What did they say?

Whether it is texting, instant messaging, or social networking – do you really know what your teenager is saying?  They seem to have their own language and codes for things parents may not approve of.

One of my favorite new sites is Enough is Enough! And how many times as parents do we say this?

Do you feel overwhelmed about protecting children from the dangers of the virtual world?

Who doesn’t?

When it comes to teens it can be more difficult and even more important to be a parent in the know.

Let’s start with 50 Acronyms Parents Should Know:

(Courtesy of Enough is Enough and NetLingo)

1. 8 - Oral sex
2. 1337 - Elite -or- leet -or- L337
3. 143 - I love you
4. 182 - I hate you
5. 1174 - Nude club
6. 420 - Marijuana
7. 459 - I love you
8. ADR - Address
9. AEAP - As Early As Possible
10. ALAP - As Late As Possible
11. ASL - Age/Sex/Location
12. CD9 - Code 9 – it means parents are around
13. C-P - Sleepy
14. F2F - Face-to-Face
15. GNOC - Get Naked On Cam
16. GYPO - Get Your Pants Off
17. HAK - Hugs And Kisses
18. ILU - I Love You
19. IWSN - I Want Sex Now
20. J/O - Jerking Off
21. KOTL - Kiss On The Lips
22. KFY -or- K4Y - Kiss For You
23. KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless
24. LMIRL - Let’s Meet In Real Life
25. MOOS - Member Of The Opposite Sex
26. MOSS - Member(s) Of The Same Sex
27. MorF - Male or Female
28. MOS - Mom Over Shoulder
29. MPFB - My Personal F*** Buddy
30. NALOPKT - Not A Lot Of People Know That
31. NIFOC - Nude In Front Of The computer
32. NMU - Not Much, You?
33. P911 - Parent Alert
34. PAL - Parents Are Listening
35. PAW - Parents Are Watching
36. PIR - Parent In Room
37. POS - Parent Over Shoulder -or- Piece Of Sh**
38. pron - porn
39. Q2C - Quick To Cum
40. RU/18 - Are You Over 18?
41. RUMORF - Are You Male OR Female?
42. RUH - Are You Horny?
43. S2R - Send To Receive
44. SorG - Straight or Gay
45. TDTM - Talk Dirty To Me
46. WTF - What The F***
47. WUF - Where You From
48. WYCM - Will You Call Me?
49. WYRN - What’s Your Real Name?
50. zerg - To gang up on someone

Be an educated parent – you will have safer teens!

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A special guest post from Blair Wagner of A Way Through helps sort through this dilemma.

Do you know your school's bullying policy?

Why Anti-bullying Programs Miss the Mark

As I direct my focus to a new school year about to begin, I reflect back on the past school year and the approaches I’ve seen schools take to address school bullying among their students and their staff.  The one that really misses the mark is starting an anti-bullying program.

It is common for us to see something we don’t like and to join an anti-[fill in the blank] campaign.  We talk about, write about, and complain about how bad it is.  Our focus is on resisting the thing we don’t like, in this case bullying.  We push against it.  And that’s the problem.

What We Resist Persists

There’s an old saying: What we resist persists. Put another way, when we are negative about an issue, we perpetuate or spread negativity.

When we jump on the anti-bullying bandwagon, our attention, energy and focus are on the negativity of bullying. From this place of negativity, we lack emotional access to positive solutions. The anti name has a persistent negative influence.

As an alternative to a dooms day attitude or an angry approach, a more effective option is to recognize the bullying we see.  Name it.  Be curious about it.  Look at it from several angles.  But don’t stay stuck there.

Once we’ve gotten clear on what we are seeing and where it is coming from, work to clarify what we DO want. We want better social skills, social competence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, healthy friendships, a positive culture, a positive climate, and positive role models.

A Springboard to Create a Replacement of Bullying Behavior

This positive focus gives us a springboard to create what we want.

Once we know what we want in bullying prevention, our job is to provide structures, training, and ongoing support for our students and for our school staff – all based on a focus of creating what we want, not on stopping what we don’t want.

Let’s replace those anti-bullying posters (of kids bullying or being bullied) with posters representing healthy friendships and acts of kindness. Start social skills training early. Put forth positive examples, language and visuals everywhere to influence your students in a positive way!

© 2011 A Way Through, LLC

Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com.

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Spy v spy

America is constantly under attack, and the National Security Agency (NSA), America’s top intelligence network, has been working with Internet Service Provider’s (ISP’s) in attempts to foil cyber-attacks. Here are some of the ways the agency and ISP’s work together. Some ISP cooperation has been voluntary, but in many instances ISP’s have had little choice in the matter.

1. Existing Cooperation Between NSA and ISP’s – AT&T and Verizon have been handing the NSA voice and data traffic for years; once illegal, laws have been changed to allow the practice. The Foreign Intelligence Security Act (FISA) of 1978 paved the way for greater government utilization of civilian companies and, eventually, ISP’s.
2. CALEA – In 1994, Congress enacted a program called the Communications Assistance for Law Enforcements Act (CALEA), a program that required all providers of Internet service, including phone companies, ISP’s, colleges and even coffee shops to install equipment that would allow the government to monitor almost all Internet activity.
3. The Patriot Act – In the fallout from the 9/11 attacks, warrantless surveillance was introduced, and even though opposing voices were raised there was enough fear of additional attacks that the program was enacted without effective judicial review, and the Bush administration titled it the Terrorist Surveillance Program.
4. Recent Developments – In May of 2011, it was reported that defense contractor Lockheed-Martin had come under cyber-attack, and, in a novel move, the defense industry, ISP’s and the NSA joined together to launch a program that would enable the NSA to utilize data sets to identify malicious programs that had been slipped into data streams received by Lockheed-Martin and others. ISP’s would then be able to disable the threats before they reached company servers.
5. Unknown Threats – Right now, the NSA technology and the ISP’s ability to filter Internet traffic is only effective against known threats, and work is under way to develop methods of detecting threats that are more ambiguously presented.
6. LulzSec and Anonymous – LulzSec and Anonymous are a pair of hacking groups that have declared a virtual war on manifold targets like media companies and mega-corporations; these are among the types of threats the NSA and ISP’s hope to neutralize.
7. Civil Liberties – Any time a government begins to monitor its citizen’s personal or business communications, there is a very real threat to the civil liberties of that citizenry.
8. Technology – The NSA, which employs more than 40,000 people, is at the forefront of many aspects of Internet security technology, which makes partnership with ISP’s possible.
9. Data Bases – ISP’s control incredible data flows, and their ability to monitor vast amounts of information makes them indispensable in any credible attempt to disable cyber-attacks.
10. What We Don’t Know – In a cyber-world infused with secrets, we may never truly know the depth of interactivity between ISP’s and government agencies like the NSA.

More threats are inevitable, and continued cooperation between the NSA and ISP’s is truly needed.

Source:  Internet Service Providers

This only re-iterates the fact that parenting has another added responsibility; Teaching your children the risks and dangers of the Internet as well as the benefits of it.

The Internet is an amazing source of information, news and culture. But the Internet also has a dark side that isn’t always appropriate for all ages. Perhaps that is why parents have stepped in to monitor how their children are exposed to the Internet. It’s a tough job, but someone has got to do it.

Here are the top 10 reasons parents take the Internet away from kids:

1. Pornography: The Internet has plenty of valuable and useful information. It also has a great deal of highly offensive pornographic material that is not suitable for children. Parents can exercise their discretion in monitoring their children’s intake of pornography and have a responsibility to do so. Without their careful monitoring, a child can be exposed to things that they have no business seeing.
2. Hateful Content: The freedom of expression the Internet allows can expose some truly hateful opinions. Children should not be exposed to this sort of hateful content, and it’s important that parents step in to prevent children from hearing overtly hateful messages.
3. Religious Reasons: The Internet is the ultimate open forum where people can express a dizzying array of views on any subject. For those parents who have deeply held religious beliefs, exposing their children to discriminatory messages may not be tolerated. This might be a good reason to step in and take the Internet away from a kid who is snooping around in all the wrong places.
4. They Should be Exercising: Whatever happened to playing outside? Many children spend too much time on the Internet and not enough time exercising. To help combat the epidemic of obesity, parents should step in and be sure that their kids are getting enough exercise. One great way to do this is to take away their kids’ favorite distraction: the Internet.
5. Punishment: Now that kids rely on the Internet for everything, taking away a child’s access to the Internet can be an effective punishment. Threatening to take away Internet or Internet access may keep even the most unruly kids on their best behavior.
6. Age: There is no official age limit on who can access the Internet, but parents have a good idea of who is too young to surf the web and should enforce those common sense ideas. If a kid is barely in Kindergarten, they may not need an iPhone or Internet access. Parents should use their discretion when it comes to children and the Internet.
7. Excess Usage: If a kid is using the Internet way too much, a parent should step in and take it away. Why? Because many negative behaviors can be correlated with overdependence on the Internet at a young age, such as anti-social behavior, obesity and poor academic performance. Parents should closely monitor how long their kids spend on the net and take the appropriate steps to ensure that they aren’t surfing too much.
8. Money Reasons: High speed Internet access can be expensive. In these tough economic times, sacrifices must be made. For some families, the expensive Internet access their kids enjoy may be on the chopping block. When facing a dismal financial reality, the Internet is a luxury that not every kid or family will be able to afford.
9. Security: The Internet can be a dangerous place. From identity theft to sexual predators, kids are at risk when they surf the web. A responsible parent will know when to step in and ensure that their children are surfing safely. If they can’t surf safely, kids shouldn’t surf at all.
10. Life Lessons: Going without something you enjoy is an important life lesson. You may not always get your way, and life isn’t always instantaneously gratifying. By taking away the ultimate source of instant gratification, for whatever reason, kids can learn a valuable life lesson that you can’t always get what you want.

Special contributor: Gordon Smith of  Internet Provider

Read more.

Many of us read those baby books before our first child came into the world – and after he or she arrived, we always opened a parenting book with answers and explanations.  But when it comes to teenage time – it can be a totally different story!

Defiance is the tone of your home, and disrespect has become second nature.

First you try therapy or counseling, there has to be something physically wrong.  In most cases, that is not the story.  There usually isn’t a pill to fix a teen that is spiraling out-of-control.

During these therapy sessions, you are gathering and reading as many parenting teen books as possible!  Now you find a DVD that makes promises to turn your teen around in 30 days?!  Really?  Some books are excellent – seriously really good – and can help YOU cope, but what about your teen?  Is it resolving these deeply root issues that are causing this negative behavior pattern?

No matter – you are desperate and willing to try whatever it takes.  As a responsible parent this is what we have to do.  However don’t allow your emotions to take over as they did in my story.

Are you at your wit’s end? Even read my book – “Wit’s End!” – but still wondering how to move forward.  Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com and find out more.

What Can You Do To Minimize The Chances Of An On-line Exploiter Victimizing Your Child?

Tired of your old social network? Wish they would listen to you? Looking for a fun and new place to make new friends, or want to create a private mini community for just your family? Check out Friendburst, a YOUR Friendship Community.

The Future of FriendBurst (From one of the founders, Kevin of More4Kids)

Well, that will be up to our members and community. I would like to think of FriendBurst more as a co-op social community. Everyone should have a say.  So what are some lessons learned from some of these other social networks?

1) Our members are members, not user or guests! That distinction is critical

2) Don’t touch a members profile. Many spend tens of hours getting it just ‘right’.

3) Listen to your members, and that mean’s ‘all’ your members and not just the noisy ones.

4) Be helpful, providing excellent customer service is so important.

5) Encourage creativity and a members ability to express their individuality.

With that said, what does FriendBurst have to offer?

1) An activity feed that lets you share links, photos, videos, and more. It has built in privacy settings so YOU can decide who sees what and what you want to share.

2) Blogs. FriendBurst.com has a very sophisticated blog that all members have access to built right in.

3) Music. If you are a Musician, you can upgrade to a FREE musician account and share your music.

4) Photos. Create you own photo albums and password protect.

5) Friends. Create friends lists and send messages to multiple friends at once.

6) Recipes. Over 4000 recipes that members can submit and comment on.

7) Profiles!!! Customize your profile with html, CSS or use our editor.

Forums

9) Groups!! Like the profiles, your groups can be customized with CSS or the editor. Each group has a Group name, plus its own individualized url which the Member creates.

10) FAN Pages. We love giving our members the ability to customize things at friendburst. Like on the profile and groups, you can customize pages with CSS and the Editor.

Those are just a few of many things we are doing at FriendBurst.com. Its all about our members and giving each one the abililty to truly express their individuality and creativity.

A very timely subject – cyberbullying.  Not only is it timely, it is a growing and very serious concern among teens, kids and parents as well as teachers.  The more you know, the better educated you can become on prevention.  Guest Blogger, Carrie Oakley, shared her thoughts and findings with my readers.

Cyber Bullying: Is Your Child a Victim or Perpetrator?

By Carrie Oakley

If you’re a parent of children who are tech savvy and know their way around the Internet and social networks, you know you have much more on your plate than your parents did years ago. Technology has most definitely brought about a variety of changes in our lives, and while some of them are fantastic, others cause more headaches than are of help. The Internet is one such phenomenon that plagues parents of pre-teens and teens who are just discovering its endless possibilities; how do they monitor what their children are doing online and with technology, and how do they effect control over their virtual actions and words?

Every parent has had to deal with the issue of bullies in the schoolyard; however, with technology, it’s easier to bully someone – cyber bullying as it’s known happens when kids send offensive or threatening text messages and emails, when their leave abusive or snide comments on social networks, when they post offensive photos and encourage others to leave derogatory comments, and so on. Any form of harassment or badgering online and through cell phones constitutes cyber bullying.

If your child is the victim or perpetrator of this menace, you must pull out all stops to put an end to it. You can start out by monitoring your child’s use of technology. If they have a social network page, “friend” or “follow” them on it. They may try to block you out or hide their activities, but insist upon being there (and do promise not to embarrass them) just so you know they’re not up to anything they shouldn’t be doing. Watch for derogatory and snide comments, from your child and his/her friends, and be aware of your child’s emotions and reactions. If a text message or phone call makes them angry or stresses them out, if they react emotionally to any communication on their phone or if they seem out of sorts when at the computer, talk to them and find out what’s bothering them.

If your child is not forthcoming, check their web history to see what pages they’ve been accessing. Put your home computer in the hallway or the den, a place that everyone in the house uses and where the screen is visible to most people in the area so that they cannot hide what they do online. Check your child’s cell phone bills and ask your provider for the list of numbers that are called and texted frequently. Remember, it’s ok to snoop if you’re sure there’s a problem and your child needs help.

If you discover that your child is the victim of cyber bullying, encourage them to get away from technology for a while or to use it for more fulfilling purposes. They could take to an outdoor sport or activity, or they could spend time on the Internet doing something useful instead of just surfing social networks and playing online games. Get them professional help if needed and if their self esteem has taken a beating. And reiterate to them that bullies are actually cowards who hide behind their words and their fists.

If your child is a cyber bully, it’s time to talk to them and make them understand that what they’re doing is very wrong. Tell them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and see what it feels like. If they’re doing it to get back at other kids or because of peer pressure, make them realize that they need to be good human beings first. As parents, it’s up to you to instill good values in your child, and the first step to doing this is to accept that there is a problem and see what can be done to resolve it.

The key to keeping your child safe from cyber bullies is to be their friend – when you’re open with them and encourage them to come to you with any problem, no matter how serious it is, you don’t have much to worry about. At the same time, teach your child good values and encourage them to use technology wisely, to broaden their horizons and improve their knowledge, and not to harass people or bully them. You define the formative years of your child, so take charge at the earliest, and mould them into strong and good human beings.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Carrie Oakley, who writes on the topic of online college . Carrie welcomes your comments at her email id: carrie.oakley1983@gmail.com.

Thank you Carrie for taking the time to write about an important issue today.

Do you know where your teen is?  Many parents feel when their child reaches a certain age, an especially these good teens – getting good grades, participating in sports and school activities, that we have less to worry about.  One recent study is telling us the contrary.

Source: Connect with Kids

Roaming Teens a Recipe for Violence

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. – and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school.”

– Walt Thompson, Executive Director, After School All-Stars

Even in the best neighborhoods, groups of teens just “hanging out” can lead to problems – including violence – according to a study conducted by Ohio State University researchers, published in the current issue of the Journal of Criminology. What can parents and communities do to help keep kids safe?

Ohio State University researchers, finding a complex relationship with teen violence and unstructured socializing, find that it is important to build relationships in communities so that neighbors trust each other and help monitor activities. Experts say kids in supervised programs have better grades, higher school attendance rates, and are less likely to commit a crime.

And yet, each day, when the school bell rings, more than 14 million American kids are left alone.

Experts say those hours after school are the most dangerous – especially for kids in middle school.

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. – and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school,” explains Walt Thompson, Executive Director of the Georgia chapter of After School All-Stars.

Many high school kids have a job or sports, or some after-school activity. But middle-schoolers, Thompson says, “they are the neglected age…if you go into the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are creating havoc in the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are getting arrested, those are the kids that are doing drugs, those are the kids that are getting initiated into gangs and the girls are getting pregnant.”

That’s why, experts say, it’s crucial for parents to find an after-school program for their kids.

And the best place to start is your child’s school.

“It provides structure, provides somewhere for kids to come, be with children of their own age involved in constructive activities,” explains Tresa Andrews, principal of King Middle School.

Andrews hosts the After School All-Stars program at her school. She says keeping kids in one place is essential, “They don’t have the opportunity to, quote-unquote, become lost trying to get from one location to another,” she notes. “We’re here.”

Ashley, age 14, is in the program. Here she can finish her homework and spend more time with her friends.

Ashley’s mom says the program is invaluable. “It helps me because I’m running in the morning to one job,” she says, “and I used to worry cause the area I live in – to me- is not as a secure area that I would like for it to be, and I worry about her in the afternoons.”

Thompson says it’s a win-win situation for everyone. “If you take that kid that may get in trouble and put them in a structured environment,” he says, “it’s got to be good. Whether it has an influence on their grades or whatever, if they’re in a structured program with loving and caring adults, it’s got to be a good thing.”

What We Need To Know

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors. In fact, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that juveniles are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. And the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., the first hour that most students are dismissed from school.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

• Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
• Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
• Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
• Provide time and space for quiet study
• Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
• Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
• Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
• Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
• Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses

Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.

Resources

• Roaming Teens a Recipe for Violence – Ohio State University Research
• Boys & Girls Clubs of America
• Educational Resources Information Center
• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center

During National Cyber Security Awareness Month there are many topics to be discussed, and one of the most fast-paced issue is porn and how it lands on your teens screens.

In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices, teens cell phones and kids’ bedrooms. It is easily – and often inadvertently — accessible by children and teenagers, and parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming addicted to it.

Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:

• Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.
• Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.
• Know your child’s password and screen names; they may have more than one.
• Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.
• You should also realize that children may be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friend’s homes, work, libraries and school.
• Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.
• Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many “negative” sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.

The best cure for addiction is prevention. Many parents may suspect their children of being sexually addicted, but may not be sure of the warning signs. Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on pornography and its effects, encourages parents to be on the lookout for the following symptoms of sexual addiction:

• A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior
• Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences
• Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior
• Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
• Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy
• Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer satisfying
• Severe mood changes related to sexual activity
• Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and/or recovering from sexual experiences
• Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior

Being an educated parent will help you have safer teens both online and off.

Learn more about protecting your children from online porn, click here.

The Broward County’s Sheriff’s Office has more tips on their website to help keep your family safe online, click here.

Read more.