Parent-Tested, Parent-Approved

I am asked almost weekly by parents about how they can drug test their teens.  I am not a doctor and I can’t endorse any product that I haven’t personally used.  I know many parents have used over the counter products from both Walgreens and CVS as well as have had their family doctors perform blood tests, if they have a cooperative teens (wink wink).

I was asked to share a recent press release with parents.  Although I haven’t used this product, some of you may find it useful and may want to look further into it.  I know these products are in high demand, and  I also know a parent in denial is only going to harm your teen in the long run.  If you suspect your child is using drugs, it is better to find out now, while you can get help.  Don’t wait for addiction to knock on your door.  Yes, addiction is treatable – death isn’t.

Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit — #1 recommended by addiction specialists — now selling at CVS.com

Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. is proud to announce that CVS Pharmacy and CVS.com has added the entire family of Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits.

“CVS.com and the CVS/Caremark family are absolute leaders in the home health care industry.    Families rely on the CVS family for every day products and life saving prescriptions.    We value the support that CVS.com has shown the Teensavers® family, including our family branded drug tests in their diagnostics category.   We share the importance and enthusiasm for families looking to lead a healthy life,” said Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. President Steve Stahovich.

Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. created the Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits with the family in mind.   Government statistics show that 4,000 teens try drugs for the first time every day.   2,500 of those kids are experimenting with pills.    Many parents are seeing the explosion of teen prescription drug use in our community.    But they don’t know what to do about it.    The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits can help detect possible opiate use.    It can help deter kids from taking pills, prescribed for a legitimate patient, from the medicine cabinet to use recreationally.

“We are proud that parents can find our total family solution, from the same chain where they are getting their prescriptions.    Just as any health ailment requires immediate attention, potential teen substance abuse requires the same immediate attention and care.   Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits provide more than a positive or negative result.   Our complete kit helps parents understand through the entire process, whether it’s diagnosing the drug use, or finding the best solution for your family,” said Stahovich.

There are five different Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits available on CVS.com ranging from a 1-panel (THC only) test to a comprehensive 12-panel test.     The prices range from $16.99 to $39.99.

2011 Winner Parent Tested and Parent Approved

Stahovich says choosing the right test is based on alert and informed parenting.    Stahovich says, “Choosing the right drug test kit not only depends on your family and the child’s exposure to drugs, but the drug culture of the community.    It is critical for parents to be proactive by talking with other parents in the neighborhood, finding out about drug issues in the schools, and within the community.   Some communities have marijuana and cocaine problems.    We are seeing an explosion of prescription drug abuse across most of the country.   Parents may want complete tests for popular pills.     Proper home drug testing involves pro-active parenting”

The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit is 99.9% accurate, made in America, and approved for over-the-counter sales by the FDA. The test is endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, a 30-year treatment veteran.   The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit was recently named a 2011 “Top Products” Winner by Parent Tested, Parent Approved, one of the most reliable and valuable online resources for parents.

===Product Specs===

– 1-panel ($16.99) Marijuana (THC) test.
– 3-panel ($21.99), screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, and Methamphetamine.
– 5-panel ($25.99) screens for the previous three drugs, plus Oxycodone and Opiates.
– 7-panel ($29.99) screens for the previous 5 drugs plus Benzodiazepines and Ecstasy (MDMA.)
– 12-panel test ($39.99) is the most comprehensive Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit. It screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Amphetamines, Methamphetamine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Oxycodone, Methadone, Ecstasy (MDMA), and Tricyclic Antidepressants.

# # #Founded by President Steve Stahovich, a long time recovery and addiction specialist, Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. (http://myteensavers.com) is an ally to parents who suspect their teen may be using narcotics. We are the latest generation in home drug testing kits, offering a total solution, and not just results. We are endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, founder of Chapman House.

Here is a good guest post with five possible reason that can cause teen anger:

5 Ways to Make Your Teenager Angry

Any parent of a teenager knows that one of the main emotions associated with that age is, you guessed it, anger. In fact, most people simply refer to their teenager as an “angry teen” and write off those emotions as a simple fact of life during that age. While this is definitely true, it is also imperative to treat your teen with as much care and respect as you would any other loved one, even if they treat you with the opposite of care and respect, at times. As a parent, you can’t write off your teen’s anger. In fact, if you’re not careful, you run the risk of making them seriously angry at you, rather than simply angry at the world. Here’s how:

 1. Don’t Listen to What They Have to Say

One of the most important things to do while your kids are teenagers is to try to foster and maintain communication. Even if your teen would rather walk home in the snow than talk to you about his day, you have to take advantage of any communication you can get. And, most importantly, when you do get the opportunity to communicate, focus less on what you would like to say to them and more on what they have to say to you. You could be so occupied with worrying about the next thing you think you should tell them that you can miss hugely important clues about your teens life and how he or she is feeling.

2. Tell Them They Are Just Being a Teen

Talk about being written off! And at the absolute worst time in life to feel that way, no less. Never, ever make the mistake of treating your teen like their opinions or emotions are invalid simply because they are going through their “teens.” There is nothing that will push your child away faster or make them feel more annoyed and insulted.

3. Don’t Practice What You Preach

You may feel like you can relax a little once your kids are grown up, without the worry of them repeating things they shouldn’t say or copying behaviors they shouldn’t be copying. It’s easy to feel like you can cut back on trying to provide an example. But, even if it doesn’t feel like it, your teen is still watching you and emulating your behavior. If you are constantly lecturing them about following through on their homework, you better take the trash out if that is one of your family chores or remove foul language from your vocabulary if you expect the same from them. If you are going to ask your teen to follow through on things they say they will do, you absolutely must set that example.

4. Make Them Feel Isolated

When your teen suddenly prefers to lock herself in her room, music blaring, rather than hang out with the family, it can be easy to just leave them alone up there and not bother. Once invitations have been rejected so many times, you can begin to feel like it would be better to stop bothering them altogether. However, your teen still needs to feel like a relevant and important member of the family, or else you run the risk of creating a feeling of isolation that could continue into the later teen years.

5. Don’t Prepare Them for Plans

This is another area where parents sometimes feel that it’s better to stay away than address an issue or upcoming plan with their teen. Things like letting them know that you will be going out of town in two weeks, or that you want to have a family movie night on Friday, are simple to throw on your teen last minute, especially when they act like they could care less. The truth is, in the moment, they probably don’t care. But that doesn’t mean that you should surprise them by springing plans on them last minute. Sometimes teens, just like anyone else, need a little time to mentally prepare for upcoming events, and being forced to do something without warning is a surefire recipe for a breakdown.

Byline:

This is a guest post by Kimberly Wilson. Kimberly is from accredited online colleges, she writes on topics including career, education, student life, college life, home improvement, time management etc.

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It's not always easy having a good mom and daughter relationship.

Being a mother of a daughter I know firsthand that raising a teenage girl can be a challenge.  Though my daughter’s teen years are a decade behind me, I listen to parents today and I sympathize with the extra burdens they have to endure with the added pressures of technology.  It is not easy.  The one common denominator that doesn’t change is most girls always feel they are never pretty enough, thin enough or fit in.  This needs to stop.  Where does all this low self-worth stem from?  As a parent,  many of use always try to build out kids up – however peer pressure can be so strong.

Here is a fantastic guest post that I think parents will benefit from:

Just Mom and Me: A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide

Mom and daughter relationships are very complicated and multifaceted. Some of them are the best of pals and communicate with each other regularly. Some are forever in the combatant phase. There are some who even steer clear of any kind of clash. But it can be stated without an iota of doubt that there is a whiff of all these traits in almost all relationships.

The million dollar question here is for the mommies, “how to raise your darling daughters into influential girls who are self-confident?” they become adept at making constructive choices regarding their own lives and execute productive actions for others. In spite of being normal girls with their little insecurities, they have a strong will and feel all right about themselves. You should know that these girls will mature sensibly and lead a worthwhile and satiated life.

Acknowledge your family’s most valued ideals

It is very essential to mull over your family ethics and contemplate upon the means by which you will put across these values. Be sure to include suitable examples to corroborate your message in the most appropriate manner. For this you have to constantly keep a check on instances in your daily life to exemplify these ideals you want your daughter to imbibe.

Persuade your daughter to resolve her own issues before settling it yourself

You have to coach your daughter to make her own decisions. She has to be independent and develop her own aptitude to deal with situations. Tell her to deliberate upon more than two approaches to deal with the circumstances and then inquire about likely consequences. You should convince her to make her own decisions for the very dilemma. It is okay even if you do not see things the same way; at least now your daughter has a feeling of control over her life.

Do not let her accomplish by magnitude, creates trouble

Try to make your daughter toil and excel at one thing at a time. Do not become hasty in trying to make them into little mechanical multi-taskers. Yes, this is an extremely competitive world and the motto of survival of the fittest is “the thing” to follow. But give your daughter some space and let her follow her own interests. You are there to guide her of course. Do not register her in infinite activities like dramatics, soccer, art, music etc. the belief that self worth is acquired by who you are and not what you achieve.

Make your daughter work together with other girls

If your daughter works jointly with other a girl of her school and solves her predicaments together, she will excel later in taking big risks and tackle many trials and tribulations in life. Working together makes them have an unbelievable sense of achievement and feeling of proficiency. All this is good for your daughter and good for you in the long run. So the bottom-line is inspire your daughter to take part in team-building activities where everyone works cooperatively to provide solutions to their problems.

Let your daughter be aware of the fact that you love her because of who she is

Do not be over fixated about everything your daughter does. She needs her own space just like you do as a mother. Keep encouraging her to have good habits but never obsess about it too much. It is alright if she takes her own time, everything does not happen overnight. But, show a positive reception for her individuality. Do not keep cribbing about her weight or her looks as she first needs to recognize her inner self. You need to deflate the thought that beauty is just about your appearance. Over obsession about the physical appearance will definitely lead to a lot of insecurities in your daughter’s life.

So, remember this rearing a girl up can be very thrilling and stimulating. Both of you can work it out together and enjoy so many things together. Maintain this bond even when she grows older. She will appreciate it for sure and you will always cherish it forever.

About the author: Alia Haley is a blogger and writer. She loves writing on topics related to wedding, health and luxury. Beside this she is fond of bags. She recently shared an article on designer baby clothes. These days she is busy in writing an article on Teeth whitening kits.

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Self-esteem is a delectate issue in your teen’s life. This is a time in their lives when they are changing mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s important to help your teen but also know that this something they can only control, all you can do is assist. Address the issue or issues your teen seems to be facing, whether its low self-esteem based on appearance or grades, you can help. Here are some ways to boost your teen’s self-esteem.

1.  Volunteer- When you do something good for someone else it makes you feel better. Sign your teen up with a program or organization that he/she can help with. Whether it is helping once a week or once a month, the act of giving is crucial. Check out your local soup kitchen or animal shelter and get them started today. Not only are the people and animals benefitting but so is your teen.

2.  Hobbies-Talk with your teen and see what activities interest them. This may require lots of talking and observation. Take note in their everyday activities and pick up on signs of when, how and what makes them smile. For example you can sign them up for painting classes or get them books on a topic they like.

3.  Exercise- There are many studies that show, when a person exercise they are much happier. According to www.Livestrong.com, ‘Running is a great way to rev up your metabolism and increase your energy levels. Cross country skiing is the only physical activity that burns more calories than running. Running releases endorphins, the chemicals in the brain that make you feel happy; this is how the expression “Runner’s high” came about.’ So get them outside and active!

4.  Remove Negativity: Be sure to support your teen in all he or she does. Keeping a positive and happy vibe in the home will make them feel good. Keep negative words like: ‘ugly and fat’ out of your vocabulary. You would be surprised to how much teens listen to what you say. Just because you should remove negativity doesn’t mean you stop parenting. Discipline when necessary but keep in mind in day to day life, remain positive.

5.  Friends: Your teen’s friends have a huge impact on your teen’s life. Be sure that your teen is hanging out with the ‘right crowd’. A good way to assess this situation is to invite their friends over for dinner. You will be able to judge if you think they are helping or hurting your teen’s self-esteem. If they are helping, then great, invite them over more often. If their friendship is not benefitting your teen, be sure to promote the positive friends in their lives more.

Remember this is a sensitive time for teens and nothing can help a teen like a supportive and loving parent. Follow these guidelines and listen to your kids. Happy boosting!

Author Bio

Nancy Parker was a professional nanny and she loves to write about wide range of subjects like health, Parenting, Child Care, and Babysitting, find a nanny tips etc. You can reach her @ nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com.

PS:  Adults can use these tips too!  Thanks Nancy for sharing these tips!

Why?

It seems we are starting it a younger age than generations earlier!

Sex education isn’t necessarily something people like to talk about, but it’s certainly necessary. Without sex education (and often, even with), teens can get into trouble with pregnancy, abortion, STDs, and even AIDS, all of which can have a negative impact on their lives and future happiness. Awareness and education are important, but they’re not always the same. Sex education has changed considerably in recent years, with abstinence-only education, sex education for younger children, and more, so it’s worth taking a look at some new developments in the field. Read on, and we’ll discuss 20 new trends that are going on in sex education right now.

1. Mandating medically accurate sex education

   It seems like a no-brainer, but many states have recently enacted bills that would require medical accuracy in school sex education. We have to wonder what’s been put out that’s not accurate, but at least these states are working to get it right now. Typically, the educational programs are required to be in accordance with “accepted scientific methods and recognized as accurate and objective by professional organizations and agencies with expertise in the relevant field, such as the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the American Public Health Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.”

2. Teens aren’t learning about contraception before they have sex

   Sexual activity is common by the late teen years with 7 in 10 teens engaging in intercourse by their 19th birthday. But many students who have engaged in sex report that they didn’t learn about contraceptive use before getting started. In a Guttmacher Institute fact sheet on American teens’ sources of information about sex, 46% of males and 36% of females reported that they didn’t receive formal instructions about contraception before having sex for the first time.

3. Kids are learning about sex from outside of school

   This is obvious to most, but the majority of sex education actually takes place outside of school. Kids learn about sex from porn, TV, and pop culture these days. Stars like singer Solange Knowles lend their time and image to campaigns that promote safe sex, and even death metal bands get in on the action.

4. Sex education for younger children

   Sex education can start as young as third grade, although that education doesn’t necessarily involve explicit sex explanations. For third graders in China, sex education starts in the form of a toilet tour, in which children get the opportunity to peek into the other gender’s bathroom to better understand the differences in their bodies and behaviors. Students also view presentations about sperm fertilizing eggs.

5. Many sex ed programs are abstinence-only

   According to the CDC, about 1/3 of sex education omits the use of birth control, engaging in the controversial abstinence-only sex education that has been both lauded and criticized. However, about 2/3 of teens got instruction in birth control before graduating from high school: about 62% of boys and 70% of girls. Research suggests that comprehensive sex education that includes both abstinence and birth control began to decline from 1995 to 2002 and has not changed much since then.

6. Federal funding mandates prohibit educating students about contraception

   Since 1997, the federal government has invested more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only programs, which require schools to avoid teaching about birth control in order to receive federal funding for sex education. These programs must adhere to a strict eight-point definition of education, with the “exclusive purpose of teaching the social, psychological, and health gains to be realized by abstaining from sexual activity.” Critics point out that the eight-point definition is not created by “evidence-based, public health and social science research,” but rather, a values agenda put in place by Congress.

7. Elementary schools are passing out condoms

   Schools passing out condoms to students is not a new idea, but some schools are taking things a step further and making them available to virtually all ages. In Provincetown, Massachusetts, one school will allow students as young as first grade to get free condoms, as long as they listen to a talk about sex education beforehand. The program is a move to decrease teen pregnancy. While the superintendent recognizes that first graders and other young elementary school children probably don’t know what condoms are and won’t ask for them, parents are worried that just by having them available, students are going to get the message that it’s acceptable to have sex at such a young age.

8. Almost all sex-ed programs teach about AIDS and STDs

   Almost all students will learn about AIDS and STDs, a move that is smart for stopping the spread of disease. About 97% of teens report receiving formal sex education by the age of 18, and about 92% of boys and girls report being taught about STDs, including preventing infection with the AIDS virus. This may cut down on the spread of AIDS and STDs now and in the future among young people who are sexually active.

9. Teen males will use more condoms if they learn about them

   Although federal funding mandates abstinence-only education, research has shown that formal sex education, regardless of whether it includes information about birth control or not, leads to greater condom use among teen males. So even though teen males may not be educated about condoms, being informed about sexuality seems to increase responsibility. According to Condom Use and Consistency Among Male Adolescents in the United States, “the critical factor for male condom use and consistency is the presence of any formal instruction.”

10. Schools are testing students on health and sex education

    Washington DC public schools annually test student progress in reading and math, and now, they are testing what students know about sexuality, contraception, and drug use as well. This is a bold move in a city with some of the country’s highest rates of sexual transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies. Officials share that the test will fill gaps in what they understand about young people’s awareness and why they behave a certain way. According to Brian Pick, deputy chief of curriculum and instruction for DC Public Schools, “it paints a fuller picture.” Adam Tenner, executive director of MetroTeenAIDS, believes the new test is positive, pointing out that “what gets measured gets done.”

1. States who denied abstinence-only funding typically have teen pregnancy rates under the national average

   There is a correlation between abstinence-only education and high teen pregnancy rates. In 2005, states who did not receive federal funding for teaching abstinence-only education typically had teen pregnancy rates that were under the national average. Abortion rates also tended to be lower in those states, indicating that students with comprehensive sex education may have more favorable outcomes.

2. Masturbation isn’t really discussed

   Although abstinence is discussed as an option in virtually every sex education program, whether birth control is mentioned or not, masturbation is hit or miss. Some teachers believe that discussing personal or mutual masturbation can be beneficial to students who want to explore sexuality without the risk of STDs and pregnancy, but others believe that teaching students about masturbation, and mutual masturbation in particular, may just be a prelude to intercourse.

3. Sex education curriculum often has distorted information

   Parents and students trust sex education programs to teach accurate information, but according to Advocates for Youth, sex education curriculum often includes distorted information. A 2004 study by the House Government Reform Committee took a look at commonly used curricula and found that they contained unproven claims, subjective conclusions, and outright falsehoods, including the “facts” that “half of gay male teenagers in the US have tested positive for HIV,” “condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse,” and “as many as 10 percent of women who have an abortion become sterile.”

4. Sex education programs with both abstinence and contraceptive education can create favorable outcomes

   Advocates for Youth points out that considerable scientific evidence supports the idea that sex education programs including both abstinence and contraception can help teens delay sexual activity, increase contraceptive use, and have fewer sexual partners when they start having sex. The group also believes that youth development programs that engage young people constructively in communities and schools are helpful. Specifically, Advocates for Youth identifies characteristics of effective curricula, including programs that last more than a few weeks, address peer pressure, and reflect the appropriate age, sexual experience, and culture of the students in the program.

5. Virginity pledges

   Some teens and young adults have begun to commit to virginity pledges, often as part of church programs. Studies have found that these pledges can delay vaginal intercourse, however, pledgers often replace it with other sexual activities including oral sex and anal sex, both of which do not reduce the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Some studies indicate that virginity pledges may reduce the likelihood of contraceptive use once pledgers engage in sex. The first virginity pledge program was created in 1993, by the name of True Love Waits, started at the Southern Baptist Convention, with now more than 2.5 million pledgers.

6. Teens are having less sex

   Although parents and concerned citizens worry that today’s teens are having more sex than ever, a CDC survey, Teenagers in the United States: Sexual Activity, Contraceptive Use, and Childbearing indicates that teens’ levels of sexual experience have decreased. The numbers of teens who have had sexual intercourse at least once have not changed significantly, and that number has been in overall decline over the last 20 years. As Examiner.com points out, that means today’s teens are less likely to be sexually experienced than their parents were as teens.

7. Teens don’t learn about the connection between AIDS and anal sex

   Researchers at the Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center discovered that anal sex is on the rise among teens and young adults. They say that girls are often persuaded to try anal sex to have sex without risking pregnancy or their virginity, but don’t understand the health consequences. Even students who can recite how you get AIDS may not understand how exactly it translates to their behavior, thinking that they can’t get AIDS because they’re not having vaginal sex. In fact, anal sex can be more risky for HIV infection, as tissue may tear and cause direct blood exposure to infected fluids. Lead author Celia Lescano remarks, “There is no doubt that teens lack information about STDs and the safety of different behaviors and they they are engaging in more sexual experimentation.”

8. Some states leave sex-ed curriculum up to local school districts

   In some states, sexual education curriculum is variable among different school districts, with differences in what is taught and how it’s presented. In Connecticut, for example, the state leaves it all up to local school districts, allowing them to decide what is taught about sex education. The state does, however, offer guidelines on what it believes should be taught, and all public school districts do offer at least basic health education for high school students, and state law requires school districts to teach about HIV. Bonnie Edmondson, a health education consultant at the Connecticut Department of Education shares, “It is a local control issue. The communities have a feel for what is best.”

9. Teens want more input from parents

   Although most teens are at an age when they are pushing their parents away on a regular basis, the fact is that they would like more input from their parents when it comes to sex education. In Baker County, Florida, teens don’t believe they’re getting adequate sex education from parents or teachers, and they shared that parents need to find better ways to discuss sex with their kids. Some teens pointed out that sex education is first and foremost the parents’ responsibility, and they need to find ways to make the topic less awkward to bring up. They also note that teens learn more about sex from their peers than their parents, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

10. The elderly are getting sex education as well

    Schoolkids aren’t the only ones learning about sex these days. The elderly are finding value in sex education as well. In Malaysia, one state is providing sex education for the elderly to stop rising divorce rates. Family development foundation head Mohamad Shafaruddin Mustafa notes, “Many elderly couples sleep in separate bedrooms and are not intimate. This is unhealthy as they can still have vibrant intimate relationships, especially with all kinds of therapy and health supplements now available.” With sex education, elderly couples can better learn how to reconnect and enjoy their sexual relationship together.

Source:  Best Colleges Online

Most people know that parenting today is not easy, and with today’s technology, kids advancing their sexual knowledge at earlier ages, as well as our own media outlets such as TV and music lyrics that are sometimes questionable, it is hard to run from having these kids grow up much faster than we did.

Here is a special guest post from my good friend and Today Show Contributor, Michele Borba.  If you haven’t picked up her book yet, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, treat yourself this holiday season!  Order it today!

Toxic parent communication stoppers that are guaranteed to turn teens off – and your better response to keep them talking.

Let’s face it, talking with an adolescent can be like walking through a minefield. At any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.

You know that communication keeps you connected to your child, but it often seems to backfire because of the type of questions asked.

Research proves our instincts: The number one antidote to risky-kid behavior is a strong relationship with a parent. Believe it or not our kids even like us and want us in their lives! (Really!!!!) A recent Girl Scouts of America survey found that tween girls really want their moms even more involved in their lives.

The trick is how to stay involved the right way so we don’t turn them off, they do want to come to us and we can be a sounding board to help them wade through tough issues. Watch out! The biggest turn off (according to tweens and teens) is often how we pose our questions.

Here are seven things you should avoid asking an adolescent because they are guaranteed to be big “turn offs” and how to pose those trickier questions another way so you’re more likely to get a better response from your kid (or at least keep her standing in the same room with you).

1.  “So, how was your day?”

Trite, generic, remarks like “Did you have fun last night?” and “How was school?” don’t go over with tweens. They say they see them as “insincere” and “so-o-o predictable.” “Watch—My Mom is going to ask, “How was your day?” She always does.” Tweens put those comments at the top of their annoying list. Besides you’ll get nothing more than a “FINE” response from your kid.

Better: “What are your friends saying about Madonna’s 13 year old daughter starting a fashion line?”

Ask open-ended questions requiring more than a yes/no response makes it appear that you really do want to listen. If you ask questions about their world and interests, you’re getting bonus points. (“Can you tell me how to download must to my Ipod?”) P.S. Be sure to stop multi-tasking (tweens hate it!) so it appears you really are interested.

Bullying peaks during the tween years and is escalating and far more vicious. Reports say one in three tweens are involved in bullying either as a victim or bully which includes: social exclusion, racial, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse, relational aggression, or electronic (cell phones, websites, pagers or email.

2. “Why didn’t you tell the kid to leave you alone????”

Research shows tweens often don’t tell their parents that they are being victimized for fear of retaliation and humiliation (they often feel they’ve done something to cause it and rarely do) or that you’ll say, “Tell the kid to leave you alone!” (Which they say is the worst advice you can give.

A tween often cannot fend for herself and needs help in figuring out safety options and strategies to defend herself. In fact, bullying is a repeated pattern of willful cruelty. Bullies do not go away and generally continue to target victims, which can cause severe emotional ramifications.

Better: “Where did this happen?”

Get specifics so you can help your tween create a safety plan. The question often signals to your tween or teen that you believe her and you’re ready to offer advice. Also, bullying usually happens at the same time and place so. Ask: “Who was involved?” “Where do you feel least safe?” You can then provide specific advice to help your son or daughter create a safety plan.

3. “What was she wearing?”

Materialism is huge with the tween set and is mounting. Marketers are tailoring the tween-aged kid. This is also a time when tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Tween-aged kids are most likely to believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their peer status and it also impacts their professional goals (75 percent of 8 to 12 year olds desire to be rich).

More US kids than anywhere in the world believe that their clothes and brands describe who they are and define their social status. Preteens with lower self-esteem value possessions significantly more than children with higher self-esteem.

Better: “What do you enjoy about her?”

Halt the comments about clothing and appearance. They can backfire and make your kid feel that’s what you care more about. It also tweaks your conversation on surface stuff only. Instead emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like talent, loyalty, character, friendship, or fun! Let your adolescent know that you value her and her friends as people and not for their appearances or popularity. Besides, 95 percent of adults say that kids are too focused on buying and consuming so halt the comparisons.

4. “Why are you sooooo sensitive?”

Puberty is a period of intense hormonal changes. In fact, more changes are going on in your tween’s body than at any other time in their life and is now occurring at younger ages! New brain research shows that the area of the brain that regulates emotions is still developing. So expect those mood swings and extremes. But also expect your tween to be “very touchy” and sensitive. Hint: Don’t tease–they will take it personally. And never tease or discipline your kid in front of another peer. You’re guaranteed to get big time resistance and a turn-off.

Better: “You seem upset. Had a tough day? Need a hug?”

Tune in to your child’s emotions. Respect where your child is coming from. Refrain from sarcasm and taunts. Watch your non-verbal cues, such as smirks or raised eyebrows. Teens are overly sensitive to these expressions and may read more into them than you think.

5.  “Why did you do that?” (Even worse: “What were you thinking???”)

Expect your tween to be a bit impulsive and act a little crazy!

Neuro-imaging confirms that their prefrontal cortex is still developing – the exact place where decision-making and impulse regulations are forming.

Also, tweens may not always know the reasons behind their actions (really!!) And it’s one reason they may have that blank look when you ask, “Why did you do that?????”

Better: “What did you hope would happen? What will do next time?”

It’s best to not use “Why” with a tween  (“Why did you do that?”) Chances are they won’t know. Instead use “What” to get them thinking. Doing so will not stop their “I don’t know response,” but get them to think before they act. And might even help them learn what to do the next time. (Such a concept, eh?)

6.  “Why didn’t you just say no????” 

The need to “fit in” is huge and peer pressure is huge.   In fact, it will never be as strong. It’s tough to stand up to your peers, but even more so during these years.   Tweens also say the worst advice their parents’ give is to “Just say no!” (Boys and Girls Club of America 2006 study of over 46,000 13 to 18 year olds).

Tweens say what they want from their parents are actual strategies to counter the pressure.

Better: “It’s tough to say no to a friend. Have you tried…?”

Tweens especially say what they need are specific peer pressure techniques. So offer strategies by brainstorming together during a relaxed time: “Let’s think of things you could say the next time your friend pushes you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing. You could make an excuse like: ‘I have to get home and do my homework or my parents will ground me” or give a reason like ‘My grandpa was a smoker and died of cancer. I promised him I wouldn’t.’ What else could you say?”

7.  “Why don’t you just get over it and move on?” 

Peer relationships are critical and play a big part of an adolescents self-esteem.  Tweens are discovering the opposite sex and have their first “crushes.”  When there’s a friendship tiff or breakup with a “first love” ah the anguish! Though the anguish may seem juvenile, don’t dismiss your kid’s hurt and tell her to “Get over it.”  Their hurt is intense and real.  (Remember way back. Did you get over it easily?) It may take a while for them to bounce back–especially during these years when one of their top concerns is “peer humilation.”  Not only are tweens concerned about their own pain but what “all the other kids are saying.”

P.S.: Don’t dismiss boys! (Says the mom of three). Research shows the male breed often has a tougher time bouncing back than girls.

Better: “I’m so sorry. Want to get an ice cream?”

Show a little empathy! Breakups at this age are crushing. Be available, understanding, supportive, and fill your kid’s social calendar with something to do (especially on those weekends) if they’re left alone. Don’t ask, “What happened?” Or “What went wrong?” And don’t push for details. They’ll give those when they feel comfortable. Right now just be there!

Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. Her work aims to help strengthen children’s character and resilience, build strong families, create compassionate and just school cultures, and reduce peer cruelty. Her practical, research-based advice is culled from a career of working with over one million parents and educators worldwide.

Here are 10 good reasons parents want TV show ratings.

1. Helpful tool – Even though these TV ratings are less than perfect, they are a helpful tool for parents to use. By examining what the different ratings are and what they stand for, parents have a starting point to work from when determining which shows they will allow their children to watch.
2. Watchdogs – The TV Parental Guidelines Monitoring Board are the ones determining how the various shows are rated. This means there is a panel of watchdogs reviewing these programs for the parents. The panel consists of experts from the television industry and public interest advocates and are available to receive complaints from concerned parents who may not agree with their ratings.
3. Volume of shows – The sheer volume of shows available on television make it impossible for parents to review them all. The ratings system helps to sort through a multitude of programs by age group. For instance, any show with a rating of TV-MA means that it is intended to mature audiences only and not appropriate for children.
4. At a glance – Once parents are familiar with the various ratings, they can tell at a glance whether the show should be safe for young children to watch or may need further review.  The ratings appear in the upper left-hand corner of the TV screen at the beginning of the program and again after each commercial break.
5. Saves time – The TV show ratings system saves precious time for busy parents. As mentioned before, nobody wants to take the time to review the massive number of shows available. The ratings are visible at a glance and whole groups of shows can be blocked using the V-Chip technology built into most television sets.
6. V-Chip – Since the year 2000 television sets have been equipped with what is called V-Chip technology to help parents filter out programming they feel is inappropriate for their children. The V-Chip receives and understands the different ratings and on screen programs can be used to block whichever ratings parents choose.
7. Can’t always be there – Since parents can’t always be there when their children are watching TV, blocking adult programming gives them some control even when they’re not at home. Although the system isn’t perfect, it can be improved with monitoring and adjustments.
8. Can be used for discipline – Parents can even use the TV show ratings as a form of discipline. The various ratings can be used for either punishment or rewards. Parents can block violent shows for kids who get into a fight or unblock them as a reward for staying out of trouble.
9. Flexibility – The seven different ratings and the five different content labels give parents a wide range of flexibility when determining which shows may or may not be appropriate. Each family has different values and concerns. What may be considered taboo for some parents could be ok with others, so these ratings take that into account.
10. Peace of mind – Parents who are diligent about using the TV parental guidelines can have more peace of mind about what their kids are watching even when they’re not being supervised.

Many television and movie producers use violence, explicit sex and foul language to compete with each other. Parents need to have some form of control to limit the amount of this content their children are exposed to. Very young children are simply not capable of making good distinctions between what is real and fantasy on TV. Although some kids may not be happy about how their parents are using the ratings system to control their television viewing, it’s a valuable tool for families to use.

Source:  Cable TV Providers

Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.

The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually.  In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.

What do you do?  Here are some quick tips for you:

• Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
• Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
• Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
• Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
• Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.

Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts. 

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November is a month for taking the time to be thankful for so many things, so it is also very fitting that it would be National Adoption Month as well. This year, on November 19^th, Thanksgiving came early for many deserving children and families. All across the country, thousands of families were created or grew on National Adoption Day. National Adoption Day, which falls during is the culmination of a year-round effort to raise awareness of the 107,000 children in foster care waiting for permanent and loving families. Each year, more than 350 communities in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and Guam hold events to finalize the adoptions of children in foster care and honor their adoptive families. Eventsrange from courtroom adoptions to local celebrations. Since 2000, more than 35,000 children in foster care have had their adoptions finalized on National Adoption Day. This is truly a time of celebration!

In honor of this special month, I was offered the opportunity to interview the National Adoption Month “One Day” Project spokesperson, Willie Garson. Garson currently stars as Mozzie in the new USA Network original series White Collar. He is most well-known for his work on “Sex and the City,” where he played Carrie’s best friend, Stanford. Garson adopted his now 10-year-old son, Nathen, from Los Angeles County foster care in 2010 and was excited to share his experiences with us.

I was in a relationship for a long time, and she didn’t want to have kids, which is fine, that’s people’s choice. After that relationship ended I realized, ‘What am I waiting for? I don’t care if I ever get married, but I know I want a kid.’

The Alliance for Children’s Rights, a kids’ advocacy group in L.A. and member of the National Adoption Day Coalition, is one of my charities. So, when I decided to adopt I worked with the Alliance for Children’s Rights and the Westside Children’s Center, who guided me through the adoption process.

For more information on this wonderful event and to find out how to get involved, please visit www.nationaladoptionday.org.

I know I in the majority – more and more kids are living with their parents in their twenty’s.  The price of rent, dorms, utilities, etc has made it nearly impossible for these young adults to get started.

The number of college graduates who move home is at an all-time high, according to a poll by the consulting firm, Twentysomething, Inc. The survey found that 85% of college grads will return to Mom and Dad’s nest after graduation in hopes of finding a job and saving money. Moving back home and turning to your parents for financial help has become the norm and it really pays off for some. Although living with Mom and Dad again may not sound very appealing, boomerang kids have the opportunity to save money, learn good personal finance habits, and become more financially secure before moving out on their own. If you’re one of the thousands of college graduates who is moving back with your parents, take advantage of this grace period and start saving and investing wisely.

1. Save money

   The No. 1 reason kids move back home after college is to save money. Living with your parents allows you to save the money you would normally spend on rent and put it in the bank. Whether you pay the bills or live rent-free, saving is much easier when you live cheaply. The more money you can save while living at home, the better your finances will be when you move out.

2. Develop good money habits

   Living at home can expose you to good personal-finance habits. Whether you want to obtain a credit card or start investing in a retirement fund, your parents can help you achieve financial freedom and develop good money habits for life. While at home, observe your parents’ financial habits and ask questions to get a good idea of how they spend their money and invest.

3. Learn the value of money

   Many college students have misconceptions about money and enter the real world with a lack of personal financial knowledge. All graduates, including those who took out loans to pay for school, could use a refresher in the value of money. Living at home can help you learn the value of money because you’ll have less of it to spend and will appreciate the cash you do have.

4. Financial security

   College grads who live at home have the financial security of their parents to help them stay afloat until they can move out on their own. Some graduates will get a free ride from Mom and Dad, while others will have to pay their dues for living at home. Either way you look at it, you’re getting a good deal. Having the financial support of your parents makes transitioning from college to the real world much easier.

5. Invest sooner

   Moving in with Mom and Dad after college can make it easier to invest sooner. College graduates can save tons by living at home and the money they don’t spend on rent can be invested into a savings plan. One of the smartest financial investments graduates can make is to start a retirement plan, such as a Roth IRA. These investments will help you manage your cash flow and prepare for the future.

   6. You can learn from your friends’ mistakes

      Living at home allows you to learn from your friends’ financial mistakes. Many college grads jump the gun on moving out because they want their own space and independence. While some friends may live within their means and have no financial problems, many end up overspending and have to move back home. When you live at home, you can be a spectator and learn from your friends and determine the right time to move out.

   7. Pay off student loans

      Living with your parents after college makes it easy to start paying down your student loans. Living at home allows you to save tons, so you can afford to put more money toward student loans. Chipping away at these pesky loans will help you pay them off in a timely manner and free you from debt.

   8. Incentive to find a job

      Considering the current state of the economy and the rising unemployment rate, finding a job is a difficult and often demoralizing task for college graduates. Moving home may be the only option for graduates, but it may also be the ticket to getting a job. Depending on your situation and your parents’ expectations, you may not have a choice but to find work right away. Pestering from Mom and Dad may be just what you need to get serious about job hunting and finding a job. Once you secure a job and get them off your back, you’ll feel relieved and more financially independent.

   9. Build and/or fix your credit

      Living at home allows graduates to establish or fix their credit. It’s important to build good credit or fix a damaged credit score before you move out because many apartment owners and even employers conduct credit checks. If you’ve never had a credit card or form of credit, now is the time to do so. If your credit score is less than stellar, then you can use this time to improve it.

   10. Budget for the future

       It is far easier to budget for the future when you don’t have rent going out the door each month. Use this time at home to set a budget that will help you achieve your financial goals. Budgeting will also give you a better idea if you can truly make it without your parents and how much it’s going to cost you when you move out.