.  Local therapy doesn’t help, heck, you can’t even get your teen to attend.  Your teen is failing in school, he/she is very smart yet doesn’t want to attend school and believe they know it all.  Many say, “typical teen“, but as a parent, we know it is more than that.

Where did our good kid go?  Good kids making bad choices – and they don’t need to be placed in an environment that will make them worse in my opinion – learn from what happened to me!

As a victim of the WWASPS organization – I am often called or receive many emails about our (my daughter and I) experiences with them.  Obviously not pleasant.  Though I am happy to say the program she was at, Carolina Springs Academy, which attempted to go through a name change to Magnolia Christian Academy (or School) depending on the day you Googled it, is finally closed – it has been rumored some of the staff is now at their affiliate program – Red River Academy.

Let me be clear for legal purposes – these are rumors – but if I were placing my child in program, I personally wouldn’t take any chances – and furthermore, Red River Academy is clearly named in the current lawsuit which is extremely disturbing with allegations of fraud, abuse, neglect and much more – (click here) that is current.

Then we come to Horizon Academy.  Another alleged WWASPS facility.  Why say alleged?  Maybe they will deny they are affiliated – yet look at their staff, again, you will see they were once employed at other WWASPS programs.  Jade Robinson was at the program in Mexico (named in that lawsuit with alleged abuse and neglect) Casa By the Sea, then went on to Bell Academy, which didn’t last long, and I assume is trying to continue at Horizon Academy.

So when the “sales rep” tells you that “Sue Scheff” is a disgruntled parent – I say – YES, I was – you put my daughter in a box for 17 hours, she was mentally and emotionally abused – food and sleep deprived – I was complete defrauded – and she also missed out on 6 months of education.  None of which I had signed up for.  Grant it, this was 10 years ago – a lot has changed – but those original owners haven’t – so in my humble opinion – I wouldn’t trust any of their programs with my pets….. BTW: I am the only parent to have defeated WWASPS in a jury trial.  

Most of the other (many) lawsuits have settled out of court with silence agreements.  I don’t have one, which is why I can still share my story – which is why I get slimed online – which is why their sales reps have all sorts of stories about me – including “the jury made a mistake” – neglecting to tell you I won the appellate court too.  No one condones child abuse – period.

I have been called a crusader (and not in a flattering way) though I take it that way.  I have made it my mission to find the better programs and schools, since I do know what it is like to be at your wit’s end.  I know what parents need help. I am not against residential therapy, which brings us to many  of my stalkers that were formally abused in programs that believe all programs should be closed down.  That is being extreme – they are not a parent trying to save their child’s life and future.

I will share with you that there are more safe and quality programs than there are bad ones – it is just about doing your homework and research.  Today you are more fortunate than I was – you have more access to information and you can learn from my mistakes and  my knowledge.

Please – take 10 minutes to read my story and see the list of programs that are and were once affiliated with Carolina Springs Academy – and from there, you make your own choices for your child.

I had one parent that almost went to Red River Academy that actually said the sales rep said they could have their teen “extracted” within a few hours?  Extracted?  Really – is your child a tooth?  Please don’t get rushed into a quick decision – this is a major emotional and financial decision.

My organization is Parents’ Universal Resource Experts – and no matter what those “sales reps” or the Internet fiction – I don’t own, operate or manage any schools or programs!  We are about educating parents when they are looking for help for their at risk teen…. Don’t get scammed when you are at your wit’s end.

Oh – and when these “sales reps” send out these defamatory links about me – another FACT they neglect to tell you is I won the landmark case for Internet Defamation that awarded me $11.3M in damages for what was said about me online!  Lies and twisted facts!  Here is my recent appearance on Anderson Cooper.

This is strictly my opinion on my own experiences – you are free to make your choices…

I know all this first hand since it almost happened to me.

If you don’t protect it who will?  Your BFF today could become your foe tomorrow.  Your spouse today could be your ex next week.  What will happen if they decide that e-Venge is easier than revenge?  Remember the Internet never forgets!

What is cyberstalking?  What is a Google bomb?  What is this crazy thing calling cyber defamation?

CYBER-HAWKS THAT STALK:  A new HEIGHT of cybercrimes, stalking, stolen identities, cyber-corruption and criminal predators with a keypad

Do you believe your online image, reputation and character are protected? Firewalls broken – hackers hacking – and you are now virtually invaded! Learn from my $11M defamation verdict that changed Internet Culture.

Google Bomb (n) or “link bomb”: Internet slang for a certain kind of attempt to raise the ranking of a given page in results from a Google search. (Wikipedia)

I was a regular person who found out in the most evil way what slander awaited her in cyberspace. My organization, reputation, and identity were stolen, livelihood ruined, her mental health threatened after viral defamatory statements emerged. I was hit with a Google bomb.

Like an epidemic, Google bombs are the latest lethal legal weapon to destroy character and reputations. Our First Lady was hit. No one is immune.  We must be proactive in maintaining our virtual profile.

Still standing and thriving after all she endured both personally and professionally, Scheff now helps others understand the depths of the Internet and what happens when revenge turns to e-venge.

IN THE NEWS: Over 400 newspapers have featured this landmark case. Including a 4-Part LA Times Series, Washington Post, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, AARP, and many more.  Here are snippets of my advice on how to protect your image:

• Wall Street Journal “Until you go through a vengeful attack on your good name, service or business, you have no idea what a Google bomb can do to you.”
• AARP- “Limit the amount of information you provide on the Internet,” she now advises others. “The Internet is not only an educational tool, it can be a lethal weapon,”
• Washington Post –“if you don’t own your own name, someone else will.”
• Family Circle – “Use extreme caution…Whatever you say in the kitchen goes into your kid’s ears and can come out on the computer screen – and go viral!”
• LA Times – “We need very real repercussions for violating a reporter’s privacy in a motel room with a peep camera for mass voyeuristic consumption.”
• LA Times – “The malicious stroke of a key has become the equivalent of a cyberbullet.” 

There can be so many different paths your teen can take to the road to addiction, but the one path they need to realize is they don’t need to start to begin with.  Understanding the risks and dangers is the beginning of teaching prevention.

October 31st through November 6th is National Drug Facts Week.

This is an opportunity to shatter the myths about drug and substance abuse as well as become an educated parent and build a stronger drug-free community.

What is ecstasy?

“Ecstasy” is a slang term for MDMA, short for 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a name that’s nearly as long as the all-night parties where MDMA is often used. That’s why MDMA has been called a “club drug.” It has effects similar to those of other stimulants, and it often makes the person feel like everyone is his or her friend, even when that’s not the case.

MDMA is man-made—it doesn’t come from a plant like marijuana does. Other chemicals or substances—such as caffeine, dextromethorphan (found in some cough syrups), amphetamines, PCP, or cocaine—are sometimes added to, or substituted for, MDMA in Ecstasy tablets. Makers of MDMA can add anything they want to the drug, so its purity is always in question.

What Are the Common Street Names?

There are a lot of slang words for MDMA. “Ecstasy” is one of the most common. You might also hear “E,” “XTC,” “X,” “Adam,” “hug,” “beans,” “clarity,” “lover’s speed,” and “love drug.”

How Is It Used?

Most people who abuse MDMA take a pill, tablet, or capsule. These pills can be different colors, and sometimes have cartoon-like images on them. Some people take more than one pill at a time, called “bumping.”

How Many Teens Use It?

According to a 2010 NIDA-funded study, over the past 10 years smart young teens have turned their backs on MDMA. Since 2001, the percentage of 8th graders who have ever tried MDMA dropped from 5.2 percent in 2001 to 3.3 percent in 2010. The drop among 10th graders and 12th graders was similar. However, between 2009 and 2010, some increases were seen in the abuse of MDMA by 8th and 10th graders. For example, past-year use of MDMA increased among 10th graders from 3.7 percent in 2009 to 4.7 percent in 2010. Also, fewer 10th graders saw “great risk” in occasionally using MDMA, which means that they may not understand the health risks of using MDMA as well as they should.

Is MDMA Addictive?

Like other drugs, MDMA can be addictive for some people. That is, people continue to take the drug despite experiencing unpleasant physical side effects and other social, behavioral, and health consequences.

No one knows how many times a person can use a drug before becoming addicted or who’s most vulnerable to addiction. A person’s genes, living environment, and other factors play a role in whether they are likely to become addicted to MDMA.

Learn more – click here.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Teens can be a challenge – especially in today’s ever changing world with technology and a society that is making our kids grow up so much faster.

Common parent statements:

“My teen is so smart! His/her IQ is superior, but they are not working up to their potential.”
“My teen is so beautiful/handsome – good looking – even has many friends.” (Of course, the peer group has changed and you don’t know why.)
“My teen is very athletic! He/she made the varsity team at a young age, has won all sorts of awards, but now has dropped out and has zero interest in this sport.”

How to be a perfect parent?

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, however there is such a thing as being an educated parent.  This is not about book smarts or academics, it is about first hand experiences from parents that have been where you are.

Becoming an educated parent in the teen help industry is possible with Parent’s Universal Resource Experts.

Blame Game and Parent Denial

• Not my kid, it is the kids he/she is hanging with.

• My child was caught with pot, but he swears it was his friend’s.

• It’s the schools fault.

• If I only had sent him to another school.

• If I only had given into the cell phone.

• His grandparents spoil him rotten.

• When is it appropriate to read your teen’s journal, text messages, emails, social networking sites etc?
• When safety triumphs privacy!  Is your teen withdrawn, secretive, changing friends?
• Be a parent first, friendship is built on that foundation.

Common mistakes parents make:

Major misconception of parents:  Almost all parents that contact us have that next Einstein or Dan Marino, but the fact they are either changing friends, smoking pot, not attending classes or school at all, wanting to drop out of school all together and just get a GED, are all signs you are heading down a very negative path. This road usually escalates before it gets better.

Get help today – contact www.HelpYourTeens.com.

What happens when your teen just won't listen to you anymore?

Summer is over – school is into their first quarter and your teen’s behavior is only escalating!  You are soon driven to your wit’s end!

When a parent is reaching their wit’s end, they are most at risk for making mistakes – mistakes that can cost them financially as well as emotionally.

 Good kids – bad choices:  Where did my innocent toddler go?

 When therapy isn’t working

• This is not a science, in most cases when a belligerent, defiant and entitled teen is faced with a therapist or counselor, they will either close up like a clam, or tell the most amusing stories – which can be called – manipulation.
• Did you know it was your fault?  It really isn’t, but in some cases the teen can actually convince a therapist that it is the parents that have the problem, not them.  Again, another example of manipulation.
• Are you ready for a residential program?
• Have you exhausted all your local options?
• How do you know if you truly need a residential boarding school/program?

How to be a perfect parent

• There is no such thing as a perfect parent; however there is such a thing as being an educated parent.  This is not about book smarts or academics; it is about first hand experiences from parents that have been where you are.
• Becoming an educated parent in the teen help industry is possible with time and due diligence.

Blame Game

• Not my kid, it is the kids he/she is hanging with.
• My child was caught with pot, but he swears it was his friend’s.
• It’s the schools fault.
• If I only had sent him to another school.
• If I only had given into the cell phone.
• His grandparents spoil him rotten.
• When safety trumps privacy. When is it appropriate to read your teen’s journal, text messages, emails, social networking sites etc?

The differences between Boot Camps – Wilderness – TBS – RTC – Click here.

Making sure your teen is not out of their element – Click here.

How to make the calls to parent references – Click here.

• If you could change one thing about the program, what would it be?
• Be sure to get references of the same gender and age.  Important to compare apples to apples.
• Can always get off the list by asking the parent if they know of any other parents they can talk to.

Will my teen hate me? – NO – initially, they may have a lot of anger and resentment – but choosing the right program that fits your teen’s individual needs should stimulate them in a positive direction.

Order today!

You are not alone!!!!  Learn more about the possibility of sending your teen to residential therapy by ordering, Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control-Teen.

By not doing anything, you are not being a responsible parent – there may come a time – when that one hour once a week is simply not enough to make significant positive changes.

Get a free consultation today at www.HelpYourTeens.com.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Lisa Frederikson founded Breaking the Cycles – Changing the Conversations in August 2008, following more than forty years of experience with family alcohol abuse and alcoholism, including eight-plus years of research and recovery work unraveling the effects.  Her books are here today to help you and your family.

There is a great deal of 21st century brain and addiction-related research now possible thanks to advances in brain imaging technologies. These findings are exploding long-held beliefs about addiction and addiction treatment and the impacts of a loved one’s substance misuse on family members and friends. Loved One In Treatment? Now What! simplifies this research and answers questions, such as:

- What causes addiction? Why do some people become alcoholics or drug addicts and others do not?

- What is “effective” treatment? Is there a difference between treatment and recovery?

- Who among family members and friends can help a loved one get treatment? Or can they?

- What does coping with a loved one’s addiction do to family members and friends, and what is available to help them?

“Loved One In Treatment? Now What! is an outstanding, fact-filled, clear, easy-to-read and understand book aimed at helping friends and family, as well as the medical community, comprehend and approach one of the most baffling conditions that we face today.” Stan Fischman, M.D., Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

“Revolutionary…science-based answers, a checklist of next steps – a must read for anyone dealing with a loved one’s addiction.” Caroll Fowler, M.A., MFT, Addiction Specialist

“…what good is the latest research if it can’t be put to good use? This is one of the few practical guides to recovery tailored specifically for the family – highly recommended!” Gavin DeFreese, discoveringalcoholic.com

Click here to pre-order Loved One In Treatment? Now What!

If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need To Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much can help return your life to normal. You’ll learn about the most current brain research on the disease of alcoholism and facts not widely known to the general public about excessive drinking (alcohol abuse). Just 120 pages, this book covers a host of issues, including co-addictions, drunk driving, underage drinking, dual diagnosis, codependency and more. presented against the backdrop of her own experiences, author Lisa Frederiksen offers fresh hope to the more than fifty percent of American adults (and the one in four children) who have a family member who drinks too much.

“…a must-read for anyone whose life has been touched by alcoholism. You’ll never see this addiction in the same light again!” Beth Wilson, Integrative Life Coach and best-selling author of  He’s Just No Good For Me: A Guide to Leaving Destructive Relationships

“Neither in my practice nor my own search for answers about alcoholism, excessive drinking and codependency have I found a book like this…” Cherie Zappas Tannenbaum, Nurse Practitioner

Click here to buy If You Loved Me, You’d Stop!

Follow Lisa on Twitter.

Join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Manipulation in Relational Aggression: Jockeying for the Position of Victim

By Jane Balvanz

If manipulation, as a noun defined, is artful or skillful management, and as a verb, means to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skillfully, or deviously, then manipulation, as a relationship tool, is just plain scary.  It’s a sideways method for getting what you want instead of using direct, honest communication.

In one sense, manipulation can be innocuous.  Parents use manipulative techniques to persuade their children to eat healthily.  And who among us hasn’t helped manage some sort of situation to pull off a surprise for someone’s birthday?  Intentions, in these cases, are meant to help or create a pleasant situation for someone else.  Both examples illustrate the sunnier side of manipulation.  But there is a dark side, a very dark side.

The Shadow Side of Manipulation

When kids meet and form new friendships, there is joy and abandon.  This is particularly true for our youngest.  Small children form bonds easily with little thought of gain or how a friendship could improve their social status.  They just want to play.  It doesn’t take long, though, for cliques to form and manipulation to begin.

Kids discover ways to keep others from joining in play.  Changing the truth just a little can keep an unpleasant situation at bay.  Forgetting on purpose can explain away an indiscretion.  And gathering a group together to “explain” one version of a story first before someone else’s opposing view can be told gives a certain stronghold over the most believable version of the truth.

It’s natural for kids to experiment with manipulation, but it’s a sad place to stay.   With girls and boys equally using it, anyone who continually succeeds through manipulation increases their chances of becoming a manipulative adult.  Spending enough time with a relationship manipulator eventually exposes their MO.  Unfortunately for the manipulator, relationships are shallow and ever changing.  It becomes a heartache for manipulators and their targets alike.

Victim, Victim – Who Gets to Be the Victim?

A masterful manipulator knows how to appear as the wronged party.  The best defense is a good offense; that is the manipulator’s mantra.  She knows how to set things up.  Victim is the desired role, because if you are the victim, you cannot be in the wrong.   Let me illustrate through roles and age groups:
Preschool:  Sarah retrieves a toy Mia has just snatched out of her hands. (Mia, crying to an adult)  “Sarah took my toy!”  Sarah is reprimanded to share.
Siblings:  Younger Child wants to play with Older Child’s science experiment.  Older Child, not wanting to have the school assignment destroyed, denies the request.   Younger Child cries to Parent that Older Child is mean.  Older Child is reprimanded because, of course, she/he is older and should know better.  (Younger Child smiles at Older Child)
Grade School:  A group of girls calls Mary names.  Mary, in tears, says she will report the group to the teacher after recess.   After recess, the group reaches the teacher first and reports that Mary has been calling them names.
Junior High and High School:  Maria and Eve were friends who told each other everything.  Their relationship included privately venting about others and sharing their opinions.  A fight ends the relationship, so Eve seeks “justice” by proclaiming herself Victim while sharing Maria’s private, negative views of others.  As a result, Maria is ostracized, and Victim Eve is embraced.
Romantic Relationships:  Maggie doesn’t like Josh’s friends, so each time he goes out with them, she sulks for days.  When Josh asks what’s wrong, Maggie responds, “Nothing.”
Work:  Analise’s boss asked her to do extra assignments without any compensation.  When Analise spoke up to say she would need extra compensation to pay for her babysitter’s additional time, the boss became incensed.  In conversations now, the boss calls Analise his Prima Dona employee.  When others ask about the obvious change in their relationship, he just shrugs his shoulders as if to suggest she is a difficult employee.  His actions cause others to stay away from Analise.
Character Qualities That Eschew Victimhood and Embrace Self-Efficacy

To raise a 21st Century Citizen who is able to become happy, self-reliant and successful in relationships and life itself, guide your child to live these five character qualities.  They are the antidotes to manipulation:

1. Respect
2. Responsibility
3. Resiliency
4. Honesty
5. Courage

When you respect yourself and others, it allows you to be honest in your communications and to take responsibility for your words and actions.  Resiliency gets you through the difficult times, and courage helps keep you in alignment with the other character values.

What gifts you will give your child – your guidance toward characteristics that lead to fulfilling relationships without manipulation and victimhood!

© 2011 A Way Through, LLC

Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls Ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com

Join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Did you know that your family could be leaving an important mark in American history, simply by giving time and service to your community?  The Corporation for National and Community Service (CNCS), the federal agency for volunteering and service, released new data on volunteerism. Volunteering in America is the most in-depth report on national service – spotlighting:

·         Who volunteers

·         What cities have the highest rates of volunteerism

·         How Americans are serving their community.

In 2010, volunteers devoted nearly 8.1 billion hours — giving time, expertise and “sweat hours” valued at nearly $173 billion.  Of these volunteers, 22.7 million were Parents who dedicated 2.7 billion hours of service to communities across the country. Volunteers are working to tackle some of the nation’s toughest challenges:  tutoring students, preparing and distributing food, providing disaster relief, and helping veterans and families of active military.

Check out this infograph for a great visual: http://www.volunteeringinamerica.gov/Infographic.cfm

CNCS recently gave me the opportunity to conduct an exclusive interview with Robert Velasco, II, who was designated Acting CEO of the Corporation for National and Community Service (CNCS) by President Obama on May 27, 2011.  CNCS is the federal agency that engages more than five million Americans in results-driven service through its Senior Corps, AmeriCorps, and Learn and Serve America programs, and leads President Obama’s national call to service initiative, United We Serve.

1. How important is it to instill the value of volunteering to our teens early on?

Volunteering is a habit and – just like with reading, eating healthily or being active – often the “hard sell” can backfire. You can have a bigger impact by setting an example by volunteering yourself, and then gently nudging your teen towards trying specific service opportunities that meet their interests. Maybe your outdoorsy teen could improve a hiking trail, your promising athlete could help coach and mentor younger children, or your artist or computer whiz could lend their talents to a community organization or religious group. Volunteers of any age stay hooked when they’re able to find fun and rewarding ways to use their skills to help others. Visiting Serve.gov is a great way to find a volunteer opportunity that fits.

2. Are there any statistics as to whether volunteering as a teen leads to higher success in their futures?

Research studies of service-learning, an educational method that intentionally connects community service to classroom learning, demonstrate that service-learning programs can have positive impacts on youth in three general areas: academic engagement and achievement; civic attitudes and behaviors; and social and personal skills.  The National Research Council identifies service-learning as one of the most effective strategies for improving student engagement and academic learning.   Service-learning is one of the most effective and positive interventions for youth from disadvantaged backgrounds because it builds social networks, trust, confidence, skills, and other tools that can help youth succeed in school and in life.

3. What are some ways teens can encourage their peers to get involved?

A great way for your teen to stick with volunteering is to encourage him or her to bring a friend (or two) when they start. Having a peer to try new things with can make any activity more fun and working alongside someone who is also new to volunteering takes the pressure off. Teens can see each other try new things – and sometimes fail – and learn from early missteps. Part of the fun of volunteering is stepping outside your everyday life and trying to find your own answers to challenges instead of always asking someone else. If your teen is a regular (or semi-regular) volunteer, then you can suggest they invite other friends, or new arrivals to the school, to go with them and see if they like it.

4. How many hours are teens putting into volunteering today?

More than four million 16- to 19-year-olds volunteered last year, according to the Corporation for National and Community Service’s “Volunteering in America” report. All told, they contributed 377 million hours of service, with a particular focus on education and youth service activities. The top places where teens volunteer include schools (30%), religious institutions (30%), social service organizations (14%), and hospitals (10%).

5. What are some personal benefits that teens get out of volunteering? And do you find volunteering also influences teens to perform better in school?

When teens take on an issue in the real-world, they gain skills such as initiative, problem-solving, collaboration, compassion, and planning.   Volunteering often provides a perspective and a community connection that are invaluable both in school and beyond.  Studies have shown that high school students who participated in service-learning and service are more likely to be engaged in a community organization and to vote years after their participation in the program than those who did not participate.  Other studies have found that high quality service-learning strengthens academic achievement. A large-scale Michigan study found service-learning to be positively correlated with test scores on fifth grade state achievement tests in writing and social studies.  Three separate studies–in Philadelphia, Denver, and Hawaii–found that service-learning students developed better problem-solving skills and understanding of complex issues.

Join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.

Don't be a parent in denial.

After watching Dr. Drew on HLN last evening, as he explained to his guest (a mother) that has a young adult struggling with alcoholism, ‘she can’t save him‘,  and having that thought process is not helping him.  Only he can help himself.   Many parents have a misconception of Tough Love, as Dr. Drew explained.  You can literally love your child to death. You can actually do more harm when you believe you are helping or saving your child.

Parent Denial: It Only Hurts Your Teen and Puts Them at Serious Risk

Parents in denial is probably one of the most common threads many teens have while they are smoking a joint or popping a pill – even downing the cough syrup.  Many parents think their teen is not the bad child – it is the ones they are hanging with – or simply doesn’t exist.

Being a parent in denial doesn’t help anyone, not even the parent.  Since eventually it does catch up with you and you find yourself dealing with a teen that is escalating out of control or worse, on a road to becoming an addict.

We hear these common excuses from parents when they call us for help:

• My teen is so smart! His/her IQ is superior, but they are not working up to their potential. (Also known as, underachieving)
• My teen is so beautiful/handsome – good looking – even has many friends. (Of course, the peer group has changed and you don’t know why.)
• My teen is very athletic! He/she made the varsity team at a young age, has won all sorts of awards, but now has dropped out (or kicked off a team) and has zero interest in this sport. (Major red flag).
• It’s not my kid, it is the kids he/she is hanging out with! (Really, do you understand your teen has free will and is choosing to hang with these kids?)
• It’s only pot! (Really, do you realize that marijuana today is not like generations prior.  Marijuana is being laced with higher levels of PCP, as well as even heroin).  It is not only pot, it is serious.

The irony of these comments are,  they are calling us, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, for help, but when we recommend resources,  many fall back to their “hope and a prayer” that this is only a phase. While some teens do straighten up, most don’t – and the problems get worse.

Typical teen behavior?  Maybe, but do you want to risk not getting them help if it is more than typical teen behavior?

Major misconception of parents: Almost all parents that contact us have that next Einstein or Dan Marino (the mother on Dr. Drew last night even used the most common phrase, ‘my son is highly intelligent’, which may be true, but using drugs or other substances is not too smart), but the fact they are either changing friends, smoking pot, not attending classes or school at all, wanting to drop out of school all together and just get a GED, are all signs you are heading down a very negative path. This road usually escalates before it gets better.

As a mother that dealt with a challenging teenage daughter, I know the feeling of facing the fact you can’t do this alone.  My daughter was that athlete, she was popular, she was beautiful and I always said – “well, at least she never did drugs.”  Boy was I wrong.

Order today!

In my book, Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen, published by Health Communications, Inc, I wrote my thoughts and feelings at the time my daughter was 14 years-old.  However when you reach the chapter she wrote, you soon realize that mom (myself) didn’t know it all!

When local therapy isn’t working, you exhausted all your local resources, you have now come to realize an intervention is needed.  Residential therapy is a big step, both emotionally and financially.

Another major misconception among parents is they are looking for a Military School or Boot Camp to straighten up their teen.

• Military Schools are a privilege and honor to attend.  Your child needs to be accepted usually with an essay of why they want to attend as well as a good GPA.  If your teen is forced to attend and gets expelled, you will very likely forfeit your tuition.
• Boot Camps and Wilderness Programs are short term programs that offer short term results (if any at all).  Many parents believe that 6-8 weeks is going to resolve a year or more worth of issues.  These types of programs are band-aids that quickly fall off shortly after the teen arrives back home.  Most Wilderness Programs recommend a Residential Therapy program following their 6-8 weeks.  Consistency is key, finding the right program from start to finish has proven most beneficial.

Looking for the best residential program and/or school for your individual teen is challenging.  It is critical we don’t place your teen out of their element.  Finding the right balance make take time, but it is worth it and can lead to a brighter future for your child.

Learn more about residential programs by visiting http://www.HelpYourTeens.com.

Most importantly, don’t be a parent in denial – be proactive!

I will Blog more about how to find sound residential therapy as well as letting you know, you are not alone!

Join me on Facebook and Twitter for more educational articles.  It is about parents helping parents – we are not alone.

College attendance has steadily increased since 2000 (up 22%), with 68% of high school graduates enrolled in two- or four-year college program in 2010. However, ACT’s annual study of college readiness shows that only 25% of current high school graduates are actually prepared for college.

The study uses empirically derived, ACT College Readiness Benchmarks which are the minimum scores required on ACT subject area tests to indicate if a student is 50% likely to earn a B or better or 75% likely to earn a C or better in first-year college courses.

Other key findings from the study are summarized graphically in a convenient infographic that you can access here:

ACT suggests the following steps for parents hoping to ensure that students are college-ready by graduation:

1.       Know the essential expectations of a core curriculum. Some states have adopted Common Core State Standards, but many colleges and universities expect incoming students to have taken more than the state’s requirements. Be certain that your student is working toward the requirements of his or her intended college, even if those differ from the requirements of the school or state. ACT recommends a minimum of four years of English, and three years each of mathematics, science, and social studies.

2.       Encourage students to take challenging high school courses. A key determiner of college readiness is not just the number of courses taken in high school and grades earned, but the rigor and standards applied to performance in those classes.

3.       Intervene early. Gaps in foundational skills and knowledge are best remediated in upper-elementary and middle school, so that students can undertake more advanced learning and effectively prepare for college in high school.

4.       Pay attention not just to academic readiness, but to behavioral readiness and education and career planning – an emphasis on scores and test results alone cannot guarantee that a student will be well-prepared for college

You can read the full study here.

Join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today’s teenagers.