Sue Scheff: Who Are Your Teens Hanging With? Bad Friends and the Social Scene
by Sue Scheff on Jan 23, 2010
Last fall Dr. Michele Borba, TODAY Show Contributor, released her largest book ever! The BIG Book of Parenting Solutions - 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.
In a 10 part series on Examiner, I explored only a tiny fraction of what BBPS (BIG Book of Parenting Solutions). Parenting Resolutions with Solutions is a 4 part series that shared 101 topics that are covered in BBPS.
Today the topic is bad friends (social scene section). Turn to page 315 and learn about how your kids are choosing friends and why. Find out the problem, the red flags, and why sometimes change is necessary. You will also find solutions!
Here are some signs and symptoms that your child may be choosing less than a desirable peer group.
- Secretiveness. Your child becomes very secretive, locks his room, and covers up what he is doing.
- Changes in appearance. Your child starts wearing “provocative” attire, wants only pricey or name-brand items, has a complete change in hairstyle, or starts wearing gizmos that “just aren’t your kid.”
- School problems. Your child’s grades drop; he loses interest in school, gets detentions or tardies, doesn’t turn in homework; you have received worried calls or notes from his teacher.
- Changes in activities. Your child pulls away from past friends; sees this kid exclusively; is negative about “former” pals; or quits a team or sport or other activities that he has always loved.
- Character changes. Your child’s integrity and your family values, culture or religious beliefs are affected; he is more withdrawn, moody, or sad.
- Untrustworthiness. You can no longer count on your child’s word; he lies, doesn’t keep his promises, isn’t where he say he is, misses his curfew, sneaks out.
- Decline in reputation. Your child’s image is negatively affected; teachers, coaches, other parents, or kids pull away or say your kid “has changed” – and not for the better.
- Tense family relations. You and your child have frequent arguments, and your relationships with your child is strained.
- Violence. Your child is preoccupied with violence in his drawings, writings, vocabulary, or choice of activities.
Of course any kid could show some of these traits, and they may have nothing to do with the friend he is hanging out with. The trick is to keep a closer eye on your child and this new friend: how many of these symptoms showed up because this kid came into his life? Also, are you sure the other kid is the negative influence—not vice versa?
The entire social scene section of BBPS covers so much more. Cliques, Drinking, Peer Pressure, Sex, Swearing and more.
If you are parenting today or going to be a parent, this book is a must in your library of parenting books. Order today!
Be an educated parent, you will be prepared and that means safer and healthier children!
Watch video and read on Examiner.
Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Cliques, Michele Borba, Parenting, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Groups, Teen Peer Pressure
Sue Scheff: Parenting Resolutions with Solutions
by Sue Scheff on Dec 21, 2009
Big Book of Parenting Solutions by Dr. Michele Borba has become one of the most popular parenting books to own. Why? It is simple, and seriously very simple to read, comprehend and easy to go straight to the topic you need to learn about without having to sift through a lot of pages. This book is like a Betty Crocker Cookbook – all indexed – easy to read and understand recipes (parenting recipes for raising kids today) as well as easy to use tabs to take you instantly to where you want to be.
Michele Borba Has Answers to Parents Everyday Challenges & Worries
101 topics the author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions can address:
FAMILY
1. Adopted
2. Divorce
3. Middle Child
4. New Baby
5. Oldest Child
6. Only Child
7. Sibling Rivalry
8. Twins and Multiples
9. Youngest Child
BEHAVIOR
10. Argues
11. Back Talk
12. Biting
13. Bossy
14. Brags
15. Defiant
16. Demanding
17. Hooked on Rewards
18. Impulsive
19. Indecisive
20. Swears
21. Tantrums
22. Time-Out
23. Whining
24. Won’t Listen
25. Yelling
Parenting in 2010 starts with Big Book of Parenting Solutions! Did you miss the sneak peek inside this fantastic book? Click here for the 10-part series!
Check out the next 25 topics >>>>>>
Start making your resolutions today!
Resolution Reminder: Parenting 2010 – Getting ten steps ahead of your kids with technology.
Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Books, Parenting Resolutions, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: What Makes Our Teens Happy?
by Sue Scheff on Dec 09, 2009
My friend and colleague has done it again! Not only is her book, BIG Book of Parenting Solutions selling like crazy (and well worth the purchase), Michele Borba has created a list of what makes our teens happy! You will be shocked at these results!
Check out her Realty Check from December 2, 2009.
If you haven’t heard the news this should make you and every other parent smile. (And it’s about time). A seven-month study conducted by MTV and Associated Press interviewed nearly 1,300 young people aged 13 to 24 years old. The results revealed that the majority of teens find the most happiness in their family and listed their parents as their heroes. And—(it gets even better)—most young people (over three-quarters!) said being with their parents brought them even more joy than being with their friends. What’s more, half say religion and spirituality are very important. Wow! Right?
This is great news. They like us. They really like us! Though this survey is not new (I reported it on the TODAY show several months back) I fear most parents have not heard the results. At a time when we usually hear the doom and gloom stuff about American teens, these results couldn’t be better and need to be reviewed.
What makes our teens happy and key parent take-aways
Here are key findings in the survey that I think all parents need to hear. I’ve included the good along with the bad news about what is really on the minds of our young people today. I’m also including a few parenting suggestions I shared on the TODAY show when I reported the survey results.
1. Stay involved in your teen’s life. Not only did the teens say they like us, but they also want us in their lives. Wow! Word of warning: don’t wait for a personalized invitation from your teen. “Yo, Mom, lets go have a great talk about our family values.” The trick is that we parents still need to be a bit crafty and find ways to stay involved in our kids’ lives without invading their space. They do want privacy. They do want time with their peers.
2. Find ways to get into your kid’s zone. Utalize the time your son or daughter is most receptive to talking and then be available. (Forget the first few hours in the morning. I swear teens are on a different time zone and don’t wake up until at least noon. Bless their teachers). I finally discovered with one son the best time was five o’clock in the afternoon—and always near the refrigerator. And that’s where I’d plant myself.
3. Watch out for those judgments and criticisms. Nothing turns a teen off faster. In fact, listen twice as much as you talk. And don’t push for a response. Wait. Research shows teens are processing and sometimes those words take a little longer to come out.
4. Finally, find “common connectors.” What are things you and your teen could enjoy doing together? Is it going to be basketball game, yoga, a book club, exercising, watching Friends reruns, shopping. Find one common connector so you can stay involved together.
5. Tune up your behavior. The MTV survey also revealed that teens put us as their top hero and role model. Such power! Such influence! It also means our kids are copying our behavior. A word to the wise: Model what you want your kids to copy. Ask yourself every night one question: “If my teen had only my behavior to watch, what would he have caught today?” How are you doing? I swear kids come with videocam recorders planted inside their heads. They are watching us.
6. Tune into money matters. Surprisingly, only one percent of teens listed money as the thing that would make them happiest. That one shocked me a bit because the research I read always stresses the materialistic nature of our teens. The good news is that teens are choosing relationships over money to bring them joy. Yes! Research confirms that relationships are the single greatest source of happiness.
On the other hand, 70 percent of teens still want to be rich in the future; 29 percent want to be famous. Nothing shocking there. After all, this is the “American Idol Generation.” Though the results may sound like a contradiction, the reality is teens (and mostly males) are concerned about their future. They say they are worried about money matters. It’s interesting to note that young people with highest-income families seem happier with life overall (hmmm) and middle income kids feel the most financial pressure. I don’t blame them. It’s tough out there.
7. Watch out for stress and pressure. This was the big red flag. Thirty-eight percent of teens said they feel stressed frequently; 47 percent said they felt somewhat stressed. The biggest stressor for teens was school. This result confirms every other study I’ve read. Our kids are stressed and stress is mounting. And why not? This is an era of “Leave no child left untested.”
A word to the wise: keep an eye on your child. Watch those stress signs. Watch his workload and her non-stop schedule. How does your child handle stress? What things exacerbate it? How well does your child cope with pressure? What can you do to reduce that stress? Those are the big questions today’s parents should tune into. Also: what tools and strategies have you taught your child to handle stress? The key parent question is always: “Does the stress stimulate or paralyze my teen?” The answer tells you what direction you need to take for your child’s health and happiness.
8. Beware of that scary world. Safety did not rate very high among our kids. Only 29 percent of those polled felt very safe when traveling. Only 25 percent felt safe from terror attacks. The truth is it’s a scary world to be growing up in. The tragic images and horrific experiences our young people have been exposed to in their short years are heart wrenching: Columbine. 9-11. Virginia Tech. Oklahoma Bombings. Global warming. The treat of a nuclear holocaust (the headlines in my newspaper today).
Though we can’t prevent tragedies from occurring, we can help our children see the good parts about the world and people. Expose your teen to goodness. Clip out those articles about the wonderful, caring things people do. They’re always those articles tucked away in the back pages of the paper. Many parents cut them out and use them each night as “Good News Reports.” I love the idea. Our children deserve to hear the better parts of life.
For the most part the MTV/AP survey of our teens revealed promising, hopeful findings. What could be better than knowing our kids love us and want to be with us and that their families bring them the most joy? That alone is grounds for celebrating. After all, the single greatest determiner in how our kids turn out is the strength of their relationship with their parents. We’re doing something right. Our Reality Check: Let’s just make sure we keep an eye on the stress and pressure plaguing today’s teens.
For specific solutions on how to boost communication skills, talk about drinking and sex with kids, curb the growing up too fast (and too sexy, too soon look) refer to my book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Many of these activities are from that book.
Check out INSIDE the BIG Book of Parenting Solutions via this slideshow!
Tags: Michele Borba, Parenting Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues, Teens
Sue Scheff: Driving Tips That May Save Your Teen’s Life Over the Holidays
by Sue Scheff on Nov 26, 2009
After just finishing a 10-part series inside Dr. Michele Borba’s BIG Book of Parenting Solutions, I can officially say it is one of the most comprehensive parenting books I have ever reviewed and fortunately own. My daughter (a mother herself) will be receiving a copy under the tree this holiday season! I cannot express enough what a magnificient gift this is for anyone that works with children, moms-to-be, daycare providers, coaches and more.
This week Michele Borba posted a timely Blog as many are traveling and I especially think of our kids/teens traveling home from school for the holidays. Take the time to be an educated parent and learn how to prepare yourself and your teen before they get behind the wheel!
Happy Thanksgiving and make it a safe one!
By REALITY CHECK: Nearly 10,000 youths have died as passengers in car crashes. Of those crashes, 54% were riding with a teen driver. Car crashes are the leading cause of death for tweens and teens.
Michele Borba: Driving Tips That May Save Your Teen’s Life Over the Holidays
This week yet there were more sobering headlines in our local papers: two more horrific car crashes involved teens from our local high schools. Both crashes happened within a few days of one another. Three teens lives were cut short. Others are in critical condition. And once again I shutter, and then I cry.
I’ve had five close friends over the last ten years lose their beautiful teen sons in driving fatalities. All were the most loving of parents, all the boys were wonderful, glorious, and good, and each parent would have read this prior to the worst day of their life, and said, “Not my kid.”
But the stark reality is such a tragedy could happen to your child. So please read this carefully and take this very seriously — especially as these holiday approach and teens have more driving time. Knowing the risks just may save your child or their friend.
Here are study highlights found by Dr. Flaura Koplin Winston from The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia revealing the most dangerous driving circumstances for youth:
- Driving with inexperienced (less than a year driver) on high-speed roads (more than three-quarters of the fatal crashes occurred on roads with speed limits higher than 45 mph)
- Driving without a seatbelt: nearly two-thirds of youth passengers were not wearing seat belts
- Driving with a male teen driver who had been drinking and on weekends: 72% of crashes happened between 6 am to 10 pm.
Here are a few essential Dos and Don’ts parenting solutions based on research findings that just may keep your teen safer. I know some of these are “easier said than done,” but that’s where talking, talking and talking to your teen over and over and over come in — as well as monitoring, monitoring, and more monitoring.
- Do NOT let your teen drive with a teen with less than a year’s driving experience. The risk is too great. I know this is going to be inconvenient. But please review those research studies carefully. Please!
- Do NOT let your inexperienced teen drive over 40 mph. This one is tough to uphold but monitor. There are new devices that parents are installing in their cars so they can watch their teen’s driving habits.
- Do NOT let your child get into a car without wearing a seat belt. Make sure you mandate wearing them in your own car. And talk, talk, talk about the life-saving feature of wearing those belts.
- DO NOT let your kid use that darn cell phone when driving. Figure out a way that he doesn’t have to go switching channels on his Ipod when driving.
- DO teach your teen how to bulk peer pressure. A study by the Boys and Girls Clubs of America of over 46,000 teens revealed that peer pressure is one of the biggest issues they face and that “Just say no stuff”does not work. Teens want you to teach them specific things they can do and say to counter that peer pressure.
- DO give your teen (and each of his friends) a card with phone numbers of taxicab services to call. Put emergency cab fare money (like fifty dollars) in a drawer and tell your teen it is “Just in case you ever need a taxi cab.”Make sure your kid has a safe way home in case of drinking or sleep deprivation. Driving home late and sleepy killed two of my friends’ sons. They were not drinking.
- DO tell your teen that if he ever abuses your car rules those keys will be removed. One of my girlfriend’s sons lost the car privilege for a year (and learned his lesson); another hid her son’s car in another friend’s garage to ensure her child could access it. Yes MOM!!!
- DO have your teen sign a contract specifying that passengers must wear seat belts, which roads he may drive on, speed limits he must adhere to and of course never drink. Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD – and founded as Students Against Driving Drunk) is an organization you may want to connect with. If also provides a free online contract you can download.
- DO get on board with other parents. Introduce yourself. Exchange phone numbers. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is a great organization that mobilizes parents.
- DO set up a secret code in your family. In our house if one of my sons ever called any time and said, “Mom, I think I’m getting the flu” it was my signal to drop everything and go pick up my child. It meant he was in a tough situation and needed a “rescue.” Turns out he was at a party that was supposed to be supervised by parents who decided to be “cool” and supply kegs while they left the kids. Those parents should have been arrested, but I was so glad we had that secret code. I also have a pack with my girlfriend that if she’s not available I will pick up her kids, and she mine. We’ve only had to do so once and we still are so grateful we had that pact. Also set up a secret text code such as 111 or 333–something so simple and memorable that your child could instantly text you that code and you would know to drive and pick up your teen, ASAP.
- DO carefully think through if your teen really is ready to drive at age sixteen. Every study shows that most kids that age are not mature enough to get behind that wheel. Remember this isn’t about your convenience, but your child’s life.
Keep your teen safe! Please! This is life and death stuff. Nothing is more precious than our children. Please pass this information on to another parent. Let’s save our kids together!
For more information and specific tips on how to reduce risky behaviors refer to The Book of Book of Parenting Solutions especially the chapters on drinking, steroids, peer pressure and sex. Research shows that while there is no silver bullet that protects our kids, moms and dads who are “hands-on” in their parenting approach (adhere to a curfew, know their kids friends, voice their concerns about drinking and drugs, monitor their teens’ comings and goings and are not afraid to SAY NO) greatly reduce their teens’ risky behaviors. When it comes to drinking and driving, please tune up your “hands-on parenting.” This is a matter of life and death.
Tags: Michele Borba, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Safe Driving, Sue Scheff, Teen Driving, Teen Help, Teen Safe Driving
Sue Scheff: Gratitude Recipes for your Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 25, 2009
Parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba, recently released her BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions, 101 Answers to your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries. Part 3 in this huge book, which is formatted like a cookbook, she writes about “character.”
The parenting recipes in this book are priceless! As the holidays approach, it is time to share some of these family recipes - all thoroughly researched and proven delicious for today’s parenting. This book makes an excellent holiday gift for any parent raising kids today. There isn’t a parenting topic that is missed. This is not only a HUGE book, it is the manual the hospital should have handed out when your children were born.
Part of your child’s character should be gratitude. As Thanksgiving is fast approaching, let’s review some of Dr. Borba’s proven advice on character building with gratitude. This is a sneak peek of inside the Big Book of Parenting Solutions:
Thank you ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together, but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat and so on. Take it up one notch by having the person explain why he is grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is that you’re having fun together, and your kids are also learning to be appreciative. Older kids can reveal one thing they are grateful for that happened to them during the day and why.
Prayers of thanksgiving. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer.
Bedtime family blessings. Each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another, followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference in his life but whom he has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scoutmaster, or grandparent). Research shows that to maximize the impact, your child should read the letter to the person face to face. If the person lives far away, videotape your child reading the note and send it to the recipient, or have the child read his not over the phone.
Gratitude journals. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or in a computer. Just remember to start one for yourself or for your family. Research show that your kids should write something they feel grateful for four times a week and continue for at least three weeks.
Focus on giving, not getting. Involve your child in the process of choosing, making and wrapping gifts. Give your kid the honor of handing out the presents to relatives during the holidays and giving a thank-you gift to the hostess, teacher, or coach. Switching the emphasis from the role of the getter to that of the giver may help your child recognize the effort and thoughtfulness that goes into selecting those gifts.
This is only a fraction of Michele Borba’s BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions, she also states that practicing gratitude 365 days a year is what is important, not just at the holidays. Order this book today, whether for yourself or as a holiday gift and get ready to be blown away at all the valuable information you will read.
For those busy parents that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also lists proven statistics?
Coming soon, more sneak peeks inside this Big Book of Parenting Solutions. You will soon see you need this book in your kitchen, I mean library!
Part 2 – How do you handle “ungrateful” children?
Part 3 – Seven Deadly Parenting Styles
Part 4 – Sex Talk with your Children
Part 5 – Gifted Children
Part 6 – Money Talk with your kids
Part 7 – Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Part 8 - Sibling Rivalry
Part 9 – Overweight teens and kids
Part 10 – Lying. Does your child lie?
Order The BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions today! Whether it is for yourself or as a gift, you won’t be disappointed.
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips!
Also on Examiner.com
Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Giving Thanks, Gratitude, Michele Borba, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Is Your Child Gifted?
by Sue Scheff on Nov 18, 2009
Part 5 in my continuing series of sneak peeks inside parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba new book, BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions. How many parents believe their child is gifted? Do you know how to determine if your child is gifted or not? This is very important in raising kids today and helping them to succeed academically.
THE PROBLEM
Red Flags
Perfectionist tendencies or fear of failure; boredom when not challenged; burnout from activity overload; stress from too much acceleration; peer rejection from acting “too different”; hindered social, emotional, or moral development because of overemphasis on the intellectual; sense of entitlement from being labeled “gifted”
The Change to Parent For
Your child recognizes and accept her unique gifts or talents and receives the right balance of support and challenge to reach her intellectual potential.
Why Change? (see pages 508 – 514) You won’t be disappointed as Michele Borba goes into great detail of why you need to change and offers six strategies for change.
Traits of the Gifted Kids That Might Lead to Potential Problems
Although the needs of gifted kids are for the most part the same as those of other children, there are a few traits that could lead to future problems. No one issue is usually a cause for alarm, so instead look for a pattern. Here are a few warning signs to watch for:
- Poor peer relations. Organizing people and things and emphasizing rules cause peer resentment and low self-esteem.
- Uneven development. Motor skills (especially fine motor) lag behind cognitive abilities, causing frustration and emotional outbursts.
- Excessive self-criticism. Insightfulness can lead gifted kids to set idealistic images of what they might or should be and then criticize themselves when they fall short.
- Perfectionism. Setting unrealistic high expectations for themselves significantly hinders their academic potential, boosts anxiety, and causes a fear of failure.
- Extreme sensitivity. Emotional intensity makes gifted kids hypersensitive to criticism and vulnerable to peer teasing and bullying.
- Anxiety. Overscheduling or a too accelerated curriculum can lead to extreme irritability, stress, sleeplessness, or depression.
Next sneak peek: Money! Are you talking to your kids about money? If not, you’d better! (page 553)
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Previous sneak peeks: (1) Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, (2) Parenting 101: Ungrateful teens and children (3) Seven Deadly Parenting Styles, (4) Sex Talk with your Children, (5) Gifted children, (6) Money and your kids
Order The BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions today! Whether it is for yourself or as a gift, you won’t be disappointed.
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips.
Also on Examiner.com
Meet Dr. Michele Borba, Author of BIG Book of Parenting Solutions
Tags: Gifted Children, Michele Borba, Parenting, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Ungrateful Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 15, 2009
As part of my continuing series of Dr. Michele Borba’s insights and sneak peeks inside her Big Book of Parenting Solutions, we will review signs and symptoms of an ungrateful child.
•Bad manners: needs constant reminders to say thank you or show his appreciation
•Envy: wants what others have, envies others’ possessions
•Lack of appreciation: takes for granted your daily kind and thoughtful gestures
•Huge sense of entitlement: feels he deserves to have luxuries or privileges
•Dissatisfaction: always seems to want “more,” better,” or “new”
•Materialism: values only material things, brand names, or the “latest”
•Self-centeredness: is unwilling to reciprocate with gifts or kind acts to others
•Ungraciousness: acts disappointed with presents, blurts out “I didn’t want this”
•Thoughtlessness: doesn’t consider other person’s feelings or the thought or effort that went into her gesture
THE SOLUTION:
Step 1. Early Prevention
•Model gratitude. Kids learn by seeing others display appreciation in everyday, unplanned moments. How often do your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words, or small notes to others? (Much more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
•Set limits. Having too much “stuff” squelches appreciation. (Read more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
Michele Borba offers three more beneficial steps with much detail in her Big Book of Parenting Solutions. These are some sneak peeks and hopefully you will see the value in owning a book of this magnitude in your parenting library.
Next sneak peek: The Seven Deadly Parenting Styles - don’t miss this!
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you just sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Previous sneak peek, Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips.
Also on Examiner.com
Tags: Entitlement Issues, Michele Borba, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Teen Entitlement Issues
Sue Scheff: Sibling fighting and tips to defuse this bickering
by Sue Scheff on Oct 12, 2009
Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert and Today Show Contributer, recently released her most comprehensive parenting books. There isn’t a topic she missed. I grew up with two sisters, we were all very close in age, not in friendship. Of course as you get older, the friendships form, however reading Dr. Borba’s tips, I really wish our parents had all this sound advice when we were growing up. Even raising my own kids, I can hear what these tips are saying – loud and clear. Take the time to be an educated parent and have a more peaceful home.
By Dr. Michele Borba
Disbanding the (Sibling) Fight Club: 4 house rules that defuse brotherly-and-sisterly bickering before it gets out of hand
REALITY CHECK: Do you feel like you’ve traded in your parenting hat for referee stripes? You can enforce a truce on sibling battles and bickering. Read on for four house rules that will stop the shouting and promote peace in your home today. I shared these on Bobbi Conner’s great NPR The Parent’s Journal this week. You can find these (as well as dozens of more tips on just about every modern-day parenting issue for raising kids 3 to 13) on page 29 of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.
It’s the soundtrack to parenthood: the battles, the bickering, the rivalries. Mom- she’s touching me! He’s looking out my window! Tell her to get out of my room! Even on the best of days these sibling squabbles can make you want to pull your hair out. Add in busy schedules and mounting stress and coming home to conflict and contention can just be too much to handle. So what can you do when your living room more closely resembles a war zone rather than the relaxing retreat that it should be?
Though you can’t force your siblings to be best friends, you can get a handle on their squabbles and create a (relatively) harmonious home.
As you probably know already, just saying ‘You kids stop your fighting!’ isn’t going to cut it. Kids respond to firm boundaries and clear cut directives. So what you have to do is lay out some non-negotiable rules and enforce them…period.
There are four simple house rules that will result in a (temporary, at least) cease-fire on all the fighting. The key to successful implementation: consistency, consistency, consistency! (Did I say consistency?)
1. No yelling. Instate a ‘vow of yellibacy’ in your house and enforce it. When tempers flare and feelings are hurt, the volume decimal tends to rise, causing arguments to quickly escalate and get out of hand. Just remember: the ‘no yelling’ rule isn’t only for the kids, it goes for you too. Parents have to set the example for staying calm and collected when they are upset or angry as well.
This should be rule number one. All family members must use calm voices only—no yelling allowed. And if talks get heated, anyone can make a time-out hand sign hinting that he needs to cool down. When cooler heads prevail, arguments get resolved much more quickly and in a way that is less stressful for everyone.
2. No taking without asking. Property ownership can be a BIG deal to little ones, and the time honored “Mooom, she’s touching my stuff!” complaint can be frequent in multi-child households. This can be a particularly touchy issue for tweens and teens- especially if there is a younger sibling in the house. Older siblings can get pretty upset when their iPods and laptops are confiscated by tiny sticky (literally!) fingers.
Insist that permission of the owner must be granted before borrowing, using, or taking any property. Not only will this cut down on the conflict, but it will also make it easier to resolve any arguments that may come up. If permission was not asked for and granted, then you know who broke the rule. Simple as that.
3. No hurtful behaviors. With bullies and mean girls running the schools, it’s important that you set the standard for you home to be a safe haven for your kids. It should be a place free from hurtful behaviors. Set a strict policy: name-calling and hitting will not be tolerated, under and circumstances and they will result in a consequence. Tolerating hurtful behavior inside your home only encourages your kids to display it when you aren’t around as well- and that’s not a character trait any parent wants to encourage.
This rule should stand for each child in your home, no matter what age they are. The consequences may differ according to the age group: for a younger child, a display of hurtful behavior will result in a time-out. If your child is older, then it means the loss of a privilege. While hitting and hurtful words are sure to happen when it comes to siblings, it’s up to you to make them understand that you will not tolerate it under any circumstance.
4. No involvement without evidence. If you are the parent of siblings, you’ve probably also spent a good deal of time playing referee. Kids are quick to run to a parent’s aid to help settle their disagreements and if you weren’t a witness to the incident itself, then it can be hard to know exactly what to do. Borba says you should get involved in the conflict only if you actually saw or heard it occur. This will help to keep you neutral and will encourage your kids to adopt strategies to help them work things out for themselves.
If your kids seek your help, but you don’t have any evidence, then step away. Instead, suggest that they use Rock, Paper, Scissors to work out their problem. This prevents you from having to choose sides or take one kid’s word over another’s—and it will also teach them to work things out for themselves. After all, you won’t always be there to help them resolve their problems, so it’s better that they acquire the skills at home so they are ready when the time comes.
I’ll share the number one rule for reducing sibling battles (and playground wars) in the next blog. These tips are adapted from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries by Michele Borba.
Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Michele Borba, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Parenting Sibling, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sibling Rivalry, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Breast Cancer Awareness Month – How it affected Ziggy’s Life
by Sue Scheff on Oct 06, 2009
“Our lives aren’t composed like a headstone with a straight line that marks the date of the first breath we take to the last; the journey we’re on is really a zigzagging series of unexpected detours. Every detour is a destination unto itself, and regardless of our plans, it’s what we don’t see coming that often affects us most…”
This excerpt from Zig-Zagging: Loving Madly, Losing Badly…How Ziggy Saved My Life provides a small taste of the emotional feast famed cartoonist Tom Wilson delivers in his deeply personal memoir. Much of his story is centered on the journey he took with his young wife after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. With stunning honesty he details what it’s like on the other side of the hospital bed after a radical double mastectomy:
“The hype is there before you see it, to prepare you for a horrible disfigurement…
It’s not that way. You don’t see the woman you love as any less of a woman for lack of breasts…What you see is that she’s hurting and afraid, and the only thing that repulses you is the disease that brought this heart-wrenching agony upon her (and) the excruciating frustration you feel as a man from knowing that there’s very little you can do to help take her pain away. When cancer is quietly going about its malignant mission, hidden beneath soft and familiar skin, you never get to see your enemy. But when breast cancer suddenly declares war, comes out in the open and shows itself in the tracks of sutures left behind, you suddenly realize that the woman you love more than anything in the world has not only come under attack, but has herself become the battleground. This makes you love her all the more and takes your love in a direction and to a height you never could have imagined possible…”
I cannot recommend this inspiring book highly enough—especially during October’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It’s a time to honor the memory of those we’ve lost, celebrate survival, and commit to doing whatever it takes to find a cure..
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Tags: Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Inspiring Books, Memoirs, Parenting Books, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Tom Wilson, Zig-zagging
Sue Scheff:Your One-Stop (Parenting) Shop: Why Dr. Michele Borba’s Latest Release Is the Only Parenting Book You’ll Ever Need
by Sue Scheff on Sep 14, 2009
I feel both privileged and honored Dr. Michele Borba took the time in her busy schedule to speak with me about her latest book, and one of the most comprehensive parenting books I have yet to read. This book doesn’t miss a beat, and whether you are a parent, grandparent, educator, daycare provider, Family Coach, therapist or anyone that works with children, this book has to be part of your library! My daughter is definitely receiving one from Santa this year! (My daughter is the proud mother of 2 beautiful kids - my grandchildren, and I want both her and my son-in-law to have this reference book for parenting in today’s generation). Thank you in advance Michele!
Like most parents, you desperately want to raise healthy, happy, caring, self-sufficient kids. But despite the stacks of parenting books you’ve collected, you’re still struggling to find workable solutions to your child-rearing conundrums. Enter parenting expert and author Dr. Michele Borba. In a marketplace overly saturated with trend-based parenting books promising dubious quick fixes, Borba saw a void that needed to be filled. She realized parents were getting answers to their questions, and yet these “solutions” failed to deliver lasting, long-term results. Her response was to sit down and write the parenting book to end all parenting books. I had the opportunity to interview TODAY’s parenting contributor about her latest book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Here is what she said:
Let’s face it, there are so many parenting books. Why did you find need to write another?
I wanted to write one all-encompassing, go-to guide that promises to be the last resource parents will ever need for raising kids 3 to 13.I think there’s too much conflicting information out there and many parenting books don’t offer common-sense solutions that are research-based. Everything in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is based on the latest scientific research as well as practical solutions that reap the most effective results.
What are some of the 101 topics you address and how did you choose those issues?
I surveyed 5000 parents and asked them what their concerns and topics in 75 of my TODAY show segments that were based on late-breaking issues. The book offers advice for issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends picky eaters and homework wars to more hot-button challenges like inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and cyberbullying. Each of the 101 issues also gives specific step-by-step solutions and advice that is age appropriate.
Why did you also covers tougher issues like eating disorders, cyberbullying depression, stress, drinking, sex in a book for 3 to 13 year olds?
Because it’s a different world—8 is the new 13. We’re now seeing depression in 3 years olds, eating disorders in 8 year olds, and 13year olds are having oral sex. Parents can get real solutions to tough problems, no matter what age their kids are, and head them off before it’s too late to turn that behavior around.
Your book is designed almost like a cookbook. How did you choose the design?
What parent has the time or the energy at the end of a long, stressful day to pore over pages in a parenting book? So I designed this book to work like a cookbook or a desk reference. Parents can look up the problem they want to address, flip right to the correct chapter, and find an easy-to-follow formula for getting the results they want.
Why did you list signs of every problem in every chapter?
Unless parents dig deeper to uncover the reasons their kid is using that bad behavior, the problem will just pop up again later, perhaps in a different form. I’ll help you get to the root of every kid problem so you can begin to truly fix it—and to ensure that the results are both effective and long-lasting. I’ll help parents figure out why their child is using the behavior ad I’ll offer a list of new skills to replace the bad habits so the problem stops once and for all.
How does a parent know its time to worry and consult a professional for the problem?
Sometimes a child’s problem may be bigger than her parents’ ability to solve it. I’ll help you determine what “normal” kid behavior is and what requires the guidance of a professional. For every problem I address, I also list the warning signs that indicate the need to seek outside help.
What makes you a parenting expert that parents should trust?
True parenting experts not only have credentials, they also have the years of experience to back them up. I have a doctorate in counseling and psychology, taught child development, wrote 23 parenting books, had a private practice for troubled kids, and taught special education as well as gifted students. I’ve also given workshops to over a million parents and teachers on four continents, and stay current with late breaking parenting news as a contributor to NBC’s Today show. But my best experience is that I’m the mother of three sons—so I’ve been in the same trenches and I know how challenging parenting can be.
I’ve literally put over 25 years of my experiences into this book with the absolute best parenting solutions, responses, and research. My passion is to share what I’ve learned with others so that they can get the help they need and deserve. I think I’ve done it – The Big Book of Parenting Solutions really has everything parent needs to raise a strong, caring kids in a today’s challenging world.
Follow Michele Borba on Twitter @MicheleBorba and read her Blogs on www.micheleborba.com
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Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Michele Borba, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues
