I was a bully, but I stopped….. Two Books Published by Middle Schoolers
by Sue Scheff on Aug 14, 2010
Broward County is no stranger to bullying. Last school year Deerfield Beach Middle School held the spotlight in the most negative of circumstances. Starting with Michael Brewer who was nearly burned to death, and several months later the brutal and savage beating of Josie Ratley.
As a community, a group of Broward County middle school students joined together with the help of State Farm, The Broward Sheriff’s Office and The Humanity Project to publish two books targeted at combating bullying.
The Miami Herald reported one of the bullying books is about a privileged and selfish character Lucina who has everything she wants but degrades everyone who doesn’t share her fortune. The other book is about Michael, who is dyslexic and of black and Asian heritage. He’s influenced by his abusive father to bully others.
Students also worked on illustrations and cover art. The books will be used as part of The Humanity Project’s innovative Anti-bullying Through the Arts program in Broward during the school year.
Congratulations to all these students and a special thanks to State Farm, Broward County Sheriff’s Office and The Humanity Project for stepping up and reaching out to our kids – our future!
Learn more at the www.TheHumanityProject.com.
Sources: Miami Herald, The Humanity Project
Tags: At Risk Teens, Bullying, Children's Books, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues, The Humanity Project
Sue Scheff: Bully Bust Your School Today – Promote School Safety
by Sue Scheff on May 23, 2010
Do we need to hear more acts of violence, bullying and vicious text rage? Do we need to hear it escalating to text hit lists or teens making bombs? In reality, this is not an exageration, it is happening.
In Broward County we have the horrific stories of Josie Lou Ratley, an eight grader that was nearly beaten to death and Michael Brewer, a teen that was nearly burned to death.
In Brevard County we have Cameron Lee Kage, a teen that was accused of creating a deadly bomb with all the materials and instructions to potentially set it off at his school.
In Duval County there is Anthony Jones that was allegedly on a text hit list in his school and was shot.
We don’t need another incident to wake-up our state and our county the serious cry for help with our teens and kids today.
BullyBust is is an awareness campaign designed to reduce bullying in schools by teaching students and adults how to stand up to bullying and promote upstander behavior. An upstander is someone who witnesses bully behavior and does something about it. Use the resources on BullyBust.org to transform your school or community from one of passive bystanders to a community of positive upstanders. Together we can put an end to bullying!
Educators, get critical supports for your school and join a dedicated community of schools nationwide: Sign up for the Partner School Program today.
Join BullyBust on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.
Sign the BullyBust Stand UP Pledge today!
Tags: Bully Bust, Bullying, Parenting Resources, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, School Climate, School Safety, School Violence, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Embrace School Climate and Make Your School and Community a Safer Place for Kids and Teens
by Sue Scheff on May 16, 2010
No matter where you are in our country, school climate is critical in our childrens lives. Today with the headlines ripping with text rage, text threats and hit lists, bullying, beatings, teen bomb scares and more, there has never been a more crucial time to educate parents, teachers, schools and students about prevention of school violence and the need to learn about healthy living.
School Climate is an educational resource that is working diligently to bring together everyone to benefit our communities and school districts.
About School Climate:
Our goal is to promote positive and sustained school climate: a safe, supportive environment that nurtures social and emotional, ethical, and academic skills.
CSEE is an organization that helps schools integrate crucial social and emotional learning with academic instruction. In doing so, we enhance student performance, prevent drop outs, reduce physical violence, bullying, and develop healthy and positively engaged adults.
For more than a decade CSEE has worked together with the entire academic community-teacher, staff, school-based mental health professionals, students and parents-to improve a climate for learning.
We help translate research into practice by establishing meaningful and relevant guidelines, programs and services that support a model for whole school improvement with a focus on school climate.
Join School Climate on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. Also follow them on through BullyBust.
Is your school safe? Do the students feel safe? Measure your school climate today! Click here.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens. Read more.
Tags: Bullying, Community Service, Parenting, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens Online, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, School Climate, School Violence, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: Teen Self Esteem Month of May
by Sue Scheff on May 09, 2010
May is Teen Self Esteem Month and The Association of Junior Leagues Inc. (AJLI) is working with their local communities to help promote teen self-esteem.
The Junior League of Greater Fort Lauderdale, Inc. is an organization of women committed to promoting voluntarism, developing the potential of women, and to improving the community through effective action and leadership of trained volunteers.
AJLI has is dedicated to help create an awareness about bullying and the long lasting damage it does to teens. With the suicide of Phoebe Prince combined with the savage beating of Josie Ratley and the horrific incident that set Michael Brewer on fire, it is time that schools, parents, communities and teachers ban together to help put an end to bullying.
Because bullying so often starts between the critical ages of 9 to 12, when girls are entering adolescence, the Junior League of Boise’s Especially Me program targets pre-teen girls through a serious of three classes. The first class on self image and self esteem teaches girls about the role society and the media have on presentations of women’s images. The second class focuses on helping girls understand the changes their bodies are and will undergo with puberty and the importance of good health. In the final class, girls learn how to make good decisions and stick to them, particularly when confronted by peer pressure.
Locate your local Junior League today and start making a difference in your community!
Tags: Bullying, Junior League, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teen Girls, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues, Teen Self Esteem
Sue Scheff: Teens Harassing Teens on New Website
by Sue Scheff on Apr 30, 2010
Have you visited Facebook lately? One group on Facebook is people, especially parents of teens and tweens, that have banned together to Boycott Formspring.me. With nearly 7500 fans, considered “likes,” these people are letting their concerns be heard.
As bullying is escalating in our country, cyberbullying is growing rapidly. With sites like Formspring.me, it only fuel the fire of cyber sticks and stones that burn and scar emotionally.
Recently Danah Boyd wrote an excellent article after doing research on this hot topic amongst parents of teens and tweens. Titled, Harassment by Q&A: Initial Thoughts on Formspring.me, Danah’s hypothesis is the following:
Teen girls engaged in responding to crass questions are using Formspring to prove that they’re tough to their peers. Teen boys and girls are throwing curve balls at their peers to see how much they can handle, primarily using mean-spirited and sexualized language. While staying tough is clearly part of the game, it’s also clear from my informants that the harassment is playing a psychological toll. I’ve talked to numerous parents who are shocked by how their children’s peers are using this site and in most cases, knowledgeable parents demand that their children delete their profiles at once. One parent told me the story of her daughter’s friend who didn’t want to take her profile down because it would “look weak.” This girl and her mother got into a huge fight over Formspring because the girl didn’t want to let on that she cared about what people were saying about her on the site. I can’t help but think about my own teen years and my attempts to look unfazed by swirling rumors while throwing up in the bathroom when no one was looking. – Read her entire article here.
As a parent, do you know if your teen or tween is engaging in Formspring.me? Many parents are outraged over this new form of harassment, it seems clear it is just another form to teens to emotionally scar teens. It is time this stops.
Boycott Formspring Group states the following:
As many of you probably know, many people are bullied, harassed, and abused on this site called Formspring. Formspring is nothing but negativity. All it does is make people upset due to insults and harassment. Don’t let formspring take another life. Join the movement. Delete yours now.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.
This article is based on the opinion of the author. Watch video and read more.
Tags: Bullying, Cyberbullying, Formspring.me, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens Online, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Teen Help
Sue Scheff: What do you do if your child is bullied at school?
by Sue Scheff on Apr 29, 2010
Bullying and cyberbullying is a growing and painful trend among tweens and teens. Educator Jane Balvanz specializes in female friendships and the issues girls go through as they mature into young woman. Recently she published an excellent article to assist parents and schools on preventing bullying.
What do you do if your child is being bullied at school?
By Jane Balvanz
The spotlight is again on bullying in schools due to the gut-wrenching suicide of Phoebe Prince. Phoebe was the 15-year-old girl who moved from Ireland to South Hadley, Massachusetts. She suffered physical and emotional bullying at the hands of some of her classmates. There was a campaign of relational aggression against her via texting, Facebook, and other forms of social media. According to Phoebe, school was becoming intolerable.
It’s essential parents are prepared to work in partnership with their child’s school to squelch bullying. If it becomes necessary to contact the school, the following steps will guide you. Remember, you and the school are allies in your child’s education. Work together. Every child deserves the right to a safe education.
1. Assess the situation – Find the answers to the following questions.
- Is bullying happening? Bullying is a pattern of unwanted behaviors toward another. Conflict is a problem between persons. Kids can misunderstand the difference. All bullying is conflict, but not all conflict is bullying.
- How has your child responded to the bullying? Find out if she has attempted to solve the problem herself and in what way.
- Has your child informed any school authorities? Whether your child is in kindergarten or high school, NEVER assume school authorities have been told. Some kids don’t tell.
- What was the school’s response? Discover if there is a plan in place between your child and an adult in the school.
Proceed to Step 2 if your child will not go to the teacher, you need additional information, or more help is in order.
2. Contact the school authority closest to your child or the situation. If a school authority is already involved, get in touch with this person to exchange information. If your child has not told anyone at school, contact the classroom teacher, homeroom teacher, or school counselor. It is not necessary to go “straight to the top” if the problem is solvable at a different level. It’s appropriate to contact the principal first if the problem is intense or complicated. Although most bullying issues can be solved at the building level, parents should feel free to contact the superintendent or school board when possibilities at the building level are exhausted.
3. Create a home and school collaboration plan. Call, e-mail, or make an appointment with the teacher or counselor. Create a plan of safety within the school setting. Some plans can be as simple as teaching the bullied child to inform the teacher when bullying occurs. Others can be as elaborate as school personnel collecting names of bullies and witnesses, conducting interviews, and creating a custom made plan to protect targets.
4. Monitor the situation with the school as necessary. Safety plans need to be adjusted as time goes along. The best case scenario is an email to the teacher that says – success! Conversely, a bullied student may suffer retaliation when bullies receive consequences, and extra attention then is essential.
Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com.
Tags: A Way Through, Bullying, Cyberbullying, Jane Balvanz, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Help, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Help Support Josie Ratley and her Family through local fundraisers
by Sue Scheff on Mar 29, 2010
Josie Lou Ratley, 15 year-old that was nearly beaten to death on March 17th is currently still in a medically induced coma after two surgeries. The judge has issued a gag order on this case and talking about the details, however the community of South Florida is continuing their prayers, supports and fundraisers for the benefit of the Ratley family. No matter what the circumstances, a beautiful teen is fighting for her life and needs all the emotional support we can give.
Recently a Facebook Group, Pray for Josie Lou Ratley was created. They are already 700+ supporters and growing each day. If you haven’t joined yet, please take a minute to show your support and become a member to support the recovery and assistance to the Ratley family.
Here is a list of what is happening this week to support Josie Ratley. As many know, the family does not have health insurance and the proceeds will help them with the high medical expenses.
CJ’s Drafthouse
March 29-31 and April 2, 6-9 pm
Deerfield Beach, FL
Janel Rena, The Discount Diva will be selling gift certificates for local restaurants and services to raise money for The Josie Lou Ratley Fund. Purchase GCs at a reduced price, help the Ratley Family and support local businesses all at the same time!
THINK - Is there a birthday gift you need to purchase? Mother’s Day is around the corner (pamper her with a beauty gift card). Graduations will be here! Teacher Appreciation Week is coming in May. It is National Volunteer Week in April, who do you know that helps other selfishly? You don’t need a reason to give, however the results are so rewarding. In this situation, you will not only be giving to someone you care about, you will be helping a family in need and a teenager that is fighting for her life.
Stop by and see Janel at CJ’s Drafthouse, Mon/Tue/Wed and Fri this week between 6 and 9 pm to support the Ratley Family!
Gift Certificates for only $5 (Value $20-25):
Carlucci’s (Cypress Creek & 95)
Champps.com (Cypress Creek & 95)
FirstWatch.com (Glades & Andrews)
LeBistroRestaurant.com (Sw10th & Federal)
Mojo’s Barber Shop (Glades & 441)
MoonliteDiner.com (Cypress Creek & 95)
Nail Mirage- Manicure (Hillsboro & Powerline)
Payzins.com (Sample & University)
RedsBackwoodsBbq.com (Palmetto & 95)
ShootersCafe.com (Oakland & Intercoastal)
For only $10 Value ($25-50):
BabyBootCamp.com (Coral Springs)
BeaconLightBarberandSalon.com (Lighthouse Point)
BodyHeatTanning.net (Coral Springs)
JazziHair.com (Boca Raton)
Hair Mirage (Deerfield Beach)
For only $15 (Value $50 and more!):
Empire Appraisal (FREE Home Appraisal)
DeerfieldJazz.com (1 month Jazzercise)
MartinoTire.com ($$$ toward services)
Mobil Auto Detail (Car Cleaning)
CJ’s Drafthouse (954) 428-9129
33441 E Hillsboro Blvd
Deerfield Beach, FL
For more information and updates, join Pray for Josie Lou Ratley Facebook Group today.
Watch the slideshow of a few of the generous vendors listed above.
Tags: Bullying, Community Service, Donations, Facebook, Fundraisers, Josie Lou Ratley, Josie Ratley, Parenting, Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff: Teens Coming Out – Gay Bashing
by Sue Scheff on Mar 12, 2010
Homosexuality is a topic that can make some people uncomfortable, however it doesn’t condone bullying, teasing and creating fear in those that are openly gay – especially teens. Words can hurt, and the emotional scars can be long lasting.
Teens that are openly gay risk being teased, bullied and treated as an outcast. Sexual orientation in adolescents has previously been linked to increased rate of victimization. A study in the journal Pediatrics showed that those students who identified themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual had a disproportionate risk for problem behaviors, including suicide and victimization.
Gay and Lesbian Community Center of South Florida (GLCCSF) believes everyone has a right to be themselves, to be different, to enjoy self respect and love. The GLCCSF proudly supports all members of the LBGT community.
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) cautions parents that “gay and lesbian teens can become depressed, socially isolated, withdrawn from activities and friends, have trouble concentrating, and develop low self-esteem. They may also develop depression.” It is important for parents of gay and lesbian teens to understand their teens sexual orientation and provide support. The AACAP encourages parents and family members to seek understanding and support from organizations such as Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).
The American Psychological Association provides these tips for teens who fear they may be a target of violence:
- Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs of violence, such as those with a history of frequent physical fights, and those who have announced threats or plans for hurting others.
- Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help ( a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school physiologist, coach, clergy, or friend)
- Get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
Source: Connect with Kids
The Today Show featured a segment on “Teens Coming Out” on the difficulties both parents and teens can face. Watch the video and read more on Examiner.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.
Tags: Bullying, Gay Bashing, Gay Teens, Homosexuality, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teen Issues
Sue Scheff: Mean Girls Online
by Sue Scheff on Feb 05, 2010
Jane Balvanz an educator and a Female Friend Expert, she recently wrote an extremely timely and important article about raising our girls today. Parenting today’s teens and tweens can be challenging and with the added stress of the Internet and cyberbullying, it can be downright impossible to keep up with.
Do mean girls grow up to be mean women? Jane Balvanz asked this question and has some great insights. Life is about change, as parents we need to guide our daughters and help them to understand that being mean is not cool.
Relational Aggression in Women: What Are We Teaching Our Girls Online?
By Jane Balvanz
A two-year-old child died recently. He drowned in a swimming pool, a parent’s true nightmare. Controversy immediately arose online, because the child’s mother tweeted the accident and eventually announced his death. Her Twitter timeline showed she had been tweeting most of the day.
In reaction, online moms tweeted support and made suggestions about fundraising for the bereaved family. Others questioned the validity of the death before it was confirmed and cautioned about sending money in case it might be a hoax. Once the death was verified, two clear factions formed. One supported the grieving mother and her choice of tweeting shortly before and after her son’s death. The other questioned the mother’s parenting abilities, suggesting her attention to Twitter led to her son’s death. It devolved from there and went viral. Words became weapons.
Passion and Drama in 140 Characters or Less
The Internet is a wonderful tool that offers ways to give and receive information in a heartbeat. It can also be used to extend help or inflict hurt. In this case, relational aggression (emotional bullying) started within seconds of a mom announcing her child fell into a pool. Twitter is fast. Information flies as rapidly as you can type 140 characters and press send. Even though many heads of reason and compassion were part of this situation, passion and drama took over. Incivility prevailed.
There were tweeted threats (some serious), name-calling, campaigns, taunting, and cyber defaming. National news took notice and various blogs called the participants “mean girls.” These weren’t girls, though. They were grown women.
Do Mean Girls Grow Up to Be Mean Women?
Visit www.awaythrough.com for more information on female friendships.
Visit Examiner for more.
Tags: Bullying, Mean Girls, Parenting Girls, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teasing
Sue Scheff: Do Mean Girls Grow Up to Be Mean Women?
by Sue Scheff on Feb 03, 2010
Part 2 with guest Jane Balvanz, educator and Female Friend Expert.
If you missed part 1, go back.
Do Mean Girls Grow Up to Be Mean Women?
I want to answer that question with a resounding, “No,” but I can’t. I can’t answer it affirmatively, either. We humans all try on the roles of Bully, Bystander, and Target like costumes at some point in our lives. We decide what serves us best. No one wants to think herself or himself a bully; some of us are, though. A plethora of literature exists telling us how to deal with adult bullies: bully bosses, difficult people, and abusive partners.
Children Live What They Learn (and They Know More Than We Think)
Adults play a huge role in children’s lives, and parents are their most important teachers. Children absorb the parts of us we’re proud of as well as the parts we wish not to reveal. If any girls were watching this Twitter war (and I bet some were), they would have witnessed prime examples of grownups bullying.
When we teach our girls to display a certain level of human respect and kindness but don’t practice what we preach, they become confused. What if our kids don’t actually see us acting incongruous to what we expect from them? They intuit it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in over twenty-five years of working with kids, it’s that they see and hear more than we think. If we live hypocritically, they eventually figure it out.
What Example Do You Want to Set?
As parents or individuals who work with girls, we have to live what we want them to learn. We need to be authentic and demonstrate respect for others. If we want to help our girls avoid earning the label of “mean girl,” we need to lead by example. Here are five basic tips for parents and other adults who influence children to keep in mind online or in real life (IRL).
- Avoid character assassinations. Speak or write of behaviors you find objectionable rather than people you don’t like.
- Watch what you write online. It may be your blog or your tweets, but making disparaging remarks about others is bullying. Sometimes little girls petulantly say, “It’s my house, and I can do what I want.” We know that tends to be a precursor to upcoming bullying behavior. Some bloggers write, “It’s my blog, and I can say what I want.” They’re right. They can say what they like. Anyone can say what they want when they want, and bullying is still bullying.
- Think before you speak or write. If you can’t say something positive about others, keep quiet and think about it. Think for a long, long time. Keep thinking.
- Think of your words as toothpaste. Once you squeeze toothpaste out of the tube, it’s out. There’s no getting it back in. The same can be said about words – once out they can’t be unsaid. Once they’re online, they’re permanent.
- Apologize when you mess up. We’ve all said or written things we regret. Girls need to see adults own up to their mistakes. It helps them realize we all make mistakes and are accountable for them online and off. Do what you can to mend the situation.
- Imagine your legacy. Test your words to see if they represent how you want to be defined. If your words would land you in the principal’s office as a kid, posting them online will probably earn you the reputation of Bully or Trash Talker rather the Speaker of Truth or Defender of the First Amendment. How do you want to be remembered?
Thanks to Jane for permission to share this valuable article and information. Learn more about Female Friendships at www.awaythrough.com.
Did you miss part 1? Go back. <<<<
Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!
Read more on Examiner.
Tags: Bullying, Mean Girls, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff, Teasing, Teen Issues
