Sue Scheff: Cybersafety, Surfing, and Protecting your Children from Online Porn
by Sue Scheff on Jun 26, 2010
I have said it before and can’t re-iterate it enough, summer time brings more online time. You may have all your digital parental monitors up and your spy-ware in place, but do your children know the dangers of what lurks in the box? No, not the television, which used to be one of our fears (what our kids are watching), now that seems like a walk in the park. The box, whether it is a PC, iPhone, Laptop, etc… anything with WWW service – you need to talk to your kids about the strangers that mingle online.
Source: Connect with Kids
Internet Safety Includes Guarding Kids From Online Porn
“Sometimes if you’re just looking for a picture, or if you’re looking for something not gross at all, all of a sudden all this gross stuff pops up.”
– Annelise, Age 14
The American Academy of Pediatrics has declared the month of June to be Internet Safety Month. Keeping kids safe online is a year-round challenges – and that means knowing what they have access to.
A growing number of teens around the country admit they’ve logged onto pornographic websites
Ask about online pornography, and it’s clear many kids have seen it.
12-year-old David says, “There’s a lot of bad stuff on the Internet, like porn.”
14-year-old Annelise says, “Sometimes if you’re just looking for a picture, or if you’re looking for something not gross at all, all of a sudden all this gross stuff pops up.”
12-year-old Kaveh says, “You feel all nasty, and just kind of trashy, and dirty, and you just kind of want to maybe go take a shower or something, but it doesn’t feel right for the whole day.”
Psychologists say there are many reasons why viewing porn can be harmful to kids. First, they may become interested in sex before they are ready.
Dr. Colleen Taylor, a licensed psychologist in metro-Atlanta says, “Research does indicate that when children are exposed to sexually explicit information or images, that they do become more sexually active at an earlier age.”
And research shows that, for some, online porn is addictive. “One begins to need more and more intense stimuli in order to produce the same type of arousal,” says Dr. Taylor. “It creates a greater appetite for more bizarre, more violent, more deviant types of sexual images. So what you really see is a progression from what you might call soft core pornography to more hard core.”
She says when viewing porn goes beyond simple curiosity parents need to find out why. Dr. Taylor says, “You want to find out if there are other areas in their life that aren’t going so well, that maybe they are using pornography to kind of escape.”
She recommends parents get a filter to block porn on your home computer. They are relatively inexpensive and easy to use.
13-year-old Hannah says, “A lot of things are kind of gross on the Internet, so child blocks are always a good thing.”
What Parents Need To Know
In the past, pornography was mainly limited to artwork, magazines and the red-light districts. With the advent of the Internet and cable television, however, pornography has now made its way into our family rooms, home offices and kids’ bedrooms. It is easily – and often inadvertently — accessible by children and teenagers, and parents must work even harder to prevent their children from becoming addicted to it.
The best cure for addiction is prevention. Experts at the Jacob Wetterling Foundation developed the following tips to help parents prevent their children from becoming addicted to pornography:
- Place home computers in a central area of the house, not a child’s bedroom or secluded area. Make surfing the Internet a family experience.
- Talk with your children about what they can and cannot do online, while trying to understand their needs, interests and curiosity.
- Know your child’s password and screen names; they may have more than one.
- Set reasonable time limits on computer use, and ensure that your children adhere to the limitations.
- You should also realize that children may be accessing the Internet from outside the home, such as friend’s homes, work, libraries and school.
- Be open with your children and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem online.
- Explore filtering and blocking software, which is used to sort information on the Internet and classify it according to content. A major drawback is that some filtering may block innocent sites, while many “negative” sites still get past the filters. Though these programs can be great assets, parents still need to maintain open communication with their children to inform and protect them.
Many parents may suspect their children of being sexually addicted, but may not be sure of the warning signs. Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on pornography and its effects, encourages parents to be on the lookout for the following symptoms of sexual addiction:
- A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior
- Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences
- Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior
- Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
- Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy
- Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer satisfying
- Severe mood changes related to sexual activity
- Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual and/or recovering from sexual experiences
- Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
If you discover your child viewing pornography or you know it is a problem in his/her life, reassure him/her. Let your child know that while you don’t agree with the use of pornography, you still love them and expect them to do better. Rob Jackson, a professional counselor specializing in sexual addiction and codependency, suggests taking the following four-area approach to prevent the possibility of your child using pornography in the future:
- Behavioral – Behavioral approaches attempt to prevent a scenario from developing in the first place. The house and grounds, for example, should be purged of all pornography. Media should be carefully screened for “triggers” that serve as gateways to acting-out. If the problem occurred with the Internet, a filter can be one of your strategies, although it can never replace parental supervision and involvement. Other common sense approaches include moving the computer to the family room where others can easily view the screen, limiting the time on the computer and making sure no one is alone on the Internet, and developing a mission statement that directs the family’s use of the computer and the Internet.
- Cognitive – Pornography generates destructive myths about sexuality. Once your child is exposed, it will be critically important to initiate a comprehensive sex education program, if you have not already done so. The child will need to learn what and how to think about sexuality. More than mere behaviors, parents will want to communicate the core values of sexuality, the multifaceted risks of sex outside of marriage, and their ongoing compassion for what it must be like to grow up in this culture.
- Emotive – Sex is inherently emotional. Premarital sex has even been linked with codependency, where at least one person becomes compelled or addicted to be in relationship with another. The youth culture would lead you to believe that sex is not necessarily emotional for them – don’t believe it. Sexual relations of any type bond the bodies, minds and spirits of two individuals. At the conscious level, this attachment is largely emotional. Your children need to understand that emotional attachment is often involuntary, and especially when the relationship has been compromised sexually.
- Spiritual – At its core, sexual integrity comes down to a spiritual commitment. Share your beliefs with your children, and explain to them the reasons to avoid the trappings of pornography. A strong spiritual foundation can be the best prevention method against pornography.
Resources
- Online Safety Tips from the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center
- TeenHealthFX
- American Academy of Pediatrics
Tags: Connect with Kids, Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: June is Internet Safety Month – What is Your Teen’s Screen Time?
by Sue Scheff on Jun 22, 2010
I don’t think we can stop talking about this topic enough today. Summer time, although years ago – prior the technology of computers and cellphones with Internet service, used to mean playing outside, building forts in the woods (which we never hear anymore – now we have fear of abductions), or going to the beach or pool without a gadget. I have written a lot on Internet Safety, including my book, Google Bomb. Connect with Kids just posted a new article on kids and their screen time. Take the time to remind yourself of Internet Safety for you and your kids! After all – today summer time means more online time.
Source: Connect with Kids
Screen Time
“Instead of using that time to become an adult, by learning how to talk adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives. Those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained.”
– Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist
The American Academy of Pediatrics named the month of June “Internet Safety Month” – clearly a challenge for parents throughout the year. A survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation reports that kids spend up to seven and a half hours each day with electronic media.
If you add the time some kids spend in front of a TV, computers, cell phones and video games, it’s more hours than anything else in their lives except sleep! And that begs the question if they spend so much time plugged in, what are they missing out on?
Sabrina and her brother Ruben are fighting over the family computer. At the same time, their younger brother Daniel is playing videogames with a friend.
“It’s just fun killing other people and stealing their stuff,” says Daniel, 8.
And sister Alinna waits to watch her favorite program on the big TV.
“I dream about watching TV, and I watch Sponge Bob in my head,” says Alinna.
Four kids in one family who love anything with a screen.
“It’s just nowadays it seemed like they’re a lot lazier, and just want to sit on the tube and on the phone all the time,” says their father, Harry.
For all those hours spent online or watching TV, what are they not doing? Experts say they’re not reading, studying, exercising or even just talking with other people.
“Instead of using that time to become an adult, by learning how to talk adults, learning how to talk to women, learning how to talk to men, learning how to figure out what they want to do with their lives. Those are hours that are lost, that can never really be regained,” says Timothy Fong, M.D., addiction psychiatrist.
Yolanda has tried to limit her kids’ time in front of a screen.
“Well my mom gives me an hour, but I usually do like 3 hours. If they don’t notice,” says Sabrina, 16.
“Even though I get frustrated with it, I allow it to happen because that’s what makes her happy,” says Yolanda Delano, mother.
What Parents Need To Know
A new study reported in Pediatrics Magazine says that children whose parents set consistent rules about television use were less likely to exceed the recommended screen time limits – no more than one to two hours a day.
Chances are, if your children are like most, they spend too much time glued to the screen watching television, surfing the Internet and playing video games. So, how can you break this habit without wrecking havoc in the home? The answer, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, is to find fun, positive activities that children enjoy and to smartly manage their screen time.
Following are 10 tips for parents to help their children make a painless transition from couch potato to a physically and pro-socially active child:
- Remove television sets from children’s bedrooms.
- View television programs with children and discuss the content.
- Use the VCR to show or record high-quality, educational programming for children.
- Suggest several options for positive physical and pro-social activities that are available through local park districts, schools, and community programs.
- Recommend pro-social activities, such as volunteering at Humane Society of the United States (visit www.hsus.org).
- Encourage alternative activities for children, including hobbies, athletics, and creative play.
- Support efforts to establish comprehensive programs in schools that include quality, daily physical education; classroom education; daily recess periods; and extracurricular physical activity programs.
- Form coalitions including libraries, faith-based organizations, and neighborhood groups to help provide physical and social environments that encourage and enable safe and enjoyable physical activity, including new sidewalks, safe parks and keeping close-to-home physical activity facilities open at night.
- Ensure that appropriate activity options are available for disabled children.
- Serve as a good role model; be active when viewing television and surfing the Internet in the home.
Resources
- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- American Academy of Pediatrics
- Parents Can Successfully Set Limits on Children’s TV Watching
Tags: Connect with Kids, Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Summer Brings More Online Time – Be Prepared – Protect Your Kids From Sexual Predators
by Sue Scheff on Jun 06, 2010
One of my best friends, and favorite guest Bloggers – not to mention the #1 Parenting Expert, Michele Borba, recently posted an excellent article on cyber safety issues. As summer is here, kids will be online more often. Learning about what lingers out there is critical. Staying safe this summer, both off and online can be a challenge – but parents need to take all their resources and get a step ahead of these predators.
Here is Dr. Michele Borba’s Reality Check for the week!
New Ways Online Predators Lure Kids & Tips to Keep Kids Safe
“Sexual Predator”: it’s the universal parent nightmare. The term alone sends shock-waves through every bone in our body.We also know online predators do exist, are a very real threat, and use the anonymity of the Internet fully to their advantage.
Predators can be a he or a she, young or old, rich or poor, or any race or zip code, but they have one commonality: they are master manipulators when it comes to children.
Though I’ve written posts about predators before, there’s a special reason I writing this now: summer is approaching. And law enforcement warns us that these next months are when our children are potentially more vulnerable to predators.
Predators are using more subtle and savvier ways to “befriend” kids. They often pretend to be another teen or child to try and form a relationship. And that’s why this next new research finding is particularly troubling.
4 in 5 Kids Can’t Tell An Adult from Child Online
For the past several months students from various ages have been taking part in experiments designed to help researchers know how to create the right software to track pedophiles online. The 350 children and teens are from the Queen Elizabeth School, Kirby Lonsdale, Cumbria. The funded project is part of the Economic and Social Research Council/Engineering and Physical Science Research Council. Findings should be a wake-up call:
- Four out of five children can’t tell when they are talking to an adult posing as a child on the internet; four out of five kids thought they were chatting to a teen when in fact it was an adult
- Students as old as 17 struggled to tell the difference between an adult posing as a child or a real child “befriending” them online
- Overall only 18% of children taking part in the experiment guessed correctly
- The good news (there is some!): the computer software did “significantly better correctly working out whether web chat was written by a child or an adult in 47 out of 50 cases–even when the adult was pretending to be a child.”
Tips to Keep Kids Safer From Online Predators
While there’s no guarantee that we can always protect our kids, research is clear that the more educated we are about potential dangers the less likely our children will be victimized. You need to be educated about online safety — and then you need to teach your child those lessons. Just keep those tips age appropriate and remember that it is always better to bridge such a topic in short ongoing chats instead of one big marathon lecture. Here are a few points to weave into your lessons.
Tell your child to never give out personal data online. Detective T.J. Shaver of the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office in Kansas points out: “Predators often use multiple accounts to get information from children. In one account they get a name, on another, they will obtain school information and activities. On a third they will get the child to talk about their hobbies.”
Stress that your child should not post photos divulging identity and interests. One way predators try to build “trusting” with a child is by trying to establish that they “share” similar interests. So predators often search profiles and read emails and chat rooms to gather information about the child’s actual interests or passions and then convince the child that they have a lot in common: Tell your child not to post photos divulging such information. (Such as a kid wearing a hockey jersey. “Hey, I love to play hockey. Do you?” Or a picture of her with her favorite handbag. “I love Coach bags. What about you?”)
Let your child know you will be supervising that computer. Do NOT give free reign on that computer. Predators pick up on little cues that certain kids are not supervised – which means easier access for them. (For instance: the child is online for extended periods of time or online during hours when parents would be normally monitoring that computer).
Teach your child to be wary of ANY adult who wants to “keep a secret.” Predators want to keep their relationship with a child a secret from . their parent. A predator may also make a threat to the intended victim if “he tells.” Teach your child the True Friend Rule: “Would a real friend ever threaten you or your family with harm?”
Stress that the child NEVER meet anyone you meet online face to face.
Watch your child’s reactions in certain situations. Each situation is different but there are some warning signs to watch for. (Keep in mind that these may not indicate a predator relationship, but should be checked out.)
- Does your child receive strange phone calls, mail or gifts from people you do not know? (A predator may send “gifts” to befriend a child).
- Does your kid switch screen names quickly or cover up the screen when you walk by the computer?
- Has your child set up other accounts recently to receive e-mail or Instant Messaging?
- Does your child appear nervous when you go to the computer?
- Has your child withdrawn from normal activity and is spending more and more time on the computer (and trying to use it during off times when you’re not there or in the room)?
- Does your child get jumpy or upset when a phone call, voice mail or IM comes in?
- Is there porn on the computer? (Yes, your child may have put that up himself but predators often send pornographic pictures via the IM session or e-mail or in plain envelope via the mail. A predator can also use that pornography that as a scare tactic: “If you cut off the relationship, I’ll tell your parent that you have viewed pornographic pictures).
Stress to your child: “You can tell me anything. I’m here for you. We can work things through. I love you.” Say it over and over and over. And over and over and over.
Stay educated about the Internet. Know your computer. Know your child.
Resources on Internet Safety That May Be Helpful
Teaching Kids Four “S.A.F.E.” Rules to Reduce Cyberbulling
What Research Says Keeps Kids Safer Online: Five Parenting MUSTS!
Sexual Offenders Use the Internet to Fast Track Abuse of Children
University of Missouri-Columbia: “Communication Tactics Used By Sexual Predators T Entrap Children Explained.” ScienceDaily. June 21, 2008, Retrieved June 1, 2010
Software Developers Tackle Child Grooming on the Net
For more valuable and priceless parenting information, order The Big Book of Parenting Solutions today! A must have for all parents and a perfect baby gift!
Also reading my Examiner Parenting 101 Series featuring an inside peek at this fantastic book! Click here.
My interview with Michele Borba. Click here.
Tags: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Michele Borba, Online Predators, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Reality Check, Sexual Predators, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Social Networking 101 – Crash Course for Parents, Teens and Kids
by Sue Scheff on Jun 01, 2010
As the World Wide Web grows at an ever expanding pace, it is up to us to keep up with the changes as well as keep our lives safe virtually. Being virtually safe can literally lead to being physically safe. Chat rooms are dangerous places for adult, not to mention children. Meeting people online can be fun, but it can also be misleading.
Keep in mind when online the following tips, consider it Social Networking 101 crash course.
- Use privacy settings. This is a no-brainer. Keep the strangers out of your profiles and photos. Don’t make yourself an easy target for predators and for bullying. Check your privacy settings weekly to be sure they haven’t changed.
- Think before you post. In the same respect, think before you hit send. Imagine a teacher, a parent, a family member, college admissions, potential employer seeing this post and consider whether it is appropriate or not.
- Trust your gut. If someone is bothering you, block them. If you have suspicions, feel threatened, unsafe or uncomfortable, notify the site owner and tell an adult you trust. You can also contact www.cybertipline.com for more help.
- Check it out. See what others are posting online about you. Google yourself. Even though you are careful, others may not be. Hurt can come from friends as well as from strangers.
- Be savvy. People you meet online might not be whom they say. Meeting an online ‘friend’ in person only makes sense if you’ve told a trusted adult, it’s in a public place, and you’ve got friends with you.
- Don’t get duped. Ads and messages making offers that are too good to be true? Spam. Requests for personal account information? Phishing scams. Mark bogus friend requests as spam. Don’t get sucked in.
- Be part of the solution. Don’t use your space to trash talk others. Close out any account and services you no longer use. Promote a culture of self-monitoring so others won’t be so tempted to step in and restrict teen access. You have the power to improve your online community!
Need more resources to help you further? Visit Social Networking Safety Group and CyberSafeFamily Group on Facebook.
Order Google Bomb book for more valuable information about maintaining your virtual reputation.
In Broward County there is an Internet Safety website to give you more tips and resources to keep you and your family safe in cyberspace.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting, Parenting Books, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Social Networking Sites, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Sex, Tech and Teens
by Sue Scheff on May 07, 2010
S-E-X, this is one of the most difficult and sensitive subjects parents dread to talk to their kids about, but it is also just as critical. Now let’s compound it with technology and teens and we can create sexting!
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmo Girl have recently released the results of a new survey. Results from this new survey show that 21% of teen girls and 18% of teen boys have sent/ posted nude or semi-nude images of themselves. What is going on with teens, tech, and sex?
Tips for parents from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy include:
1. Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace. Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. Read more.
2. Know who your kids are communicating with. Of course it’s a given that you want to know who your children are spending time with when they leave the house. Read more.
3. Consider limitations on electronic communication.The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Read more.
4. Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly. Check out your teen’s MySpace, Facebook and other public online profiles from time to time. This isn’t snooping-this is information your kids are making public. Read more.
5. Set expectations. Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider appropriate “electronic” behavior. Read more.
More articles of interest:
Should you read your teen’s diary?
Should you read your teen’s emails and text messages?
Is honestly the best policy?
Not my kid
Nastygrams: Think before you send
In Florida, SafeFlorida.net was created to help prevent cyber crimes, educate parents, assist teens and more in the growing digital cyberspace.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
Tags: Cell Phone Safety, Cyber Safety, Cyber Slander, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sexting, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues, Texting
Sue Scheff: The Consequences of Sexting
by Sue Scheff on Feb 27, 2010
Sexting is a word that years ago we would have not heard about. Today teens and tweens are not only familiar with this word, many have suffered the consequences from it.
A Thin Line debuted on MTV this month that educates and informs parents, teachers, kids and everyone about the dangers of the digital world.
What is Sexting?
Sending or forwarding nude, sexually suggestive, or explicit pics on your cell or online. For some people, it’s no big deal. But real problems can emerge when the parties involved are under 18, when people get pressured into sexting, and when sexts go viral. – A Thin Line
What are the consequences of sending or receiving one? There are many, however the most common are the feelings of humiliation, embarrassment and much worse. The person that is in the photo can potentially suffer from extreme depression and even feelings of suicide.
For the person sending them to go viral, there could be potential criminal charges. You could get arrested. Taking, sending, and possessing naked images of a minor is a federal crime. Sex offenders’ registry? Not the honor roll you were hoping for.
Parents need to take the time to sit down and talk to their kids about sexting and how it can potentially ruin lives for a long time. Review their phones or computers if you suspect that your child is participating in this activity. Remember, there comes a time when safety trumps privacy and this could be one of those times.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
Watch A Thin Line on Sexting in America. Watch the four-part series with your children.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cell Phone Safety, Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sexting, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues, Texting
Sue Scheff: Chatroulette – A New Concern for Parents
by Sue Scheff on Feb 24, 2010
A 17 year-old boy in Moscow created a new chatroom website: Chatroulette.
“I created this project for fun,” Andrey Ternovskiy wrote in an e-mail to the paper. “Everyone finds his own way of using the site. Some think it is a game, others think it is a whole unknown world, others think it is a dating service.” - New York Times
What does this mean for parents? Another website to monitor and talk to your kids about. If you haven’t heard of Chatroulette, you may think that talking about it will only create curiosity with your kids. It may, however knowing about it can help you to be educated about it and talk to your teens intelligently about Chatroulette.
Chatroulette gives a person an opportunity to communicate, converse with people they would otherwise never know. It is talking to strangers. Anonymity encourages all types of people with a variety of colorful stories (whether true or not). This site is not blocked for minors, so it is up to the parents to be sure they have their parental controls and filters in place.
However remember, no matter how many fire walls you install, blocks to websites, etc…. unless your child understands the dangers, they will always find a way to get to where they want to surf. It is as easy as going to a friend’s computer, your local library or even an Internet café with their allowance.
Education is key. As a parent you should learn about this latest trend and talk to your kids about it.
While Promise of New Web Site Is to Connect Strangers, the Practice Can Be Something Creepier - Good Morning America
Watcher video and read more on Examiner.
Tags: Chatrooms, Chatroulette, Cyber Safety, Internet Safety, Online Safety, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Chat rooms, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Think before you click send – Have you ever recevied a “Nasty-Gram?”
by Sue Scheff on Feb 20, 2010
It is more likely than not that you have typed an email filled with anger and hit send before thinking about the consequences. It is even likely you have received an email that hurt your feelings and was simply ugly.
Emails fly through the day and through the night. Once you hit send, it could be the end of a friendship, job, relationship, or even marriage. Have you reviewed your email and thought about who will be seeing it? Who will be reading it? Or if it ends up as an exhibit in a court of law, will it come back to haunt you?
We can learn to maintain our stress level through breathing exercises or even counting to a hundred. It would benefit you if you are angry, upset, or have to deliver not so good news, to think twice before hitting send. Put that email in your drafts, think on it for twenty-four hours.
Like with bullying, these emails can have lasting emotional affects on the person receiving it. Is that your intent? If so, you truly need to step back from the keypad or mouse and re-evaluate this situation.
Teens and kids don’t always think before they hit send. Take the time to teach your children about the liabilities of sending “nasty-grams“. What you post or send today, may come back to haunt you tomorrow.
Think twice before you launch that email!
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Cyberbullying, Internet Safety, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Happy Valentine’s Day – Use Caution with Your Social Media V-Day Gifts
by Sue Scheff on Feb 14, 2010
Reputation Defender, the leader in protecting your online profile and helping you maintain your honest image, has some great advice on sending and receiving social media Valentine’s gifts.
Source: Reputation Defender Blog
This Valentine’s Day, keeping things “personal” between you and your significant other may mean not using social media or other online tools to express your genuine feelings. In other words, NOT sending Facebook flowers/hugs/lingerie/other assorted virtual gifts to someone you truly care about; NOT using E-Cards as a replacement for the real thing; and NOT uploading a video of yourself lip syncing (or worse actually singing) Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” in your underwear to YouTube to share with your partner and the rest of the online community. More often than not, the real thing is much more effective.
With those thoughts in mind, we here at ReputationDefender have compiled some Valentine’s Day social media tips designed to keep the day special for just you and whoever you choose to share it with:
- Keep your Tweets and Facebook status updates PG-13 rated
Nobody wants to read about your Valentine’s night plans, no matter how subtle you are. So instead of tweeting “At the grocery store buying strawberries and chocolate sauce, hint, hint” or updating with “Can’t wait for my night with (add name here),” just keep it to yourself. Your Facebook friends will thank you for keeping mushy, gushy stuff off their update streams and your partner won’t hate you for announcing plans for “Horizontal mambo time.”
- Don’t text or e-mail that “special” Valentine’s Day picture to your partner.
You can never be too sure where it’s going to end up. It’s well know that data doesn’t just disappear into a World Wide Web black-hole, never to appear again. It goes somewhere. So unless you want that sexy, pouty lipped image of you dressed in leopard lingerie to pop up on Hot or Not or God knows where else, save the outfits (or lack of outfits) for personal time.
- Avoid the myriad “Who’s your perfect match?”, “What type of lover are you?”, and “Are you meant to be together?” quizzes on Facebook and other websites.
While knowing whether or not you’re compatible with Jessica Alba is helpful information, basing a relationship off of or even bothering to take an online quiz is about as constructive as proposing via Twitter. Besides being time wasters, quizzes can be detrimental to a relationship depending on how much thought you give them (“What do you mean I’m not your perfect match!?!”) and often are managed by third-party developers (who are known to have security issues).
- Being genuine often means going the extra mile.
Nobody wants to read “I love you” in a tweet, Facebook message, or e-mail, particularly on Valentine’s Day. A Valentine’s Day E-Card is just as impersonal with the added annoyance that it’s carrying possible malware. Your best bet is sticking to tradition, i.e. cards, candies, flowers, etc. Besides preventing images or text from being seen by the wrong people, the traditional approach to Valentine’s Day says you care enough to at least stop at the drug store or supermarket on your way over.
Photo: XKCD
Tags: Cyber Safety, Holidays, Internet Safety, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Reputation Defender, Social Media, Sue Scheff, Valentine's Day
Sue Scheff: Have You Reviewed Your Teen’s Social Networking Site? Teen Expelled for FB Posting
by Sue Scheff on Jan 31, 2010
Just months away from graduation, 17 year-old Tennessee student, Taylor Cummings, was recently expelled from his high school. Why?
After weeks of butting heads with his coaches, Taylor, 17, logged on to the popular social networking site from home Jan. 3. He typed his frustrations for the online world to see: “I’ma kill em all. I’ma bust this (expletive) up from the inside like nobody’s ever done before.” - USA Today
A few nasty keystrokes and a click of the mouse and your life can be turned upside down! Whether you are a student, business owner, parent, or anyone that uses social networking, remember, what goes online – stays online.
Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet, is an example of an adult being held accountable. Free speech does not condone defamation.
In many schools now there is a zero tolerance for these types of threats. We have had many sad endings with cyber threats, cyber suicides, cyberbullying, cyber stalking and other various ways that kids are hurting each other via keystrokes.
Taylor Cummings had a public profile on Facebook without any restrictions on who could see it. This in itself should be a wake-up call to many. Take the time to secure your privacy settings. Think twice before allowing your profile to be public.
Parents should take the time to review their children’s social networking sites. Especially those that have teens that will be applying to colleges. More and more colleges are using search engines to research their applicants. What is Google saying about you?
This is not about invading your child’s privacy, it is about protecting their future.
Take the time to maintain your online image and learn to stop, think and consider what you are about to post or send. Will it be considered threatening? Will it be considered defamatory? Is it targeted to hurt someone? Take the time to educate your children and teens about “what they post today, may haunt them tomorrow…”
Be an educated parent – you will have safer teens.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Cyber Safety, Facebook, Internet Safety, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Networking, Sue Scheff, Teen Postings
