Teensavers: Home Drug Test Kits – Don’t be a parent in denial….
by Sue Scheff on Feb 04, 2012
Parent-Tested, Parent-Approved
I am asked almost weekly by parents about how they can drug test their teens. I am not a doctor and I can’t endorse any product that I haven’t personally used. I know many parents have used over the counter products from both Walgreens and CVS as well as have had their family doctors perform blood tests, if they have a cooperative teens (wink wink).
I was asked to share a recent press release with parents. Although I haven’t used this product, some of you may find it useful and may want to look further into it. I know these products are in high demand, and I also know a parent in denial is only going to harm your teen in the long run. If you suspect your child is using drugs, it is better to find out now, while you can get help. Don’t wait for addiction to knock on your door. Yes, addiction is treatable – death isn’t.
Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit — #1 recommended by addiction specialists — now selling at CVS.com
Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. is proud to announce that CVS Pharmacy and CVS.com has added the entire family of Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits.
“CVS.com and the CVS/Caremark family are absolute leaders in the home health care industry. Families rely on the CVS family for every day products and life saving prescriptions. We value the support that CVS.com has shown the Teensavers® family, including our family branded drug tests in their diagnostics category. We share the importance and enthusiasm for families looking to lead a healthy life,” said Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. President Steve Stahovich.
Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. created the Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits with the family in mind. Government statistics show that 4,000 teens try drugs for the first time every day. 2,500 of those kids are experimenting with pills. Many parents are seeing the explosion of teen prescription drug use in our community. But they don’t know what to do about it. The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits can help detect possible opiate use. It can help deter kids from taking pills, prescribed for a legitimate patient, from the medicine cabinet to use recreationally.
“We are proud that parents can find our total family solution, from the same chain where they are getting their prescriptions. Just as any health ailment requires immediate attention, potential teen substance abuse requires the same immediate attention and care. Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits provide more than a positive or negative result. Our complete kit helps parents understand through the entire process, whether it’s diagnosing the drug use, or finding the best solution for your family,” said Stahovich.
There are five different Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits available on CVS.com ranging from a 1-panel (THC only) test to a comprehensive 12-panel test. The prices range from $16.99 to $39.99.
2011 Winner Parent Tested and Parent Approved
Stahovich says choosing the right test is based on alert and informed parenting. Stahovich says, “Choosing the right drug test kit not only depends on your family and the child’s exposure to drugs, but the drug culture of the community. It is critical for parents to be proactive by talking with other parents in the neighborhood, finding out about drug issues in the schools, and within the community. Some communities have marijuana and cocaine problems. We are seeing an explosion of prescription drug abuse across most of the country. Parents may want complete tests for popular pills. Proper home drug testing involves pro-active parenting”
The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit is 99.9% accurate, made in America, and approved for over-the-counter sales by the FDA. The test is endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, a 30-year treatment veteran. The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit was recently named a 2011 “Top Products” Winner by Parent Tested, Parent Approved, one of the most reliable and valuable online resources for parents.
===Product Specs===
– 1-panel ($16.99) Marijuana (THC) test.
– 3-panel ($21.99), screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, and Methamphetamine.
– 5-panel ($25.99) screens for the previous three drugs, plus Oxycodone and Opiates.
– 7-panel ($29.99) screens for the previous 5 drugs plus Benzodiazepines and Ecstasy (MDMA.)
– 12-panel test ($39.99) is the most comprehensive Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit. It screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Amphetamines, Methamphetamine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Oxycodone, Methadone, Ecstasy (MDMA), and Tricyclic Antidepressants.
# # #Founded by President Steve Stahovich, a long time recovery and addiction specialist, Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. (http://myteensavers.com) is an ally to parents who suspect their teen may be using narcotics. We are the latest generation in home drug testing kits, offering a total solution, and not just results. We are endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, founder of Chapman House.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Drug Abuse, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, peer pressure, Struggling Teens, Substance Abuse, Teen Drug Abuse, Teen drug addiction, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, teen home drug test kits, Teen Issues, Teensavers
Holiday Blues aren’t just for adults: Check on your teens, their Facebook Status is a good place to start
by Sue Scheff on Dec 24, 2011
WHEN SAFETY TRUMPS PRIVACY.
“When will this end?”
“I hate my life”
RED FLAGS and parenting. Know them!
Facebook is the social hangout of the internet for all ages, but it is particularly true of teenagers.
Teenagers often are much more open about what they are thinking and feeling in this cyber environment than most older adults. Since teens experience many emotional ups and downs, it can be easy to dismiss most of their dramatic postings as nothing more than normal teenage drama. However, there have been too many instances in recent years when parents had wished they’d paid more attention to what their teenager had posted as their ‘current status’.
Here a few status updates parents should watch for and investigate further.
Know how your teen is feeling....It could save their life.
- I can’t take it anymore. Although, this could mean anything from homework overload to sibling irritation, it could also be a cry for help from a teen who is truly overwhelmed with life in someway. It is not a status update that you want to ignore. Parents should take the initiative and find out what prompted this entry.
- Text me. This may seem innocent enough, but, for some parents, it may be a signal that their teen may be trying to keep something hidden that needs to be in the open. Privacy and protection are always a fine line to walk with teenagers. Parents, however, should never hesitate to ask about the reason behind such a post.
- Really loaded right now. If your teen is high enough to make this post on Facebook without thinking about the fact that their parents might see it, there is drug or alcohol abuse going on. Ignoring these types of problems does not make them go away.
- Depressing song lyrics. Song lyrics are popular posts from teens. It may be what they’re listening to at the moment or a song that is running through their head. If the lyrics of the songs are continually negative and depressing, this could be an indication of the teen’s emotional state, as well.
- No one understands. This is a common feeling during teenage years, but it is also one that can develop into a true depressive state. Seeing this posted as your teen’s Facebook status should raise enough concern for their parents to pursue the reasons behind the posting.
- I hate my life. Again, this is not an unusual statement to come from a teen at different points in their adolescence, however, posting it as your Facebook status is similar to shouting it from the rooftops. It is always better to treat these statements seriously, than to ignore them as a simple impulse statement.
- Forgive me, Mom & Dad. This kind of post would be one that should require immediate connection with your child. If it doesn’t mention what they are asking forgiveness for, it may be a subtle plea for you to stop them from doing something terrible. Take this very seriously!
- You’re all going to die. In light of the terrible things we have seen happen in our schools, a teen who posts something like this should not be ignored. “I was just joking” is not an acceptable explanation for this type of post. A teen who posts such a statement publicly should expect inquiry from, not only his parents, but school and law enforcement as well.
- I wish I were dead. Never assume these statements are words only. Any type of suicidal expression like this should be taken very seriously. Many parents have had the misfortune of finding out that even a verbal statement can be an indication of suicidal thoughts. A public posting of that thought should be taken just as seriously.
- I hate my school. The key word in this status update is ‘my’. It doesn’t say ‘I hate school’, it is more specific than that. It would behoove the parents to find out what it is, about the child’s school, that made them post this statement, and what can be done to improve the situation.
Facebook status updates reach a lot of people, a parent of a teenager should definitely be one of those people who pays attention to what their child is broadcasting into cyberspace. It may be their way of trying to find out if anyone is really paying attention, and if anyone really cares.
Source: My ISP Finder
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Facebook status, holiday blues, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Sadness, Troubled Teens
5 Ways to boost your teens self-esteem
by Sue Scheff on Dec 21, 2011
Being a teenager is not easy. Many teens struggle keeping up with peer pressure and trying to figure out where they fit in. This can sometimes cause them to make not so great choices. However if your teen has good self self-esteem, they are more likely to make better choices. Enjoy this guest post and especially during the holiday “time-off” take the time to be sure your teen is feeling good about themselves!
Self-esteem is a delectate issue in your teen’s life. This is a time in their lives when they are changing mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s important to help your teen but also know that this something they can only control, all you can do is assist. Address the issue or issues your teen seems to be facing, whether its low self-esteem based on appearance or grades, you can help. Here are some ways to boost your teen’s self-esteem.
1. Volunteer- When you do something good for someone else it makes you feel better. Sign your teen up with a program or organization that he/she can help with. Whether it is helping once a week or once a month, the act of giving is crucial. Check out your local soup kitchen or animal shelter and get them started today. Not only are the people and animals benefitting but so is your teen.
2. Hobbies-Talk with your teen and see what activities interest them. This may require lots of talking and observation. Take note in their everyday activities and pick up on signs of when, how and what makes them smile. For example you can sign them up for painting classes or get them books on a topic they like.
3. Exercise- There are many studies that show, when a person exercise they are much happier. According to www.Livestrong.com, ‘Running is a great way to rev up your metabolism and increase your energy levels. Cross country skiing is the only physical activity that burns more calories than running. Running releases endorphins, the chemicals in the brain that make you feel happy; this is how the expression “Runner’s high” came about.’ So get them outside and active!
4. Remove Negativity: Be sure to support your teen in all he or she does. Keeping a positive and happy vibe in the home will make them feel good. Keep negative words like: ‘ugly and fat’ out of your vocabulary. You would be surprised to how much teens listen to what you say. Just because you should remove negativity doesn’t mean you stop parenting. Discipline when necessary but keep in mind in day to day life, remain positive.
5. Friends: Your teen’s friends have a huge impact on your teen’s life. Be sure that your teen is hanging out with the ‘right crowd’. A good way to assess this situation is to invite their friends over for dinner. You will be able to judge if you think they are helping or hurting your teen’s self-esteem. If they are helping, then great, invite them over more often. If their friendship is not benefitting your teen, be sure to promote the positive friends in their lives more.
Remember this is a sensitive time for teens and nothing can help a teen like a supportive and loving parent. Follow these guidelines and listen to your kids. Happy boosting!
Author Bio
Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about wide range of subjects like health, Parenting, Child Care, and Babysitting, find a nanny tips etc. You can reach her @ nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com.
PS: Adults can use these tips too! Thanks Nancy for sharing these tips!
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, peer pressure, self-confidence, Self-esteem, Self-worth, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Volunteering
Sexting: What is it, and Should Parents be Worried?
by Sue Scheff on Dec 17, 2011
Online safety of teens and kids of all ages is a priority as well as cell phone safety. This brings us to a very hot topic which a guest writer has asked me to post his recent article to help parents understand how important it is to understand what sexting is and how they can take steps to help keep their children safe virtually.
Sexting has become a recent trend with mobile users, as nearly 40% of teens reporting sexting at least once or consistently. Sexting is when one person sends a nude, or sexually suggestive picture/text of themselves to another person or a group. The consequences of sexting range from nothing, to serious. For parents, the worries are real and dangerous.
Child Pornography
The primary concern for parents is sexting that involves suggestive photos, especially nudes. Several teens have been charged with ownership of child pornography. That’s because even if two students under age 18 are dating, possession of nude photos of individuals under the age of 18 constitutes child pornography. In some cases, teens who have snapped pictures of themselves have been charged with “manufacturing, disseminating or possessing child pornography.” Those receiving the pictures have faced, and been sentenced, to charges of possession. Convictions lead to life-long registration on sexual offender lists.
Digital World
Once the pictures have been taken, parents have more issues to worry about, namely digital records. After pictures have been taken digitally, they immediately enter a digital world where they can become permanent. One person can send the picture to another and so on until it’s been shared across the digital world. It can all start with one phone. With chat rooms and other websites, it’s easy for pedophiles and other predators to misrepresent age, sex, and location. Teens and kids are constantly connected to the web. Not only can those pictures make their way to illegal websites, they can also make their way to strangers.
Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and other social media sites are like online directories for everyone and anyone. It can be easy anyone to assume a false identity. With a couple clicks on the phone, a picture gets into the hands of the wrong person.
Psychological Factors
There are many reasons why teens take part in sexting and most of them are a new take on the old world of flirting and courting. Many teens send the texts as flirtatious messages, to boost popularity, or because of peer pressure. They can also include forms of sexual harassment, or bullying.
The ramifications for of this are undocumented in terms of sexting, but the potential psychological issues of self-esteem are wide and concerning. Adolescents and teens are entering a stage of life where body-image and self-esteem are developing. Bullying, harassment, and derogatory comments can degrade and damage morale. The effects of this can last for years or decades.
By sexting, teens put their bodies out there to be judged and critiqued. While their bodies may be healthy, teens use any chances to tease or insult another, especially if it means a chance to elevate themselves in a social clique, or in popularity. The self-esteem issues created by pictures, or suggestive language, being misconstrued, getting into unwanted hands or from unwarranted comments, can devastate teens and lead to suicide.
Cautionary Steps
Beyond eliminating and forbidding the use of all digital devices, there are other measures that parents can take to protect their teens.
The first is establishing a good relationship. Studies consistently show that parents who foster good relationships with their children have more influence on them than the media or peer pressure.
A strong relationship makes it easier for parents to approach kids about sexting and its consequences. Being honest with children about the potential legal consequences, psychological factors, and personal ethics and morals behind sexting is a good way to help them understand its seriousness.
To instill that seriousness, parents should monitor their child’s activities and friends. Much of sexting in teenagers is caused by peer pressure or social interactions. Supporting them in making the right decisions, and spending less time from those who are sexting, may be the best way to keep them safe.
Special contributor: Steven Farrell is the administrator of ReversePhoneLookup.org, the best reverse phone directory online.
Tags: Cell Phone Safety, Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Online Privacy, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sexting, Texting
20 New Trends in Sex Education
by Sue Scheff on Dec 14, 2011
Parenting includes many sensitive talks with our children, however the birds and the bees still remains one of the most difficult for many parents.
Why?
It seems we are starting it a younger age than generations earlier!
Sex education isn’t necessarily something people like to talk about, but it’s certainly necessary. Without sex education (and often, even with), teens can get into trouble with pregnancy, abortion, STDs, and even AIDS, all of which can have a negative impact on their lives and future happiness. Awareness and education are important, but they’re not always the same. Sex education has changed considerably in recent years, with abstinence-only education, sex education for younger children, and more, so it’s worth taking a look at some new developments in the field. Read on, and we’ll discuss 20 new trends that are going on in sex education right now.
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Mandating medically accurate sex education
It seems like a no-brainer, but many states have recently enacted bills that would require medical accuracy in school sex education. We have to wonder what’s been put out that’s not accurate, but at least these states are working to get it right now. Typically, the educational programs are required to be in accordance with “accepted scientific methods and recognized as accurate and objective by professional organizations and agencies with expertise in the relevant field, such as the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the American Public Health Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.”
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Teens aren’t learning about contraception before they have sex
Sexual activity is common by the late teen years with 7 in 10 teens engaging in intercourse by their 19th birthday. But many students who have engaged in sex report that they didn’t learn about contraceptive use before getting started. In a Guttmacher Institute fact sheet on American teens’ sources of information about sex, 46% of males and 36% of females reported that they didn’t receive formal instructions about contraception before having sex for the first time.
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Kids are learning about sex from outside of school
This is obvious to most, but the majority of sex education actually takes place outside of school. Kids learn about sex from porn, TV, and pop culture these days. Stars like singer Solange Knowles lend their time and image to campaigns that promote safe sex, and even death metal bands get in on the action.
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Sex education for younger children
Sex education can start as young as third grade, although that education doesn’t necessarily involve explicit sex explanations. For third graders in China, sex education starts in the form of a toilet tour, in which children get the opportunity to peek into the other gender’s bathroom to better understand the differences in their bodies and behaviors. Students also view presentations about sperm fertilizing eggs.
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Many sex ed programs are abstinence-only
According to the CDC, about 1/3 of sex education omits the use of birth control, engaging in the controversial abstinence-only sex education that has been both lauded and criticized. However, about 2/3 of teens got instruction in birth control before graduating from high school: about 62% of boys and 70% of girls. Research suggests that comprehensive sex education that includes both abstinence and birth control began to decline from 1995 to 2002 and has not changed much since then.
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Federal funding mandates prohibit educating students about contraception
Since 1997, the federal government has invested more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only programs, which require schools to avoid teaching about birth control in order to receive federal funding for sex education. These programs must adhere to a strict eight-point definition of education, with the “exclusive purpose of teaching the social, psychological, and health gains to be realized by abstaining from sexual activity.” Critics point out that the eight-point definition is not created by “evidence-based, public health and social science research,” but rather, a values agenda put in place by Congress.
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Elementary schools are passing out condoms
Schools passing out condoms to students is not a new idea, but some schools are taking things a step further and making them available to virtually all ages. In Provincetown, Massachusetts, one school will allow students as young as first grade to get free condoms, as long as they listen to a talk about sex education beforehand. The program is a move to decrease teen pregnancy. While the superintendent recognizes that first graders and other young elementary school children probably don’t know what condoms are and won’t ask for them, parents are worried that just by having them available, students are going to get the message that it’s acceptable to have sex at such a young age.
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Almost all sex-ed programs teach about AIDS and STDs
Almost all students will learn about AIDS and STDs, a move that is smart for stopping the spread of disease. About 97% of teens report receiving formal sex education by the age of 18, and about 92% of boys and girls report being taught about STDs, including preventing infection with the AIDS virus. This may cut down on the spread of AIDS and STDs now and in the future among young people who are sexually active.
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Teen males will use more condoms if they learn about them
Although federal funding mandates abstinence-only education, research has shown that formal sex education, regardless of whether it includes information about birth control or not, leads to greater condom use among teen males. So even though teen males may not be educated about condoms, being informed about sexuality seems to increase responsibility. According to Condom Use and Consistency Among Male Adolescents in the United States, “the critical factor for male condom use and consistency is the presence of any formal instruction.”
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Schools are testing students on health and sex education
Washington DC public schools annually test student progress in reading and math, and now, they are testing what students know about sexuality, contraception, and drug use as well. This is a bold move in a city with some of the country’s highest rates of sexual transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies. Officials share that the test will fill gaps in what they understand about young people’s awareness and why they behave a certain way. According to Brian Pick, deputy chief of curriculum and instruction for DC Public Schools, “it paints a fuller picture.” Adam Tenner, executive director of MetroTeenAIDS, believes the new test is positive, pointing out that “what gets measured gets done.”
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States who denied abstinence-only funding typically have teen pregnancy rates under the national average
There is a correlation between abstinence-only education and high teen pregnancy rates. In 2005, states who did not receive federal funding for teaching abstinence-only education typically had teen pregnancy rates that were under the national average. Abortion rates also tended to be lower in those states, indicating that students with comprehensive sex education may have more favorable outcomes.
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Masturbation isn’t really discussed
Although abstinence is discussed as an option in virtually every sex education program, whether birth control is mentioned or not, masturbation is hit or miss. Some teachers believe that discussing personal or mutual masturbation can be beneficial to students who want to explore sexuality without the risk of STDs and pregnancy, but others believe that teaching students about masturbation, and mutual masturbation in particular, may just be a prelude to intercourse.
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Sex education curriculum often has distorted information
Parents and students trust sex education programs to teach accurate information, but according to Advocates for Youth, sex education curriculum often includes distorted information. A 2004 study by the House Government Reform Committee took a look at commonly used curricula and found that they contained unproven claims, subjective conclusions, and outright falsehoods, including the “facts” that “half of gay male teenagers in the US have tested positive for HIV,” “condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse,” and “as many as 10 percent of women who have an abortion become sterile.”
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Sex education programs with both abstinence and contraceptive education can create favorable outcomes
Advocates for Youth points out that considerable scientific evidence supports the idea that sex education programs including both abstinence and contraception can help teens delay sexual activity, increase contraceptive use, and have fewer sexual partners when they start having sex. The group also believes that youth development programs that engage young people constructively in communities and schools are helpful. Specifically, Advocates for Youth identifies characteristics of effective curricula, including programs that last more than a few weeks, address peer pressure, and reflect the appropriate age, sexual experience, and culture of the students in the program.
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Virginity pledges
Some teens and young adults have begun to commit to virginity pledges, often as part of church programs. Studies have found that these pledges can delay vaginal intercourse, however, pledgers often replace it with other sexual activities including oral sex and anal sex, both of which do not reduce the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Some studies indicate that virginity pledges may reduce the likelihood of contraceptive use once pledgers engage in sex. The first virginity pledge program was created in 1993, by the name of True Love Waits, started at the Southern Baptist Convention, with now more than 2.5 million pledgers.
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Teens are having less sex
Although parents and concerned citizens worry that today’s teens are having more sex than ever, a CDC survey, Teenagers in the United States: Sexual Activity, Contraceptive Use, and Childbearing indicates that teens’ levels of sexual experience have decreased. The numbers of teens who have had sexual intercourse at least once have not changed significantly, and that number has been in overall decline over the last 20 years. As Examiner.com points out, that means today’s teens are less likely to be sexually experienced than their parents were as teens.
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Teens don’t learn about the connection between AIDS and anal sex
Researchers at the Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center discovered that anal sex is on the rise among teens and young adults. They say that girls are often persuaded to try anal sex to have sex without risking pregnancy or their virginity, but don’t understand the health consequences. Even students who can recite how you get AIDS may not understand how exactly it translates to their behavior, thinking that they can’t get AIDS because they’re not having vaginal sex. In fact, anal sex can be more risky for HIV infection, as tissue may tear and cause direct blood exposure to infected fluids. Lead author Celia Lescano remarks, “There is no doubt that teens lack information about STDs and the safety of different behaviors and they they are engaging in more sexual experimentation.”
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Some states leave sex-ed curriculum up to local school districts
In some states, sexual education curriculum is variable among different school districts, with differences in what is taught and how it’s presented. In Connecticut, for example, the state leaves it all up to local school districts, allowing them to decide what is taught about sex education. The state does, however, offer guidelines on what it believes should be taught, and all public school districts do offer at least basic health education for high school students, and state law requires school districts to teach about HIV. Bonnie Edmondson, a health education consultant at the Connecticut Department of Education shares, “It is a local control issue. The communities have a feel for what is best.”
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Teens want more input from parents
Although most teens are at an age when they are pushing their parents away on a regular basis, the fact is that they would like more input from their parents when it comes to sex education. In Baker County, Florida, teens don’t believe they’re getting adequate sex education from parents or teachers, and they shared that parents need to find better ways to discuss sex with their kids. Some teens pointed out that sex education is first and foremost the parents’ responsibility, and they need to find ways to make the topic less awkward to bring up. They also note that teens learn more about sex from their peers than their parents, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.
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The elderly are getting sex education as well
Schoolkids aren’t the only ones learning about sex these days. The elderly are finding value in sex education as well. In Malaysia, one state is providing sex education for the elderly to stop rising divorce rates. Family development foundation head Mohamad Shafaruddin Mustafa notes, “Many elderly couples sleep in separate bedrooms and are not intimate. This is unhealthy as they can still have vibrant intimate relationships, especially with all kinds of therapy and health supplements now available.” With sex education, elderly couples can better learn how to reconnect and enjoy their sexual relationship together.
Source: Best Colleges Online
Tags: HIV Awareness, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sex Education, Sue Scheff, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Sex Awareness, Teen Sex Education
7 Deadly Questions Never to Ask Your Teens and Why
by Sue Scheff on Dec 08, 2011
Parenting Expert and Author, Dr. Michele Borba, explains why there are seven key questions you never want to approach your teenagers with and possibly your tweenagers.
Most people know that parenting today is not easy, and with today’s technology, kids advancing their sexual knowledge at earlier ages, as well as our own media outlets such as TV and music lyrics that are sometimes questionable, it is hard to run from having these kids grow up much faster than we did.
Here is a special guest post from my good friend and Today Show Contributor, Michele Borba. If you haven’t picked up her book yet, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, treat yourself this holiday season! Order it today!
Toxic parent communication stoppers that are guaranteed to turn teens off – and your better response to keep them talking.
Let’s face it, talking with an adolescent can be like walking through a minefield. At any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.
You know that communication keeps you connected to your child, but it often seems to backfire because of the type of questions asked.
Research proves our instincts: The number one antidote to risky-kid behavior is a strong relationship with a parent. Believe it or not our kids even like us and want us in their lives! (Really!!!!) A recent Girl Scouts of America survey found that tween girls really want their moms even more involved in their lives.
The trick is how to stay involved the right way so we don’t turn them off, they do want to come to us and we can be a sounding board to help them wade through tough issues. Watch out! The biggest turn off (according to tweens and teens) is often how we pose our questions.
Here are seven things you should avoid asking an adolescent because they are guaranteed to be big “turn offs” and how to pose those trickier questions another way so you’re more likely to get a better response from your kid (or at least keep her standing in the same room with you).
1. “So, how was your day?”
Trite, generic, remarks like “Did you have fun last night?” and “How was school?” don’t go over with tweens. They say they see them as “insincere” and “so-o-o predictable.” “Watch—My Mom is going to ask, “How was your day?” She always does.” Tweens put those comments at the top of their annoying list. Besides you’ll get nothing more than a “FINE” response from your kid.
Better: “What are your friends saying about Madonna’s 13 year old daughter starting a fashion line?”
Ask open-ended questions requiring more than a yes/no response makes it appear that you really do want to listen. If you ask questions about their world and interests, you’re getting bonus points. (“Can you tell me how to download must to my Ipod?”) P.S. Be sure to stop multi-tasking (tweens hate it!) so it appears you really are interested.
Bullying peaks during the tween years and is escalating and far more vicious. Reports say one in three tweens are involved in bullying either as a victim or bully which includes: social exclusion, racial, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse, relational aggression, or electronic (cell phones, websites, pagers or email.
2. “Why didn’t you tell the kid to leave you alone????”
Research shows tweens often don’t tell their parents that they are being victimized for fear of retaliation and humiliation (they often feel they’ve done something to cause it and rarely do) or that you’ll say, “Tell the kid to leave you alone!” (Which they say is the worst advice you can give.
A tween often cannot fend for herself and needs help in figuring out safety options and strategies to defend herself. In fact, bullying is a repeated pattern of willful cruelty. Bullies do not go away and generally continue to target victims, which can cause severe emotional ramifications.
Better: “Where did this happen?”
Get specifics so you can help your tween create a safety plan. The question often signals to your tween or teen that you believe her and you’re ready to offer advice. Also, bullying usually happens at the same time and place so. Ask: “Who was involved?” “Where do you feel least safe?” You can then provide specific advice to help your son or daughter create a safety plan.
3. “What was she wearing?”
Materialism is huge with the tween set and is mounting. Marketers are tailoring the tween-aged kid. This is also a time when tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Tween-aged kids are most likely to believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their peer status and it also impacts their professional goals (75 percent of 8 to 12 year olds desire to be rich).
More US kids than anywhere in the world believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their social status. Preteens with lower self-esteem value possessions significantly more than children with higher self-esteem.
Better: “What do you enjoy about her?”
Halt the comments about clothing and appearance. They can backfire and make your kid feel that’s what you care more about. It also tweaks your conversation on surface stuff only. Instead emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like talent, loyalty, character, friendship, or fun! Let your adolescent know that you value her and her friends as people and not for their appearances or popularity. Besides, 95 percent of adults say that kids are too focused on buying and consuming so halt the comparisons.
4. “Why are you sooooo sensitive?”
Puberty is a period of intense hormonal changes. In fact, more changes are going on in your tween’s body than at any other time in their life and is now occurring at younger ages! New brain research shows that the area of the brain that regulates emotions is still developing. So expect those mood swings and extremes. But also expect your tween to be “very touchy” and sensitive. Hint: Don’t tease–they will take it personally. And never tease or discipline your kid in front of another peer. You’re guaranteed to get big time resistance and a turn-off.
Better: “You seem upset. Had a tough day? Need a hug?”
Tune in to your child’s emotions. Respect where your child is coming from. Refrain from sarcasm and taunts. Watch your non-verbal cues, such as smirks or raised eyebrows. Teens are overly sensitive to these expressions and may read more into them than you think.
5. “Why did you do that?” (Even worse: “What were you thinking???”)
Expect your tween to be a bit impulsive and act a little crazy!
Neuro-imaging confirms that their prefrontal cortex is still developing – the exact place where decision-making and impulse regulations are forming.
Also, tweens may not always know the reasons behind their actions (really!!) And it’s one reason they may have that blank look when you ask, “Why did you do that?????”
Better: “What did you hope would happen? What will do next time?”
It’s best to not use “Why” with a tween (“Why did you do that?”) Chances are they won’t know. Instead use “What” to get them thinking. Doing so will not stop their “I don’t know response,” but get them to think before they act. And might even help them learn what to do the next time. (Such a concept, eh?)
6. “Why didn’t you just say no????”
The need to “fit in” is huge and peer pressure is huge. In fact, it will never be as strong. It’s tough to stand up to your peers, but even more so during these years. Tweens also say the worst advice their parents’ give is to “Just say no!” (Boys and Girls Club of America 2006 study of over 46,000 13 to 18 year olds).
Tweens say what they want from their parents are actual strategies to counter the pressure.
Better: “It’s tough to say no to a friend. Have you tried…?”
Tweens especially say what they need are specific peer pressure techniques. So offer strategies by brainstorming together during a relaxed time: “Let’s think of things you could say the next time your friend pushes you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing. You could make an excuse like: ‘I have to get home and do my homework or my parents will ground me” or give a reason like ‘My grandpa was a smoker and died of cancer. I promised him I wouldn’t.’ What else could you say?”
7. “Why don’t you just get over it and move on?”
Peer relationships are critical and play a big part of an adolescents self-esteem. Tweens are discovering the opposite sex and have their first “crushes.” When there’s a friendship tiff or breakup with a “first love” ah the anguish! Though the anguish may seem juvenile, don’t dismiss your kid’s hurt and tell her to “Get over it.” Their hurt is intense and real. (Remember way back. Did you get over it easily?) It may take a while for them to bounce back–especially during these years when one of their top concerns is “peer humilation.” Not only are tweens concerned about their own pain but what “all the other kids are saying.”
P.S.: Don’t dismiss boys! (Says the mom of three). Research shows the male breed often has a tougher time bouncing back than girls.
Better: “I’m so sorry. Want to get an ice cream?”
Show a little empathy! Breakups at this age are crushing. Be available, understanding, supportive, and fill your kid’s social calendar with something to do (especially on those weekends) if they’re left alone. Don’t ask, “What happened?” Or “What went wrong?” And don’t push for details. They’ll give those when they feel comfortable. Right now just be there!
Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. Her work aims to help strengthen children’s character and resilience, build strong families, create compassionate and just school cultures, and reduce peer cruelty. Her practical, research-based advice is culled from a career of working with over one million parents and educators worldwide.
Tags: Michele Borba, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens
Teen Runaways: When Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Be Part of Your Family
by Sue Scheff on Nov 29, 2011
Holidays can be a time of joy and a time of turbulence in some households. Is your teen starting to become withdrawn? Hanging with a different group of friends? Do you suspect he/she is using drugs or drinking? Are they leaving your home and not coming home? Do they think they know it all?
Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.
The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually. In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.
What do you do? Here are some quick tips for you:
- Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
- Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
- Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
- Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
- Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.
Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts.
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Runaways, Troubled Teens
Addictions: Breaking the Generational Curse
by Sue Scheff on Nov 09, 2011
Addicts. Addiction. Intervention. Rehab. Teen help. Therapy. Wit’s end.
We live in a world that has become more difficult than generations prior. The stress levels, the economy, job loss, losing homes, and even losing loved ones to suicide – bullying – or addiction; when does it end?
Guest writer, Christine Kane, gives us some great insights to consider about the generational curse:
What is a generational curse? Well, what is a curse? First of all, we’re not talking about some voodoo, spirituality thing. Curses are real. They are bad habits and wrong thinking. No one curses you; you curse yourself. Or, in the case of generational curses, your family curses you. But curses are not indestructible. They are not eternal or unavoidable. There are ways to break a generational curse.
Let’s talk examples. What are some generational curses that are common? Alcoholism, child abuse, drug addition, spouse abuse, inappropriate sexual urges, laziness, selfishness, divorce. There are many, many more. If your family has no history of this, if you are the only one with these problems, then you are not under a generational curse. However, if your family has a background in these, you are under a generational curse. What do I mean by that?
A generational curse is part nature and part nurture. Your DNA comes from your parents. They decide your color, your race, your hair, your height, and your health. They also affect your disposition and behaviors. How you are raised marks you just as much as whom you were born from. Not only are you born with certain tendencies, you are raised to accept or reject them.
But you’re an adult now. How you were raised doesn’t affect who you are now, right? Wrong. If you don’t comprehend that who you are now is linked to who your family is, you will never be able to break free of the curse. A generational curse is powerful because it is pervasive. If your parents did it, if your aunts and uncles and cousins did it, then it is no longer abnormal or appalling when you do it. It is just a normal part of life. That is how curses work. They trick you into believing they are ordinary, typical, or inevitable. But they are not.
So, how can you break a generational curse? First admit your own participation. Claim your own rebellion, repent of your own contribution. But you don’t want to do that. You want to claim that you’re just like your mother, so it’s not really your fault. Well, okay then, your kids are going to end up just like her, too. You are an adult now. Claim your own involvement in the curse so that you can overcome it. You can’t overcome what you won’t face.
Second, confess your family’s involvement. You will get nowhere by covering up the past. You must dig up the who and why and how and bring it to light. Even if the contributors are long dead and gone, the curse must be brought to the light so that it can be wiped away. It might be from your grandfather or great-grandfather, but it must be exposed and confessed. Only once the source is exposed will the curse be broken. The issue is not whether they are alive, but is their curse alive?
Generational curses can be huge. They can affect entire groups and races of people. They have affects in slavery and prejudice and family structure and it goes so, so deep. Entire countries can be based on generational curses and the problems that accompany them. So never think you are alone in this. This is not easy. You are breaking a chain; a chain that can have many, many links.
Author Bio
This Guest post is by Christine Kane from internet service providers, she is a graduate of Communication and Journalism. She enjoys writing about a wide-variety of subjects for different blogs. She can be reached via email at: Christi.Kane00@ gmail.com.
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Tags: Addiction, Addicts, At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Teen Addictions, Teen Addicts, Teen Depression, Teen Drinking, Teen drug addiction, Teen Help, Troubled Teens
Teens, Kids and DRUGS: Is it MIND OVER MATTER?
by Sue Scheff on Nov 07, 2011
NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse) has created an extremely informative and educational website to keep parents, teachers, teens and kids informed on substances and all forms or mind altering drugs that are being used today.
Here is a snapshot to learn about the effects of drug abuse on the body and the brain.
Anabolic Steroids – Anabolic steroids are artificial versions of a hormone that’s in all of us — testosterone. Some people take anabolic steroid pills or injections to try to build muscle faster.
Cocaine – Cocaine is made from the leaf of the coca plant. It often comes in the form of a white powder that some people inhale through their nose. Another form of cocaine, known as crack, can be smoked.
Hallucinogens – Hallucinogens cause people to experience – you guessed it – hallucinations, imagined experiences that seem real.
Inhalants – Hair spray, gasoline, spray paint — they are all inhalants, and so are lots of other everyday products. Some people inhale the vapors on purpose.
Marijuana – You may have heard it called pot, weed, grass, ganja or skunk, but marijuana by any other name is still a drug that affects the brain.
Methamphetamine – Methamphetamine comes in many different forms and is snorted, swallowed, injected, or smoked. Methamphetamine can cause lots of harmful things, including inability to sleep, paranoia, aggressiveness, and hallucinations.
Opiates – Maybe you’ve heard of drugs called heroin, morphine or codeine. These are examples of opiates. If someone uses opiates again and again, his or her brain is likely to become dependent on them.
Prescription Drug Abuse – Abuse is when someone takes a prescription drug without a doctor’s prescription or in a way or amount that is different from what was prescribed. Abuse of prescription drugs can have serious and harmful health effects, including poisoning and even death.
Tobacco Addiction – When tobacco is smoked, nicotine is absorbed by the lungs and quickly moved into the bloodstream, where it is circulated throughout the brain.
Teacher’s Guide – The Teacher’s Guide is used in combination with the magazines in the series to promote an understanding of the physical reality of drug use, as well as curiosity about neuroscience.
Tags: drug facts, marijuana, NIDA, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Smoking Pot, Substance Abuse, Teen Drug Abuse, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens
25 Fast Facts for Bullying Prevention Month
by Sue Scheff on Nov 02, 2011
Bullying exists as more than just a buzzword these days: it’s a serious issue that’s been troubling individuals and societies worldwide for centuries and is only just now receiving the essential attention. An article such as this cannot entirely summarize the social disease’s true complexities, so it focuses mainly on the education sector. Even then, not everything comes to light. It does, however, offer up a quick overview of the various ways in which children and teens emotionally and physically suffer as a result of others’ cruelty. Looking at some numbers behind the plague’s ravages marks the first step in combating it for good. Spend this Bullying Prevention Month researching beyond the statistics listed here, and start fighting the good fight and standing up for victims in November.
1. Thirty-three percent of kids say they’re bullied “every once in a while, but not every week:”
By contrast, eight percent report it happening on a daily basis, seven percent say every week, and 52% say they’ve never experienced bullying at all.
2. Fifty-eight percent of kids say they’ve never bullied a peer
Scarily enough, 15% reported that they do it every day, and 22% consider bullying a “once in a while” activity. Only five percent engage in bullying behaviors on a weekly basis.
3. Victim-blamers are more likely to bully
An upcoming (at the time of this writing) study showed that elementary and middle school students are far more likely to brutalize one another if they feel a specific trait is the victim’s fault. Perspectives painting the obese as nothing but a choice, for example, even though numerous other genetic and medical factors beyond their control might be at play.
4. Around five percent of students avoid school outright
Some school avoidance might not stem directly from bullying, but it’s still a very common motivator all the same. Depression and anxiety amplify in victims, causing physiological side effects and making many feel too ill to attend class. These behaviors not only negatively impact their health, but academic performance as well.
5. Apathy and fear motivate office bullying
And these negative emotions snake their way down the hierarchy if those in power positions feel isolated from decision-making processes. Unfortunately, many “hands-off” companies ultimately facilitate office bullying with their lax policies and enforcement, which particularly screws over lower-level employees.
6. Four out of five LGBTQIA teens feel like they have no support from teachers and administrators
Both in and out of school, members of the LGBTQIA community remain some of the most vulnerable to bullying. When it comes to high schoolers, many feel as if no authority figures will guide them through regular brutality, leaving them more entrenched in depression and anxiety and at risk of self-destructive and suicidal behaviors.
7. Twenty-two percent of LGBTQIA teens have skipped school for safety reasons
Within the past month, by the way. And thinking the adults in their high schools don’t care only exacerbates their desperate situations.
8. There are three “styles” of bullying
Verbal, which involves any sort of aggressive, spoken taunts, insults, threats, hate speech and other piercing, damaging words. Physical, which should be self-explanatory. And social, which manifests itself via rumors, purposeful exclusions and other words and actions meant to isolate and ostracize from further away.
9. Bullying increases the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors
In both victims and perpetrators, interestingly enough. However, the former are more at risk of suicidal actions, while guilty parties usually think more than behave. Females admitted to these unfortunate psychological constructs more often than males, although they plague both demographics
10.No state has passed laws regarding hazing or cyberbullying
However, every state except for South Dakota does have legislation guarding against harassment and/or bullying, so victims and, when applicable, their parents might want to be aware of what charges can and cannot be pressed. Unfortunately, though, the lack of cyberbullying and hazing laws makes it more difficult to defend the bullied brutalized from such situations.
11.More than half of minority students receive race- and ethnicity-related slurs in school
This statistics includes Latin American, Black/African-American, Asian, Pacific Islander and mixed-race students. Native Americans, however, experienced such bullying at a lessened, but still disconcerting, rate, at 43% reporting verbal harassment regarding their race and/or ethnicity. Roughly a quarter of Asian, Pacific Islander and Black/African-American kids and teens compromise their attendance in order to stay away from their bullies.
12.Native American students receive more bullying for their religious views than anything else
Although bullying targeting their race and ethnicity happens at a lower rate than their minority peers, 54% of Native American students suffer from verbal harassment regarding religion. A further 26% find themselves physically victimized for the same reasons. Over one-third end up skipping school to avoid persecution, making them and Latin Americans (whose statistics remain similar) the most likely to fall behind academically as a direct result of bullying.
13.Less than half of bullied minority students report incidents
Many feel as if teachers, administrators and even parents won’t properly address the issue, maybe even ignore it entirely. Of the individuals who do report bullying, less than half claimed the intervening adults did little to actually assuage a continuing problem.
14.The staggering majority of school bullying situations receive no intervention
Eighty-three percent, in fact. Only four percent of incidents involve intervening adults, and 11% see peers coming to victims’ defenses or acting as mediators. Seeing as how school bullying happens every seven minutes, that means a stomach-churning, heart-wrenching amount of students suffering alone.
15.Most kids are cyberbullies…and most kids are cyberbullied
Abusing one another online is apparently the hot new trend. Although 58% of children say they’ve received threatening or insulting comments online, with 40% saying it’s happened on multiple occasions. However, many of these victims turn right back around and lay the pain on others, as catharsis one would imagine. Fifty-three percent admitted they themselves perpetuated cyberbullying, and one in every three bullies said they did it more than once.
16.Eighty percent of arguments end in physical altercations
Arguments with bullies, of course. In fact, around 282,000 secondary school students end up attacked on campus every month, and one out of three report overhearing death threats.
17.Most education professionals consider bullying a “minor problem:”
Only eight percent think it serious or critical, as opposed to 35% for moderate, 47% for minor and, scarily enough, 10% for “not a problem.” However, the numbers do go up a bit when it comes to urban (15% consider bullying a major issue) and middle (15%) school professionals.
18.Most education professionals witness bullying approximately once a month
Approximately 25%, with 13% claiming they never saw any at all, 25% reporting two to three times a month, 16% saying once a week, 15% witnessing bullying several times a week and nine percent, sadly, watching it happen daily. All of this going down within the span of a month. Once again, rates increased in urban and middle school settings.
19.Eighty-nine percent of education professionals think it their job to intervene
On a less somber note, the majority of teachers and education support professionals do consider bullying intervention part of the job description. Now it’s just a matter of reaching out to and changing the hearts of the two percent who don’t.
20.The majority of schools have “formal bullying prevention efforts,” but not as many as one would think
Only 58% of American schools hold explicit anti-bullying policies and programs, although 62% of both the elementary and high school levels provide such services. Unfortunately, only 39% of educational professionals admit they take part in any available bullying prevention efforts. And schools without more formalized policies still have some sort of rules against it: 93% of all institutions, in fact.
21.But what’s the point, if only 54% of educational professionals receive anti-bullying training?
Which means 46% of teachers and education support professionals have no idea how to handle a bullying situation when it crops up. That certainly bodes well for their victimized students!
22.Twenty-one percent of middle and high schoolers report gang presence on campus
Within the previous six months, however. Students in urban areas with high gang activity are also twice as likely to fear commutes to and from school, as gang activity does increase one’s risk of becoming a bullying victim.
23.No gender delineation exists in bullying
Both males and females (if one must go with a bipolar gender model, anyways) are just as likely to be victims and perpetrators in a bullying situation. However, the ladies utilize social methods more than physical, while the menfolk prefer fists for fighting. In addition, public and private school dwellers hover at roughly the same bullying rates.
24.Six percent of students carry weapons to school
Although the rate dropped by half between 1993 and 2003, that number should still warrant concern. These findings, however, did not indicate motivations behind the presence of weapons, but many can presume self-defense ranks pretty high up there. In fact, four percent of students explicitly avoid certain corners of campus to protect themselves.
25.Teachers get bullied, too
Nineteen percent of principals reported that their teachers received taunts, threats and other disrespectful comments and actions on a daily or weekly basis. Student bullying most frequently receives media attention and scientific studies, but it happens to adults as well, both inside and outside the classroom.
Source: Online College
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Tags: anti-Bullying, Bullying, Bullying Prevention, Cyberbullying, Harassing, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teasing, Teen Bullying
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