Parents Universal Resource Experts Expands on Facebook
by Sue Scheff on Jun 24, 2011
Join the parenting community today!
Are you struggling with a teen that was always a good kid – now making some horrible choices?
Are they hanging out with kids that are questionable?
Did you get a report card that was less than acceptable?
Have you seen evidence of them smoking or using other substances? Maybe drinking?
Don’t be parent in denial! You are only prolonging them getting the help they may need. You don’t want to see them get arrested – you want to see them get back on a positive road to a bright future.
Join us on Facebook - and LIKE our community of professionals, parents and educators that want to help.
Also visit www.HelpYourTeens.com for a free consultation.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Difficult Teens, Facebook, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Ungrateful Teens
by Sue Scheff on Nov 15, 2009
As part of my continuing series of Dr. Michele Borba’s insights and sneak peeks inside her Big Book of Parenting Solutions, we will review signs and symptoms of an ungrateful child.
•Bad manners: needs constant reminders to say thank you or show his appreciation
•Envy: wants what others have, envies others’ possessions
•Lack of appreciation: takes for granted your daily kind and thoughtful gestures
•Huge sense of entitlement: feels he deserves to have luxuries or privileges
•Dissatisfaction: always seems to want “more,” better,” or “new”
•Materialism: values only material things, brand names, or the “latest”
•Self-centeredness: is unwilling to reciprocate with gifts or kind acts to others
•Ungraciousness: acts disappointed with presents, blurts out “I didn’t want this”
•Thoughtlessness: doesn’t consider other person’s feelings or the thought or effort that went into her gesture
THE SOLUTION:
Step 1. Early Prevention
•Model gratitude. Kids learn by seeing others display appreciation in everyday, unplanned moments. How often do your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words, or small notes to others? (Much more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
•Set limits. Having too much “stuff” squelches appreciation. (Read more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
Michele Borba offers three more beneficial steps with much detail in her Big Book of Parenting Solutions. These are some sneak peeks and hopefully you will see the value in owning a book of this magnitude in your parenting library.
Next sneak peek: The Seven Deadly Parenting Styles - don’t miss this!
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you just sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Previous sneak peek, Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips.
Also on Examiner.com
Tags: Entitlement Issues, Michele Borba, Parenting Books, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Teen Entitlement Issues
Sue Scheff: Teens and Entitlement Issues
by Sue Scheff on Jul 22, 2009
Does your teen have Entitlement Issues?
Does your teen expect more from you than they have earned or deserve?
Many parents only want the best for their children (usually more than they had growing up), but has this actually backfired on families?
In today’s society many teens have major entitlement issues. Many parents feel that giving their teen’s material items will somehow earn them respect. Quite frankly, the opposite occurs in most families. The more we give, the more our children expect and the less they respect us. We literally lose ourselves in buying our children’s love. At the end of the day, no one wins and life is a constant battle of anger, hopelessness, and debt.
While interviewing a young teen, she was given a new car – brand new – felt she deserved it since her parents gave her two used ones previously. She is only 17 years old and already controlling her household and believes she was entitled to this car. She shows no appreciation or respect to her parents. Simply, she deserved it. Can you imagine owning 3 cars by the age of 17, yet never buying one? This is an extreme example, but I am sure many parents can relate.
Entitlement issues can lead to serious problems. Teaching your child respect and responsibility should be priority. Although the issues may have started to escalate, as a parent, it is never too late to take control of the situation and say “no” when your teen feels they are entitled to a frivolous item or anything that is considered a privilege.
Life is about responsibility, as parents we need to teach our children responsibility – helping our children comes natural to us, however when it becomes excessive and the child doesn’t appreciate it, it is time to step back and evaluate your situation.
Visit www.helpyourteens.com
Tags: Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Spoiled Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Entitlement Issues, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: A Parent’s True Story Still Helping Many Families
by Sue Scheff on Jan 09, 2009
Are you a parent struggling with a teen today? Are you at your wit’s end? Troubled by the defiance and negative behavior your teen is displaying? Lack respect for authority – for YOU -the parent? Know you are not alone!
Almost a decade ago I went the very same feelings of isolation, hostage to my own home and watching my good teen turn into a person I hardly recognized! Read the online story of A Parent’s True Story.
I created P.U.R.E. (Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, Inc.) in hopes of helping other parents learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge. I was almost silenced when the massive organization (WWASPS/Carolina Springs Academy) sued me – but I fought back and the truth prevailed. I won all legal actions!
When they lost on all counts including in the Supreme Court (I had a jury trial victory) my next hurdle was defeating the negative Internet Slander and Defamation. You see, when you can’t defeat someone legally – the Internet has become the next legal lethal weapon.
Again, I fought back – only this time I won an unprecedented jury verdict of damages for over $11M!
So, when you see ugly postings about me – twisted truths and outright lies, understand I will always have critics that don’t agree with me as well as those that want to silence me or discredit me, but I continued to fight back and continued to be victorious on all counts.
Read Wit’s End and look for my new book coming out in the fall of 2009 which will focus on this new legal lethal weapon.
Tags: A Parents True Story, Carolina Springs Academy, Internet Defamation, Out of Control Teens, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Wits End, WWASPS
Sue Scheff 2008 Great Parenting Websites and Books
by Sue Scheff on Jan 04, 2009
Well, 2008 is finally behind us! Many would say it was not the best year economically, with stress of finances, the frustrations of getting our kids/teens to comprehend the serious of it all. Personally I am very excited about 2009 – especially this fall, my second book will be released and it is going to be HOT! It is hush hush for now, but it will be explosive for sure!
Let’s take a look at 2008 and some of the great parenting sites and books we have:
ADDitude Magazine - All about ADD/ADHD!
PE4Life - Teaching our Kids the Importance of Physical Education
Connect with Kids – Great Articles and DVD’s for Parenting of all ages
Inhalant Abuse – Learn more about this growing problem among teens.
Love Our Children USA - Great information on keeping our kids safe today.
iKeepSafe – Promoting Parenting Education on Keeping Kids Safe in Cyberspace
Feingold Program - Fantastic information on alternative ways to treating ADD/ADHD
Education.com – It’s all about kids of all ages!
Safe Teen Driving Club – Learn how to keep your teens safe on the road.
Next Generation Parenting – What’s next?
OnTeensToday – Vanessa Van Petten has great insights on teens today.
Thinking Forward – A parent’s guide to middle school years.
Break Free Beauty - Teen Body Image by Sarah Maria
Beautiful Boy by David Scheff
It All Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
A Relentless Hope – Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression by Gary Nelson
You’re Grounded by Vanessa Van Petten
Parent Survival Training – Dr. David Lustig
SOS – Students Guide for Saying NO to Cheating – by Lisa Medoff
SOS – Students Guide for Peer Pressure - by Lisa Medoff
Preventing Addiction by Dr. John Fleming
Thin Club - by Kim Tennant
There are many more – read through my Book and Website Blog and you will find many helpful sites and books.
Oh, don’t forget my own book release in July 2008 – Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-Of-Control Teen published by Health Communications, Inc. Watch for fall 2009 as they release my second book!
Tags: Beautiful Boy, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parenting Websites, Safe Teen Driving, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Thinking Forward
Sue Scheff 2009 Parenting Tips – 10 Quick Ideas
by Sue Scheff on Jan 01, 2009
Sue Scheff – Founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts and Author of Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-Of-Control Teen
Offers 10 Parenting Quick Tips for 2009
1. Communication: Keeping the lines of communication of your child should be a priority with all parents. It is important to let your kids know you are always there for them no matter what the subject is. If there is a subject you are not comfortable with, please be sure your child has someone they can open up to. I believe that when kids keep things bottled up, it can be when negative behaviors can start to grow.
2. Knowing your Children’s Friends: This is critical, in my opinion. Who are your kids hanging out with? Doing their homework with? If they are spending a lot of time at a friends house, go out of your way to call the parent introduce yourself. Especially if they are spending the night at a friends house, it important to take time to call the parents or meet them. This can give you a feeling of security knowing where your child is and who they are with.
3. Know your Child’s Teachers – Keep track of their attendance at school: Take time to meet each teacher and be sure they have your contact information and you have theirs if there are any concerns regarding your child. In the same respect, take time to meet your child’s Guidance Counselor.
4. Keep your Child Involved: Whether it is sports, music, drama, dance, and school clubs such as chess, government, school newspaper or different committees such as prom, dances and other school activities. Keeping your child busy can keep them out of trouble. If you can find your child’s passion – whether it is football, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music – that can help keep them focused and hopefully keep them on track in school.
5. Learn about Internet Social Networking: In today’s Cyber generation this has to be a priority. Parents need to help educate their kids on Cyber Safety – think before they post, help them to understand what they put up today, may haunt them tomorrow. Don’t get involved with strangers and especially don’t talk about sex with strangers. Avoid meeting in person the people you meet online without you being there. On the same note – cell phone and texting – don’t allow your child to freely give out their cell numbers and never post them online. Parents should consider ReputationDefender/MyChild to further help protect their children online.
6. Encourage your teen to get a job or volunteer: In today’s generation I think we need to instill responsibility and accountability. This can start early by encouraging your teen to either get a job or volunteer, especially during the summer. Again, it is about keeping them busy, however at the same time teaching them responsibility. I always tell parents to try to encourage their teens to get jobs at Summer Camps, Nursing Homes, ASPCA, Humane Society or places where they are giving to others or helping animals. It can truly build self esteem to help others.
7. Make Time for your Child: This sounds very simple and almost obvious, but with today’s busy schedule of usually both parents working full time or single parent households, it is important to put time aside weekly (if not daily at dinner) for one on one time or family time. Today life is all about electronics (cell phones, Ipods, Blackberry’s, computers, etc) that the personal touch of actually being together has diminished.
8. When Safety trumps privacy: If you suspect your teen is using drugs, or other suspicious behaviors (lying, defiance, disrespectful, etc) it is time to start asking questions – and even “snooping” – I know there are two sides to this coin, and that is why I specifically mentioned “if you suspect” things are not right – in these cases – safety for your child takes precedence over invading their privacy. Remember – we are the parent and we are accountable and responsible for our child.
9. Are you considering outside treatment for your child? Residential Therapy is a huge step, and not a step that is taken lightly. Do your homework! When your child’s behavior escalates to a level of belligerence, defiance, substance abuse or God forbid gang relations – it may be time to seek outside help. Don’t be ashamed of this – put your child’s future first and take steps to get the help he/she needs – immediately, but take your time to find the right placement. Read Wit’s End! for more information. Take a moment to read a recent News Articles from the Miami Herald on Wit’s End and Sun-Sentinel – Rescuing Your Troubled Teens.
10. Be a parent FIRST: There are parents that want to be their child’s friend and that is great – but remember you are a parent first. Set boundaries – believe it not kids want limits (and most importantly – need them). Never threaten consequences you don’t plan on following through with.
My favorite Book for 2008 (besides my own book, Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen)- Beautiful Boy – A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction. By David Sheff.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting Tips, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Drug Abuse, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff – Holiday Times – Do Teens Understand Today’s Economy?
by Sue Scheff on Dec 24, 2008
Layoffs Impact Christmas
Source: Connect with Kids
“It’s very, very tight at the end of the month.”
– Tom Hannaford, unemployed father
The telephone rings in Tom Hannaford’s in-home office. “Visual Solutions. Tom Hannaford,” he answers.
Hannaford is an independent contractor, but he is currently out of work.
“It’s really, really slow,” Hannaford says. “That little extra cushion that I bring in is not there, so it’s very, very tight at the end of the month.”
Hannaford has tried to shield his children from his troubles, but they still understand on a very basic level what’s happening.
“He’s looking for another job because nobody has any work for him to do,” his 9-year old daughter Mary says.
It has been a tough year for the American workforce. More than 10 million people are out of work, hundreds of thousands of them laid off since the recession began last September.
For many people, the loss of a job translates into a less plentiful holiday season.
“We’re gonna make the sacrifices that we have to make to get them some special things,” Hannaford says. “Would we get them as many things as we might otherwise? Maybe not.”
Layoffs can be stressful and scary for adults and children. Experts suggest that parents explain their job situation to their children. Open and honest communication can be reassuring. As far as the holiday season is concerned: Focus on the family, not the gifts.
“Make it exciting for them to have this time together,” advises psychiatrist Dr. John Lochridge. “Downplay the gifts … and the activities become substitutes for gifts that are actually more valuable.”
However tight times are, experts tell parents to stay positive because their children are watching and learning.
“The kids need to see that you’re not giving up. You’re gonna keep trying,” Dr. Lochridge says.
Hannaford remains hopeful. “I’ve got enough faith to know that something’s out there. Something will come my way, and the economy hopefully is gonna turn around.”
Tips for Parents
Will the recession cause Americans to spend less on their children’s presents this Christmas? According to a recent survey by the American Research Group, the answer is yes. The average projected spending for this year is $431, down just 50 percent from last year.
Unemployment is difficult for the entire family, especially during the Christmas season. A laid-off textile worker in Georgia told the American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO), “The thing I hated most was telling my kids that things are going to be a little tight for awhile.” If you find yourself without a job this Christmas, the AFL-CIO offers some advice to keep in mind:
Your spouse and children may feel as helpless as you do.
Talk about your problems and plans with your family.
Children generally sense tension in the home. Explain your unemployment situation to them, and include them in developing your plans to deal with it.
Plan and work together as a family to reduce household costs.
Children can help by delaying requests for expensive extras.
By working a part-time job on weekends, teens can help reduce their parents’ financial pressure. This enables each member of the family to take positive steps to help.
Receiving fewer presents at Christmas may leave some children feeling deprived and depressed. However, parents can remind their children that Christmas is not just a season of receiving; it’s also a time of giving. Children may feel better about their own situation if they focus on ways to help others who are less fortunate. Consider these ideas to help children learn about the importance of giving:
Encourage your children to choose one item from their Christmas or birthday wish lists and donate it to a less-fortunate child.
Help your children donate a portion of their allowances and birthday money to the charity of their choice.
Instead of exchanging duplicate gifts, have children donate one of the items to charity.
Organize a food drive in your neighborhood. Even small children can help deliver and collect bags.
Organize a toy, book or clothing drive.
Help your children write letters or draw pictures to mail to the elderly or others in town who are not able to get out much.
Volunteer to read to the blind.
Walk, brush, feed and clean pets at a rescue shelter.
As a family, spend some time volunteering at a food kitchen. Let children help fix plates and clear the tables.
Work together to make baked goods as a donation to a church, community or charity fair.
Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. Volunteers are needed to build, paint, cook and serve food.
Visit a local nursing home and “Adopt a Grandparent.” Newborns and toddlers can come along to provide company and lots of hugs. Older children can read to residents and put on plays or skits.
References
AFL-CIO
American Research Group, Inc.
The Gallup organization
Tags: Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Today, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff – Parenting Teens – Are you at your wit’s end?
by Sue Scheff on Dec 13, 2008
Are you at your wit’s end?
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
- Is your teen escalating out of control?
- Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
- Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
- Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
- Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
- Is your teen verbally abusive?
- Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
- Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
- Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
- Does your teen belong to a gang?
- Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
- Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
- Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
- Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
- Does he/she steal?
- Is your teen sexually active?
- Teen pregnancy?
- Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
- Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
- Low self esteem and low self worth?
- Lack of motivation? Low energy?
- Mood Swings? Anxiety?
- Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
- Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
- Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
- High School drop-out?
- Suspended or Expelled from school?
- Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
- ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
- Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
- Juvenile Delinquent?
- Conduct Disorder?
- Bipolar?
- Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
- Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.
Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.
Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.
Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:
· Helping Teens – not Harming them
· Building them up – not Breaking them down
· Positive and Nurturing Environments – not Punitive
· Family Involvement in Programs – not Isolation from the teen
· Protect Children – not Punish them
Tags: At Risk Teens, Defiant Teens, Self Injury, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Troubled Teens
Teen Runaways by Sue Scheff (Parents Universal Resource Experts)
by Sue Scheff on Dec 08, 2008
Teen Runaways are on the increase. Many teens think that the grass is greener on the other side.
They are confused and following the crowd of peers making poor choices. Teens want to escape the “rules of a household” and we as parents, become their number one enemy. They feel that they are fearless and can prove they can survive without their parents and our rules. Rules are put in place for a reason; we love our children and want them to grow up with dignity and respect we try to instill in them. Their flight plan, in some ways, is a cry for attention. Many times runaways are back home shortly, however there are other situations that can be more serious. This is not to say any child that runs away is not serious, but when this becomes a habit and is their way of rebelling, a parent needs to intervene.
So many times we hear how “their friend’s parents” allow a much later curfew or are more lenient, and you are the worst parents in the world. This is very common and the parent feels helpless, hopeless and alone. It is all part of the manipulation the teens put us through. With their unappreciative thoughts of us, they will turn to this destructive behavior, which, at times, results in them leaving the home.
Some teens go to a friend’s house or relative they believe they can trust and make up stories about their home life. This is very common, a parent has to suffer the pain and humiliation that it causes to compound it with the need to get your child help that they need. If you fear your child is at risk of running, the lines of communication have to be open. We understand this can be difficult, however if possible needs to be approached in a positive manner. Teen help starts with communication.
If you feel this has escalated to where you cannot control them, it may be time for placement and possibly having your child escorted. Please know that the escorts (transports) are all licensed and very well trained in removing children from their home into safe programs. These escorts are also trained counselors that will talk to your child all the way, and your child will end his/her trip with a new friend and a better understanding of why their parents had to resort to this measure.
Helpful Hint if you child has runaway and you are using all your local resources – offer a cash reward to their friends privately, of course promising their anonymity and hopefully someone will know your child’s whereabouts.
Having a teen runaway is very frightening and it can bring you to your wits end. Try to remain positive and hopeful and do all you can to help understand why your child is acting out this way. These are times when parents need to seek help for themselves. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to others. We are all about parents helping parents.
Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Out of Control Teens, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Peer Pressure, Teen Runaways, Wits End
Sue Scheff: Teen Entitlement Issues – Holidays are Here!
by Sue Scheff on Nov 26, 2008
Does your teen have Entitlement Issues?
Does your teen expect more from you than they have earned or deserve?
Many parents only want the best for their children (usually more than they had growing up), but has this actually backfired on families?
In today’s society many teens have major entitlement issues. Many parents feel that giving their teen’s material items will somehow earn them respect. Quite frankly, the opposite occurs in most families. The more we give, the more our children expect and the less they respect us. We literally lose ourselves in buying our children’s love. At the end of the day, no one wins and life is a constant battle of anger, hopelessness, and debt.
While interviewing a young teen, she was recently given a new car – brand new – felt she deserved it since her parents gave her two used ones previously. She is only 17 years old and already controlling her household and believes she was entitled to this car. She shows no appreciation or respect to her parents. Simply, she deserved it. Can you imagine owning 3 cars by the age of 17, yet never buying one? This is an extreme example, but I am sure many parents can relate.
Entitlement issues can lead to serious problems. Teaching your child respect and responsibility should be priority. Although the issues may have started to escalate, as a parent, it is never too late to take control of the situation and say “no” when your teen feels they are entitled to a frivolous item or anything that is considered a privilege.
Life is about responsibility, as parents we need to teach our children responsibility – helping our children comes natural to us, however when it becomes excessive and the child doesn’t appreciate it, it is time to step back and evaluate your situation.
Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com
Tags: At Risk Teens, Spoiled Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Entitlement Issues, Teen Help, Teen Issues
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