Sue Scheff Blog

Sue Scheff: Summer Brings More Online Time – Be Prepared – Protect Your Kids From Sexual Predators

by Sue Scheff on Jun 06, 2010

One of my best friends, and favorite guest Bloggers – not to mention the #1 Parenting Expert, Michele Borba, recently posted an excellent article on cyber safety issues.  As summer is here, kids will be online more often.  Learning about what lingers out there is critical.  Staying safe this summer, both off and online can be a challenge – but parents need to take all their resources and get a step ahead of these predators.

Here is Dr. Michele Borba’s Reality Check for the week!

New Ways Online Predators Lure Kids & Tips to Keep Kids Safe

By Michele Borba

“Sexual Predator”: it’s the universal parent nightmare. The term alone sends shock-waves through every bone in our body.We also know online predators do exist, are a very real threat, and use the anonymity of the Internet fully to their advantage.

Predators can be a he or a she, young or old, rich or poor, or any race or zip code, but they have one commonality: they are master manipulators when it comes to children.

Though I’ve written posts about predators before, there’s a special reason I writing this now: summer is approaching. And law enforcement warns us that these next months are when our children are potentially more vulnerable to predators.

Online predators rarely swoop in lure kids into quickly meeting at the local park and then abduct them. Instead, they build a relationship with the child online and slowly develop trust. The “grooming process” can take several months to create a comfortable bond between predator and child. (Which is difficult to track but does give parents time if you are monitoring your child and that computer).

Predators are using more subtle and savvier ways to “befriend” kids. They often pretend to be another teen or child to try and form a relationship. And that’s why this next new research finding is particularly troubling.

4 in 5 Kids Can’t Tell An Adult from Child Online

For the past several months students from various ages have been taking part in experiments designed to help researchers know how to create the right software to track pedophiles online. The 350 children and teens are from the Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale, Cumbria. The funded project is part of the Economic and Social Research Council/Engineering and Physical Science Research Council.  Findings should be a wake-up call:

• Four out of five children can’t tell when they are talking to an adult posing as a child on the internet; four out of five kids thought they were chatting to a teen when in fact it was an adult

• Students as old as 17 struggled to tell the difference between an adult posing as a child or a real child “befriending” them online

• Overall only 18% of children taking part in the experiment guessed correctly

• The good news (there is some!): the computer software did “significantly better correctly working out whether web chat was written by a child or an adult in 47 out of 50 cases–even when the adult was pretending to be a child.”

Tips to Keep Kids Safer From Online Predators

While there’s no guarantee that we can always protect our kids, research is clear that the more educated we are about potential dangers the less likely our children will be victimized. You need to be educated about online safety — and then you need to teach your child those lessons. Just keep those tips age appropriate and remember that it is always better to bridge such a topic in short ongoing chats instead of one big marathon lecture. Here are a few points to weave into your lessons.

Tell your child to never give out personal data online. Detective T.J. Shaver of the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office in Kansas points out: “Predators often use multiple accounts to get information from children. In one account they get a name, on another, they will obtain school information and activities. On a third they will get the child to talk about their hobbies.”

Stress that your child should not post photos divulging identity and interests. One way predators try to build “trusting” with a child is by trying to establish  that they “share” similar interests. So predators often search profiles and read emails and chat rooms to gather information about the child’s actual interests or passions and then convince the child that they have a lot in common: Tell your child not to post photos divulging such information. (Such as a kid wearing a hockey jersey. “Hey, I love to play hockey. Do you?” Or a picture of her with her favorite handbag. “I love Coach bags. What about you?”)

Let your child know you will be supervising that computer. Do NOT give free reign on that computer. Predators pick up on little cues that certain kids are not supervised – which means easier access for them. (For instance: the child is online for extended periods of time or online during hours when parents would be normally monitoring that computer).

Teach your child to be wary of ANY adult who wants to “keep a secret.” Predators want to keep their relationship with a child a secret from . their parent. A predator may also make a threat to the intended victim if “he tells.” Teach your child the True Friend Rule: “Would a real friend ever threaten you or your family with harm?”

Stress that the child NEVER meet anyone you meet online face to face.

Watch your child’s reactions in certain situations. Each situation is different but there are some warning signs to watch for. (Keep in mind that these may not indicate a predator relationship, but should be checked out.)

• Does your child receive strange phone calls, mail or gifts from people you do not know? (A predator may send “gifts” to befriend a child).

• Does your kid switch screen names quickly or cover up the screen when you walk by the computer?

• Has your child set up other accounts recently to receive e-mail or Instant Messaging?

• Does your child appear nervous when you go to the computer?

• Has your child withdrawn from normal activity and is spending more and more time on the computer (and trying to use it during off times when you’re not there or in the room)?

• Does your child get jumpy or upset when a phone call, voice mail or IM comes in?

• Is there porn on the computer? (Yes, your child may have put that up himself but predators often send pornographic pictures via the IM session or e-mail or in plain envelope via the mail. A predator can also use that pornography that as a scare tactic: “If you cut off the relationship, I’ll tell your parent that you have viewed pornographic pictures).

Stress to your child: “You can tell me anything. I’m here for you. We can work things through. I love you.” Say it over and over and over. And over and over and over.

Stay educated about the Internet. Know your computer. Know your child.

Resources on Internet Safety That May Be Helpful

Teaching Kids Four “S.A.F.E.” Rules to Reduce Cyberbulling

What Research Says Keeps Kids Safer Online: Five Parenting MUSTS!

Sexual Offenders Use the Internet to Fast Track Abuse of Children

University of Missouri-Columbia: “Communication Tactics Used By Sexual Predators T Entrap Children Explained.” ScienceDaily. June 21, 2008, Retrieved June 1, 2010

Software Developers Tackle Child Grooming on the Net

For more valuable and priceless parenting information, order The Big Book of Parenting Solutions today!  A must have for all parents and a perfect baby gift!

Also reading my Examiner Parenting 101 Series featuring an inside peek at this fantastic book! Click here.

My interview with Michele Borba.  Click here.

Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Michele Borba, Online Predators, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Sexual Predators, Sue Scheff