by Sue Scheff on Apr 19, 2010
As a parent with a son with ADHD, this recent article that ADDitude Magazine released is very interesting. ADHD students are highly intelligent – they do need motivation and inspiration, however don’t all kids need encouragement?
Source: ADDitude Magazine
Diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), my daughter struggled to earn good grades in school. In college, her professor inspired her to succeed — now she’s tutoring others.
By: Brenda Nicholson
Every parent thinks her kids are smart. I always felt that way about my three children, even when their grades didn’t reflect it. Their attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) — all of them have it — had something to do with their poor showing in school.
My daughter Caitlin is a good example. Her sister, Sarah, calls her “the dumbest smart person I know.” Caitlin does very well on standardized tests, yet her classroom work and grades never reflect her potential.
That all changed when she entered college. A very special psychology professor — Dr. Albert Martin — finally brought out Caitlin’s best in the classroom. Dr. Martin believes that his job is to help students learn in any way he can. He is clear on what he wants students to learn, and he hands out study guides to reinforce his expectations. When Caitlin misses a class — which is not often — she knows what was covered, and knows how to make up the work.
Caitlin earned an A in his first class and is on her way to acing his next course. Her self-esteem and confidence have gone up — and the other students recognize it. A few of them asked her to tutor them after class. Imagine: My daughter — “the dumbest smart person” — is tutoring others.
I can’t tell you how proud I am, and I know that she is proud of herself. For the first time, she feels that people are seeing her for who she really is. It is the best feeling in the world — for both of us.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting Resources, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Oct 09, 2009
As a single parent, I had this challenge and wish there was this much information and resources 20 years ago. ADHD children can test your patience, however as a parent, we want to do what is best for our kids. Like myself, we will try all sorts of ideas and advice before taking the medication road. For us, medication saved my child’s academic and social life. What is best for you?
Source: ADDitude Magazine
Seven expert strategies to help single parents raise confident, successful children with ADHD.
You’re sitting in the principal’s office, waiting to talk about your child’s misbehavior. You consider how much easier this would be — not to mention running the household — if your spouse were still in the picture. Raising a child with ADHD can challenge parents in a strong marriage. Doing it alone seems impossible.
It doesn’t have to be. I’ve worked with many single parents who have done it without losing their sanity or their sense of humor. What’s more, their children have thrived, developing a full complement of social skills and flourishing at school and in their careers. All successful single parents have a plan — strategies for taking some of the parenting pressure off their shoulders and nipping little problems in the bud. Here are my best suggestions for going it alone.
1. Make and stick to routines.
When you find your car keys in the cutlery drawer and Chinese food containers in the cabinet, it’s time to make hard-and-fast routines for your home. Set up chore charts, with firm times for accomplishing each task.
Consider listing chores on separate charts, so that children can choose a task from each chart each day. No one wants to be consistently stuck with the most unsavory one — like cleaning the downstairs toilet.
2. Schedule “together time.”
Being the breadwinner and raising a child can drain your energy, leaving you exhausted and irritable. Too many skirmishes, however small, can erode a child’s perception of feeling loved. Every week, press the “love-reset” button by spending some recreational time with each of your children.
The shared time should be child-oriented and involve high-quality interaction between the two of you. Reading together, playing a board game or cards, watching a DVD or video, riding bicycles, or making a favorite meal will do nicely. Sibling rivalry, often a concern in families with ADHD, will decrease considerably if you schedule regular together time.
3. Outsource activities.
Music or art lessons, martial-arts classes, or after-school sports enrich the lives of children with ADHD. Such activities develop their abilities and social skills. Getting your children to lessons and appointments, however, may seem like more than you can manage. Don’t ditch the activities; get help.
Arrange for your children to share rides with other kids in the same program. Call relatives or friends to see if they can occasionally run your child to his guitar lesson or gymnastics hour.
4. Streamline mealtime.
Kids with ADHD benefit from helping out with menu planning, meal preparation, and setting and clearing the table. To shorten your list of chores, make children responsible for preparing part of one meal each week, whether it’s dessert or a salad. While you’re at it, prepare double portions of the main course, and refrigerate or freeze them for next week. Get into the habit of clearing and washing dishes immediately after each meal or snack. No TV or computer time until the “clean team” places the dishes in the dishwasher and the condiments back in the fridge.
5. Put a sock in it.
Many single parents act like super-cops, because there is no one else around to remind their child about homework, taking a shower, whatever. The problem is, nagging creates tension in the household. Be alert for opportunities to let your child take the lead. Ask him to tape-record reminders for himself, so you don’t have to do all the reminding. A laid-back approach brings peace and harmony into the family, and empowers an absentminded child to take control of his day.
6. Agree on treatment.
When your child visits your ex-spouse, his treatment program may be interrupted or called into question. Arrange a joint session with your child’s counselor, therapist, or physician to educate the other parent about why treatment is needed. If the non-custodial parent decides to take the child off medication, and symptoms flare up, use that potentially unpleasant experience as leverage to require your spouse to maintain the treatment plan during the next visit.
7. Agree on responsibilities.
If your child can’t wait to get to Dad’s house every other weekend, Dad might be spoiling him with unadulterated fun. ADHD children often yo-yo between the excessively permissive parent and the taskmaster. The contrast between fun-and-games visits and daily routines at home can create problems for you. Ask your ex-spouse to assign the child some tasks when visiting with him, even if you have to sit down and map them out. Also, make sure that life at home isn’t all work and no play (see “Schedule ‘together time’”). Single parenting is challenging, but it can be fun as well.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, ADHD Parenting, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Single Parenting, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
by Sue Scheff on Aug 11, 2009
School is opening, and with that comes your teen finding their peer group and developing healthy relationships. With ADHD students, this sometimes can be more challenging. As a mother of an ADHD child (now a young adult), I remember these times well.
ADDitude Magazine is a great resource for articles, tips and information on ADD/ADHD in both kids and adults. Here is a recent article I felt is perfect timing to share with my readers.
Source: ADDitude Magazine
How to Jump-Start Friendships for your ADHD Teen
Five creative ways to help your teenager with ADHD (and poor social skills) find — and keep — friends.
Cultivating friendships during the teen years can be an awesome task for the youngster with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Cliques are hard to break into, and delayed maturity is a roadblock to social success.
While some hyperactive, impulsive ADHD teens win friends with their enthusiasm and offbeat humor, others find themselves ostracized, seen by their peers as overbearing or immature. And for primarily inattentive ADHD kids, chitchat may be a challenge, paralyzing them into silence.
You can’t structure your child’s social life, as you did through elementary and middle school, but you can give the little push that can get her started. “Jump starts” that some of my clients’ parents have used include:
School Clubs
High schools are often much larger than elementary and middle schools, and the school-wide social scene can be daunting to navigate for inattentive ADDers. Conversation — and friendship — come more easily among teens who have a shared interest.
Encourage your child to sign up for clubs or activities that will put her in touch with like-minded students. An outing with the French club may spark conversation with a student in a different class.
Youth Groups
ADHD teens, like ADHD children, often need planned activities. Although you no longer plan and supervise play dates, church organizations, scout groups, and other after-school or community activities can provide structure for the teen who cannot find a crowd on her own.
An added bonus: The adults who run such groups are generally committed to involving all the kids. They’ll take the time to talk to a teen standing on the edge of the group and encourage her to join in.
Outings with Parents
Some ADHD teens do best in smaller groups, with some parental monitoring. Although parents are generally “uncool” to high-schoolers, your presence is acceptable in certain situations. A teen who’s reluctant to call a friend to “hang out” might be persuaded to invite a friend or two to a sporting event, if Dad gets a few tickets.
Community-service programs often involve parents along with their children. The National Charity League sends mother-daughter pairs to volunteer in food kitchens or homeless shelters. I’ve seen many girls make real connections with peers in this kind of setting.
Part-Time Jobs
An after-school or weekend job can let a teen practice some social skills and gain self-confidence. I worked with one youngster who thought he was doomed to social isolation — until he landed a job at a local smoothie shop. He began by talking with classmates who came into the shop, then got to know many of them outside of work, as well.
Social-Skills Groups
If a teen is seriously struggling on the social front, his “jump start” might be a formal group designed to teach social skills. Such groups are generally led by a psychologist or therapist, and may be sponsored by schools or community centers.
The format may involve structured tasks or be an open forum for conversation, with feedback coming from both group leaders, and peers. I’ve seen social-skills groups work wonders for teens who turned a deaf ear when Mom or Dad pointed out social blunders.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting Teens, Parenting Teens with ADHD, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Social Skills, Sue Scheff, Teen Help
by Sue Scheff on Jul 25, 2009
It is almost hard to believe that August is around the corner and school will be opening in different parts of our country. Where did the summer go? The holidays are only months away! O-kay, let’s not stress about that right now. Selfishly, I am grateful the school years are behind me, although the memories will be there forever. The clothes (uniforms), books, supplies, teachers, open houses, PTO/PTA, and so much more to help your kids have a positive school year.
If you have an ADD/ADHD child you have a bit extra to be concerned about. As a mother of an ADHD child, I remember always being sure he had a teacher that was familiar with ADD/ADHD and worrying about things I probably didn’t have to worry about. ADDitude Magazine has created a great starters list for us – read on!
Source: ADDitude Magazine
Follow these 10 steps to a happier, more organized, more productive school year for your child with attention deficit disorder (ADHD).
Step One
Talk with your child, and accentuate the positive.
If your child has attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), she may have low self-esteem. To succeed in school, she must not only adhere to academic and behavioral standards, she must believe in herself.
Educate your child about her condition and present the upside of it. For example, ADHD often correlates with traits such as creativity. As she meets new people and faces new challenges at school, help her remember that she is a valuable member of her classroom community — in spite of, or because of, her differences.
Step Two
Ask your child about his friends.
He may need your help in identifying classmates with whom he could develop constructive friendships. During the first weeks of school, ask your child to describe his classmates, and listen for clues about personalities that might complement his own.
Children with ADHD tend to form quick alliances with children they find exciting or interesting. Encourage your child to get to know the quieter, studious kids, who may admire his imagination or boldness and who may be a calming influence.
Step Three
Help your ADHD child learn to appreciate the teacher.
Your child may feel that teachers are the enemy. Help her find something to appreciate about her teacher. My son and I developed a theory about his fifth-grade teacher; we credited her ability to be understanding to her experience as a parent. My son has appreciated other teachers for their taste in music or movies.
Children with attention deficit should have a sense of teachers as teammates, not merely as authorities. When your child thinks, “She’s strict, but she’s cool,” what she means is, “We can work together.”
Step Four
Meet with the teacher.
Have a conversation with your child’s teacher during the first week of school. Without coming off as pushy, clarify the specifics of your child’s attention deficit disorder. Make sure she knows about your child’s IEP or 504 Plan, if there is one in place. Any accommodations should begin immediately, and the classroom teacher can make sure that happens.
Step Five
Have a second conversation with the teacher.
About a month into the school year, ask for a second meeting (if the teacher hasn’t called for one sooner). Don’t wait until parent-teacher conferences to get her take on how things are going. The earlier you are aware of the teacher’s perspective, the sooner you and your child can avoid scenarios that interfere with learning.
Keep communication open. Many teachers prefer e-mail as a way to share information.
Step Six
Talk with your child’s doctor.
If your child is taking ADHD medication, or if you are considering a trial of ADD medicine, have a conversation with the prescribing doctor in late summer and make a plan for the beginning of school.
If this is the first time your child will be taking medication, you may want to start soon after this appointment, so you’ll be able to fine-tune the dose before classes begin.
If your child has taken medication before, he can resume shortly before school starts.
Step Seven
Have a second conversation with the doctor.
After a few weeks of school, you should have another conversation with your child’s psychiatrist or prescribing doctor. In this conversation, perhaps held over the phone, you and the doctor review the information you get from your child, his teacher, and your own observations to decide whether the current course of medication is right.
Step Eight
Talk with other parents.
The new school year brings new chances to talk with other parents at drop-off and pick-up, playdates, back-to-school night, and other events.
How much should you say about your child’s ADHD diagnosis? This is a personal choice, which you might base on your own ease in discussing such matters, your child’s wishes, and your own sense of how the information might be received.
Based on personal experience, I advocate disclosure without shame. I find that other parents are generally supportive. If you share your struggles, you are inviting other parents to share with you — and to lean on you, as well.
If your child knows that you believe in speaking openly, he is less likely to feel that he is bearing a shameful secret.
Step Nine
Talk with your family.
Have conversations with everyone in your family. Such talks can, of course, occur at any point, but the start of the school year is a good time to review certain understandings.
ADHD affects your family dynamics. Your child may not be the only person in the family who has ADD. Share your experiences with each other. Have your child describe to his relatives what ADD feels like. Ask him to tell everyone what kind of support is helpful. Have family members talk about what their challenges are and what support they need.
If everyone puts their heads together, positive things can develop and the year will go more smoothly.
Step Ten
Revisit past successes — ask yourself tough questions.
Review what you’ve learned about your ADHD child in the last year. What helped him toward success in the previous grade? What made success difficult? As your child grows, your knowledge of him grows. Maybe an old idea needs revision.
Keep a current, holistic, and detailed impression of your child in mind as you move forward. Know that you may face some new challenges this year, but empower yourself as the expert on your child and trust that you’ll make the right decisions throughout the coming year.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Jul 19, 2009
If you have a child/teen with ADHD be an educated parent and learn how to handle behavior that is not acceptable. ADDitude Magazine has a wide ranges of articles, tips and more for both adults and children.
Source: ADDitude Magazine
The Truth About Your ADHD Child’s Lying
Attention deficit children may tell lies as a result of their ADHD symptoms rather than being dishonest. Learn when to punish your ADHD child’s lying and when to deal with its causes.
Few things damage the trust of parents of ADHD children as quickly or deeply as habitual lying. I don’t mean the little white lies that everyone tells once in a while, but repeated lying that causes conflicts and difficulties.
Some ADHD kids may not be dishonest as much as they are victims of uncontrolled ADHD symptoms. Barry’s mother, for example, tells him to come right home after school, because the family is going out to dinner. Distracted and rushing, he mumbles, “Yeah, OK, Mom.” In the course of a hectic day, he forgets his mother’s reminder and walks in an hour late. When his parents confront him, Barry stubbornly argues that his mom never told him to be home early. Is he lying? No, he forgot. It is an organization and record-keeping issue, not an honesty issue.
Manage Symptoms to Stop Lies
After working with many parents and teens, I’ve found that serious lies sometimes spring from an inability to treat and manage ADHD symptoms. A parent should discipline a teen for his untruths, but he should also help him manage the symptoms that may have caused him to lie. For example:
Impulsivity. David asks to borrow the family car to drive to the library to do research. Being impulsive, he detours to the mall to catch the new action movie. When asked later how his research was going, David assures his father that his time was well spent. Unfortunately, for David, his sister spotted the car in the cinema parking lot. Busted! Lies should have consequences—in David’s case, he wasn’t allowed to use the car for two weeks. But David’s parents should also talk with their son and his doctor about possibly adjusting his ADHD medication, or adding behavior therapy to his treatment plan.
Inability to stay on task. Trish is handed a note by her math teacher, warning her that she has a dozen incomplete homework assignments. She is too ashamed and scared to discuss it with her parents. When the progress report is mailed home, she hides it from them, trying to avoid embarrassment and their wrath. Trish’s behavior calls for discipline, but her inability to finish homework requires organization strategies.
Irresponsibility. Doug always washes the dinner dishes on Tuesdays, but on this particular Tuesday, he would rather have a root canal than wash another dirty plate. “I can’t do the dishes tonight, Mom! I have a paper to write!” he announces, sounding regretful. Aversion to boring tasks, combined with impulsivity, is common among ADHD teens. Lying to escape responsibility is never OK, but Doug’s parents should think about ways to make boring tasks more exciting—maybe by playing a DVD on the kitchen TV while he scrubs away.
Punishing Lies
Parents should figure out why lying occurs and why it persists. If a child is struggling with problems at school or with peers, parents should deal with lying as an academic or social skills problem. If lies are deliberate and malicious—involving alcohol or drug use, shoplifting, or other delinquent behavior—they should be dealt with forcefully and consistently. That is the only way to discourage such negative behavior.
Have a heartfelt talk with your teen about the serious consequences of breaking the trust between the two of you. Equally important, tell him how he can repair it. Follow these rules:
- Establish consequences for telling lies. Discuss these with your teen early on.
- Confront lying when it happens, but do so in a calm, respectful manner. The most important goal is to teach responsible behavior, not to criticize or blame.
- Be consistent and fair in enforcing consequences. Let the punishment fit the crime.
- Demand accountability. Taking responsibility means owning up to the lie, showing repentance, and offering a sincere apology to you and, in some cases, the family.
- Reward honesty. When little George Washington told the truth about cutting down the cherry tree, he demonstrated character and, thus, received a lighter punishment.
- Be honest yourself. Parents are the strongest role models in their teens’ lives.
Even when you’re tempted to blow a gasket, maintain a respectful relationship with your teenager. Mutual respect does not ensure honesty, but it certainly encourages it.
How to Be a Lie Detector
Is a statement consistent? An honest statement is typically clear and consistent. A lie often sounds sketchy and includes contradictory information.
Does a story sound rehearsed? A truthful statement is spontaneous. A lie might sound stiff, like a prepared speech.
What do facial expressions tell you? An honest person looks natural and relaxed. A person telling a lie might have a strained facial expression.
Tags: ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parenting Tips, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on May 29, 2009
Source: Additude Magazine
ADHD Parenting Tips: Better Discipline
Tired of nagging and yelling at your children? Read on for parenting tips and better ways to discipline children with ADHD.
Like all kids, children with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) sometimes make bad choices regarding their own behavior. No surprise there. But to make matters worse, parents could often use a few parenting tips themselves, and err in the way they discipline misbehavior. Instead of using firm, compassionate discipline, they move into what I call the ignore-nag-yell-punish cycle.
First, the parent pretends not to notice the child’s misbehavior, hoping that it will go away on its own. Of course, this seldom works, so the parent next tries to urge the child not to do such and such. Next, the parent starts yelling and scolding. When this doesn’t produce the desired result, the parent becomes extremely angry and imposes harsh punishments. I think of this fourth stage as the parent’s temper tantrum.
This four-part strategy (if you could call it that) isn’t just ineffective. It makes life needlessly unpleasant for every member of the family.
How can you avoid it? As with any other pitfall, simply being aware of it will help you steer clear of it. At the first sign of starting on the wrong path, you can stop what you’re doing and make a conscious decision to try something else. Take an honest look at how you respond when your children misbehave. What specific situations are likely to cause you to go down this path? How far down the path do you typically proceed? How often?
Let’s examine the ignore-nag-yell-punish strategy more closely to see why it doesn’t work — and come up with some strategies that do.
Why ignoring doesn’t work
By ignoring your child’s misbehavior, you send the message that you neither condone nor support his misbehavior. At least that’s the message you hope to send.
In fact, your child may read your silence as “I won’t give you my attention or concern” or even “I reject you.” That can wound a child. On the other hand, your child may assume that your silence means that you approve of his behavior or will at least tolerate it. “Mom hasn’t said I can’t do this,” he thinks, “so it must be OK.”
Even if your child correctly interprets the message that you’re trying to send by ignoring him, he has no idea what you want him to do instead. In other words, ignoring your child doesn’t define better behavior or provide guidance about how your child should behave next time.
Instead of ignoring him when he does something you disapprove of, I recommend another “i-word”: interrupting. That is, quickly move people or objects so that your child is unable to misbehave.
For example, if your children start quarreling over a toy, you might say, “Alex, sit over there. Maria, stand here. I’ll take this and put it up here.” Similarly, if your teen comes for supper with dirty hands, immediately take his plate off the table and silently point to his hands. If you feel the need to tell your child what you expect of him, tell him once, very clearly. Then stop talking.
Read more: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1879.html
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Resources, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on May 26, 2009
Is ADHD causing your child’s anxiety? Or could an anxiety disorder be to blame? Symptom and treatment information.Moderate anxiety – when taking a test or performing in a school play – is normal and healthy. But if your child’s anxiety is more severe and commonplace, you may fear that an anxiety disorder is to blame. ADDitude has made it easier to understand anxiety with this quick comparison sheet that will help you understand the symptoms and treatment of anxiety disorder vs. ADHD. Contents include…
Common symptoms of anxiety disorder in children
An explanation of primary vs. secondary anxiety in children with ADHD
Effective treatment options for children with primary or secondary anxiety
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, Aniexty Disorder, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on May 11, 2009
Are you a parent of an ADHD teenager? I know personally that at times it can be difficult. ADDitude Magazine offers some great tips and articles to help you not only cope but understand many of these behaviors.
Source: ADDitude Magazine
by Peter Jaksa, Ph.D.
Discipline strategies that will leave parents and ADHD teenagers on talking terms.
The best way to prevent discipline problems in the teen years is to instill good behavior at an early age — I know, I know, why didn’t I tell you that seven years ago? — and reinforce it as your child grows.
While there are no quick fixes for discipline problems in adolescence, the following rules can help establish the groundwork for cooperation and peace at home.
Don’t Punish Biology
What do teens hate more than being criticized or punished for misbehavior? Being criticized or punished for things that are not under their control — such as the biological symptoms of ADHD. An adolescent with ADHD who has an emotional meltdown is not being “bad” — she is being emotional.
Disorganization or forgetfulness is not a voluntary choice. The way to deal with missing homework assignments is by teaching your teen better organization strategies and time management.
You should discipline destructive behaviors that involve choice. Impulsivity is a biological symptom of ADHD, but that isn’t an excuse for shoplifting or other irresponsible actions.
Be Democratic — Sort Of
Although a family is not a true democracy, discipline is easier when teens help shape the rules. Even the most rebellious teens are more likely to abide by the rules if they had a say in making them.
Holding regular family meetings — once a week is good — encourages open and honest communication and creates an atmosphere of belonging, acceptance, and cooperation. (Emergency meetings can be called at any time to deal with a crisis or discuss an important matter.)
At the weekly meeting, solicit everyone’s opinion. It is an opportunity to air grievances and complaints, and to discuss or change rules. Once a rule is established, everyone is required to live by it. Some decisions are open to a vote (where to go on vacation), but important ones (who gets keys to the car) are in the parents’ hands.
Scale Back Power Struggles
They can’t be avoided, but they can be minimized. Parents should be clear about what they expect of their teen. Rules are written down and signed as a contract (study times, curfews, household chores, driving rules). A few important rules, with frequent reminders and consistent enforcement, work much better than a long list of rules that won’t be remembered and can’t be enforced.
Keep Your Cool
When you ratchet up the tension, your emotional teen is likely to do the same. Arguing distracts both of you from the real issue and finding constructive solutions. Instead of raising your voice, calmly, but firmly, enforce the rules. Follow the principle of “if you abuse it, you lose it.” Break a curfew and you’re grounded for a week. No arguments.
Anticipate Problems
What will you do if your child skips school? Calls you names? Breaks curfew? Comes home intoxicated? You should know before any of this happens. Developing specific strategies for problems makes it more likely that the problem can be dealt with calmly and constructively.
Make Rules You Can Enforce
Never fight a battle you can’t win, and never set a rule you can’t enforce. “Be home by 10 o’clock” is an enforceable rule. “Don’t spend time with your friend Sandy, who tends to get you in trouble,” is not. You can’t tag along with your daughter and choose whom she sees when she leaves the house.
Stay In the Present
Nothing is more counterproductive than bringing up past problems or mistakes while trying to deal with a current situation. Rehashing the past distracts from the problem at hand, and leads to an escalation of frustration and hostilities. Save the long lectures and the “I told you so.”
Let Your Teen Vent
Given the high level of emotionality that often comes with ADHD, your teen’s frustration, disappointment, or resentment can quickly turn into anger.
Acknowledge angry feelings, but don’t criticize them as long as they are expressed responsibly — verbally, without becoming abusive (no name calling or insults). Make it clear that there is a big difference between angry feelings and angry acts. Set firm limits against physical anger toward people or property. If those limits are not respected, be prepared to call the police, if necessary. Some lines cannot be crossed.
Stand Firm on Tough Issues
Major offenses always require discipline. Teens with ADHD are at higher risk for substance abuse and addictions, driving violations, and car accidents than are non-ADDers. These misbehaviors call for swift and meaningful consequences. Be clear that there is zero tolerance for dangerous or illegal behavior, and take action when rule violations occur.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting ADHD, Parenting ADHD Teens, parenting advice, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Apr 14, 2009
As many people know, I have an ADHD son. Way back when he was diagnosed, it was something we didn’t quickly decide. There are alternatives to medications, such as The Feingold Program, and depending on each family and their lifestyle, it is a personal decision. For us, medication worked the best, however I am very open minded that each child is different and if this is something you are contemplating, take your time to do your research. My son is older now and doesn’t take the medication any longer, so in our case, he did grow out of it. By his first year of college, he discovered he was able to continue his studies without medication. He will be finishing his 4 year degree next year and continuing to medical school. I say this as a proud mother, but also to let you know that whatever your decision is right for your family, they can be success.
Source: ADDitude Magazine
Making the decision can be tough… Consider this expert advice when determining whether ADHD medication or an alternative treatment is right for your child.
After a child is diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), one of the most difficult decisions for a parent to make is whether to start him or her on medication. I’ve been there myself. Two of my three children have ADHD, and, although my wife and I eventually decided to try medication — which, by the way, has helped both of them immensely without any side effects — arriving at that decision took careful reflection.
When it was suggested that my kids try medication, I had my concerns. I know that ADHD drugs are safe and effective, but I worried that perhaps, for some unknown reason, they might harm my children’s health. Although stimulant medications have been with us for more than 60 years, I wondered if some new side effect might emerge.
I countered those concerns by worrying about the potential “side effects” of not taking the medication: namely, my children struggling to stay focused and getting frustrated when they couldn’t. After envisioning that scenario, the decision became far less difficult.
Take your time
Each parent — and child — comes to the question of medication with different assumptions. My strong advice is to take your time, honor your feelings, and find a doctor who will remain patient, a professional who will provide information — not hurried commands — as you wrestle with your decision.
From a medical standpoint, the decision is obvious. Medication is by far the most proven, safe, and effective treatment for ADHD. Careful, controlled studies have established that a trial of medication makes sense once the diagnosis is made. Remember that a trial of medication is just that — a trial. Unlike surgery, it can be undone. If the medication doesn’t work or if it produces side effects, the physician can reduce the dosage or discontinue it. No harm done. But unless your child tries the medication, you will never know if it can benefit him or her as it has other children and adults.
Do some fact-finding
From a personal, parental standpoint, though, the decision is anything but easy. It takes time and requires talking with your doctor and other experts. You might want to research the medication online and find out what the latest studies conclude about it. Get all the facts, and make a scientific, rather than a superstitious, decision. But I urge you never to start your child on medication until you’re comfortable doing so. Don’t feel that you’re trying your doctor’s patience or that your questions are foolish. Nothing done out of love for your child is foolish.
However, I also urge you not to reject medication out of hand. Many parents have heard so many bad things about ADHD drugs that they’re willing to travel to Tibet to find an alternative treatment before giving medication a try. It’s very important to do your homework and separate the facts from the myths before dismissing the treatment.
Honor your feelings
When I give lectures, people often ask me if I “believe in” medication for children and adults with ADHD. My reply is that medication isn’t a religious principle; it’s a medical treatment. My feelings about ADHD medications are similar to those about medications in general: They’re great when they’re used properly, and they’re dangerous when they’re not.
Sometimes it takes months or even years before parents decide to put their child on medication. Every parent has his or her own timetable. Stick with yours.
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
by Sue Scheff on Mar 23, 2009
Source: ADDitude Magazine
Tips to help ADHD students fine-tune their study strategies for specific test formats: multiple choice, essay, and math/science tests.
Many parents of students with attention deficit disorder (ADHD) want to pull out their hair. And most share the same school-related frustration. “She knew the material at home, but she flunked the test.”
What students with ADHD know — or think we know — is not always on the test. The cardinal rule for studying smarter is: “It’s not what you know, it’s what your teacher wants you to know.”
Because we often wait until the last minute to study, we forget this rule. We study hard — but we study the wrong material. Or, in a rush, we don’t dig deep enough into the material, even though that’s what the teacher expects us to do. I’ve been there and done that.
A week before the test, make a rough outline or study guide. Show it to your teacher and ask her if you’re studying the right material, if you’ve missed anything, and where to focus your efforts. After you’ve targeted the relevant material, consider the test format: Different kinds of tests require different study strategies.
Continue reading about Multiple-Choice Exams…
Tags: ADD, ADDitude Magazine, ADHD, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Parents Universal Resource Experts, Sue Scheff
