Teensavers: Home Drug Test Kits – Don’t be a parent in denial….
by Sue Scheff on Feb 04, 2012
Parent-Tested, Parent-Approved
I am asked almost weekly by parents about how they can drug test their teens. I am not a doctor and I can’t endorse any product that I haven’t personally used. I know many parents have used over the counter products from both Walgreens and CVS as well as have had their family doctors perform blood tests, if they have a cooperative teens (wink wink).
I was asked to share a recent press release with parents. Although I haven’t used this product, some of you may find it useful and may want to look further into it. I know these products are in high demand, and I also know a parent in denial is only going to harm your teen in the long run. If you suspect your child is using drugs, it is better to find out now, while you can get help. Don’t wait for addiction to knock on your door. Yes, addiction is treatable – death isn’t.
Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit — #1 recommended by addiction specialists — now selling at CVS.com
Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. is proud to announce that CVS Pharmacy and CVS.com has added the entire family of Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits.
“CVS.com and the CVS/Caremark family are absolute leaders in the home health care industry. Families rely on the CVS family for every day products and life saving prescriptions. We value the support that CVS.com has shown the Teensavers® family, including our family branded drug tests in their diagnostics category. We share the importance and enthusiasm for families looking to lead a healthy life,” said Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. President Steve Stahovich.
Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. created the Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits with the family in mind. Government statistics show that 4,000 teens try drugs for the first time every day. 2,500 of those kids are experimenting with pills. Many parents are seeing the explosion of teen prescription drug use in our community. But they don’t know what to do about it. The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits can help detect possible opiate use. It can help deter kids from taking pills, prescribed for a legitimate patient, from the medicine cabinet to use recreationally.
“We are proud that parents can find our total family solution, from the same chain where they are getting their prescriptions. Just as any health ailment requires immediate attention, potential teen substance abuse requires the same immediate attention and care. Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits provide more than a positive or negative result. Our complete kit helps parents understand through the entire process, whether it’s diagnosing the drug use, or finding the best solution for your family,” said Stahovich.
There are five different Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kits available on CVS.com ranging from a 1-panel (THC only) test to a comprehensive 12-panel test. The prices range from $16.99 to $39.99.
2011 Winner Parent Tested and Parent Approved
Stahovich says choosing the right test is based on alert and informed parenting. Stahovich says, “Choosing the right drug test kit not only depends on your family and the child’s exposure to drugs, but the drug culture of the community. It is critical for parents to be proactive by talking with other parents in the neighborhood, finding out about drug issues in the schools, and within the community. Some communities have marijuana and cocaine problems. We are seeing an explosion of prescription drug abuse across most of the country. Parents may want complete tests for popular pills. Proper home drug testing involves pro-active parenting”
The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit is 99.9% accurate, made in America, and approved for over-the-counter sales by the FDA. The test is endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, a 30-year treatment veteran. The Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit was recently named a 2011 “Top Products” Winner by Parent Tested, Parent Approved, one of the most reliable and valuable online resources for parents.
===Product Specs===
– 1-panel ($16.99) Marijuana (THC) test.
– 3-panel ($21.99), screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, and Methamphetamine.
– 5-panel ($25.99) screens for the previous three drugs, plus Oxycodone and Opiates.
– 7-panel ($29.99) screens for the previous 5 drugs plus Benzodiazepines and Ecstasy (MDMA.)
– 12-panel test ($39.99) is the most comprehensive Teensavers® Home Drug Test Kit. It screens for Marijuana, Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Amphetamines, Methamphetamine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Oxycodone, Methadone, Ecstasy (MDMA), and Tricyclic Antidepressants.
# # #Founded by President Steve Stahovich, a long time recovery and addiction specialist, Teensavers Diagnostics Inc. (http://myteensavers.com) is an ally to parents who suspect their teen may be using narcotics. We are the latest generation in home drug testing kits, offering a total solution, and not just results. We are endorsed by America’s Parenting Coach, Tim Chapman, founder of Chapman House.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Drug Abuse, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, peer pressure, Struggling Teens, Substance Abuse, Teen Drug Abuse, Teen drug addiction, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, teen home drug test kits, Teen Issues, Teensavers
Teen Angry: Reasons It Can Escalate
by Sue Scheff on Feb 03, 2012
Speaking with parents on a daily basis, I hear a lot about how teens can go into a rage, especially when they don’t get what they want. It seems family values and respect for parents and authority has diminished in today’s generation. I am not talking about all families, but many that I speak with, they don’t understand where there once happy toddler went.
Here is a good guest post with five possible reason that can cause teen anger:
5 Ways to Make Your Teenager Angry
Any parent of a teenager knows that one of the main emotions associated with that age is, you guessed it, anger. In fact, most people simply refer to their teenager as an “angry teen” and write off those emotions as a simple fact of life during that age. While this is definitely true, it is also imperative to treat your teen with as much care and respect as you would any other loved one, even if they treat you with the opposite of care and respect, at times. As a parent, you can’t write off your teen’s anger. In fact, if you’re not careful, you run the risk of making them seriously angry at you, rather than simply angry at the world. Here’s how:
1. Don’t Listen to What They Have to Say
One of the most important things to do while your kids are teenagers is to try to foster and maintain communication. Even if your teen would rather walk home in the snow than talk to you about his day, you have to take advantage of any communication you can get. And, most importantly, when you do get the opportunity to communicate, focus less on what you would like to say to them and more on what they have to say to you. You could be so occupied with worrying about the next thing you think you should tell them that you can miss hugely important clues about your teens life and how he or she is feeling.
2. Tell Them They Are Just Being a Teen
Talk about being written off! And at the absolute worst time in life to feel that way, no less. Never, ever make the mistake of treating your teen like their opinions or emotions are invalid simply because they are going through their “teens.” There is nothing that will push your child away faster or make them feel more annoyed and insulted.
3. Don’t Practice What You Preach
You may feel like you can relax a little once your kids are grown up, without the worry of them repeating things they shouldn’t say or copying behaviors they shouldn’t be copying. It’s easy to feel like you can cut back on trying to provide an example. But, even if it doesn’t feel like it, your teen is still watching you and emulating your behavior. If you are constantly lecturing them about following through on their homework, you better take the trash out if that is one of your family chores or remove foul language from your vocabulary if you expect the same from them. If you are going to ask your teen to follow through on things they say they will do, you absolutely must set that example.
4. Make Them Feel Isolated
When your teen suddenly prefers to lock herself in her room, music blaring, rather than hang out with the family, it can be easy to just leave them alone up there and not bother. Once invitations have been rejected so many times, you can begin to feel like it would be better to stop bothering them altogether. However, your teen still needs to feel like a relevant and important member of the family, or else you run the risk of creating a feeling of isolation that could continue into the later teen years.
5. Don’t Prepare Them for Plans
This is another area where parents sometimes feel that it’s better to stay away than address an issue or upcoming plan with their teen. Things like letting them know that you will be going out of town in two weeks, or that you want to have a family movie night on Friday, are simple to throw on your teen last minute, especially when they act like they could care less. The truth is, in the moment, they probably don’t care. But that doesn’t mean that you should surprise them by springing plans on them last minute. Sometimes teens, just like anyone else, need a little time to mentally prepare for upcoming events, and being forced to do something without warning is a surefire recipe for a breakdown.
Byline:
This is a guest post by Kimberly Wilson. Kimberly is from accredited online colleges, she writes on topics including career, education, student life, college life, home improvement, time management etc.
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Tags: anger, Difficult Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Struggling Teens, Teen Anger, Teen Depression, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Rage
Family Conflict: 10 Signs a Parent is Upset with their Teenager
by Sue Scheff on Jan 24, 2012
Raising teens today can be contentious and get your blood pressure boiling. The lack of respect towards parents and most authority is very disturbing in today’s society. I often say the sense of entitlement issue can be a large cause of today’s defiant teens. Either way, parents are struggling with kids that are literally holding parents hostage in their own homes.
Here is a great guest post by Barbara Williams:
Working as a nanny can be a rewarding and fulfilling job for people who love children. However, getting along with the parents can sometimes be a challenge. The important thing to remember is, no matter how much you love the children, the parents are the boss. You need to make sure they are happy with your work because the parents are ones signing your paychecks. It might not always be obvious that you’re doing something to displease them, so here are 10 signs a parent is upset with you.
- Not speaking – Some parents aren’t good at communicating their displeasure so they’ll give you the silent treatment. Instead of a light banter at the end of the day they’ll only answer direct questions with short terse statements. If this starts happening you better find out if you did something wrong or if they’re just having a bad day.
- Exasperated sighs – Another unspoken sign a parent is upset with you is the exasperated sigh. Nannies who hear this better be on their toes. You should probably find out what the parent is unhappy about.
- Facial expressions – It’s important for nannies to be able to read the parent’s facial expressions. A furrowed brow or tenseness around the mouth could be a sign you did something wrong.
- Schedule a talk – When parents tell you they want to schedule a little talk, you may be in trouble. They may say something about having to go over a few things or the need to reevaluate your duties. Uh-oh!
- Send you home early – Another sign you made them unhappy is when they send you home early for no apparent reason. This could mean they are so upset they don’t even want to have you around.
- Day off for no reason – Getting an unscheduled day off could seem like a good thing at first, but you might want to beware. This could mean the parents are reevaluating your position. They may even be scheduling interviews with other potential nannies.
- Unreasonable demands – Some parents will do just the opposite and start making unreasonable demands when they’re upset with you. This could be their way of punishing you for whatever misdeeds you’ve done.
- Exaggerated niceness – Some parents will express their displeasure by treating you with exaggerated niceness. This forced and fake kindness that is dripping with sarcasm is a clear sign they’re upset.
- Kids tell you – Of course kids don’t have filters on their expressions like adults do, so they are more likely to tell you when their parents are upset and why. Nannies can often rely on the children to let something slip if there’s a problem the parents won’t tell them about.
- They tell you – Of course the best way to find out a parent is upset with you is for them to tell you. It’s much better for them to let you know right away if you’re doing something they don’t like so you can rectify the situation.
Everyone handles conflict differently and some people are very uncomfortable with confrontations. They’ll do anything to avoid unpleasantness. The best thing to do is have good communication between both the parents and the nannies. It’s not good to let problems fester when they can re resolved quickly and amicably. Nannies should watch for these signs that the parents are upset and work hard to resolve the situation.
Source: Find a Babysitter
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Defiant Teens, Disrespectful Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Horizon Academy – Red River Academy – Specialty Boarding Schools or Not?
by Sue Scheff on Jan 12, 2012
Who do you trust behind the screen?
Troubled teens, teen help, struggling teens, at-risk teens, problem teens, difficult teens, boot camps, military schools, behavior modification, specialty schools, specialty programs, teen help programs, boarding schools, residential treatment centers, residential therapy, emotional growth programs, therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness programs, defiant teens, manipulative teens, disengaged from the family, family conflict, hopelessness, WIT’S END….
You have about reached your wit’s end when you are searching the web and typing in about every keyword you believe describes what you think you are looking for. Glorified websites appear – maybe some not so beautiful, maybe you want a Christian setting, maybe you think a good boot camp or have that traditional thinking of an old fashioned military school…. however you will soon realize this isn’t 50 years ago. There are legitimate residential therapeutic schools today and it is a parent job to do their research to be sure they find a safe and quality program that fits their individual needs.
After hours – days – even weeks (I have actually spoken to parents that have spent months) on the Internet, sometimes the confusion can deepen, which is why I did create Parents’ Universal Resource Experts.
With this – I am only sharing my own experiences…. and it has to do with the affiliated programs with the title of this Blog….
Are you confused yet? Looking for teen help and realizing this is a BIG BUSINESS?
So, your teen is driving your crazy. You are at your wit’s end. You have finally decided you need outside help. You have exhausted all your local resources. Local therapy doesn’t help, heck, you can’t even get your teen to attend. Your teen is failing in school, he/she is very smart yet doesn’t want to attend school and believe they know it all. Many say, “typical teen“, but as a parent, we know it is more than that.
Where did our good kid go? Good kids making bad choices – and they don’t need to be placed in an environment that will make them worse in my opinion – learn from what happened to me!
As a victim of the WWASPS organization – I am often called or receive many emails about our (my daughter and I) experiences with them. Obviously not pleasant. Though I am happy to say the program she was at, Carolina Springs Academy, which attempted to go through a name change to Magnolia Christian Academy (or School) depending on the day you Googled it, is finally closed – it has been rumored some of the staff is now at their affiliate program – Red River Academy.
Let me be clear for legal purposes – these are rumors – but if I were placing my child in program, I personally wouldn’t take any chances – and furthermore, Red River Academy is clearly named in the current lawsuit which is extremely disturbing with allegations of fraud, abuse, neglect and much more – (click here) that is current.
Then we come to Horizon Academy. Another alleged WWASPS facility. Why say alleged? Maybe they will deny they are affiliated – yet look at their staff, again, you will see they were once employed at other WWASPS programs. Jade Robinson was at the program in Mexico (named in that lawsuit with alleged abuse and neglect) Casa By the Sea, then went on to Bell Academy, which didn’t last long, and I assume is trying to continue at Horizon Academy.
So when the “sales rep” tells you that “Sue Scheff” is a disgruntled parent – I say – YES, I was – you put my daughter in a box for 17 hours, she was mentally and emotionally abused – food and sleep deprived – I was complete defrauded – and she also missed out on 6 months of education. None of which I had signed up for. Grant it, this was 10 years ago – a lot has changed – but those original owners haven’t – so in my humble opinion – I wouldn’t trust any of their programs with my pets….. BTW: I am the only parent to have defeated WWASPS in a jury trial.
Most of the other (many) lawsuits have settled out of court with silence agreements. I don’t have one, which is why I can still share my story – which is why I get slimed online – which is why their sales reps have all sorts of stories about me – including “the jury made a mistake” – neglecting to tell you I won the appellate court too. No one condones child abuse – period.
I have been called a crusader (and not in a flattering way) though I take it that way. I have made it my mission to find the better programs and schools, since I do know what it is like to be at your wit’s end. I know what parents need help. I am not against residential therapy, which brings us to many of my stalkers that were formally abused in programs that believe all programs should be closed down. That is being extreme – they are not a parent trying to save their child’s life and future.
I will share with you that there are more safe and quality programs than there are bad ones – it is just about doing your homework and research. Today you are more fortunate than I was – you have more access to information and you can learn from my mistakes and my knowledge.
Please – take 10 minutes to read my story and see the list of programs that are and were once affiliated with Carolina Springs Academy – and from there, you make your own choices for your child.
I had one parent that almost went to Red River Academy that actually said the sales rep said they could have their teen “extracted” within a few hours? Extracted? Really – is your child a tooth? Please don’t get rushed into a quick decision – this is a major emotional and financial decision.
My organization is Parents’ Universal Resource Experts – and no matter what those “sales reps” or the Internet fiction – I don’t own, operate or manage any schools or programs! We are about educating parents when they are looking for help for their at risk teen…. Don’t get scammed when you are at your wit’s end.
Oh – and when these “sales reps” send out these defamatory links about me – another FACT they neglect to tell you is I won the landmark case for Internet Defamation that awarded me $11.3M in damages for what was said about me online! Lies and twisted facts! Here is my recent appearance on Anderson Cooper.
This is strictly my opinion on my own experiences – you are free to make your choices…
Tags: Difficult Teens, Educational Consultants, Horizon Academy, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Red River Academy, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen substance abuse, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Problem Teens, Teen Help and Parents Searching the Internet
by Sue Scheff on Jan 09, 2012
When is enough - enough?
Second semester. Some teens have had enough. They don’t want to go to school anymore. They believe they know it all. It is easier to get a GED, after all, some of their so-called friend are doing it!
Your once happy, bouncing toddler that strolled into kindergarten, brought that artwork home for your refrigerator, and may have end participated in the school plays has now decided that hanging out with a new group of peers that are less than what you would have selected for them, is their thing….
As much as you are trying to ignore or just say it is a phase, you notice your teen is withdrawing from the family, failing in school, smell alcohol, maybe even marijuana, cigarettes, and overall have become a child you no longer recognize with a personality that is defiant and totally disrespectful the the family boundaries – what do you do?
Most parents try local therapy – which is a great first step, but when happens when therapy doesn’t work? You can’t be afraid to take that next step! A parent in a denial only harms your teenager. Don’t be held hostage in your home by your teen’s behavior.
Sending a child to a residential program/school is a major decision. It is not one to be taken lightly or to be decided on overnight.
Usually a teen’s behavior has been slowly escalating and a parent knows that deep down things are not getting better. As much as you hope and pray that things will change, this is only typical teen behavior, sometimes it just isn’t.
With drug use and substance abuse rising – more dangerous and deadly ingredients being used, such as spice and inhalants, parents have reason to be concerned. It isn’t your marijuana of generations prior – it is so much worse and in many cases – addictive and deadly.
If you have reached your wit’s end and now surfing the Internet for help, remember, anyone can build a website. Anyone can put up nice pictures and create great content. You need to do your due diligence.
Years ago I struggled with my own teenager. I was at my wit’s end. I didn’t realize what a big business this “teen help industry” was. Yes, my child needed help, but what we received was anything but that. My story is a cautionary tale – not one to scare you into not using a program, however on the contrary, you have to get your child help, but you have to do your research in getting them the right help.
You can do it without spending thousands!
Here are some quick tips:
- Your child is not for sale, try to avoid those marketing arms selling you a list of programs that are not in the best interest of your child’s individual needs.
- Always speak with an owner or director – Someone that has a vested in your teen’s recovery. Their reputation is on the line.
- Wilderness and other short term programs are usually nothing more than a band-aid that will fall off as quickly as the program lasted. They are expensive camping trips and in most cases the Wilderness program will tell you at about 4 weeks that your teen will need to continue on to a longer term program. What? Yes, now you go back to the research board and worse than that, your teen will be deflated when he finds out he/she isn’t coming home in 6-9 weeks as they were lead to believe – and they will be starting all over again with a new therapist – new schedule – and new setting. Don’t get caught up in this “shuffle.” Start and finish with the same school/program.
- The average stay should be about 6-9-12 months, depending on your teen. Anything less is probably non-effective. Anything more, you may be creating abandonment issues in my opinion.
- Do you really need an Educational Consultant? Absolutely not. You are the parent and no one knows your teen better than you do – with a few tips, you will be able to make some sound choices.
For more helpful hint and tips, please contact www.HelpYourTeens.com for a free consultation. After the ordeal I went through, I created this advocacy organization to help educate parents on finding safe and quality programs.
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Tags: At Risk Teens, Boarding Schools, Defiant Teens, Difficult Teens, Educational Consultants, Entitlement Issues, good kids bad choices, High School Dropouts, IECA, NATSAP, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Residential Treatment Centers, Struggling Teens, Teen Help, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Ecstasy: What is it? Is your teen using it?
by Sue Scheff on Oct 31, 2011
Does it start with marijuana? Advance to pills? On to needles?
There can be so many different paths your teen can take to the road to addiction, but the one path they need to realize is they don’t need to start to begin with. Understanding the risks and dangers is the beginning of teaching prevention.
October 31st through November 6th is National Drug Facts Week.
This is an opportunity to shatter the myths about drug and substance abuse as well as become an educated parent and build a stronger drug-free community.
What is ecstasy?
“Ecstasy” is a slang term for MDMA, short for 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a name that’s nearly as long as the all-night parties where MDMA is often used. That’s why MDMA has been called a “club drug.” It has effects similar to those of other stimulants, and it often makes the person feel like everyone is his or her friend, even when that’s not the case.
MDMA is man-made—it doesn’t come from a plant like marijuana does. Other chemicals or substances—such as caffeine, dextromethorphan (found in some cough syrups), amphetamines, PCP, or cocaine—are sometimes added to, or substituted for, MDMA in Ecstasy tablets. Makers of MDMA can add anything they want to the drug, so its purity is always in question.
What Are the Common Street Names?
There are a lot of slang words for MDMA. “Ecstasy” is one of the most common. You might also hear “E,” “XTC,” “X,” “Adam,” “hug,” “beans,” “clarity,” “lover’s speed,” and “love drug.”
How Is It Used?
Most people who abuse MDMA take a pill, tablet, or capsule. These pills can be different colors, and sometimes have cartoon-like images on them. Some people take more than one pill at a time, called “bumping.”
How Many Teens Use It?
According to a 2010 NIDA-funded study, over the past 10 years smart young teens have turned their backs on MDMA. Since 2001, the percentage of 8th graders who have ever tried MDMA dropped from 5.2 percent in 2001 to 3.3 percent in 2010. The drop among 10th graders and 12th graders was similar. However, between 2009 and 2010, some increases were seen in the abuse of MDMA by 8th and 10th graders. For example, past-year use of MDMA increased among 10th graders from 3.7 percent in 2009 to 4.7 percent in 2010. Also, fewer 10th graders saw “great risk” in occasionally using MDMA, which means that they may not understand the health risks of using MDMA as well as they should.
Is MDMA Addictive?
Like other drugs, MDMA can be addictive for some people. That is, people continue to take the drug despite experiencing unpleasant physical side effects and other social, behavioral, and health consequences.
No one knows how many times a person can use a drug before becoming addicted or who’s most vulnerable to addiction. A person’s genes, living environment, and other factors play a role in whether they are likely to become addicted to MDMA.
Learn more – click here.
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Tags: Addiction, At Risk Teens, Drug Addiction, Ecstasy, MDMA, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, Teen Issues, Teen Rehab, Teen substance abuse, Troubled Teens
Teen Drinking Prevention: Alcohol Screening – Intervention for Youths
by Sue Scheff on Oct 25, 2011
If you manage the health and well-being of 9- to 18-year-olds, this Guide is for you.
“Alcohol Screening and Brief Intervention for Youth: A Practitioner’s Guide” is designed to help health care professionals quickly identify youth at risk for alcohol-related problems. NIAAA developed the Guide and Pocket Guide in collaboration with the American Academy of Pediatrics, a team of underage drinking researchers and clinical specialists, and practicing health care professionals.
Why use this tool?
- It can detect risk early: In contrast to other screens that focus on established alcohol problems, this early detection tool aims to help you prevent alcohol-related problems in your patients before they start or address them at an early stage.
- It’s empirically based: The screening questions and risk scale, developed through primary survey research, are powerful predictors of current and future negative consequences of alcohol use.
- It’s fast and versatile: The screen consists of just two questions, which can be incorporated easily into patient interviews or pre-visit screening tools across the care spectrum, from annual exams to urgent care.
- It’s the first tool to include friends’ drinking: The “friends” question will help you identify patients at earlier stages of alcohol involvement and target advice to include the important risk of friends’ drinking.
Download or order the Guide and pocket guide.
You may also be interested in related resources to support you, your patients, and their families
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Tags: Alcoholism, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Teen Depression, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Teen Help Programs, Teen Issues, Teenage Drinking, Teens Drinking
Teen Help for Good Kids Making Bad Choices
by Sue Scheff on Oct 18, 2011
Are you wondering what happened to once happy-go-lucky, kind, polite and studious child went?
Teens can be a challenge – especially in today’s ever changing world with technology and a society that is making our kids grow up so much faster.
Common parent statements:
“My teen is so smart! His/her IQ is superior, but they are not working up to their potential.”
“My teen is so beautiful/handsome – good looking – even has many friends.” (Of course, the peer group has changed and you don’t know why.)
“My teen is very athletic! He/she made the varsity team at a young age, has won all sorts of awards, but now has dropped out and has zero interest in this sport.”
How to be a perfect parent?
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, however there is such a thing as being an educated parent. This is not about book smarts or academics, it is about first hand experiences from parents that have been where you are.
Becoming an educated parent in the teen help industry is possible with Parent’s Universal Resource Experts.
Blame Game and Parent Denial
- Not my kid, it is the kids he/she is hanging with.
- My child was caught with pot, but he swears it was his friend’s.
- It’s the schools fault.
- If I only had sent him to another school.
- If I only had given into the cell phone.
- His grandparents spoil him rotten.
- When is it appropriate to read your teen’s journal, text messages, emails, social networking sites etc?
- When safety triumphs privacy! Is your teen withdrawn, secretive, changing friends?
- Be a parent first, friendship is built on that foundation.
Common mistakes parents make:
Major misconception of parents: Almost all parents that contact us have that next Einstein or Dan Marino, but the fact they are either changing friends, smoking pot, not attending classes or school at all, wanting to drop out of school all together and just get a GED, are all signs you are heading down a very negative path. This road usually escalates before it gets better.
Get help today – contact www.HelpYourTeens.com.
Tags: At Risk Teens, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Problem Teens, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Drug Abuse, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help, Troubled Teens, Wits End
Teen Manipulation: How Teens Get What they Want
by Sue Scheff on Sep 09, 2011
On a daily basis I hear from parents and amazed at the stories their teen comes up with to get what they want. I also know personally, what my own teenager (now an adult) would do to get her own way. They stop at nothing…. As their friends all seem to have that curfew at 3am (NOT), our teenager is the only one that has to be home by 11pm (or whatever your curfew is). I personally believe nothing good happens after midnight. I recently came across a great article about this topic and wanted to share it with my readers.
Manipulation in Relational Aggression: Jockeying for the Position of Victim
By Jane Balvanz
If manipulation, as a noun defined, is artful or skillful management, and as a verb, means to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skillfully, or deviously, then manipulation, as a relationship tool, is just plain scary. It’s a sideways method for getting what you want instead of using direct, honest communication.
In one sense, manipulation can be innocuous. Parents use manipulative techniques to persuade their children to eat healthily. And who among us hasn’t helped manage some sort of situation to pull off a surprise for someone’s birthday? Intentions, in these cases, are meant to help or create a pleasant situation for someone else. Both examples illustrate the sunnier side of manipulation. But there is a dark side, a very dark side.
The Shadow Side of Manipulation
When kids meet and form new friendships, there is joy and abandon. This is particularly true for our youngest. Small children form bonds easily with little thought of gain or how a friendship could improve their social status. They just want to play. It doesn’t take long, though, for cliques to form and manipulation to begin.
Kids discover ways to keep others from joining in play. Changing the truth just a little can keep an unpleasant situation at bay. Forgetting on purpose can explain away an indiscretion. And gathering a group together to “explain” one version of a story first before someone else’s opposing view can be told gives a certain stronghold over the most believable version of the truth.
It’s natural for kids to experiment with manipulation, but it’s a sad place to stay. With girls and boys equally using it, anyone who continually succeeds through manipulation increases their chances of becoming a manipulative adult. Spending enough time with a relationship manipulator eventually exposes their MO. Unfortunately for the manipulator, relationships are shallow and ever changing. It becomes a heartache for manipulators and their targets alike.
Victim, Victim – Who Gets to Be the Victim?
A masterful manipulator knows how to appear as the wronged party. The best defense is a good offense; that is the manipulator’s mantra. She knows how to set things up. Victim is the desired role, because if you are the victim, you cannot be in the wrong. Let me illustrate through roles and age groups:
Preschool: Sarah retrieves a toy Mia has just snatched out of her hands. (Mia, crying to an adult) “Sarah took my toy!” Sarah is reprimanded to share.
Siblings: Younger Child wants to play with Older Child’s science experiment. Older Child, not wanting to have the school assignment destroyed, denies the request. Younger Child cries to Parent that Older Child is mean. Older Child is reprimanded because, of course, she/he is older and should know better. (Younger Child smiles at Older Child)
Grade School: A group of girls calls Mary names. Mary, in tears, says she will report the group to the teacher after recess. After recess, the group reaches the teacher first and reports that Mary has been calling them names.
Junior High and High School: Maria and Eve were friends who told each other everything. Their relationship included privately venting about others and sharing their opinions. A fight ends the relationship, so Eve seeks “justice” by proclaiming herself Victim while sharing Maria’s private, negative views of others. As a result, Maria is ostracized, and Victim Eve is embraced.
Romantic Relationships: Maggie doesn’t like Josh’s friends, so each time he goes out with them, she sulks for days. When Josh asks what’s wrong, Maggie responds, “Nothing.”
Work: Analise’s boss asked her to do extra assignments without any compensation. When Analise spoke up to say she would need extra compensation to pay for her babysitter’s additional time, the boss became incensed. In conversations now, the boss calls Analise his Prima Dona employee. When others ask about the obvious change in their relationship, he just shrugs his shoulders as if to suggest she is a difficult employee. His actions cause others to stay away from Analise.
Character Qualities That Eschew Victimhood and Embrace Self-Efficacy
To raise a 21st Century Citizen who is able to become happy, self-reliant and successful in relationships and life itself, guide your child to live these five character qualities. They are the antidotes to manipulation:
1. Respect
2. Responsibility
3. Resiliency
4. Honesty
5. Courage
When you respect yourself and others, it allows you to be honest in your communications and to take responsibility for your words and actions. Resiliency gets you through the difficult times, and courage helps keep you in alignment with the other character values.
What gifts you will give your child – your guidance toward characteristics that lead to fulfilling relationships without manipulation and victimhood!
© 2011 A Way Through, LLC
Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls Ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com
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Tags: A Way Through, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teen Manipulation
Does your teen want to drop out of school? How to help them get back on the right track
by Sue Scheff on Aug 29, 2011
How can we keep students in school? Research suggests that one of the most important things is to keep them engaged in a safe, supportive environment.
Why do students drop-out?
There’s no single reason.
Students drop out of school for a number of different reasons—and it’s typically a combination of many issues. Here are some of the top reasons students give for leaving school:
- Classes aren’t interesting
- Parents/family/adults have low expectations
- Poor attendance
- Failing in school
- Family responsibilities (work, caring for siblings, etc.)
- Becoming a parent
- Too much freedom
What are some warning signs to look for?
What to watch for. There are specific factors to watch for in students who are likely to drop out of school. If you see one or more of these signs, get involved! You can give these students the Boost they need to stay in school.
- They don’t feel challenged in school.
- They don’t feel high educational expectations from either their family or school.
- They believe their parents are too controlling and they want to rebel.
- They have trouble with schoolwork or feel like they are not as smart as other students.
- They have drug, alcohol or mental health problems.
- They regularly miss school or are frequently tardy.
- They struggle with problems at home, including physical or verbal abuse.
- They feel like they don’t fit in or have friends at school.
- Their peers or siblings have dropped out of school.
- They have poor learning conditions at school—such as overcrowding, high levels of violence and excessive absenteeism.
If you fear your teen is heading down a negative path and you need to get them back on track, visit www.BoostUp.org or www.HelpYourTeens.com for more information.
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Tags: GED, High School Dropouts, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teens Dropping out of School
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