Sue Scheff: New Study Shows Boys Struggle in School – Could it be their attention span?
by Sue Scheff on Mar 19, 2010
Source: Connect with Kids
Boys Hate School
“Some of my teachers, they just get up there, they lecture, they write notes on the board for an hour and a half and that’ll be the class period and you can’t keep your attention very long.”
– Kevin, 16 years old
If education is the key to a child’s future, our boys may be in trouble. A new study from the University of Alaska shows that boys can’t read or write as well as girls and are far more likely to hate school and then drop out. Many experts wonder if the problem isn’t what boys hear all day long at school: to sit still, be quiet, and listen.
When 16 year old Will studies… it’s often at the last second. And his friend Kevin, 16, says his report card has more C’s and B’s than A’s.
Kevin admits, “I try and get through with the least amount possible. I honestly don’t want to work very hard. I just want to get through school, go to college, finish that off, get a job.”
In fact, new research shows that twice as many 12th grade girls are “proficient” at writing compared to boys and 41 percent of girls are “proficient” readers, compared to only 29% of boys.
Educational Psychologist Donna Wood McCarty, Ph.D., says, “To tell you the truth, I am deeply concerned about our boys in this country.”
Could the problem be the way classes are taught?
Experts suggest that many boys simply can’t sit for an hour or more while listening to a lecture… at least not as well as girls.
Will agrees. “Well, my last two periods are always the long lecturing teachers kinds of periods so I usually fall asleep.”
Dr. McCarty says, “I think that teachers should really attend to the fact that boys probably learn better in more actively learning situations and where they’re able to move around… do something… or where there’s some sort of visual-spatial component.”
Research is on-going about the different learning styles of boys and girls; in the meantime, experts say, parents can appeal to their school to appreciate the value of an active and energetic boy. “We’ve got to find ways in the school systems to help celebrate what boys bring to a classroom, and the energy and excitement they bring and the challenges they bring and help teachers learn to embrace that,” Dr. McCarty says.
She also she says – appeal to your son’s competitive spirit. Explain that right now school is the most important challenge in their life. “‘You as my son are going to have to recognize that your future depends on you being able to cope with this environment and deal with it as best you can.’ And I think if you throw down that gauntlet to your boy that might be an approach that might be meaningful.”
Related Information
What can parents do to help their sons perform better academically? Experts at the University of Illinois Extension say parents can do a great deal at home to enhance learning. First, it is important for parents to understand their son’s learning style – the way he processes information. Most children show a preference for one of the following three basic learning styles:
- Visual learners absorb information by watching. They call up images from the past when trying to remember. They picture the way items look in their heads. Forty percent of students fall into this category.
- Auditory learners tend to spell phonetically. They can sometimes have trouble reading because they don’t visualize well. These students learn by listening and remember facts when they are presented in the form of a poem, song or melody.
- Kinesthetic learners are taught best through movement and manipulation. They like to find out how items work and are often successful in the practical arts, such as carpentry or design. These students make up 50 percent of secondary students and have difficulty learning in a traditional setting.
How can you determine your child’s learning style? Here’s a simple way that might help. Ask him what comes to mind when he hears the word “dog.” Some people see a picture of the animal, others hear a bark and others feel the soft fur of the animal. Those who see a picture of a dog in their mind’s eye or see the letters are probably visual. Those who hear the bark are probably auditory learners. Those who feel the soft fur of a dog are probably kinesthetic. If your son is not performing well in school, you may want to explore the way information is being presented in class and approach the subject with your child at home using a different learning style. It is also a good idea to discuss this with your child’s teacher.
Tips for Parents
Helping students who are having trouble in school is something parents and teachers can do by working together. Experts say that when your son is experiencing academic difficulties, parents and teachers can assist by trying one or more of the following approaches:
- Make time to listen to your child’s fears or concerns and try to understand him.
- Set appropriate boundaries for behavior that are consistently enforced.
- Emphasize the importance of study skills and hard work, and follow through at home and in school.
- Arrange tutoring or study group support for your son at school or through community organizations, such as the YMCA.
- Provide a supportive home and school environment in which education is clearly valued.
- Become more involved in school activities by attending sporting events, concerts, science fairs, plays, etc., to show support for the school.
- Meet as a team with the student and a school counselor to share expectations for your son’s future and to figure out how to support his learning environment.
- As your son gets older, help him think about career options by arranging for visits to local companies and colleges.
References
- Family Education Network
- ERIC Clearinghouse
- University of Illinois Extension
Tags: Connect with Kids, Education, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Study Skills, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: High School and College Students Learning the Value of Debates
by Sue Scheff on Mar 01, 2010
During the election year we hear about the presidential debates and encourage our teens to get involved and learn. However have you ever thought of the value of a good debate and what it can teach your children? Today more high and college students are learning to give their opinions and beliefs through sound and educational debates.
Source: Connect with Kids
The Value of Debate
“It provides a way for students to learn outside of the traditional classroom. They have control over their learning, and that inspires students and motivates them.”
– Bill Newnam, debate coach
After declining in popularity, high school and college debate teams are now making a comeback. Today, there is a new pool of young students who are learning to battle against each other using words and their wits and gaining important life skills along the way.
On the court and on the field, kids love to compete. And now on the intellectual front, a familiar type of competition – a contest of reasoning and persuasion that some kids misunderstand – is gaining popularity again.
“Before I got into debate, I thought it was for geeks,” 15-year old Hannah says.
Willie, 14, echoes those sentiments. “I thought you had to be a nerd or you were geeky or you weren’t cool [to debate].”
As it turns out, many students say it is cool to match wits and win an argument against other students. And while these students are having fun, they are also learning.
“Debate teaches us three things that we can use in almost any field we go into,” says Bill Newnam, associate director of debate for Emory University. “It teaches us incredible critical thinking skills, very good research skills and strong organizational and presentational skills.”
In fact, some studies show that teenagers who participate in organized debate for at least one year are able to significantly improve their critical thinking skills. And kids say that debating is training for the mind.
“It’s helped with my school work and my articulation skills,” Willie says. “I speak out more. I comprehend better.”
“In class, I used to not talk. I used to sit back in the corner, but now it’s like I know what I’m talking about so I talk more,” Hannah says.
Participating on a debate team also helps boost kids’ confidence and teaches them how to use words and ideas to resolve a conflict.
“Words are strong enough themselves. So if you speak what you think is right, people will accept or reject it,” Willie says.
In the past, competitive debate was mostly associated with students who attended private schools and came from affluent backgrounds. But the argumentative practice is now gaining popularity with students all across the United States, even those who attend inner-city schools. In fact, the Urban Debate League (UDL) says approximately 3,000 students take part in its nationwide program.
So why are more students choosing to exercise their minds by joining high school debate teams? According to a study conducted by Gary Alan Fine, author of Gifted Tongues: High School Debate and Adolescent Culture, the reasons for teens’ involvement in debate fall into three categories:
- Strategic Involvement – Many students associate debate with the worlds of politics and law, and some who desire to follow these career paths say joining a debate team is a “logical choice.” Others join in an attempt to “beef up” their transcripts before applying to college.
- Fun Experience – The number of students who join because “I always liked to argue” is considerable. These students find competitive debate both challenging and conducive to camaraderie.
- Network Recruitment – Many students join a debate team because their friends are members. Others say that their parents, siblings or teachers whom they admire often influence their decision to try competitive debating.
Tips for Parents
The UDL says that because students involved in debate regularly engage in writing, information analysis, and in-depth library and Internet research, they often receive higher grades than non-debaters in high school and are more likely to continue on to post-secondary education. A recent study published in the journal Communication Education lends further evidence to debate’s educational benefits. The study’s findings showed students who participated in organized debate for at least one year improved their critical thinking skills by 44 percent. If you want to encourage your teen to join a debate team, the Puget Sound Speech and Debate Association suggests informing him or her of these potential benefits of participation. Debating …
- Offers preparation for leadership.
- Provides for investigation and intensive analysis of significant contemporary problems.
- Develops proficiency in critical thinking.
- Emphasizes quality instruction.
- Encourages student scholarship.
- Develops the ability to make prompt, analytical responses.
- Develops critical listening skills.
- Develops proficiency in writing.
- Encourages mature judgment.
- Develops courage.
- Encourages effective speech composition and delivery.
- Develops social maturity.
- Develops multicultural sensitivities.
- Develops computer competencies.
Although the popularity of debate is rising, many schools do not have a debate program in place. The National PTA encourages parents to approach their children’s school administrators with concerns about student programs or the lack thereof. If your child’s school cannot provide a forum for debate, you can find information for student involvement in national or state high school debate programs by contacting the UDL or the National Forensic League.
References
- Urban Debate League
- Gifted Tongues: High School Debate and Adolescent Culture
- Communication Education
- Puget Sound Speech and Debate Association
- National PTA
- National Forensic League
Tags: Connect with Kids, Debates, Educational Debates, High School Reading Books, High School Students, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Freshman Concerns for Parents and Teens
by Sue Scheff on Feb 23, 2010
Is your teen starting his/her freshman year at college this fall? It can be stressful and cause some teens to be anxious about how they will fit in. What is more of a concern for parents is your teen not reaching out and experimenting in areas they know are not healthy or good for them.
Recent studies show that every year more than 1,400 college students die because of alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, dangerous pranks and other risky behaviors- all involving alcohol. And, almost half of those killed are freshman.
Source: Connect with Kids
Freshman Dangers
“There are things that are acceptable in college that aren’t acceptable anywhere else. If we had a 35-year-old man at a Christmas party funneling beers, we’d be appalled. But you go to a fraternity house and you’ve got kids funneling beer, and that’s sort of the norm.”
– Heather Hayes, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor
Recent studies show that every year more than 1,400 college students die because of alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, dangerous pranks and other risky behaviors- all involving alcohol. And, almost half of those killed are freshman.
For some students, that first year in college is one long party.
“Sex, skipping class, not taking their education seriously,” observes 20-year-old Scott about freshman life.
“Club-hopping, bar-hopping,” adds 21-year-old Nicholas.
“Certain people that I know definitely have a lot of casual sex,” says 22-year-old Nikki, “like, two- three times a week with different people.”
Experts say some freshmen can’t handle their newfound freedom. They skip class, get into credit card debt, and binge drink.
“There are things that are acceptable in college that aren’t acceptable anywhere else,” says Heather Hayes, a licensed professional counselor. “If we had a 35-year-old man at a Christmas party funneling beers, we’d be appalled. But you go to a fraternity house and you’ve got kids funneling beer, and that’s sort of the norm.”
So how can parents prepare high school students to handle the freedom of college?
“One thing that you can do is, in their [high school] senior year or in the summer before they go off to school, give them a nice transition period,” says Dr. Ken Carter, an assistant professor of psychology at Emory University’s Oxford College. “If you’ve had some rules in the house, in terms of curfew, to sort of back-up on those a little bit.”
Dr. Carter says most schools offer courses to teach freshman how to be safe. “There is evidence that students who take those freshman seminar courses end up more well-adjusted, stay in school longer, and sometimes even have better grades.”
Finally, he says, there are no magic words, no single talk you can have, with your kids, before they leave for college.
“It’s all those years that you have been there, and helped them and instilled them with values- that’s what is going to be important,” says Dr. Carter. So rather than telling them what not to do, it’s probably better to remind them of what your hopes are for their behaviors.”
Alcohol is the most commonly used drug among teens. Seventy-one percent of eighth graders and 95 percent of high school seniors say that it would be easy to get alcohol if they wanted some. Although many youngsters try alcohol (52 percent of eighth-graders and 80 percent of high school seniors), most don’t drink regularly and disapprove of heavy drinking.
Research shows that adolescents may be more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Alcohol impairs brain activity in the receptors responsible for memory and learning, and young people who binge drink could be facing serious brain damage today and increased memory loss in years to come. If one begins drinking at an early age, he/she is more likely to face alcohol addiction. Consider the following …
- Imaging studies have revealed a connection between heavy drinking and physical brain damage.
- Neither chronic liver disease nor alcohol-induced dementia, the most common symptoms of severe alcoholism, need be present for alcohol-induced, physical brain damage to occur.
- Alcohol-induced brain damage usually includes extensive shrinkage in the cortex of the frontal lobe, which is the site of higher intellectual functions.
- Shrinkage has also been observed in deeper brain regions, including the cerebellum, which helps regulate coordination and balance, and brain structures associated with memory.
- Alcohol abstinence has shown positive results. Even three to four weeks without alcohol can reverse effects on memory loss and problem-solving skills.
Tips for Parents
Adolescents have a better chance of recovery because they have greater powers of recuperation. If you suspect your child has alcohol-related brain damage, it is imperative to have him or her assessed by a medical doctor or psychologist. Treatment depends on the individual and the type of brain damage sustained. People with impaired brain function can be helped. Often it is necessary to reduce the demands placed on the patient. Also, a predictable routine covering all daily activities can help. Consider the following points when easing your child’s routine …
- Simplify information. Present one idea at a time.
- Tackle one problem at a time.
- Allow your child to progress at his or her own pace.
- Minimize distractions.
- Avoid stressful situations.
- Structure a schedule with frequent breaks and rest periods.
- Consider joining an alcoholism support group.
References
- Alcoholism Home Page
- Better Health Channel
- National Youth Violence Prevention Center
- Psychological Assessment Research and Treatment Services
Tags: College Students, Connect with Kids, Freshmans, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Struggling Teens, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: After-school Parenting
by Sue Scheff on Feb 21, 2010
Although years ago having at least one parent at home when kids came home from school was common, today it is far from common. With both parents usually working to make financial ends meet, or many more single parents, it has become almost impossible for some families to have a parent at home when their teen comes home from school. As a teen, it is assumed that parental supervision isn’t necessary, but this is not about babysitting, as much as it is about being a parent.
Recently Connect with Kids posted a very timely and informational article on “Split Shift Parenting.” Take the time to learn more.
Source: Connect with Kids
Split Shift Parenting
“Maybe shoplift or go get high with their friends – there [are] a lot of different things [teens] could be doing after school.”
– Dwan, 18 years old
The after school hours are prime-time for kids of all ages to get into trouble if there is no parent around. But some families are experimenting with “split-shift” parenting that makes sure there is always one parent with the kids every day after school.
As a teenager, Dwan spent most of her time after school without her parents’ supervision. Spending time alone, she found that trouble was her best after-school companion.
“I was smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol,” says Dwan, 18. “Those were my big problems.”
The After School Alliance finds that over 15 million kids have no supervision after school. And studies show that the highest levels of juvenile crime occur in the afternoon and early evening when there are no adults around.
“Maybe shoplift or go get high with their friends – there [are] a lot of different things they could be doing after school instead of going straight home.”
But a new trend in parenting may help. It’s called split-shift parenting: Both parents work, but it’s a tag-team schedule.
“So it’s different days … I’ll work Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and he’ll work Tuesday and Thursday,” says Kelly Barrows, a mother of two.
Kelly and Kevin Barrows made the switch to spend more time with younger children. Their 7-year-old daughter Christina appreciates the new schedule.
“I think [it's] important because you get to spend time with your family,” Christina says.
Her father agrees: “We get to teach them as we want them to be taught. They can learn what we want them to learn without too many outside influences.”
And the new research suggests split-shift parenting is a good alternative for parents rearing older children as well. It sends an important message to children young and old, experts say.
“[It says] that ‘I’m important,’” says psychologist Dr. Allen Carter. “Here are the two most important people in the world to me, and they are saying, ‘I’m important.’”
Statistics show that “split-shift parenting” is on the rise as America moves toward a 24-hour-a-day, 7-day-a-week economy. This recent trend affects American families in many ways, according to sociologist Harriet Presser. He says split-shift parenting schedules may have a positive effect, with one result being fathers who are more involved with their children. But there are long-term costs to marriages that may offset this benefit. Research shows that when men work nights and are married less than five years, the chance of separation or divorce five years later is six times that of men who work days. For women who work nights and who are married more than five years, the chance of separation or divorce is three times as high.
However, the Employee Worklife Center of the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) says split-shift parenting’s rewards can outweigh the stresses if parents follow certain guidelines:
■Make sure it’s your choice. The most important factor in split-shift parenting is that both partners want to do it.
■Keep talking. Be vigilant about sharing responsibilities and keeping the lines of communication open.
■Embrace your different lifestyle. Create your own family holidays and celebrations at dates and times convenient for you.
■Be organized. Keep a large family calendar with everything written on it.
■Get help if you need it, and make sure to sleep. Remember to ask for assistance from your spouse, or from a network of friends and family.
■Re-evaluate regularly. Remember, your child’s needs will change over time, and what works today may not work in the future.
Tips for Parents
The Employee Worklife Center at NOAA offers six “strategies” that parents can use in order to balance work and family:
■Prioritize: Prioritizing allows you to take control of your life by deciding what is most important and what can be left undone.
■Organize: Being organized helps to save time and energy. Make to-do lists for both work and home.
■Communicate effectively: The busier we are, the harder it is to take the time to really connect with people. Establish eye contact, be honest, listen and ask questions.
■Set limits: Learning to say “no” is not an easy skill to acquire, but is important for your own well-being. If you are saying “yes” to everyone, you are saying “no” to yourself.
■Delegate: Involve your family as a team. Give clear instructions with a deadline. Be willing to let go of the way you do things and accept the way others do them.
■Establish support systems: Support systems will help you cope when the unexpected happens.
References
■Employee Worklife Center at NOAA
■University of Maryland
Tags: After-school, Connect with Kids, Parenting, Parenting Resources, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Racism and your teens
by Sue Scheff on Feb 16, 2010
Today we live in a melting pot. Our children are exposed to many diversities of life through a wide variety of cultures and languages. Generations earlier the divide seemed to be clearer. There were the “white” neighborhoods and the “black” neighborhoods.
Unfortunately there is still some racism that exists with some people. Whether it is your grandparents or parents, adults from prior generations have a harder time accepting all walks of life. Children today are more likely not to see color, race, religion.
Connect with Kids recently published an article, Pre-Empting Racism which shared how teens today are learning more from other students with different backgrounds starting in their earlier years.
Tips for Parents
At what age do children begin to notice and understand race? Psychologist Stephen Quintana, Ph.D., has developed and evaluated a model of children’s understanding of ethnicity, race, gender, social status, nationality and social class. Quintana’s research, through interviews conducted with hundreds of children of various ethnic backgrounds, led to a model described in Monitor on Psychology, a journal of the American Psychological Association. The model divides children’s developmental understanding of race and ethnicity into four levels:
- Physical: Ages 3 to 6. Children in this age group view race purely in physical terms and may think racial characteristics can be changed by surgery, that skin color could be the result of staying in the sun too long.
- Literal: Ages 6 to 10. Children understand that ethnic background is a function of ancestry that influences not only how people look, but also the food they eat, the language they speak, and the activities they enjoy. It is a very literal understanding of ethnicity.
- Social: Ages 10 to 14. Children realize that ethnicity can be linked to social class. Often, among children in this age group, interracial and inter-ethnic friendships that began in elementary school come to an end, as social groups become more racially segregated.
- Group: Adolescence. Many teenagers express pride in their heritage and a sense of belonging to a group. Their view of ethnicity and race matures.
Source: Connect with Kids
Be an example for your children, we can learn from all walks of life.
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Connect with Kids, Parenting, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Racism, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Money and Your Teens
by Sue Scheff on Feb 04, 2010
A few weeks ago I wrote about teens and how many think that the money parents give them is growing on trees. Well, not really, but I am sure many can relate. In Financial Literacy and your teens, I offered some tips and insights. This week Connect with Kids offers some more great parenting tips!
Source: Connect with Kids
Teen Finances
“I think that it’s easy for kids nowadays to get a hold of money and not appreciate it; not understand the value of it.”
– Cassandra Morehead, mother
It’s a dilemma faced by many parents: your child earns money from babysitting, a part-time job or even allowance. Do you let them spend it any way they’d like? Or do you control the money?
What’s the best way to teach financial literacy and responsibility?
In the Morehead home, balancing the checkbook and reviewing credit card statements is a family event. Both of the accounts belong to 17-year-old Janson.
“I definitely felt like he was old enough and mature enough and since he’s a junior, I thought that it was time he started learning how to handle money,” says Janson’s mother, Cassandra Morehead.
If he had his way, Janson admits he would spend like crazy – but his parents set limits. With his checking account, he can buy clothes, books or go to the movies or out to eat with friends.
And when it comes to the credit card, Janson says, “It’s all actually approved by my mom so when the statement comes she knows that it’s all stuff she’s okay with.”
Experts say it’s important for teens to have some control over their money.
“[Otherwise] they’re gonna become frustrated,” explains psychiatrist John Lochridge. “They’re gonna probably want things even more and as soon as they can buy something they will. They lose that impulse control.”
Experts say those impulses can lead to debt. Surveys show that over 80 percent of college students have credit cards with an average balance just over $3,000. Therefore, it’s important for parents to talk to their kids early and often about money.
“I think that it’s easy for kids nowadays to get a hold of money and not appreciate it; not understand the value of it and what it means to have a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain,” says Morehead.
She and her husband began teaching Janson and his younger brother about finances at an early age. Janson says working with his parents to manage his money is building skills that will last a lifetime.
“It gives me assurance that when I’m out there on my own, I’ll be able to keep track of everything,” he says, “[and] watch out and spend wisely.”
Tips for Parents
Talking with your children about finance and debt is extremely important for their fiscal futures. One study revealed that only 42 percent of eighth to twelfth graders said their parents discussed finances with them on a regular basis. Seventy-nine percent of them, however, said they are interested in how to manage their money. Experts give three main reasons why parents don’t talk to their children about money.
- Parents don’t know how to manage money very well themselves, so they can’t get a handle on what to tell their kids. If parents are living paycheck-to-paycheck, building debt on charge cards and home equity loans and not saving for the long term, it’s hard to know what to tell children.
- Parents aren’t practicing what they ought to be preaching. If parents are not using self-discipline by setting a good example for their kids, how can they hold their kids to a higher standard than they hold themselves? Modeling behavior takes a serious commitment.
- Their parents didn’t talk to them about money, so now they don’t know how to talk to their own kids about money. Also, perhaps because today’s parents didn’t learn money management, they still don’t know how it all fits together. They may be 45 to 50 years old and still making it up as they go along.
Remember that there are many opportunities to talk with your child about money management. When you do, remember these basic concepts:
- Making choices – Have them make a list of things they want to do with their money.
- Evaluating cost – Encourage them to decide what’s affordable or reasonable.
- Weighing tradeoffs in a purchase decision – Encourage them to think critically and look at the long-term ramifications of buying one thing or another.
- Delaying purchases – Instill the value of saving money and not spending it as soon as it’s received.
- Dealing with opportunity cost — Tell your child that whenever he/she buys one thing, he/she has eliminated the possibility of buying something else
- Work with your child to rank the items on the wish list. Discuss with your child what to buy first, second, third, etc. Help your child go over the list every few weeks to see if new things should be added, old ones dropped or items moved up or down on the list.
References
- The Mint
- Discovery Channel School
- AOK Teacher Stuff
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Connect with Kids, Financial Literacy, Parenting, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Finances, Teen Help, Teens and Money, Troubled Teens
Sue Scheff: Getting Teacher Recommendations for Your Teen’s College Applications
by Sue Scheff on Feb 01, 2010
As your High School Juniors and Seniors prepare to apply to colleges, getting teacher recommendations is usually part of the process. Today colleges have become competitive and more selective on their applicants. Many college recruiters are using search engines to research their applicant, however the old-fashion teacher recommendations are also an asset. Here is a great article to help parents and teens to better understand this process.
Source: Connect with Kids
Teacher Recommendations
“I only see a few (recommendation letters) that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive. That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”
– David Graves, Associate Director of Admissions, University of Georgia
Across the country, high school seniors are in the midst of applying to college. One important factor is a recommendation from a teacher – a task that is not always without risk.
“I only see a few that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive,” says David Graves, associate director of admissions at the University of Georgia. “That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”
He says “a lot of potential” is one of those phrases that shows a teacher has reservations.
“They might say something like, ‘They turn in all their information on time,’” he adds. “Well, I expect that from everybody pretty much, so just having that as their best praise isn’t much of a praise.”
Another risk is that letters can be so vague as to become meaningless.
“That doesn’t give me any insight if its just a run-of-the-mill ‘here’s my formula’ recommendation letter,” says Graves.
His advice? Students should ask the teacher directly if they would give a positive review.
“Just say, ‘How do you feel I’ve done in your class?’” suggests Graves.
“If you are really having doubts, I would probably reconsider asking that teacher,” says Afrooz, a high school senior at Atlanta International School.
Also, kids should choose a teacher who can be specific about their skills and efforts in the classroom.
“I felt like I wanted teachers who knew me,” says Eva, 18, “not just as a strong student, but as a person.”
Another tip is to find the right teacher. A good choice is a math or English teacher from junior year.
“It might be a teacher that teaches, you know, driver’s ed,” says Graves. “And that’s not going to matter that much to me what the driver’s ed teacher says.”
Finally, he says, ask for the letter at least a month in advance.
“I think I asked for my letter about two or three months before it was due,” says senior Graham, “just to make sure that they had time.”
“I was kind of late so I kind of had to do a little begging,” says classmate Rodrigo.
Experts advise students to get to know their guidance counselor as well, because many universities require the counselor to fill out an evaluation form.
Students once allowed the luxury of “finding themselves” now fear that without serious direction early in high school, their future may be lost. What they may lose instead is their childhood.
College enrollment has increased nearly 20% since 1985 and almost tripled from a generation ago. With competition for specific schools fiercer than ever, high school freshmen hoping to go to a choice school are told they may already be behind in the race to build a college résumé.
“I guess in middle school they start emphasizing they’re like, OK, you gotta start getting good grades ’cause colleges will look back even at your eighth-grade year if you’re on the brink of getting in or not getting in,” 17-year-old Sharyn says.
However, good grades may only get them past the first cut. Then, it’s outside activities like volunteer work or special clubs that factor in as much as 40% by some colleges.
Says 17-year-old Andrew: “Sometimes, I find that I take too many things at once – track, academic, math team … I mean, it’s really time consuming.”
Experts say parents of these pressurized kids need to look closely for signs of too much stress and urge them to ease up.
Tips for Parents
It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions your child will make in his or her young adult life. And no parent of a high school junior or senior needs reminding of the pressure that selecting a school brings to his or her child and the entire family.
Recent statistics reveal that it’s also more competitive to enroll in college than years before. Between 1985 and 1995, higher education enrollment increased by 16%, due in part to an increase in female enrollment and the new trend of part-time students. And while experts urge parents to have an open dialogue with their child to deal with the stress, there are a few changes in the process that will make enrolling in a school easier.
More and more schools are turning to the Internet to disperse information, easing the workload on counselors and empowering the curious student. A word of caution: stay with reliable sites or go to a specific college website to verify application deadlines.
Another stress reliever: The trend toward hiring assistance for the essay portion of an application seems to be subsiding. More and more colleges have stated that they are looking for creative responses, even if they are unpolished. And many universities have dropped the essay portion of the application altogether, relying on scores and recommendations to make their decision.
Here are a few starting steps to help you or your child pick the right college or training program:
- Request as much information as possible from the schools on your list, including an application for admission, financial aid and all costs.
- Make a short list of the schools that possess the characteristics for which you are looking.
- Decide if a traditional college is right for you – consider picking up information on community technical schools.
References
- Mapping Your Future
- National Center for Education Statistics
Tags: College application tips, college applications, Connect with Kids, parenting advice, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teacher Recommendations, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Prescription Drug Use for Teens
by Sue Scheff on Jan 30, 2010
Many parents understand the drug use among teens, legal and not. Prescription drugs for mental health issues is common. Parents need to be aware of the side effects as well as if their child is appropriately diagnosed.
Source: Connect with Kids
Antipsychotic Drug Use
“So if you are going to give your child a medicine that is going to slow their ability to learn and then send them to school, that’s a serious thing. You really want your child treated with the least amount of this medicine that is required…for the shortest period.”
– Shannon Croft, M.D., Child Psychiatrist, Emory University School of Medicine
A soaring number of children are being prescribed a controversial class of drugs called antipsychotics. In fact, according to new research from Columbia and Rutgers Universities, the number of pre-school children taking these drugs has doubled in the past decade.
But are these drugs safe for kids of any age?
That’s a question 14-year-old Lauren and her mom has had to ask.
Growing up, Lauren would have violent outbursts. “You were always concerned about that phone call,” says her mom, Robin Weinrich. “She could grab a knife. She could use a simple thing [such] as a fork.”
Lauren would physically hurt her brother and sister. Afterwards, she was sorry.
“I’d be like, ‘Oh my gosh! Don’t tell anybody, please! I’m so sorry!’” says Lauren.
To stop the violence, Lauren’s doctor prescribed an antipsychotic. “All of a sudden you’ve elevated the type of medication she’s taking,” says Robin. “It’s not just a simple antidepressant or mood stabilizer, now it’s an antipsychotic.”
Ten years ago, antipsychotics were mostly used to treat schizophrenia.
Now, kids are taking them for the aggression that comes with autism, attention deficit, or, in Lauren’s case, bipolar disorder.
“When she gets frustrated or angry now it’s mostly yelling and screaming,” says Robin, “but there’s no physical reaction.”
Doctors say they’ve seen antipsychotics work in adults, and that’s one reason they’re being prescribed to kids.
But no long-term studies show the drugs to be safe or effective in kids.
And they can have dangerous side effects.
“There are some studies that have shown serious weight gain in children and adolescents that have been started on these medicines,” says Dr. Shannon Croft, a child psychiatrist at the Emory University School of Medicine, “and some have gone on to develop diabetes because of the weight gain.”
Other side effects include a trembling similar to Parkinson’s disease – and damage to a child’s ability to think.
“So if you are going to give your child a medicine that is going to slow their ability to learn and then send them to school, that’s a serious thing,” says Dr. Croft. “You really want your child treated with the least amount of this medicine that is required, for the shortest period.”
Lauren’s mom is worried about future side effects, but her daughter needs help today.
“If we did not make the right decisions for her medically,” says Robin, “she could be in a hospital, she could be in a psychiatric unit, she could be in jail for killing somebody.”
Tips for Parents
- Parents whose children are prescribed these drugs should proceed with extreme caution. Ask the doctor if there are alternatives. If you are not sure whether your child really needs one of these drugs, get a second opinion.
- Realize many doctors believe antipsychotics are too powerful for children who do not have a psychotic illness like schizophrenia. Some doctors and patients have found these drugs do calm outbursts in children with conditions like ADHD, bipolar, or autism – but the use of antipsychotics for such conditions is controversial.
- If your child does start taking an antipsychotic for a non-psychotic illness, watch them closely for side effects. Realize the risk of side effects will increase the longer your child takes the medicine. Make sure you know the time frame when your doctor plans to take your child off the drug. Put your child on the lowest dose possible, for the shortest time period.
- Join a support group – so you can see if the treatment your child is receiving is in line with what other kids are getting. However, realize that what works for one patient does not necessarily work for another. Just because another child has a good or bad experience with a particular drug, does not mean your child will react the same way. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, or NAMI, has good support groups.
- Children on antipsychotics should also be in therapy. These drugs are not a cure. They treat symptoms and not underlying problems. If children learn to control their behavior through therapy, they can be taken off this medicine as soon as possible.
References
- Columbia University
- Emory University School of Medicine
- Rutgers University
Tags: Connect with Kids, Drug Use, Parenting Resources, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Prescription Drugs, Teen Drug Use, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Teen Gossip – Can it be good?
by Sue Scheff on Jan 26, 2010
What an interesting article this week on Connect with Kids. Gossip can be good in some ways and extremely hurtful in other ways. Where is the balance? Be an educated parent, read this educational article.
Source: Connect with Kids
Gossip Is Good
“It lets people really know each other, and know about what’s going on in their lives. And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging.”
– Wendy Simonds, PhD, sociology
The Tiger Woods scandal sparked discussions about personal image and adultery on news stations and at dinner tables across the country. But are these discussions useful or just gossip? Some experts say they can be both.
“Did you see the outfit she had on?” friends Zuri and Meimi laugh.
It’s often irresistible and painful. “[It] ruins friendships, ruins lives, messes people’s reputations, hurt’s people’s feelings,” seventeen-year-old Zuri says.
“I’m normally the one who starts and spreads the gossip,” says seventeen-year-old Kyle, “so, I mean, I’ve broken up a lot of good friends over gossip.”
And sixteen-year-old Caitlin has been the brunt of it as well, “I’ve had my fair share of broken friendships that I’ve kind of had to rekindle because of things that were said or spread around because people didn’t know all the facts.”
Gossip can hurt, psychologists say, but here’s the surprise, “It lets people really know each other, and know what’s going on in their lives,” explains Wendy Simonds, professor of sociology at Georgia State University, “And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging.”
And in a teenager’s life it can act as a social road map of right and wrong and as a warning signal, not to befriend the wrong person.
Seventeen-year-old Meimi found out through gossip that a guy she was dating was trouble, “You know, I had to listen and a couple of weeks later I had found out he sold drugs and he had been locked up and a lot of stuff, so I was kind of appreciative of gossip at that point.”
Still, experts and kids warn, you have to be careful. “I think it’s always a good idea to try to personalize the issue that’s being talked about, what if it were me and people were talking about me this way,” advises Simonds.
“Gossip is fine, as long as it’s not making up complete lies,” says sixteen-year-old Lee, “And just being flat out mean, that’s not cool.”
As hard as it is to believe, the words “sibling” and “gossip” originated from the same word: “Godsibb.” The word originally translated to mean “a person related to one in God,” or a “godparent.” In this circumstance, gossip was used to denote a relationship of trust and friendship. However, in the 1800s, the word “gossip” began to stray from its original roots until it became what it is today – nearly the opposite or what is was originally.
Tips for Parents
Gossip can be extremely harmful, but there are some times when it can be helpful. Dr. Offra Gerstein, a clinical psychologist, gives the following suggestions for parents to share with their children for how to handle gossip in a healthy manner:
■Create healthy ways of connecting with others that do not require negative talk about a third party.
■When you are told about another person, ask for verification of the information. Trusting that what is said is true without challenging its veracity makes you a partner in perpetuating gossip.
■If you hear negative talk, refuse to listen and politely attempt to stop the speaker.
■Ask the “gossipper” to tell you what positive things he/she may relate about the individual being criticized.
■When you are entrusted with a secret, feel honored and never repeat it to anyone. Repeating confidences is like stealing one’s dignity.
■Feel free to share positive gossip with others, provided that your facts are correct.
■As enjoyable as it may be to bond with someone temporarily through gossip, the damage to all parties is immeasurable. Resist the momentary temptation for gaining a wholesome sense of self-respect.
References
■Psychology Today
■Santa Cruz Sentinel
■University Press of Kansas
Tags: Connect with Kids, Gossip, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Peer Pressure, Sue Scheff, Teen Gossip, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Is Smoking with Teens Decreasing?
by Sue Scheff on Jan 14, 2010
Are we finally seeing peer pressure in a positive direction? A new government survey finds that more kids are smoking marijuana, abusing prescription drugs and using smokeless tobacco than a decade ago. But there is one area of abuse that is going down dramatically- cigarettes.
There can be many factors for this, and it would be nice to know if kids are just telling kids that smoking is not cool. Other reasons could be the accessibility has become more difficult. Either way, it is a good news that smoking cigarettes among kids are decreasing.
Here is a recent article that outlines tips for parents and more indepth look at this new trend.
Fewer Kids Smoking
Source: Connect with Kids
“Maybe because their friends are telling them not to smoke. Maybe its peer pressure in a good way.”
– Caroline, 17 years old
A new government survey finds that more kids are smoking marijuana, abusing prescription drugs and using smokeless tobacco than a decade ago. But there is one area of abuse that is going down dramatically- cigarettes.
For some kids, smoking is hip and cool. For others, like 17-year-old Caroline, “I hate smoking. I think it stinks. I don’t like yellow teeth and I don’t like bad breath.”
Fewer teens, in fact, are picking up the habit. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the number of 12th graders who smoke cigarettes has dropped nearly 50 percent in the last decade.
What’s working?
“They can’t get it. That’s why they are not smoking,” says 15-year old Penina. “I think the stores are stricter now because they ask for ID and if you don’t have ID you can’t get it.”
Seventeen-year old Jamila says it’s more than that. “People get the hint with all the ads out and all the stuff going around saying how bad it is.”
“Maybe because their friends are telling them not to smoke,” Caroline says. “Maybe it’s peer pressure in a good way.”
Experts cite higher prices, hard hitting media ads, stricter limits on public smoking and changing attitudes about smoking. “It’s not the adults telling youth what to do that’s working,” says Dr. Terry Pechacek, with the Centers for Disease Control’s Office on Smoking and Health. “It’s youth working with youth and changing the way that they act in their social settings.”
But, Dr. Pechacek says, parents still need to send their kids those same messages at home. “We’re asking them to take the time to talk to your children about these issues in a constructive, straight-forward fashion. Not in an authoritative don’t-do-it type message, but rather, ‘I care about you. I would like to discuss the pressures that you’re under.’”
He says the research is clear: parents who make their views clear and listen as well as teach, are far more likely to have kids who have kids who don’t smoke.
Research shows that a vast majority of smokers began when they were children or teenagers. While recent legislation has helped reduce smoking, it still remains an important health concern. Consider the following statistics from the U.S. Surgeon General:
- Approximately 80 percent of adult smokers started smoking before the age of 18.
- More than 5 million children living today will die prematurely because of a decision they make as adolescents – the decision to smoke cigarettes.
- Nearly all first uses of tobacco occur before high school graduation.
- Most young people who smoke are addicted to nicotine and report that they want to quit but are unable to do so.
- Tobacco is often the first drug used by young people who use alcohol and illegal drugs.
- Among young people, those with poorer grades and lower self-image are most likely to begin using tobacco.
- Young people who come from low-income families and have fewer than two adults living in their household are especially at risk for becoming smokers.
Tips for Parents
Encourage your child to join an anti-smoking group and support him/her in kicking the habit. If you are currently a smoker, you should also try to stop. Children look to their parents for support and strength; taking the anti-smoking journey alongside your child can be a huge benefit. In addition to attending the meetings, The Foundation for a Smoke-Free America offers these suggestions:
- Develop deep-breathing techniques. Every time you want a cigarette, do the following three times: Inhale the deepest breath of air you can and then, very slowly, exhale. Purse your lips so that the air must come out slowly. As you exhale, close your eyes, and let your chin gradually drop to your chest. Visualize all the tension leaving your body, slowly draining out of your fingers and toes — just flowing on out. This technique will be your greatest weapon during the strong cravings smokers feel during the first few days of quitting.
- During the first week, drink lots of water and healthy fluids to flush out the nicotine and other toxins from your body.
- Remember that the urge to smoke only lasts a few minutes, and then it will pass. The urges gradually become further and further apart as the days go by.
- Do your very best to stay away from alcohol, sugar and coffee the first week (or longer) as these tend to stimulate the desire for a cigarette. Also, avoid fatty foods, as your metabolism may slow down a bit without the nicotine, and you may gain weight even if you eat the same amount as before quitting. Discipline regarding your diet is extra important now.
- Nibble on low calorie foods like celery, apples and carrots. Chew gum or suck on cinnamon sticks.
- Stretch out your meals. Eat slowly and pause between bites.
- After dinner, instead of a cigarette, treat yourself to a cup of mint tea or a peppermint candy. Keep in mind, however, that in one study, while 25 percent of quitters found that an oral substitute was helpful, another 25 percent didn’t like the idea at all – they wanted a clean break with cigarettes. Find what works for you.
- Go to a gym, exercise, and/or sit in the steam of a hot shower. Change your normal routine – take a walk or even jog around the block or in a local park. Get a massage. Pamper yourself.
- Ask for support from coworkers, friends and family members. Ask for their tolerance. Let them know you’re quitting, and that you might be edgy or grumpy for a few days. If you don’t ask for support, you certainly won’t get any. If you do, you’ll be surprised how much it can help.
- Ask friends and family members not to smoke in your presence. Don’t be afraid to ask. This is more important than you may realize.
- On your “quit day,” remove all ashtrays and destroy all your cigarettes, so you have nothing to smoke.
- Write down ten good things about being a nonsmoker and ten bad things about smoking.
- Don’t pretend smoking wasn’t enjoyable. Quitting smoking can be like losing a good friend – and its okay to grieve the loss. Feel that grief.
- Several times a day, quietly repeat to yourself the affirmation, “I am a nonsmoker.” Many quitters see themselves as smokers who are just not smoking for the moment. They have a self-image as smokers who still want a cigarette. Silently repeating the affirmation “I am a nonsmoker” will help you change your view of yourself. Even if it seems silly to you, this is actually useful.
- Here is perhaps the most valuable information among these points: During the period that begins a few weeks after quitting, the urge to smoke will subside considerably. However, it’s vital to understand that from time to time, you will still be suddenly overwhelmed with a desire for “just one cigarette.” This will happen unexpectedly, during moments of stress, whether negative stress or positive (at a party, or on vacation). Be prepared to resist this unexpected urge, because succumbing to that “one cigarette” will lead you directly back to smoking. Remember the following secret: during these surprise attacks, do your deep breathing and hold on for five minutes; the urge will pass.
- Do not try to go it alone. Get help, and plenty of it.
References
- American Cancer Society
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- Foundation for a Smoke-Free America
- Nicotine Anonymous
Tags: Connect with Kids, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Sue Scheff, Teen Health, Teen Help, Teen Issues, Teens Smoking
