by Sue Scheff on Jan 31, 2010
Just months away from graduation, 17 year-old Tennessee student, Taylor Cummings, was recently expelled from his high school. Why?
After weeks of butting heads with his coaches, Taylor, 17, logged on to the popular social networking site from home Jan. 3. He typed his frustrations for the online world to see: “I’ma kill em all. I’ma bust this (expletive) up from the inside like nobody’s ever done before.” - USA Today
A few nasty keystrokes and a click of the mouse and your life can be turned upside down! Whether you are a student, business owner, parent, or anyone that uses social networking, remember, what goes online – stays online.
Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet, is an example of an adult being held accountable. Free speech does not condone defamation.
In many schools now there is a zero tolerance for these types of threats. We have had many sad endings with cyber threats, cyber suicides, cyberbullying, cyber stalking and other various ways that kids are hurting each other via keystrokes.
Taylor Cummings had a public profile on Facebook without any restrictions on who could see it. This in itself should be a wake-up call to many. Take the time to secure your privacy settings. Think twice before allowing your profile to be public.
Parents should take the time to review their children’s social networking sites. Especially those that have teens that will be applying to colleges. More and more colleges are using search engines to research their applicants. What is Google saying about you?
This is not about invading your child’s privacy, it is about protecting their future.
Take the time to maintain your online image and learn to stop, think and consider what you are about to post or send. Will it be considered threatening? Will it be considered defamatory? Is it targeted to hurt someone? Take the time to educate your children and teens about “what they post today, may haunt them tomorrow…”
Be an educated parent – you will have safer teens.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Facebook, Internet Safety, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Sue Scheff, Teen Postings
by Sue Scheff on Jan 19, 2010
In a recent New York Times article, 15 year-old Tess Chapin of Sunnyside, Queens (New York), started a campaign on Facebook to convince her parents to remove her punishment. She was grounded for 5 weeks for missing her curfew by one hour and most importantly, drinking at a party. If you missed the first part, she is only 15 years-old, drinking is illegal for minors. Missing her curfew is blatant disrespect for her parents and their boundaries.
Besides the fact that her parent’s were probably worried sick, teenage drinking is prohibited, as well as the fact that Tess is very fortunate something worse didn’t happen to her (such has someone putting a drug in her drink). It is commendable that Tess is being diplomatic about her mission, however part of being a responsible parent is considered “parenting” - especially following through with consequences.
Will Tess succeed? It seems unlikely. The fact that this brings more awareness to parents being proactive in sticking to their consequences is empowering. Teenagers need to understand these curfews and rules are put in place for “their” safety. Someday when they become a parent, they will finally get it. Until then, we will watch as some teens will continue to attempt to bolt the parenting system.
Special thanks to New Jersey Family Magazine for sharing this story with me. Follow them on Twitter @NJFamilyMag. Also check out the variety of responses the NYT’s Blog has received.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
Also on Examiner.
Tags: Facebook, Internet, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Sue Scheff, Teen Drinking, Teen Issues
by Sue Scheff on Jul 06, 2009
By Heather Marlman
As more and more teenagers are taking part in social network sites such as Facebook and MySpace, it’s becoming more and more important for parents to take an active role in helping to protect their teens online reputation.
There are steps that all parents can take to make sure their teenager is playing things smart when they go online both in the text and photos that they post on these social profiles. By taking an active role parents can be certain that the online reputation of their teenager isn’t tarnished.
Talk to your teen
This is a good time to have a conversation with your teenager about their online “image”. Most teenagers are fairly self conscious about their reputation among their peers, however many of them fail to recognize that what may bee seen as cool or funny to their friends is viewed as suggestive or irresponsible to other adults. Remind them that a growing number of college admissions staff and employers are looking at the online profiles of their applicants and using the information they find to base their decisions.
Google your teen
Typing in your teenagers name can sometimes reveal some startling results. Make a point to do a Google search on your teen to find out what information you can find. While your teenager may see this as a form of “spying”, remind them that you are only using the same resources that the entire world has available. If you can find it then so can anyone else.
Join their networks
Not every parent is well versed in the world of social networking but having a teenager often means that it’s time to take a crash course. Create your own profiles on networks such as Facebook and MySpace and add your teenager as one of your contacts. If your teenager uses Twitter, create an account and follow them.
Creating online profiles gives you the ability to let you see what they are posting for the rest of their friends to see. Again, this is not a way of spying on your teenager. It’s a way of creating an open door policy between parent and child.
Encourage adult friends and family members to also add your teen as one of their contacts as a way of further policing the information that they post online.
While these may seem like extreme measures, often teenagers say and do things because they are unaware of the potential consequences. If you find material on any of these social networking sites that you consider inappropriate, make it a point to discuss it with your teenager without being too harsh. Often teens do things that adults may see as inappropriate when they were merely intending to be funny. Discussing the difference in the way things appear to adults is a good way to help shift your teen from the world of being a child to the world of being grown up.
More resources for both parents and teenagers in ways to protect your online reputation will be made available through Project Pro and distributed to high school counselors.
You might also find these articles useful:
What is your teeangers online reputation?
Is your teenager ’sexting’?
Tags: Cyber Slander, Cyberbullying, Facebook, Internet Safety, MySpace, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Network, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Jun 04, 2009
By Adam Tanguay
Over the last few months I have observed an interesting change in the world of Facebook. Where I used to see friends socializing, I now see mothers producing safety-themed wall posts on my friends’ pages. Where I used to see old classmates partying it up, I now see pictures of younger siblings conducting acts better left undocumented. Call it the new Facebook Family.
The evidence of the new Facebook Family is everywhere.
Directly below [above] my friend’s recent post decrying a party-induced headache is his mother’s serene avatar, reminding him politely about the dangers of drinking. Distant cousins who I might not see for years at a time now receive glimpses into my daily life and inquire about personal family matters on a regular basis. It is obvious that there is a new family present in the once esoteric world of social media, and this burgeoning group has drastically altered the core dynamics of our digital space.
As a brash teen with a passion for creative media outlets, I relished my early social media experiences with MySpace, LiveJournal, and Friendster. These digital spaces were exciting because I felt like I belonged to an innovative new web faction separate from popular culture. My grandma didn’t have a MySpace profile and Wal-Mart wasn’t going to post comments on my LiveJournal posts.
But all that has changed. The geeks, hackers, and techies are now shoulder to shoulder with moms and business executives in freshly commercialized social media channels. I even heard Tom Hanks talking about Twitter last night on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. It appears that, as the social media family continues to expand into new domains and infiltrate the general public’s collective conscious, the subculture that spawned it all is destined to quietly slip away into a new corner of the Web.
I believe social media’s move into the mainstream is positive. The amazing benefits of this space are now accessible to everyone. Average Internet users now wield the tools to control their online reputation and identity, empowering average people to explore a world that was once extremely difficult for outsiders to understand.
However, this drastic accessibility shift has also changed the nature of social media. Savvy advertisers and recruiters were successful in early Web 2.0 channels because everything was still relatively “underground” in the eyes of users. Now that your mom Tweets all day long, the edginess early social media marketers once enjoyed has been severely incapacitated.
It is hard to say whether the new Facebook Family has inhibited social media from influencing interactions. However, if our favorite social media sites weaken with an influx of ads, fake-users, and a general loss of DIY spirit, it could signal the death of the industry. I like to remain optimistic. I believe a strong base of users reflecting their true online identities and a spirit of positive interaction will help maintain the integrity of the new family in which we find ourselves.
What do you think? How have you adapted to the new Facebook Family?
Tags: Cyber Safety, Facebook, Internet Safety, Michael Fertik, Online Reputation Services, Online Safety, Reputation Defender, Social Networking, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Jun 01, 2009
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace…What?
Tips for Parents – Talking to Your Teens About Social Networking
NEW YORK, June 1 /PRNewswire/ — MS — It’s no secret young people growing up today are more technologically advanced than older generations like the Baby Boomers. In those days, communicating with friends was done primarily by talking on the telephone, writing a note or speaking face-to-face. There was no e-mailing, text messaging, IM’ing (instant messaging) or posting comments on each other’s personal Web pages.
(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20090601/NY24516 )
In schools today, instead of just passing notes, students can send text messages on their cell phones and communicate online with their bff (best friends forever) or with people they don’t know, and this makes it difficult for parents to monitor their child’s online activities. In addition to e-mailing and text messaging, communicating via social networking sites is becoming more common for both older and younger generations. In fact, in January 2009 Facebook alone reported that they had 150 million active users. In addition, according to Common Sense Media, 55 percent of teens have an online profile on social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace.
“Social networking sites can be great resources for staying in contact with people, reconnecting with old friends, meeting people with common interests, and getting questions answered, but unfortunately not everyone who uses the Internet and social networking sites has honest intentions,” said Jay Opperman, Senior Director of Security and Privacy at Comcast.
What does this all mean? It means that parents should: 1) become familiar with online social networks like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and MySpace; and 2) talk to your children about the importance of being safe and smart while communicating online.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when talking to your teens about the Internet and social networks:
TIP 1 — Choose your pictures wisely: Pictures can say a thousand words. If you decide to post a picture of yourself online, be very cautious about what you post.
“Do not use a picture that will embarrass you five years down the road because even if you delete the picture, it will never go away. What goes online, stays online,” said Opperman. “Think about these questions: If I post this picture, could it prevent me from getting a scholarship or a job in the future? What if the person or persons I share my picture with, shares it with others?”
TIP 2 — Don’t talk to strangers and use privacy settings: Sometimes people aren’t always who they say they are and the Internet provides an additional means of being anonymous. Remember, everyone in the world doesn’t have your best interests at heart and some people are looking to prey on children and teens online. Social networking sites have privacy settings so you can control who can see your personal page. The settings can’t protect you 100 percent, but they are helpful so make sure you set up a privacy setting so only your friends can see your page.
TIP 3 — Keep your personal information personal: Don’t share personal information such as your last name, parents’ or siblings’ names, phone number, address, social security number or where you like to hang out. People with dishonest intentions can use this information to find you or steal your identity.
TIP 4 — Don’t be a cyberbully: Don’t bully people online or in person. You wouldn’t appreciate a schoolmate or even a stranger posting embarrassing or harassing information about you or threatening you online so don’t do that to someone else. Online, this is called cyberbullying, and now more and more states are passing anti-cyberbullying laws.
TIP 5 — Go outside and stay active: Technology is fascinating and it keeps us connected in so many ways, but don’t let the Internet disconnect you from other things that are important in life. Spend time with family and friends in person. Walk the dog, learn how to play an instrument, get involved in sports and other extracurricular after-school activities. Real life connections with family, friends and those most important to you should be one of your top priorities.
For more Internet safety tips and resources visit www.comcast.net/security .
SOURCE Comcast Security
Tags: Cyber Safety, Facebook, Internet Safety, MySpace, Online Safety, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Sue Scheff, Twitter
by Sue Scheff on May 13, 2009
More like Casebook
Social networking sites can sometimes make or break a case in court
By VIVIAN SONG, NATIONAL BUREAU
Be careful what you post on Facebook or MySpace, because anything you say or upload can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Last year, for example, an Ottawa court heard that a civil servant had started a clandestine affair with an old friend she reconnected with through Facebook during a messy custody battle involving three kids.
In a Vancouver courtroom last month, defendants in a personal injury case produced photos from the plaintiff’s Facebook profile showing that while Myla Bagasbas was seeking $40,000 in damages for pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment after a car accident, she was still able to kayak, hike and bike post-accident.
“Facebook will be seen as a gold mine for evidence in court cases,” said Ian Kerr, Canada Research Chair in ethics, law and technology at the University of Ottawa.
But it will also challenge the courts to further define the notion of personal privacy. In a precedent-setting case this year, a Toronto judge ordered that a man suing for physical injury in a car accident be cross-examined on the contents of his private Facebook profile. Justice David Brown of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice overturned a previous court decision that called the defendant’s request to look for incriminating evidence a “fishing expedition.”
The very nature of Facebook is to share personal information with others, Brown wrote, and is likely to contain relevant information about how the plaintiff, John Leduc, had led his life since the accident. But if Leduc’s profile is private with restricted access, is that considered an invasion of privacy?
“The courts sometimes don’t get it,” Kerr said. “The tendency in judicial opinion and popular thinking is that once something is out in the public, there’s no such thing as privacy anymore. But that can’t be right because we all have curtains.”
For Facebook users, those curtains are our privacy settings. If our home is our castle, Facebook should also be considered a walled domain, Kerr said.
For example, while a member may post pictures from a beer bash the night before, that doesn’t mean they would take the same pictures to show off to their boss the next day, Kerr explained.
Likewise, in Murphy versus Perger, a judge ordered that the plaintiff, who was suing for claims of personal injury and loss of enjoyment of life after a car accident, produce copies of her Facebook pages showing photos of her engaging in social activities. In her judgment, Ontario Superior Court Justice Helen Rady wrote “The plaintiff could not have a serious expectation of privacy given that 366 people have been granted access to the private site.”
But having 366 Facebook friends doesn’t entitle the rest of the world to view personal information meant only for certain eyes, said Avner Levin, director of the Privacy Institute at Toronto’s Ryerson University.
“It’s not how many people you share it with, it’s who you choose to share the information with,” Levin said. “The judge is missing the point. What’s important is not how many people are your friends, but who you choose to know you.”
While we’re able to compartmentalize and separate people in our lives offline by assigning titles to different spheres — co-workers, neighbours, family — the online world fails to recognize those distinctions, he added.
It’s a habit that spills over in the job hunt as well. Employers admit they rely heavily on information they glean about a candidate from Google searches and networking profile pages. But it’s an unfair screening process, Levin said, and attaches more value to people’s online identities — and sometimes third-party information — than the candidate they meet in real life.
“We need to suppress that tendency to go on Google and look people up. There’s already a process of hiring that works for them and has been working for years,” Levin said.
While we’re more likely to trust a direct source and treat gossip with skepticism in the offline world, the same can’t be said of online information.
Pruning online identities and putting a person’s best cyber-foot forward are services offered by companies such as DefendMyName, a personal PR service which posts positive information about a client and pushes down negative links in Google. ReputationDefender also destroys libelous, private or outdated content.
“A resume is no longer what you send to your employer,” said ReputationDefender CEO Michael Fertik. “More people look at Google as a resume.”
But instead of authenticating information found online, people are trusting secondary material and treating Google like God.
“What happens is in a court of law, you have to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt. On the Internet though, many decisions are based on lower standards,” Fertik said.
But is sanitizing a person’s online reputation of unflattering content an infringement of freedom of speech and freedom of expression?
“Only if you believe Google is the best and most accurate source of information,” Fertik said. “But I don’t think Google is God. I believe Google is a machine.”
vivian.song@sunmedia.ca
Tags: Cyber Image, Cyber Law, Cyber Resume, Cyber Safety, Facebook, Google Image, Internet Gossip, Internet Law, Internet Safety, Michael Fertik, Online Image, Online Profile, Parenting Teens, Reputation Defender, ReputationDefender, Social Networking Sites, Sue Scheff, Virtual Resume
by Sue Scheff on Feb 16, 2009
Today more and more teens are joining Facebook as well as the other Social Network – however Facebook seems to be growing. Why? I honestly don’t know, but I do know parents are enjoying Facebook as much as many kids are. Recently I stumbled over an article on Tangerine Times written by a parent helping us navigate our way through the Social Cyberspace. This topic is critical – as keeping your child’s privacy is important for many reasons. Help your kids stay safe with Social Networking - read this valuable article.
Source: Tangerine Times
How to Help Your Teen Use Privacy Settings on Facebook
Many parents tell me they are frustrated with their teens’ use of Facebook. Here are some of the comments I hear frequently from parents:
“They know more than I do about how to use it and set it up, so how can I control it?”
“My kids are using it when I am not around, so how can I possibly know what they are doing, who they are talking to and if they are being safe with their information?”
“I feel this has gotten out of control, and I don’t really know what to do to get it back under control”
“I am afraid there are predators.”
“I give up. I just hope they aren’t doing anything stupid because I haven’t a clue what they are doing online.”
What I see are parents who over control (they deny their kids use of Facebook entirely) or parents who are completely “hands off”. And some of these are parents who normally wouldn’t dream of sending their child into an unknown situation without a little research. Crazy huh? I’ve decided to begin a campaign to de-mystify Facebook for those parents who feel they are not comfortable enough to set boundaries for their teens. It’s not rocket science but I completely understand their frustration in trying to understand it all.
Here are some tips about privacy settings on Facebook. It is never too late to ask your teenager about their privacy settings, even if they have had their account for years.
Friend Lists
(this is configured by visiting the “Friends area” of Facebook)
- you can set up different friend lists based on interests; in the case of teens, maybe they shouldn’t have their friends from their high school in the same friends list with the kids they went to summer camp with 5 years ago OR if they “friend” someone outside of their school. Remember:
- you can add each friend to more than one friend group
- “Friend Lists” can have specific privacy policies applied to them (this is critical if your child is having a “problem” with one friend but doesn’t want to “un-friend them”
Watch out for Friends’ News Feeds
Most teens use the relationship box but it can be hazardous. A news feed goes out (to all their “friends”) as soon as they change their relationship status. Some teenagers even find out they are bringing “broken up with” because they get a news feed their boyfriend/girlfriend is now “single”. ouch. IF your and your teen decide to keep this particular information private, all they have to do is uncheck the box next to “Remove Relationship Status in the “News Feed and Wall Privacy” page.
Those Goofy Applications
Facebook is known for their fun quizzes and applications. Right now, the hottest app is the “25 Random Things About Me”. People love taking these little quizzes and passing them along to their “friends”. But, keep in mind there are some applications that have an age requirement/limit to them and by simply participating, your teen is sending out a signal that they are over 18 (for instance). Also, applications send out their own news feed. For instance, “Sarah just took the Sexual Compatibility Test!” gets sent to your “friends” after you’ve taken one of the little “quizzes.” Many publish these without you knowing it. There are two suggestions you can give your teen; don’t visit the applications often (and be careful which ones you do) and review your profile after you’ve participated in a new quiz or fun “something”.
Walling
Your teen can customize their wall postings’ visibility. They can also control which friends can post on their wall. Here are the two places do that:
- Go to “Profile page”
- Click on the “Settings” icon on the wall
- Find the box that says, “Who can see this?” and select who you want to view the wall posts
Another way is….
- to control which friends can post on your teen’s wall (this is particularly useful if someone is getting a little “nasty” and starting a words war)
- visit “Profile Privacy Settings”page
- go to the section labeled “Wall Posts”
- your teen can disable a specific friends ability to post on their wall and you can select specific friends who can post on their wall.
Remove them from Facebook Search Results
By default, Facebook makes your teens’ presence visible to the network they are in. For instance, in my area, the default group is the SF network. Most teenagers belong to at least their school’s network which (I believe) is the most important group for a teen to belong to. It is their primary means of sharing with each other, debrief the day and communicate about upcoming events. Obviously, there are many other “networks” and groups to belong to. It should be up to you and your child how many and which ones to belong to. As you add groups, the exposure is widened. For good or ill.
- Visit “search privacy settings” page
- Under “Search Visibility” select “Only Friends” (doing so, will remove your teen from Facebook search results, so make sure they (you) want them removed totally.
- Otherwise….you can select another group, such as “My Network and Friends” which (I think) is the default
- Click “Save Changes”
Remove them from Google Search
Did you know that Facebook gets lots of traffic from displaying user profiles in search engines. It benefits Facebook. Not necessarily a teenager. Not all of one’s profile is displayed. Currently the information displayed is limited to:
- the profile picture
- your friends list
- a link to add as a friend
- a link to send you a mesage
- a list of up to 20 fan pages that you are a member of
For plenty of people, being displayed in the search engines is a great way to let people get in contact with you (or discover you). I use it for just this reason to market my blog especially since Facebook tends to rank high in the search results but not everyone wants their information to be public (and I’m plenty careful about what is public on mine)
By visiting “Search Privacy Settings Page” (same as above); you can control the visiblility of your teen’s public search listing which is visible to Google and other search engines. You can turn off the public search listing by simply un-checking the box next to the phraes “Create a public search listing for me and submit it for search engine indexing”. By the way, this option only shows up if you’ve selected “Everyone” under “Search Visibility”.
Avoid Embarrassing Photo/Video Tagging Mistakes
This is one of the most difficult (and common) problems that teens have with Facebook. Sometimes it’s not even the poor judgment of the teen that gets them into trouble but the poor judgment of a “friend” who posts an ill-gotten, poorly timed photo or dis-tasteful video and then tags your unfortunate teenager.
How do you help your teen avoid this form of potential embarrassment?
- Visit the page called, “profile privacy” and modify the setting next to “Photos Tagged of You”
- Select the option which says “Customize…” and a box while pop up
- Select the option “Only Me” and then…
- “None of my Networks” if you would like to keep everything (all photos/videos) private.
- If you’d like to make tagged photos visible to certain users, choose to add them in the box under “Some Friends”
- In the box that displays after you select “Some Friends” you can type either individual friends or a friends list
Photos Privacy Page
Many times people will go to the effort of turning off their tagged photo visibility to certain friends but yet “forget” about their photo albums. If you are trying to make all your photos invisible you have to do so with each album as well.
There is a specific “Photos Privacy Page” where you can manually configure the visibility of each album. This setting is extremely useful and I highly recommend you take the time to show your teen how to use it and encourage them TO use it. It may take some time initially to set up, but in the long run, only the people you truly want to view your photos, can see them.
Contact Information
Last by not least, make sure your teen has not listed your home phone number under contact info OR home address. In fact, this is probably the one area that I think parents should have the MOST say in. After all, your teen’s phone number, address, age, school etc are all pieces of information that are negotiable!
That’s my 2 cents. Hopefully some of you will find this helpful. I’ll continue to update and add information as parent/readers write in with other questions.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Facebook, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Sue Scheff
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