Sue Scheff: When do we reward positive behaviors in children?
Another fantastic article from Author and Therapist, Kara Tamanini – building a child’s self esteem is so important and can help them to make better choices through their teen years.
When do we reward positive behaviors in children?
By Kara Tamanini
Many parents that I have seen over the years have told me that they like to reward their children for a “good job.” Now exactly what does that mean, “a good job.” Parents have told me that they give their child a reward such as money, going out to dinner, or buying them something every single time they do something they are told to do. So when do we reward a positive behavior in our children? We do this when they have performed above and beyond the call of duty. Children should be rewarded when they have diligently worked at something and have learned something new and also when they have performed exceptionally well, whether this is at home, school, or at an extra-curricular activity. If we reward our children every single time they do something they are told to do, we create a sense of entitlement in our children and they are not grateful or thankful when we do reward them. They simply come to expect that they are going to get a reward for easy; menial jobs around the house or at school.
Children should complete their homework, schoolwork, housework, and do age-appropriate things. However, rewards such as money, buying them a new game, a trip to their favorite place, can be very powerful tools but they need to be used appropriately. Rewards are good when your child surpasses what is “normally” expected of them and when they finally do receive a reward it will be special and mean something to them. Once children learn a new skill that is required in life to be a responsible adult, we do not continue to reward this behavior. For example, you as a parent decide to reward your child for learning to tie his/her shoes and you give them a reward for having done so. You reward them once and do not continue to reward them forever for having learned an age-appropriate skill.
Also, be careful to not instill in your child the attitude that they will only do something if they are rewarded for it. I see this all the time!! If a child does not perform at school or at home and they should be doing so, then a consequence should be enforced for them. (your child does not get to go out with a friend over the weekend because they did not clean up their room.) Having done this, you have avoided the sense of entitlement that has become so prevalent in the U.S., the attitude of getting something for having done nothing! Everyone is required to do their part, whether it is a family unit, at work, at school, everybody has to work and rewards are only given when your child does something “extra” above what is normally expected.
Remember this, in today’s society no one is given a reward as an adult for doing the bare minimum and having everyone else do things for them. We need to as parents teach our children how to be productive and responsible adults that are able to take care of themselves.
Follow Kara Tamanini on Twitter @KidTherapist
Visit www.kidsawarenessseries.com for more great articles!
Tags: ADD/ADHD, Parenting, parenting advice, Parenting Blogs, Parenting Teens, Sue Scheff
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